Relationship help, please

[Only-me]

Really pleased that you've reached an agreement and if it doesn't work you both tried .
Just remember to stay true to yourself, if in doubt don't stay for the sake of it you will only regret it ☺good luck xx

 

[Miss_janie]

Talk to him, tell him how you feel and how he is making you feel with the constant rejection. I had this with my partner and most of the time it's because they feel so comfortable that they don't feel the need to perform. Just let him know how you feel.

Going to a therapist may be a good idea, it's always good to get an outside opinion from someone that is in no way involved. Try it, it wont hurt anyone.

 

[Christine Mary]

I agreed to go to therapy with my ex husband, and after about 3 visits, the therapist just turned around and said it was pointless us coming to see her, as I had obviously made my mind up I didn't want to stay in the marriage.

What I'm trying to say is this, have you decided that the relationship is really not for you, with the lack of intimacy, communication etc, and could it be the reason you are staying is because of your beauty room, your cats, and the possibility of having to move back in with mum and dad?

I'm not being hard here, but don't make the mistakes I did, ie, staying in a marriage that I clearly didn't want and was no way happy in. I stayed because I couldn't really see another option, until my dad died and I realised that yes, you do only have one life and if you arn't happy change it. you, and you alone are in charge of your own destiny.

It will take real guts and courage , but you really have to be brutally honest with yourself, just for the sake of your own happiness.
You're very young, you've got the rest of your life ahead of you, make it a happy one.

 

[Hausofhana]

Starting to think therapy will just be a waste of money.

Now he's saying he's not sure what he wants (over text, insert swear word here) so I'm mega annoyed now considering I was hellbent on breaking up with him the other night, then he convinces me to give it a try with him. If he's taking the P I will seriously not be happy x

 

[GlamourEyes11]

Starting to think therapy will just be a waste of money.

Now he's saying he's not sure what he wants (over text, insert swear word here) so I'm mega annoyed now considering I was hellbent on breaking up with him the other night, then he convinces me to give it a try with him. If he's taking the P I will seriously not be happy x

ah I'm sorry hun, but maybe it's time to reconsider your initial thoughts... maybe you will be best to go your separate ways. He needs to be 100% about this as he is the one with the problem and it doesn't sound like he is. So you could be fighting a losing battle big hug xxxx

 

[PixieBeauty]

Starting to think therapy will just be a waste of money.

Now he's saying he's not sure what he wants (over text, insert swear word here) so I'm mega annoyed now considering I was hellbent on breaking up with him the other night, then he convinces me to give it a try with him. If he's taking the P I will seriously not be happy x

Whatever you do remember you can't fix anything on your own, or make it work on your own.

I know it would drive ME mad if people kept saying this, but you are so young to have to deal with crap. Life throws enough nonsense your way so enjoy it while you're young xxx

 

[KayaPapaya]

Starting to think therapy will just be a waste of money.

Now he's saying he's not sure what he wants (over text, insert swear word here) so I'm mega annoyed now considering I was hellbent on breaking up with him the other night, then he convinces me to give it a try with him. If he's taking the P I will seriously not be happy x

Oh dear, sorry to hear that.

At a guess, I would suggest, he's got a pretty good idea of what's causing the problem and he's either not ready to admit what it is, or he's very scared of taking off the lid of a box that he can't put back on again.

He may be feeling very threatened and emasculated by the whole process - and not be prepared to admit he has a problem in that department to a stranger. Men notoriously hide their feelings and he may just feel backed into a corner. He may be terrified his friends find out. It could be any number of things, but he's clearly putting the brakes on and is not wanting to deal with this yet. You can't force him. And all the love in the world can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

At the end of the day, you're both very, very young and hopefully you can move on from this.

Be strong, and look after yourself. Your boyfriend is, by not dealing with it. So you must do what's right for you.

 

[Hausofhana]

Well I've just posted an ad on gumtree looking for a flatshare and I've text him saying at this point I don't even want to talk to him about it as it feels pointless.

Going up tonight to get my stuff and hopefully my cats, my parents are being very supportive. I feel a bit liberated at the thought of not being with him... Surely that's a good sign?

xxx

 

[Hausofhana]

So at this point ladies, the question is..... How do I cope with my first REAL break up? :/

 

[PixieBeauty]

Just learn from it - keep reminding yourself of the positives with everything you do.

I felt liberated too, and what I did was decide to go out dating! I'm not saying its the best idea but I wanted some lighthearted fun, and sex!!!

Ha so I went on a few dating sites, went out with my mates a lot, laughed a lot and talked to my mum. A general mix of those activities. Then went on a girls' holiday.

Are you in a position to go on holiday? Xx

 

[Hausofhana]

Just learn from it - keep reminding yourself of the positives with everything you do.

I felt liberated too, and what I did was decide to go out dating! I'm not saying its the best idea but I wanted some lighthearted fun, and sex!!!

Ha so I went on a few dating sites, went out with my mates a lot, laughed a lot and talked to my mum. A general mix of those activities. Then went on a girls' holiday.

Are you in a position to go on holiday? Xx

God a girls holiday sounds FAB!

I just want to go wild haha! I'm an old fashioned girl and I don't feel right having sex with strangers etc but meeting some new folk would be good.

I never really got into the university scene cause of my boyfriend but maybe now I can get my head down and study, and maybe meet a hot student ha

I will keep you all updated with what's happening. All of your advice has been invaluable and has helped me make a really hard decision.

Love you geeks!

 

[PixieBeauty]

God a girls holiday sounds FAB!

I just want to go wild haha! I'm an old fashioned girl and I don't feel right having sex with strangers etc but meeting some new folk would be good.

I never really got into the university scene cause of my boyfriend but maybe now I can get my head down and study, and maybe meet a hot student ha

I will keep you all updated with what's happening. All of your advice has been invaluable and has helped me make a really hard decision.

Love you geeks!

No I like your style lady, I didn't want a load of one night stands (and I didn't do that) but I did want to just date date date! The fun of meeting people, going out midweek, getting dolled up, flirting and dancing was so good. In the end I met Mr Right on my second date!! He took me on holiday (as I said I needed a holiday ) and I even said to him, erm, this is hardly fair I paid for a year's subscription to a dating site and only met two guys! Think he has just about forgiven me

I think the fact you feel liberated and raring to go means you're making the right choices. It will still be tough in the odd momyou'll it if it's right you'll be so much better in the long run.

Keep us posted! I'm a little jealous of your single-girl fun to be had!
Xx

 

[tanfastic]

My advice hun is for you to be the best you can be. Love university, it usually only comes once . I loved being a young student you get to meet so many of the bright young minds of the future, Embrace being young, single and ready to experience life to the full. It is wonderful having a loving partner to come home to but you are young and there are years ahead of you for all that. My god girl.... you are 19!!!!! LOVE IT.

I know it can be sad and you could feel lonely at times but think of all the self esteem and life experiences you will be gaining. I think that is a more than fair trade. Good luck and I reall hope that you have made the first step towards a happier future.

Do you really want to spend the next 15 years working through his issues to eventually get divorced because he needs to "find himself". Dont waste your time, you cant save everyone and you certainly cant "fix" him. He needs to do this for himself and if he does then maybe he can try to win you back, but only if you feel he is good enough for you.

Big hugs

 

[Only-me]

Well I retract my previous advice hun, that speaks volumes "he's not sure" that's it make your decision and stick to it.. You are obviously a lovely girl and deserve much better..
It's going to be hard but keep yourself busy, if we were all close we'd be round with the vino ha ha..
Take care and you will not regret this decision love n hugs xx

 

[Hausofhana]

Oh girls, it's hard!!

Went to pick up a few bits and bobs from the flat tonight and we had a talk, we totally agree that we're too different, argue constantly and that we are just not meant for each other.

I am not coping well at all! I keep crying involuntarily and even just phoned him begging him to rethink things. (cringe)
I feel totally bipolar, one half of me firmly doesn't want my life to change and the other half can't wait for everything to change!!

It's so difficult. The fact I'm totally sleep deprived is probably making everything seem 10000x worse haha!

Xxx

 

[Totallypolish'd]

Listen to me hun,

You may be feeling like that now, Ive been through almost exactly what your going through now. I went back and was completely miserable and ended up leaving the second time feeling absolutely nothing..the only thing I was sorry about was going back the second time. I had 6 months of just having fun, I have the same sort of morals as you but ended up having a no strings thing with an old collegue, I knew him and it was fab! Anyway, met someone, fell for him, moved in and am now experiencing another relationship gone sour so its time to go back home to mom's. The moral of this story is basically..the world wont end, once you get over the initial shock and the loss of your routine and familiarity you will be fine! Its not worth the hassle doll!!

On the plus side in my mess, my best friend (a guy) who Ive known a long time and had been crazy about has admitted that hes in love with me after I told him I am leaving. How crazy is that?? Ugh, and the drama continues...

Honestly though, give it time and see how you feel. Little or no contact with him until you feel ready and feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Remember, you are a precious diamond who deserves to sparkle and shine...never forget that because it sounds as if your scuffed a bit but a bit of polishing up and there'll be a brand new you!! X

Sent from my RACERII using SalonGeek

 

[Hausofhana]

I went to see him (well visit my cats really) last night and I think he's angry at how well I'm coping... I may have been slightly insensitive and told him about my girls holiday and how I hadn't cried that day... Oops!!

Me and my mama are going over today to collect my cats and my things whilst he's at work, so hopefully I won't have to see him much more after today and I can start having fun! xx

 

[Hausofhana]

Listen to me hun,

You may be feeling like that now, Ive been through almost exactly what your going through now. I went back and was completely miserable and ended up leaving the second time feeling absolutely nothing..the only thing I was sorry about was going back the second time. I had 6 months of just having fun, I have the same sort of morals as you but ended up having a no strings thing with an old collegue, I knew him and it was fab! Anyway, met someone, fell for him, moved in and am now experiencing another relationship gone sour so its time to go back home to mom's. The moral of this story is basically..the world wont end, once you get over the initial shock and the loss of your routine and familiarity you will be fine! Its not worth the hassle doll!!

On the plus side in my mess, my best friend (a guy) who Ive known a long time and had been crazy about has admitted that hes in love with me after I told him I am leaving. How crazy is that?? Ugh, and the drama continues...

Honestly though, give it time and see how you feel. Little or no contact with him until you feel ready and feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Remember, you are a precious diamond who deserves to sparkle and shine...never forget that because it sounds as if your scuffed a bit but a bit of polishing up and there'll be a brand new you!! X

Sent from my RACERII using SalonGeek

Oh my god... This sounds so eventful, like Coronation Street or something!!

I hope it all works out for you, you don't sound phased at all, superwoman haha!

<3 xxx

 

[PixieBeauty]

I went to see him (well visit my cats really) last night and I think he's angry at how well I'm coping... I may have been slightly insensitive and told him about my girls holiday and how I hadn't cried that day... Oops!!

Me and my mama are going over today to collect my cats and my things whilst he's at work, so hopefully I won't have to see him much more after today and I can start having fun! xx

You sound so ready to move on lady!

Where are you going on holiday then? We went to Morocco it was fabulous

 

[Christine Mary]

You WILL cope, your'e a woman, you're strong, decisive, optimistic, level headed and compassionate.

You've made your decision, so look FORWARD not backward. Each day is another day on the road to your future. And, as each day passes, you will gain strength, confidence and courage.

I feel that you know in your heart you've done the right thing.
I sincerely wish you every happiness and success. Just be yourself, and be content in who you are.