What do you feel is the right age for a child to play out unsupervised?

[bubbabinks]

Chelle's recent thread about teens got me thinking about my two little girls and when is the right time to cut the apron strings of security and let them play out with their friends?


I live on a dead end road with speed bumps but it doesn't stop them hammering it down our road.
There is no area close by where they could play and be seen by myself.

I am aware of other children that have been playing out since they were 3, but as it stands I have no intentions of letting them play out.
I want them to be street savvy but how will they ever be if I don't eventually let go?

My opinion as far as my own kids go at the moment is that they won't be allowed to play out for at least a few years, when I know they can make common sense decisions and not wander off.

When you made the decision to let your child out what age were they?
Also what was the deciding factor that made it time?

When I was my eldests age (5) I was allowed out, but only because of 2 things:
1. I had an older sister by 3 years who kept an eye out or bossed me about:lol:
2. we lived in a small cul-de-sac where all the houses lived around a grass roundabout that the kids hung out on, so we could be seen by all the parents and you couldn't drive fast down there so you weren't going to get knocked over.

I'd like to say oh how times have changed? ...but have they really or is that the nasty horrible things are just getting more press?

 

[pazzy]

I started to let my son play out about 2 years ago - he is 7 - and the estate has loads of kids on it who have been playing out for years.

I never stop worrying the whole time he is out and he has to have a mobile phone with him so whenever the panic takes me - I can get in touch with him. Or he must keep calling in every so often.

I also walk round to where he is with the dog - just so I know he is where he said he is - also have the numbers of the parents of one of his friend.

My problem is - we live near a busy road but seperated by a grass verge and always worried he would run onto the road - but then I thought - if he can play out - he won't have any reason to run on a road.
Sometimes - I don't give him enough credit - and maybe me thinking he is incapable of making his own decisions - is belittling him.

He doesn't play out after school in the winter - but can through the day saturdays and sundays till just before it gets dark - but tbh - he doesn't like being out in the cold.

I try so hard to give him what I had and think I am doing ok - I have to respect him - he is a clever sensible boy.

Maybe the world is a horrible place but I wish I didn't know about. But my honest opinion is - the worst thing that has changed is that there are a damn sight more cars around than when I was a kid - that is our real worry.

Oh and the reason I let him play out was because all the other kids were out and I didn't want him afraid of his own shadow.

 

[Bagpuss]

I think it depends on the child...some are more responsible than others even at the same age.

Mine where 8 and there was 2 of them and rules.

 

[Vetty]

My two are 9 and 6 and my eldest now walks round to his mates house and in the summer I let him play out and tbh I don't always know where he is, but he does have his mobile to I can get him back. My youngest plays out in the street (dead end road that we're at the bottom of), she plays with other kids her age and she know where the boundaries are.

I've established trust with mine, so the more they abide by the rules the greater freedom they have, but I do believe that playing out unsupervised gives them expreience of life and decision-making...... Both mine come in the minute I call them and I love the fact they are out in the fresh air running around as I did when I was their age.

I'm lucky that we live on a new-ish estate close to school with loads of kids around as well as loads of footpaths and grass areas, and I do feel fairly safe with mine out. The biggest risk they face IMO is cars......

JMHO

 

[marioned]

I am aware of other children that have been playing out since they were 3, but as it stands I have no intentions of letting them play out.
I want them to be street savvy but how will they ever be if I don't eventually let go?

I think they need to be pretty street savvy before you let them play out. Otherwise they are going to end up in trouble because they don't know how to get out of it. When I let my eldest play out on her own it was to the local swing park, but I used to follow her unseen and observe at a distance. LOL It was too many years ago for me to remember what age she as though, sorry.

I'd like to say oh how times have changed? ...but have they really or is that the nasty horrible things are just getting more press?

I think it is just that they are more openly talked about and more widely publicised.

I think you take your heart in your mouth when you make big decisions like this. You'll never rest until they are back safe in the house, even when they are grown up. xx

 

[number1kitty]

Mine have been playing out since they were 5 & 4 but I lived on a quiet estate and they were under strict instructions to never go past the lampposts or across the road. They also had to tell me where they were if they went to someones house, although I often found my self door knocking when it was tea time as they went from house to house with all the other kids!!! All the parents looked after each others kids and there were eyes everywhere. I lived in a small backward town in lincolnshire so didnt worry too much (although I am aware holly and jessica lived in a small place!).

My kids both have old heads on there shoulders and they know never to trust anyone and go off with them, and if they are grabbed they have been told to scream and bite and scratch and kick!

Before then I lived on a main road so would never ever let them out, not even at the age they are now (6 & 8).

I live on a cul de sac again now but havnt been here long so cant say if I would let my kids out to play, although I live in a small town again. I have all the premier ship footballers on the road so it attracts a lot of visitors!!!

I trust them though not to wonder off, so allow them to walk to their friends.

My eldest wants to walk to school alone now (well with her younger sister!) but there schools on a main road and its a narrow pavement. Its not that I dont trust them but if another child/person pushes them into the road )thats always full of cars) or a car mows into them I wouldnt live my decision!

Theres a lollipop lady so that aspect is fine, but also with it being winter its darker, so I have told them I will consider it in the summer.

Its just a case of evaluating the risk, and my kids ability to jusge situations!

xx

 

[number1kitty]

My two are 9 and 6 and my eldest now walks round to his mates house and in the summer I let him play out and tbh I don't always know where he is, but he does have his mobile to I can get him back. My youngest plays out in the street (dead end road that we're at the bottom of), she plays with other kids her age and she know where the boundaries are.

I've established trust with mine, so the more they abide by the rules the greater freedom they have, but I do believe that playing out unsupervised gives them expreience of life and decision-making...... Both mine come in the minute I call them and I love the fact they are out in the fresh air running around as I did when I was their age.

I'm lucky that we live on a new-ish estate close to school with loads of kids around as well as loads of footpaths and grass areas, and I do feel fairly safe with mine out. The biggest risk they face IMO is cars......

JMHO

Thats my main worry the cars!! Its highly unlikly a child will be abducted or assaulted. Its just the very rare few cases that are publicised are close to our hearts so makes you wonder how you would feel in that position.

Will all the premmie footballers and there super fast cars it worries me, especially when one of them pulled out in front of me the other day without even looking! Look at ronaldo!

If there were no cars I wouldnt be as worried.

xx

 

['chelle]

This is such a hard decision to make. You have to find the balance between ensuring their safety, and allowing them to play, it's not healthy to stop kids playing out, but then if we listened to all the horror stories of what could happen we'd never let them out of the house.

It's a very personal decision, and it does depend on the maturity of the individual child and the area that you live in. Personally, I allowed my daughter to play out when she was 6 years old. We lived in a cul-de sac at the time, and she was only ever allowed within visible range; if I looked out of the window and couldnt see her, she was straight in! It only took once or twice for her to learn that it's just not worth the hassle of trying to go that little bit further. She didnt always like the rules, there were times when her friends were going further afield and she wasnt allowed, but to me I'd rather risk having a daughter who I was unpopular with for a day or so than a daughter who ended up injured or missing. I used to live on the edge of a pretty rough estate and there was one particular family who had about 6 kids, and from the moment they could stand on their own two legs they were wandering the streets in nappies. I remember one little lad knocking on my door to call for my daughter but he was so young he couldnt speak, he was using toddler speak to ask "play" and "girl". Poor little lad was a sitting duck for any idiots looking to pick up vulnerable kids.

I know that opinions vary, and actually I once sacked a childminder for not observing my rules about playing out. I used to get the bus after work to the childminders and from the bus it was a few minutes walk to the childminders. On a few occasions my daughter came running to meet me halfway up the road, nowhere near the childminders house despite me making my rules clear to her. I can understand once or twice, kids do sometimes push the rules, but this started to happen regularly. Her explaination was that she had given instructions to my daughter not to go beyond a certain point. Now I acknowledge that my daughter had disobeyed her, but the point is, she was a six year old child!! If she was mature enough to follow a set of instructions and be left to her own devices I wouldnt be paying anyone to look after her! Kids will always try and push the boundaries it's human nature, the important things to do are to set clear boundaries and clear penalties for stepping over those boundaries, but still allowing a certain amount of freedom to play that can still allow you to monitor their safety closely.

Sorry to have waffled, I think it's harder to make a decision about this issue than it is about the whole teenage issue, but it goes to prove one thing, whatever age they are, they come with their own set of worries and problems! If I had to summarise I would say that let your kids play out, but aswell as making sure you can see them at all times, make it obvious to everyone around you that you are keeping your eye on your kids.

 

[gillian w]

I think it depends where you live and on the child.
What i did do with mine and still do is drum into them all kinds of different scenarios that people may use to get them to go with them.
I remember seeing an Oprah show once that has stuck with me and it showed what we should be doing and saying to protect our children.It started by saying that children need to be told that they do have the rights over their own bodies and we should never make them kiss or hug people they don't want to and that adults are not always right and they dont have to do everything they say without question.
Then it went on with warning children not to go near cars if people ask for directions and call them over.They showed a similar thing that is used in silence of the lambs where an old person is trying to get a settee in the back of a van and how people helped them, but of course they were putting themselves at risk by being persuaded to get in the van.
How to trust your own instincts and if something or someone just doesnt seem right it probably isn't and to get away from the situation.
Then of course the 'would they like to see a puppy'
It also said never display their names on their lunch boxes or school bags because that also can be used by a stranger to get trust when they find out their name.Thats just a few things i remember maybe we can share some more.

 

[jonailtech]

i have two kids my little boy is 8 and my little girl is 3, obviously she is way off being aloud out playing, and i let my little boy out when he was about six as we live in a quiet cul de sac with a big green in the centre and there is always a parent or two out watching the kids..... i have to disagree with some of the above comments i think that times have seriously changed and there are some very strange people about these days, i know there was always strange people about but i just feel in this day and age we have to be alot more carefull with our children.. i always think to myself how even though i try and educate my little boy as much as possible, without scaring the living daylights out of him, about the danger of getting into a strangers car or running out on the road without lookin up and down, i still keep thinking kids will be kids and no matter how clever etc we think they are it only takes a fraction of a second for them to change there mind and get into the strangers car or run out on the road!! just my opinion xx

 

[Jen Smith]

My son is 5 years old now... and after the nightmare I had with his now grown up sisters, James can go and play out when he is 21 and not a min before lol!!

Seriously though we live on the edge of an estate and in the summer there are lots of young children playing out, far too young in my opinion. We are fortunate to have a large outside area with a surrounding wall and gates on both drives to make it more secure and safe for him .. so he will have lots of space to play and I think I will encourage children to come here and play rather than let James free to roam on his own until he is much much older.. I wouldnt have thought before he was 9 or 10.

 

[bubbabinks]

My son is 5 years old now... and after the nightmare I had with his now grown up sisters, James can go and play out when he is 21 and not a min before lol!!

Seriously though we live on the edge of an estate and in the summer there are lots of young children playing out, far too young in my opinion. We are fortunate to have a large outside area with a surrounding wall and gates on both drives to make it more secure and safe for him .. so he will have lots of space to play and I think I will encourage children to come here and play rather than let James free to roam on his own until he is much much older.. I wouldnt have thought before he was 9 or 10.

Hubs and I were both thinking about 9 or 10, but I wondered if firstly this would be to old and damaging to them, what with other kids from her class already playing out on our street? ...And secondly if I was being over protective?

I can remember the first time I let them walk on ahead on the pavement and how I had my heart in my mouth and still do even though they know not to run on the pavement and they don't go to far ahead.

 

['chelle]

Hubs and I were both thinking about 9 or 10, but I wondered if firstly this would be to old and damaging to them, what with other kids from her class already playing out on our street? ...And secondly if I was being over protective?

I can remember the first time I let them walk on ahead on the pavement and how I had my heart in my mouth and still do even though they know not to run on the pavement and they don't go to far ahead.

Do you have a garden? If so, summer would be an ideal time to test the water. let them play out on the street with their friends while you sit out on a patio chair with a book. See how they go on, are they watching for cars etc, then maybe the next step could be to let them play out while you sit with a book by the window. Eventually you will get to the point where they play out and you look out of the window once every 10 mins or so. Ultimately, if you dont feel that your kids are safe, dont bow to pressure. Other people will say "oh but at that age you need to give them freedom" etc, it's not a popularity contest, stick to your guns. You know your kids and if you think that 9yrs old is about the age they will safely cope with playing out, that's your decision to make and no one elses.

Do your kids have friends on the street? If so perhaps you would feel more comfortable inviting them to play at yours. Even now that my daughter is nearly 13 I still use this tactic, you can dress it up as you being the cool mum who wants her child to have friends round at the house, but in reality you just want to make sure you can keep your eye on them and that they are safe!

 

[bubbabinks]

Do you have a garden? If so, summer would be an ideal time to test the water. let them play out on the street with their friends while you sit out on a patio chair with a book. See how they go on, are they watching for cars etc, then maybe the next step could be to let them play out while you sit with a book by the window. Eventually you will get to the point where they play out and you look out of the window once every 10 mins or so. Ultimately, if you dont feel that your kids are safe, dont bow to pressure. Other people will say "oh but at that age you need to give them freedom" etc, it's not a popularity contest, stick to your guns. You know your kids and if you think that 9yrs old is about the age they will safely cope with playing out, that's your decision to make and no one elses.

Do your kids have friends on the street? If so perhaps you would feel more comfortable inviting them to play at yours. Even now that my daughter is nearly 13 I still use this tactic, you can dress it up as you being the cool mum who wants her child to have friends round at the house, but in reality you just want to make sure you can keep your eye on them and that they are safe!

We have a garden out the back of the house but you can't see over the fence and it's a car park behind where they know not to play, I'm really strict about not messing about in car parks.
Out the front is the pavement and the step up to our front door so I can't really sit out the front.
Although a good idea, thanks hun:hug:

There is another mum on the road who feels the same as me and her children are in my daughters class as well so that helps me feel less worried about whether I'm doing the right or wrong thing.
I did start doing play dates with some of the kids but my daughters never been invited back so I gave up because it was a bit one sided.

During the holidays I take the girls to play at the park with the other kids who's mum feels the same as me and we sit and have a natter and let them be but that's about it, so far

 

[cazjp69]

My daughter is 13 next Thursday and I must be really over protective as she can go to her mates down the cul d sac as long as she has the mobile and I can get in touch with her. She is not allowed off the road and I do admit I prefer them to stay in my garden.

when she is at my mum's she gets away with more and playing with others.

 

[number1kitty]

There were parents on my estate also that let their babies roam the streets. I can't remember the amount of times I have had to escort 1 & 2 yr olds off of the middle of the road!

If theres loads of kids out it was never so bad cause they all looked after each other but to be out alone is neglect!

equip your kids with knowledge and some rules and then spend every second there not with you with a heavy beating heart, grey hairs and fine lines starting and pray like hell!

Question is how many people did what the Mccans did until madeline got abducted, it made us all sit up and think. Personally I would never have left my kids alone, but not saying that it wouldnt have perhaps crossed my mind! I certainly would never ever do it now, even though you could say what are the chances of it happening AGAIN!

in 2003/2003 there were a total of 68 children abducted by strangers. 68 too many but thats only a teeny teeny risk of the number of children out there.

One girl if you remember was abducted from her own bath in her own home! If someone wants a child they will take a child. Whether that child is on the street or in a home.

Also most sexual predators abuse children they know.

A child is at far more risk being hurt by a car!

Would anyone here have their children chipped?? Its becoming quite popular. If a child goes missing you can track them down.

The upside is you will always know where that child is, and if they are abducted would be found withing minutes!

The downside, its a small risk anyway. It takes away our childs privacy and if the kidnapper is aware the child is chipped can do damage to remove it (putting it nicely!)

There was a program on about it a couple of years back. Its great if your playing hide and seek I would always win lol!!!!

 

[becki x]

There is nothing more precious in the world than our children. My son is seven this year,WHENEVER we leave the house he holds my hand,it's not a case of do i trust my child,i'm just not willing to take unnecesarry risks.

He can't play out on our street and my mum lives in a quiet culde sac,he isn't allowed in the "ring". 20 kids can play in the garden with him,but he knows his mum said he's too little,end of. We visist friends,their son goes on the street (a busy one imo) he stays in the garden,at which point i tend to end up "on,or in the net's" and that suits me just fine.

My husband would give him more leeway,but the goal posts will change when this baby is born and i KNOW he'll be stricter

Am i overprotective ? I don't really care TBH his childhood and innocence is precious,he has plenty of time for all the other stuff,he is safe and happy and honest with me,to the extent that it amazes my hubby how i can get the truth out of him,without any kind of performance or upset when he tells a porkie .

It works for us .

Just in response to the Maddie comment,only my imediate family sit for my son,and i would never consider leaving him unsupervised.

 

[beautyseeker]

My daughter was allowed to walk to her friends house at 10 and could play outside there as they live in a very very quiet road.

We live in a village which is separated from where most of her friends live by a by-pass so she would have to go through underpasses to see them. She was allowed at 13 to walk alone to see her other friends but like most of us she has to have her mobile on at all times.

She will be 15 this year and we are more relaxed about things now, she (so far) thinks boys are still a waste of space and effort when she could be shopping or going to the cinema, long may it last.

Once the boy thing gets going then I will start worrying again, but for now all is calm, so long as her mobile is on at all times and she phones me when she gets to her friends house and then phones me if they are going somewhere else.

Maybe I'm not as relaxed as I thought?


Trish xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[sj1973]

There were parents on my estate also that let their babies roam the streets. I can't remember the amount of times I have had to escort 1 & 2 yr olds off of the middle of the road!

If theres loads of kids out it was never so bad cause they all looked after each other but to be out alone is neglect!

equip your kids with knowledge and some rules and then spend every second there not with you with a heavy beating heart, grey hairs and fine lines starting and pray like hell!

Question is how many people did what the Mccans did until madeline got abducted, it made us all sit up and think. Personally I would never have left my kids alone, but not saying that it wouldnt have perhaps crossed my mind! I certainly would never ever do it now, even though you could say what are the chances of it happening AGAIN!

in 2003/2003 there were a total of 68 children abducted by strangers. 68 too many but thats only a teeny teeny risk of the number of children out there.

One girl if you remember was abducted from her own bath in her own home! If someone wants a child they will take a child. Whether that child is on the street or in a home.

Also most sexual predators abuse children they know.

A child is at far more risk being hurt by a car!

Would anyone here have their children chipped?? Its becoming quite popular. If a child goes missing you can track them down.

The upside is you will always know where that child is, and if they are abducted would be found withing minutes!

The downside, its a small risk anyway. It takes away our childs privacy and if the kidnapper is aware the child is chipped can do damage to remove it (putting it nicely!)

There was a program on about it a couple of years back. Its great if your playing hide and seek I would always win lol!!!!

That to me is too young. My boy was 12 when i let him out by himself, even now at nearly 16 he has to go out with his phone or he aint allowed out. My daughter is 13 soon and she likes staying in , summer she goes out but its the same rule no phone, no going out.

Its not just cars its the people and other kids i dont trust.