Why do people say hurtful things when you talk about your aspirations?

[laurakate]

On Saturday I was telling my future mother in law a bit about the business I am going to be launching soon. I don't think I was being annoying or chewing her ear off, I was simply telling her a bit about what's going on in life (as you do).

Anyways, I asked her if she knew anyone who might be interested in having a treatment or two once I'm up and running to which she replied "I do know a few ladies who would be in the market for a treatment but they would be looking for someone more experienced".

Like why say that?! How fricking catty is that? I told her that I've not sat in a quiet salon answering the phone and carrying out budget treatments for the last two years (ive worked in a top salon and two four star spas and I've worked blummin hard!). She went quiet after that until the subject changed to something less tense.

Why try to belittle someone's goals and achievements like that? Why not simply say "sorry i don't know anyone and if I did they've got a regular therapist they go to".

She's a nice lady but she can be condescending sometimes and I don't understand what she's trying to achieve from it. She used to do manicures herself and it's nice to have a common interest but I don't understand why she seems so down about me being in industry. Her own insecurities perhaps?

To be fair when someone tells me that I can't do something it spurs me on to prove them wrong but why be that way with such cutting remarks?

 

[Milliemakeup]

Don't let negative comments put you down, you will always get people like this when you are in business People throw rocks at things that shine! X

 

[Steph86]

It is usually jealousy why we belittle others, maybe she is envious you are setting up your own business & she never did.

As you say, you've worked hard to get where you are today don't let anyone put you down.

Xx

 

[AcidPerm]

To be fair, she may not have meant that to sound condescending at all.

I would have taken it to mean her friends feel a bit insecure and like to go to an older mature therapist and not someone young and pretty. ;-)

 

[cabby]

I did find the people I used as models etc in the beginning never took me seriously lol they always saw me as a beginner. Don't let that put you off though. It didn't me and I love my job x

 

[virtues2011]

Don't let negative comments put you down, you will always get people like this when you are in business People throw rocks at things that shine! X

This made me smile. ..so true. .I get boulders thrown at me for being outspoken and successful. Will it stop me... absolutely not.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[tonicj]

No reaction is often the best reaction, easier said than done, I know! Focus on the good and don't waste your time on the negative as it will only bring you down. There are some people we cannot change, so keep upbeat and client's will soon make their way to you xx

 

[all about hair]

This made me smile. ..so true. .I get boulders thrown at me for being outspoken and successful. Will it stop me... absolutely not.

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Not sure if I shine(hope so )
But I get boulders lobbed at me every step of the way!! Lol

 

[WilsonBarberCo]

Like others have said, it's pure jealousy and not necessary! She's (almost) family, and should be more supportive. Bet you can't wait to be telling her how you've pulled a profit in a years time

Don't let it get to you, you obviously know your stuff. More people in our industry need the get-go you've got!

Good luck with the business, and remember that your fellow geeks are here to give help and support

 

[essentia]

I know why you feel upset but I do think you have over reacted. Some women do like to go to an established place or therapist. I actually would not be offended by this although it may have been better if she had worded her reply better. If you feel genuinely that she does not support you, then do not mention your business to her and stick to neutral conversation.

 

[skingeek78]

No reaction is often the best reaction, easier said than done, I know! Focus on the good and don't waste your time on the negative as it will only bring you down. There are some people we cannot change, so keep upbeat and client's will soon make their way to you xx

Wise words as always!

I agree, it is very difficult and I can remember very well feeling exactly this way, in fact every time you take on a new skill or new situation!. Be confident in your own abilities, try and stay quiet when such things are said. A wise person once said to me that I do not need to confront every situation and trust me at times I am very good at doing exactly that, but slowly I learn that sometimes it works best to not try and justify and just leave alone. Sometimes people can be horrid, or things get misunderstood or come out before thinking or come across badly. As tonicj has said clients will find their way to you x

 

[laurakate]

I know why you feel upset but I do think you have over reacted. Some women do like to go to an established place or therapist. I actually would not be offended by this although it may have been better if she had worded her reply better. If you feel genuinely that she does not support you, then do not mention your business to her and stick to neutral conversation.

Fair play. Maybe I was reading too much into what she said but the tone she used implied that I wouldn't be able to give a good treatment and that i was a total deluded daydreamer who'd just got my education from the school of YouTube. Oh well nuts to that!

Cheers for your support people. I would never berate someone's goals and achievements (it's not the first time it's happened) so I have great difficulty in trying to comprehend why others do it.

 

[Mobile Manicure]

She's just jealous of you because you are the new number one woman in her son's life. Evil witch. Make sure you never offer her or her friends any discounts or freebies. :evil:

 

[Leely]

my mother in law is the same and thinks i should be at home looking after my children and not working.

several times she has made catty comments towards me in front of my husband, she has even told my husband i am damaging my children by going to work.

I take no notice of her and let her get on with it, as she is not happy unless there is something to moan about.

Its funny really as her daughter makes cakes for a living has just set up her own business from home and has 2 children also. Although they are not as young as mine. But she believes its the best thing since sliced bread. Yet i have done the same just with a different job were i have been to college to train and her daughter has not.

you can't please everyone. It won't stop me, don't let it stop you.

Leely x

 

[pinkknailss]

my mum is exactly the same *sigh*

Every time I have a good idea or like some clothes or tell her a story she always has some was of bringing me down or dismissing as nothing. It's so off putting and really rubbish, I just stop telling her things after a while.

People who are miserable hate to see happy people, they hate to see progression and get jealous! (apply s to jobs,money,friends,)
Just stay away from those people, they will just try to bring you down.

 

[Absolutebeautyx]

Anyways, I asked her if she knew anyone who might be interested in having a treatment or two once I'm up and running to which she replied "I do know a few ladies who would be in the market for a treatment but they would be looking for someone more experienced".

I work in an office during the week full time and do beauty at nights which suits me just fine just now due to money etc. every single one of the girls in my work (6 of them) said that to me! And you know what, one was my client for a while and always complained because she didn't look after her nails by going to an NSS and I tried to help them! And a new lady comes once a month which is totally fine by me. A few of my mum and dads friends were the same, also saying I shouldn't be charging so much (I don't charge too much I charge enough to cover costs & pay me a wage argggg) They have all ate their words because I have my lovely regulars and am getting new clients too, and I'm happy! Just don't listen to her Hun. She will probably be different when you have set up and see how successful you will be! X




Sarah xx

 

[virtues2011]

my mother in law is the same and thinks i should be at home looking after my children and not working.

several times she has made catty comments towards me in front of my husband, she has even told my husband i am damaging my children by going to work.

I take no notice of her and let her get on with it, as she is not happy unless there is something to moan about.

Its funny really as her daughter makes cakes for a living has just set up her own business from home and has 2 children also. Although they are not as young as mine. But she believes its the best thing since sliced bread. Yet i have done the same just with a different job were i have been to college to train and her daughter has not.

you can't please everyone. It won't stop me, don't let it stop you.

Leely x

This is quite common for older parents. . My mother was the same. ..absolutely disgusting that I worked and left my daughter..... I even paid for my mothers home insurance, telephone bills and other things aside...

I've been slated continually. .been told that 'I hope it all fails' .... 'what you're doing is just so you can walk round with a big head'. I stood in my wedding dress the day I got married and was told... 'ohhh you look fat...."

My birthday last year my husband and I took a few friends out to celebrate, I didn't drink that night and heard one couple saying at the end ' shall we go and sort the bill out' the other couple said 'no let them do it, they can afford it'....

Eventually you stop getting invited out probably because you have nothing in common anymore. ..plus what do you say to someone who says 'are you going on holiday this year' .... ( well I've had five holidays already) other people don't want to hear this. ..they relate more to ' oh would love to but can't afford it'.

Equally i was with a 'friend' who just moaned about having no heating in her house last winter as her boiler broke and she couldn't afford to replace it but then went out and bought a dog! . Being successful also seems to make you a bad, horrible and nasty person .. when in all honesty you just work hard to have a good life.

... and even some people reading this thread will think the same.'look at her bragging' .. I'm not, sometimes i think maybe it would be nice to have an average life where people actually care about you. Being successful can be very lonely especially if you start at the bottom with everyone else. ..

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[Balance Andover]

My Mum when I showed her a college prospectus for beauty therapy said 'what do you want to do that for? and how much is that going to cost you?'.

I threw it away and forgot about my dream.

I then decided at 37 to follow that dream and it was the best thing I ever did :biggrin:

You do need a certain amount of thick skin in this Business and it's usually your nearest and dearest that will try and shoot you down. My old boss said that some Mothers unfortunately are envious of a child's success if they've held themselves back, that's a real shame.

 

[laurakate]

I work in an office during the week full time and do beauty at nights which suits me just fine just now due to money etc. every single one of the girls in my work (6 of them) said that to me! And you know what, one was my client for a while and always complained because she didn't look after her nails by going to an NSS and I tried to help them! And a new lady comes once a month which is totally fine by me. A few of my mum and dads friends were the same, also saying I shouldn't be charging so much (I don't charge too much I charge enough to cover costs & pay me a wage argggg) They have all ate their words because I have my lovely regulars and am getting new clients too, and I'm happy! Just don't listen to her Hun. She will probably be different when you have set up and see how successful you will be! X




Sarah xx

At first I was thinking that people I know would be the best clients (and I would have preferred this because I know that I want to be a small business to be fair/honest). But I'm now thinking I'll be better off getting my clients (i.e. not through family on this side) because I want people to come to me not out of pity or doubt but because they actually like what I'm doing. It'll probably be harder work and more costly to advertise but hopefully healthier and less claustrophobic.

 

[laurakate]

She's a nice lady overall she just says some very judgemental stuff and it comes out of nowhere so it's like woah.