am i overprotective?

[IllumeGirl]

i have a difficult almost 12 year old girl!

would love to have a world wide opinion of this latest situation from you please! my daughters best friend turned up tonight (8.20pm to be precise) shouting out for her in the dark while i was doing my client. she disappeared before i managed to catch her. a few minutes later she is knocking on the door for her sims 2 book. so of course i asked her if her mother knew she was out so late (she lives a 10 minute walk away and had even younger girls with her) to which i was greeted with the folded arms and stink eye,lol. i have to add that we had 16 missed calls over 24 hours from this child (from her mobile at $1 per call). i gave her a good telling off while remaining calm . now i have banned my daughter from staying at her house, as i am very concerned about the lack of discipline there (the girl is welcome at my house). my daughter is so embarrassed of my apparent OTT behaviour

. am i overprotective? i don't think so! and more importantly should i speak to this childs mother..who i might add seems to be off with the fairies,lol.

 

[*Gemma*]

IMO I do not think for one minute you are being over protective, just a responsible parent. Good luck.:hug:

 

[IllumeGirl]

thank you gemma, i do just want to protect my little girl..i wish she could understand that! maybe when she has children of her own she will realise that.

 

[ADiva1]

i have a difficult almost 12 year old girl!

would love to have a world wide opinion of this latest situation from you please! my daughters best friend turned up tonight (8.20pm to be precise) shouting out for her in the dark while i was doing my client. she disappeared before i managed to catch her. a few minutes later she is knocking on the door for her sims 2 book. so of course i asked her if her mother knew she was out so late (she lives a 10 minute walk away and had even younger girls with her) to which i was greeted with the folded arms and stink eye,lol. i have to add that we had 16 missed calls over 24 hours from this child (from her mobile at $1 per call). i gave her a good telling off while remaining calm . now i have banned my daughter from staying at her house, as i am very concerned about the lack of discipline there (the girl is welcome at my house). my daughter is so embarrassed of my apparent OTT behaviour

. am i overprotective? i don't think so! and more importantly should i speak to this childs mother..who i might add seems to be off with the fairies,lol.

I dont think you are being over protective at all. It is difficult to reason with teenagers as they never see it from our side.

The girl does not sound as if she's good company for your daughter; your daughter needs to be aware of that too.
e.
You did the right thing.:hug:

 

[Jacqui'snewnail]

Hi
I dont have teenage children so am probably not the best person to ask, but in a situation like this, I would perhaps treat your daughter to a manicure/pedicure or something with just the two of you and try to explain as calm and as plainly in teenage language, just why it is that you dont want this sort of behaviour/situation.

If she only takes one snippet of the information on board you've done well. You dont want to alienate her or she will just see you as the bad guy!

Good Luck!

Jacqui

 

[Noodle]

I don't think you're being over-protective either ... you are a kind and caring mother, who obviously wants the best for her daughter.

 

[kadie]

i don't think you are OTT but do you remeber when you were her age? Girls her age don't want to be children they wnt to be big girls. Maybe you should treat her to a big girl mani/pedi (like mentioned earlier) and tell her you are going to talk to her and you don't want to treat her like a child but she does have to act responsibly. In regards to that girl, your daughter want to hang around with her beacuse she's 'cool' and her mum is even 'cooler' cuz she can do whatever she wants. At that age, i've have hung aroiund with anyone, just cuz they were cool.

 

[blossom]

:hug: You are not for one minute being over protective, just a well-balanced, concerned, responsible parent. Some parents DO NOT CARE what their kids are doing as long as they're out of their hair. Mine are 8 & 9 so I haven't gone through exactly this yet but we do have similar issues. Cool or not, who cares, it is their safety that has to come first.

Since having my own kids it has made me realise (as you do) why my mum was like she was. Good luck hun, I know it's not easy. :hug:

 

[littlepinkfairy]

As I am only 22, i can still recall being rebellious at that age (and for a good few years after i hasten to add!!), and i know that whatever my parents told me not to do it just made me want to do it even more! I don't think you are being over protective but your daughter doesn't see it like that, you have to find a way to make her think you are doing her a favour!!

 

[Brandywine]

If your being over protective then so am I! Thankfully my daughter is a bit younger, but I can understand your worries. It may be difficult to speak to the girls mother as everyone has different ways of parenting (not always right) but unless there any real safety issues there's probably nothing you can do for you daughters friend.
I think I would do the same as you and make her friend very welcome in your home, so you can keep an eye on things.
If you tried to break up the friendship your daughter may rebel against you and think the other girl is even cooler.
Good luck, I'm personally not looking forward to the onset of hormones!

 

[pure]

I think what you have done is absolutely the right way to go. I have a 15 year old daughter (which is why I have grey hairs!!) and I can tell you that if you don't steer her in the right direction regarding who she hangs out with at 12, then you'll have problems later on. Keep doing what you're doing, even when it gets tough. :hug:

 

[IllumeGirl]

i don't think you are OTT but do you remeber when you were her age? Girls her age don't want to be children they wnt to be big girls. Maybe you should treat her to a big girl mani/pedi (like mentioned earlier) and tell her you are going to talk to her and you don't want to treat her like a child but she does have to act responsibly. In regards to that girl, your daughter want to hang around with her beacuse she's 'cool' and her mum is even 'cooler' cuz she can do whatever she wants. At that age, i've have hung aroiund with anyone, just cuz they were cool.

hiya kadie, i do remember way back when i was her age:lol: i wasn't allowed out at night, that's for sure wandering the streets. i give her so much freedom..but only whats suitable for her age and maturity( and she is exceptionally mature, i am very proud of her).she has loads of mates and is usually playing after school plus on a sleepover every Saturday night. its the old thing of giving a inch and wanting to take a mile..test those boundaries out

..well i have just installed a electric fence:wink2: . i did take her for a professional eyebrow, lip wax today (which i didn't receive a thank you for..but whatever!) she is in a good mood now though. she does have 2 weekly manis usually (depending on my schedule) and has been wearing brisa toes for a few months now. Her friends are always saying how cool i am, but unfortunately to my own child i am not

 

[IllumeGirl]

I think what you have done is absolutely the right way to go. I have a 15 year old daughter (which is why I have grey hairs!!) and I can tell you that if you don't steer her in the right direction regarding who she hangs out with at 12, then you'll have problems later on. Keep doing what you're doing, even when it gets tough. :hug:

exactly debs, its the whole peer group thing..the wrong friend can deeply influence even the most well behaved kid.

 

[IllumeGirl]

If your being over protective then so am I! Thankfully my daughter is a bit younger, but I can understand your worries. It may be difficult to speak to the girls mother as everyone has different ways of parenting (not always right) but unless there any real safety issues there's probably nothing you can do for you daughters friend.
I think I would do the same as you and make her friend very welcome in your home, so you can keep an eye on things.
If you tried to break up the friendship your daughter may rebel against you and think the other girl is even cooler.
Good luck, I'm personally not looking forward to the onset of hormones!

lol, hormones are to blame for so much! yeah i am loathe to speak to the mum as she will feel defensive..but unfortunately i will need to if there is another sleep over there(which i doubt now ) hopefully the friendship will die a natural death.

As I am only 22, i can still recall being rebellious at that age (and for a good few years after i hasten to add!!), and i know that whatever my parents told me not to do it just made me want to do it even more! I don't think you are being over protective but your daughter doesn't see it like that, you have to find a way to make her think you are doing her a favour!!

reverse psychology! i know when i was 13/14 whatever my mum approved of, i instantly hated:lol:

:hug: You are not for one minute being over protective, just a well-balanced, concerned, responsible parent. Some parents DO NOT CARE what their kids are doing as long as they're out of their hair. Mine are 8 & 9 so I haven't gone through exactly this yet but we do have similar issues. Cool or not, who cares, it is their safety that has to come first.

Since having my own kids it has made me realise (as you do) why my mum was like she was. Good luck hun, I know it's not easy. :hug:

thanks blossom..i read once that having a child was like ripping your heart out and putting arms and legs on it..so true!:hug:

 

[IllumeGirl]

I dont think you are being over protective at all. It is difficult to reason with teenagers as they never see it from our side.

The girl does not sound as if she's good company for your daughter; your daughter needs to be aware of that too.
e.
You did the right thing.:hug:

thank you andrea:hug:

Hi
I dont have teenage children so am probably not the best person to ask, but in a situation like this, I would perhaps treat your daughter to a manicure/pedicure or something with just the two of you and try to explain as calm and as plainly in teenage language, just why it is that you dont want this sort of behaviour/situation.

If she only takes one snippet of the information on board you've done well. You dont want to alienate her or she will just see you as the bad guy!

Good Luck!

Jacqui

we had the big talk today in earnest and she does appear to have taken it in..time will tell!

I don't think you're being over-protective either ... you are a kind and caring mother, who obviously wants the best for her daughter.

thankyou noodle :hug:

 

[beautynails]

I know exactly how it is. I have a 13 yr old daughter, but I am lucky to have a very good relationship with her.

I have found the best thing to do is to explain why you set these rules. Let her know that you are looking after her safety.

If you try to stop them from being friends, she'll only rebel, so instead invite her to do things with you & your daughter. Girlie days are always great fun. I bet her friend would love to be able to things with her mum & rebels because she can't.

 

[pinkmummy]

You're certainly not overprotective, as others have said, just a good loving mum. My daughter is 12 and son is nearly 15, they both know that our family do not do hanging around on the streets! They socialize, but it is structured. Church youth clubs, being at friends houses, sports clubs etc. They see the benefits to this lifestyle (although 12 yr old girl would like more freedom now there are boys interested-not on your nelly!:twisted They say it's only the chavvy kids who hang out round the Spar shop etc.
I find the following link useful if you want advise on how to handle situations with kids. There is advise from birth to late teens. I've put it on the pre teens section. It's a UK site but hopefully they'll let you on, the forum is a great place to sound off about our kids.:hug:
raisingkids.co.uk; pre-teens, 9-13, parenting pre-teens, pre-teen behaviour, sibling rivalry, move to secondary school, pre-teen forums

 

[Buggy]

i think you're doing fine as you are hun. don't worry about being protective, it's your job! don't judge yourself on this other mother either, do what you feel comfortable with, because if you let your daughter out without feeling truly comfortable with the situation you would never forgive yourself if something happened to her.

 

[VHunter]

I think you've been doing exactly as you should.

While we can't protect our kids from everything and choose all of their friends, we do have to draw some lines.

Though my girls are only 3 & 5 yrs old, there ARE children that I will not let them play with due to those kid's behaviour and their pitiful excuses for parents. While my children aren't angels and are well behaved, they ARE just kids and do get mischievious and naughty sometimes and do NOT need negative influences sending them the wrong direction.
They do NOT need help to get into trouble, they do well enough on their own.

While your daughter may resent your interference, one day, - likely a long time from now - she'll appreciate your same interference.

Giant hugs and keep up the good fight.
:hug:

 

[IllumeGirl]

thankyou so much for your replies..schools back soon My little darling is appreciating me alot now she has spent a few days with her father,lol!