Stag night and strippers?

[mimmimus]

I know it might not help as I have zero problem with my oh going to see strippers. I have a few friends who are strippers so I get it. My oh has only been once and he doesn't really enjoy it but it was for a stag so no choice lol

I was like you when he first told me. I wasn't happy with a woman shaking her junk in his face BUT then my mom gave me some advice and I thought it made a ton of sense. He's your partner, He's in you bed every night, he loves and respects you so why let the thought of another woman's body up in his face bother you. It won't change how he feels about you, he's still going to come back to you, love you, respect you and sleep in your bed. Let him go have fun because ultimately he's yours and no stripper is going to change his mind which is true

aww Thanks so much, that was so nicely put and so true. That made me so happy when I read it, thank you. Now I just need to remember what you said and keep that in my mind. Thank god for salon geek, where else would I have gone for my rant lol

 

[Plonkster]

You guys are gonna be married. That's the epitome of a PARTNERSHIP. He should respect I you feel uncomfortable with something. If I told my fiancé I didn't feel comfortable about him doing something, he would do it; he wouldn't want to hurt me. Imagine if the tables were turned and your hen night involved some oiled up six pack rubbing against you. Pretty sure he wouldn't want another man's junk in your face.

 

[mimmimus]

You guys are gonna be married. That's the epitome of a PARTNERSHIP. He should respect I you feel uncomfortable with something. If I told my fiancé I didn't feel comfortable about him doing something, he would do it; he wouldn't want to hurt me. Imagine if the tables were turned and your hen night involved some oiled up six pack rubbing against you. Pretty sure he wouldn't want another man's junk in your face.

It doesnt actually bother him at all if I went to something similar with a male stripper, its the norm here and in his past relationship it has happened both ways and both of them were fine with it. I think the problem here is that we feel very differently on this subject. One of us has to compromise yes and either way one of us will be unhappy with the situation. In his view its a meaningless and unimportant little thing that shouldt receive all this attention. In his opinion if there is trust then there should be no problem in situations like this. For me it is not a TRUST issue. For someone like me who has never been in this situation before, let alone been to a strip club or seen a stripper anywhere for that matter, its a bit harder. I am trying my best to adjust to this though and get my head around it .

 

[totalbeautyabz]

My husband had a lap dance on his stag doo. Doesn't bother me. They aren't allowed to touch the girls, they're dancers not prostitutes. To be honest, I'd have been disappointed if it hadn't happened to him! I trust him implicitly. It's a bit of fun, he'd never cheat on me. He was completely open and honest about it and I appreciate that. His mate went, too. I can't tell his mates wife-who is also my friend-as that would be instant divorce. She'd never put up with that. It was harmless fun, I don't see the issue. If they went to prostitutes, then yea, that would be different!

 

[ch-ela]

For me it is not a TRUST issue. For someone like me who has never been in this situation before, let alone been to a strip club or seen a stripper anywhere for that matter, its a bit harder. I am trying my best to adjust to this though and get my head around it .

Maybe this is part of the problem. Your view of what actually happens in a strip club maybe unclear. To them, it's business.

For what it's worth, I do believe the problem lies with you. And I mean this in the kindest way. In my opinion, you shouldn't stop him going. He can make his own mind up.
If you can change your view about it, that will benefit both of you.

My OH would probably go, just to be one of the lads. But I'm sure he'd find it embarrassing. You don't want to emasculate him.

 

[Flutterby1992]

My husband goes to these things all the time when there's a lad's do. He tells me all about it. I would rather he tell me all about it and be open than lie and pretend he hasn't been. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have given him gorgeous children. He's not going to give up his lifestyle for a girl who strips and besides, no stripper would have him anyway.

There is a big difference between a prostitue in a brothel and a strip-a-gram or strip club. One will give you sex and the other won't.

I think you sound very insecure in your relationship and perhaps you should be addressing that first and foremost otherwise you will have no future together.

 

[KHS]

I've never seen so many sexual problems on a professional forum before - it's quite refreshing, lol OP what line of work are you in?? You could offer to go along and pass your business cards out... spray tans, waxing, nails you'd make a killing. :lick:

Anyway, if you are so worried he will get some junk shoved in his face, make sure you give him some before he goes. Remind him whats waiting for him at home...or learn to trust the poor guy. If you give a man enough rope to hang themselves, they generally don't! If you pull it tight they'll cut it loose.

He'll soon get fed up with insecurities - just let him go and have a laugh with his mates, its a Stag Do ffs and stop worrying

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

Awww bless you. I understand because I would hate for a stripper to be "dancing" up on my man and him getting turned on, as previously said, by someone other than me. However, i know my bf would feel uncomfortable too.

It will be the groom who is receiving all the attention and the other guys will just be egging him on and watching his embarrassment. I don't think it's actually that sexy as much as it is funny.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Personally, i would let him go. It's a teeny tiny part of the stag do and i think he would feel like he was missing out on the drinking and bonding with the lads.

I don't know if it helps, but when talking about porn and stuff, my bf says that he thinks about me doing things or wearing things, rather than the people that are actually doing it. If anything, i'm sure he will be thinking about you the whole time. Especially when he knows how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

In four months you may have made more friends anyway, but you could plan a visit back home that weekend or make it a total pamper weekend for yourself. Get a pregnancy massage, do your nails, bubble bath, facial, chick flicks, etc xx

 

[ch-ela]

I struggle with the "let him go" bit. He is a person in his own right and can therefore make his own choices! Doesn't matter if he if he is engaged, married or single, he is no ones possession.

And why do people assume he is going to get turned on by these women? Really? He best not leave the house then, some of the things I saw on Saturday night ...

 

[MissLease]

I'd be with you OP. I'd just be thinking, he's gonna be looking at the strippers boobs and comparing. Checking out her hot bod. Then coming home and thinking 'oh, I need to find me a stripper'

You better tell him he can't go.

 

[sarah1992]

I agree with a few other posters here who have said its more about embarrassing the groom.

Both my friends got their boyfriends strippers for birthdays, one absolutely flipped out when she seen it because the stripper was thinner than her, and the other didnt watch at all.

Its all a bit uncomfortable really but to be honest the strippers were out to mortify the lads bigtime and actually hurting them more than anything! (Slapping etc.) so it really will just be a laugh to them to see their friend being so embarrassed! I completely understand where you are coming from though x

 

[totalbeautyabz]

I've no doubt that my hubby was turned on by the lap dance, but he's a red blooded male. There'd be something far wrong if he wasn't!

Cut him loose? I struggle with that, too. Yes, he's my husband. Yes, he's the father of my children, but he's also a hard working human being. He needs his freedom like I do. He can't spend all his free time with me. That's stifling to say the least.

OP, I know you're pregnant and it's a vulnerable time, but he loves you. He's having a baby with YOU. You've nothing to worry about. Allow him to go and have a great time with his mates. He'll come home to you at the end of the day and he'll appreciate your support at him enjoying his buddies stag doo

 

[sallyyummymummy]

I went to a wedding years ago with my then partner. On the stag do they ended up in a strip club. My ex rang me while they were away & told me. I just found it funny. But all the lads swore each other to secrecy as all the wives/girlfriends would go mental apparently. And I was asked not to say anything. I can tell you I had some fun making those boys squirm! I don't see the problem with it - its just a bit of fun. If a blokes going to stray he's going to stray stripper or no stripper! Same with us ladies.

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[welshie_91]

Gotta say I'm so surprised by most of your answers. I hold my hand up I would go nuts if my other half went to see some half naked girls with better bodies than me grinding up and down him. The thought actually makes me sick I told him when I got with him though about that kinda stuff and was upfront from the beginning. The way I see it was he had 28 years prior to me being on the scene to be getting on with stuff like that. Fair play to him though he's a good 'un and I (think!) he understands where I'm coming from lol x

 

[Nikki May]

I went to a wedding years ago with my then partner. On the stag do they ended up in a strip club. My ex rang me while they were away & told me. I just found it funny. But all the lads swore each other to secrecy as all the wives/girlfriends would go mental apparently. And I was asked not to say anything. I can tell you I had some fun making those boys squirm! I don't see the problem with it - its just a bit of fun. If a blokes going to stray he's going to stray stripper or no stripper! Same with us ladies.

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Me too. I would much rather be the one in the know than be all smug thinking oh was innocent and im being lied too

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[mimmimus]

judging from all the replies I do not think there is a right or wrong, it just comes down to how a person feels in this type of situation, for some no problem and for others it is a problem. I have never been insecure in our relationship and I trust him fully. He has never done anything bad to me. My mum always says "he is such a kind human being! he has the kindest eyes she has ever seen", and he is! He says he would die for me (and I believe that he would) and that he would never do anything to hurt me. OK, so this is the first time ever in our relationship that we have had an argument so its a big deal, we usually always agree on things and we never really argue about anything, maybe a few small annoyances but thats it. I dont want this to ruin my otherwise perfect relationship. I just want it to be over with. If it werent one of his best friends and if he wasnt one of the groom's men he wouldnt go. I would not want to make up his mind for him no.
Thank you for all the replies, it helps to see all the different views on this matter and what I understand from all of it is that everyone has a "line" and where you draw that line is different for all of us.

 

[gillian w]

I wouldn't have a problem with tasteful stripping I've been to a burlesque show with my husband and our friends and it was tasteful,titillating,talented entertainment ,but the kind of stripping/sex shows that go on in some clubs and pubs ( and I've heard some really disgusting things ) I would not be happy him going to.He wouldn't want to go anyway to be honest.Its nothing to do with him cheating but more to do with not wanting to see a lot of women degrading themselves its just nasty and I'm not talking the fairly tasteful stuff like Pole dancing or lap dancing I'm talking the horrible stuff that goes on in some of the private hire rooms in pubs and clubs.

 

[mimmimus]

I wouldn't have a problem with tasteful stripping I've been to a burlesque show with my husband and our friends and it was tasteful,titillating,talented entertainment ,but the kind of stripping/sex shows that go on in some clubs and pubs ( and I've heard some really disgusting things ) I would not be happy him going to.He wouldn't want to go anyway to be honest.Its nothing to do with him cheating but more to do with not wanting to see a lot of women degrading themselves its just nasty and I'm not talking the fairly tasteful stuff like Pole dancing or lap dancing I'm talking the horrible stuff that goes on in some of the private hire rooms in pubs and clubs.

Exactly. I would not have a problem with that too. What bothers me is that they take all off and put marshmellows in their groin , have the groom eat it from there and from their boobs. Ive heard that this is the type of thing that goes on and I think its disgusting. Adding to that I would be very UN-OK with him having a lapdance which I cant imaginehe would ever want to have , he doesnt particulary like strippers or strip clubs. If he ever had one Id be furious, not sure I could look at him the same

 

[Aphrodite26]

I used to be a bouncer at a strip club and after spending many a night there it wouldn't bother me.
When me and my ex oh fancied a drink after one of his gigs we used to go to a strip club together as it was the only place open that late in town. A few of the girls ended up being my clients.
Kirstyj on here used to be a dancer in one, maybe pm her and get more insight in to that world.
Believe me though, the girls don't care about the guys, they are there to do a job, just like me tanning/waxing a male


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[sallyyummymummy]

I don't believe these women are degrading themselves either - they choose to do this as a job. And it is simply a job to make a living.

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