Sister in law!

[kankan]

Hi sorry everyone but I feel like a rant haha
My sister in law has just moved to our area, she turns up expecting tea with no warning, txt me this morning at half 11 saying she'd be here at half 1, no warning or anything!! hangs around until tea time so I feel I have to feed her, she then assumes hubby( her brother, but only been in contact 5 years!!) will take her home on way to work, she lives good 25 mins away and he likes to put kids to bed before he starts which is impossible being her taxi! She also expects me to do her nails when she just turns up and as I'm training she thinks I'll do them for nothing and if I say I need To charge to cover my product costs she laughs!! Also hinted her friend wants her nails done and laughed when I said I would charge her. She's ten yrs younger than me so I feel I should be taking her under my wing new area and all but arrrrrrrgh it's driving me nuts!!!
Phew sorry rant over just needed to get it off my chest!

 

[xxAmyxx]

What age is this woman? How does your husband feel about her?x

 

[happyfeet]

Aw some people eh! Be firm, if she texts at 1130 saying she'll be round at 130 text at 1131 and politely but firmly say "sorry can't do today. I'll let you know when I'm next free."

Be firm, don't be afraid to say no and if all else fails be as blunt as you like... "so what time you leaving as we're having tea at 5 and ive not got enough to feed you too".

Get hubby to have a word too, it's his sis after all xxx

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[kankan]

She's 20 so not a kid!! I never mentioned to her about tea although did cook enough, called kids through for tea and she came through expecting hers!!! Think she'd still turn up if I said I couldn't as hubby does nights and she knows he get up about half 1. Think I need to stop being so soft haha second time this week she's done it. Although hubby has now said he can't take her home and keeps asking what time the bus is lol thinks it's more the fact she just assumes things more than anything, if I asked her or offered etc I wouldn't mind much!

 

[kankan]

And I've been prodding hubby to speak to her but he doesn't want to upset her, although think she may have it hint I weren't to happy last time she came haha oops!! 😜

 

[Penners]

Just say you have to go out and have somewhere planned in case, she'll soon get the message she has to fit in with your plans.

 

[kankan]

Think she's starting to hehe moaning she can't find bus timetables so I found it for her oooops feeling bad now 😞

 

[w1nnie]

Sit her down and explain the situation. How awkward it is for her to just turn up.

Tell her to pay you first before doing her nails, no money, no nails,

Or, if hubby doesnt get the word through to her, be cold towards her if she just pitches up, tell her your about to go out.. dentists, doctors, mobile client, whatever excuse you like, put your coat on, push her out the door and get in the car and drive up the road and back again, then she''ll be gone.

Or open the door to her and say, ' go away' and shut the door. :irked:

 

[kankan]

Hahahaha that made me chuckle! I know I shouldn't use this site to rant but needed to, can't use fb as she's on the lol
Have defiantly given her cold shoulder, she avoided me the whole time she was here Monday haha

 

[kankan]

She'd probably jump in car with me hehe

 

[izzidoll]

She is young, just moved to a new area, why wouldn't she want to spend time with her family and get to know them better.
Wouldn't it be best to get to know her, once you are friends you can get away with saying No more often! If you had enough for her to eat why not have her stay ?
Obviously there is more to this than you can,or would want to, post on here but maybe she just likes you and the family atmosphere in your house and wants to be a part of it.
Take it as a compliment

 

[kankan]

I know I shouldn't complain and it is nice and I do understand, buuuuuut.... I've had to find enough food to feed her as I only bought stuff for us, an extra actually makes a big Difference, also don't have a lot of spew money at mo. Oh I sound really horrible don't i 😞 it's more the assuming that bugs me!!

 

[w1nnie]

Trouble with family is you can't choose them, and sister in laws are good example. Being thrown together because of your spouse. I have 2 sister in laws, one is a pita, and the other thinks she's gods gift. If either of them turned up out of the blue, I would be sure it was short lived.. families eh ?

 

[Penny Vintage]

I personally think your doing the right thing by letting her know not to just turn up etc. Shes young and might not understand what its like with kids and a hubby that you just want time together and a little bit of notice to get some food round. I would never invite myself round let alone get lifts etc! Maybe when she next txts to come round you could say oh sorry were having a night in together to catch up but what about ---day? Ill do us a nice meal.. It might make her realise its more of a thing to come round, not just her right to help herself. I know its very awkward though...

 

[Dexy]

Do what I do to my sister in law....I give her the death stare and pray my brother will see sense one day! My brother was rushed to hospital on Monday with a suspected heart attack aged 39 it's since transpired he's got angina and has to reduce his 70 hour week job...my sister in laws response was how will see manage financially , wtf, my reply try getting off the arse you have been sat on for the last 19 years and get a full time job !!
You can choose your friends but not your families
Tell her you have clients to see or have an appointment you can't miss , I feel your pain xx

 

[skingeek78]

I am a little confused by this, I do appreciate everyone does things differently and each family is different. But even allowing for cultural differences I can't get my head around this. My sister in law is my sister, even my husbands cousins are the same. Mine are for him too. They are not guests in our house, as for paying for you to do her nails? I don't get this as a problem, especially as you are training, why not use it as an opportunity to practise. I would not be doing her friend for free and she shouldn't assume that. I understand no one wants to feel taken advantage of, does she offer to help you out in some way? I also understand the lift thing, but just say when it is not possible to do things. I hope you can build a good relation with her xx

 

[Elaine Armani]

I am a little confused by this, I do appreciate everyone does things differently and each family is different. But even allowing for cultural differences I can't get my head around this. My sister in law is my sister, even my husbands cousins are the same. Mine are for him too. They are not guests in our house, as for paying for you to do her nails? I don't get this as a problem, especially as you are training, why not use it as an opportunity to practise. I would not be doing her friend for free and she shouldn't assume that. I understand no one wants to feel taken advantage of, does she offer to help you out in some way? I also understand the lift thing, but just say when it is not possible to do things. I hope you can build a good relation with her xx

I agree with skin geek on this, everyone is different personally I wouldn't charge in laws for their nails when I'm training but I also do understand where you are coming from regarding covering costs of product as its expensive. But she is young too and who knows she may feel lonely and want to spend time with family, lifts and etc may be annoying when you have children but in my family we always feed our relatives or friends when they are over and offer lifts if its needed. She is family and will be as long as you're with your husband, there is nothing wrong with telling her that you're busy on days she wants to visit.
Hope I didn't offend you in any way. Xx

 

[Nikki May]

She will soon make new friends and the improptu visits will become less

 

[Jaksnip]

I agree with some. I think she is new to area, young, and maybe wants to get to know her family!! I'd feel incredibly proud you have a home, kids and an environment that she wants so much to spend time with/in!

If your really hoping she won't come round then tell her your busy/ALL going out!! Then maybe invite we round some day/evening to spend some time with her. 'Ahh sorry today doesn't suit, but listen I have a roast for Sunday why not come then...'