Soul Mates?

[River]

Hi Sassy / Donna,

Just to let you know, that I wasn't condemning you guys for what you are doing, I just feel that you deserve so much more.

It was very sad reading Donna's email, and even more upsetting that she believes he might actually leave his wife someday for her, when clearly he never will. If he loved and cared for her that much, he would have left a long time ago. Sassy, at least you see the truth in your relationship.

It just upsets me that there are so many women out there, who are in the same situation, and they simple cannot see the reality of the situation. They do everthing for this man in the hope that oneday he will leave his wife, but in the end, he is laughing all the way because he has the best of both worlds.

River

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Hi River. It's a funny old subject isn't it!! My husband left me, and I am sure it was for the woman he married (and has since split up from - what a shame! at least she has escaped him too). But if he strayed it was for a reason .... because our marriage was pants - in fact it wasn't just pants it was Bridget Jones mega pants lol! When it all happened it was devastating and I thought my world had ended, but in fact I didn't realise that it was just beginning!! He was never my soul mate and could never understand why I got so upset because he couldn't see the importance of us being best friends.

The man I am having an affair with is my best friend as well, we rarely argue and bring out the best in each other. I am quite a serious person and he is just plain daft, so he brings out the fun in me, and I calm down his silliness.

But River you are right, I can see the relationship for what it is and I actually don't think I want full on commitment anyway (I did for a while). He will never have 100% of my heart whilst he is still married so that I don't get hurt if it all ends in tears. But I don't think these men have their cake and eat it either, they are just lying to themselves, and are generally too weak to be able to commit to one person, and like someone said previously if he left his wife for me then who's to say he won't cheat on me as well. His wife knows about me and she is prepared to accept it - she loves their million pound house and his paycheque too much - but does she love the man? I couldn't live with someone who loves me purely for my money and I think they are both fools for staying together for money, and paradoxically I couldn't put up with a husband cheating on me. I get from it what I want and need and I can say that I am happy. More so than I ever think I would be if I was married, I like my own space too much.

 

[Glorsclaws]

Having been brought up the child of a marriage held together 'for the sake of the children' I have to say that people dont realise the damage it can do. Not only is your mother and fathers life a sham but, when you find out (children arent stupid), you feel as if your whole life is a lie too.
I think it has made me a very insecure person. I have spent my life testing, & pushing away those I have loved, so that they couldnt get close enough to hurt me... though of course I was hurting anyway.
Reading this thread just enforces the notion to me that, whether happy or sad ... love makes fools of us all, lol!!!

 

[redchris001]

I feel so sad reading this thread as my best friend has only just found out that her husband has had a nine month afair!! She is devastated (that's an understatement) the 'other woman' rang her on a Sunday evening to let her know what her husband was up to. Her world fell apart - He (the b*****d)apparantly was going to leave my friend for this lady but changed his mind. They have two wonderful little girls and he said he did not want to lose them!

To cut a long story short - This excuse of a man has devasted his wife's life and the 'other woman's' (I hate that phrase) life as she was a single mum with two kids herself, in order to satisfy himself - it is dispicable. And this is not the first time that he has caused utter devastation to his family and she has had to pick up the pieces.

But the biggest problem is that she has taken him back after only 4 days, for the sake of the children, and reading Gorsclaws post makes me feel so sad for them. I know he will do something again, as before he always has, and now we, her close friends and family, are supposed to accept him back as if nothing has happened and pretend we like him - I want to kill him for the pain he has caused everyone.

It makes me so angry! I know that we have to support her in whatever she decides but to sit and watch her running around him to keep him happy is sickening, but the worst is just knowing that we are all waiting for the next time her hurts her.

Sorry if this is a messy post but everything is still so new and raw and I'm very upset writing this. So it is not just the immediate family that these men hurt but a lot of others are caught in the cross fire too.


Sorry to rant on

 

[Kim Lawless]

You know what? I don't actually think these type of men stray because they fall out of love. I think it's because they are so in love with themselves. The type of men that do stray have often done it before and will do it again.............they just haven't been caught.

These type of men are shallow and selfish. Their heads are turned by the slightest bit of flattery. Wait until they get in their 40's, they usually go for women around 15 years younger. It's all about ego.

Notice that I say 'these type' because the majority of men are good and kind.

 

[redchris001]

I agree Kimmi, the majority of men are good, I have been with Steve for 30yrs (since I was 16) and he is a wonderful person, my soul mate!!!! And all of my friends husbands, brothers, fathers etc... are good people - just this one fly in the ointment!!!

What is very very sad though, is that the women they're with can't see what they're really like - it's amazing how much they'll take from them.

But back to the thread - I do believe in soul mates and have been blessed with a few really really close people around me 1. my husband, 2. my best friend from school, we've beem best buddies since we were 10yrs old - over 30yrs, and we know each other inside out. 3. My best friend mentioned in the post above - we've been best mates for 23yrs and there is very little we do without consulting each other (that's why what her hubby has done hurts so much - there is now an area where I cannot be truly and openly honest with her)

So Kimmi, having read your earlier threads - I just think that your real soul mate has not come along yet. They're just out there waiting!!!

 

[Kim Lawless]

Oh , I do hope so. xx

 

[Urban Geek]

He's round the corner Kimmi!

 

[Sarah Lou]

I am married to my soul mate, we met when i was 16 he was 19 in a bar in Wales where I used to live, I know I know I was underage but if I hadnt of been there I would not be as happy as I am today.

It was instant, our eyes caught from opposite ends of the room. He stalked me all night, love at first sight. We have been together 11 years, and married for 4. 3 beautiful children.

I moved out of home 4 months later and we got our own place, our passion palace as we called it, moved to Ipswich when I was 17. My mum hated this and totally disagreed with me moving but now she has realised that Martin is my perfect soul mate and now accepts the choices I made. I have the man of my dreams and can never imagine sharing my life with anyone else but him.