Are you honest with your kid's about your past

[collin]

Remember when you were a kid and your mum and dad kept nagging you...do your homework,turn off the light when you leave the room,you look tired are you taking drugs kind of thing.

I remember seeing my parents as being people who had never done anything wrong in their lives.

As I get older and so do my two boys who are entering young manhood and are starting to get up to the crazy things I did at their age....well not quiet as bad to be fair.

Sometimes after giving the boys a good lecture about what's right and wrong and don't do this and dont do that ,your treating this place like a hotel,I can just hear my dear old dads voice ringing in my ears saying the same old thing

I guess my two lads also look at me as some sort of boring old fart who has never bent the rules or been a rebel...how wrong they are

Do your children know what you got up to in younger years...does them knowing make enforcemet of house rules and standards more difficult???

 

[drew692]

Hi ya Collin,

I don't ahve children, but I do remember being a little bugger (yes I can remember that far back).

Many of my friends and family have children (best way, when they start playing up or crying you hand them right back), and when they do have problems with their children I do remind them (the adult) that we too were like that once, and in some cases possibly worst!

 

[JoJoPearce]

I just hope to god that my girls will be nothing like me or I'll have a whole load of trouble coming my way in 10 yrs time.

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Dear Boring Old Fart :wink2:,

My eldest daughter (14yrs) and I have a very honest and open relationship as long as I feel the information is appropriate for her, otherwise I try to circumnavigate the issues. But at 14 she will 99% of the time have none of it !

I personally believe that if they are old enough to ask the questions, then they are old enough to be given the answers. eg. Did I ever take drugs as a teen? Answer: honestly 'No' so that's an easy one to answer.

However, did I ever deliberately lie to my parents about my whereabouts as a teen? Answer: 'Yes' followed by a brief encounter about what happened but then followed by an explanation of the consequences which were usually very severe .

When kids become young adults, they often want you to tell them about your adventures but not the consequences. My rule is 'if you want to hear about what I did then you must be prepared to listen to the latter, be it getting caught by the police, another parent or yourself and any action likely to be taken!

From another Boring Old fart .... and damn proud, lol.

 

[debs69]

My son is 15 and we have brought him up in a very open and honest way. Both my hubby and myself tell him stories of what we used to get up to at his age and I like to think that he may learn from what we did wrong ???
He's a good lad, so far he's not given us any trouble, he's doing well at school and hopefully he'll make something of his life.
It's awful though when your saying stuff to your kids and the words coming out of your mouth are those our parents said - that's really scarey !!
On the other hand my brother has always been very strict and dictational to his children and they're both a handfull, but are lovely kids, polite etc.
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to bring children up as long as they're happy and healthy and don't get into too much trouble !

 

[Saucygirl]

I'm honest with my kids about my past. It couldn't be any other way because when my mother visits I hear.."you know, your Mother did the SAME thing when she was your age...."

My parents were very honest with me too.

 

[champagne]

I am as honest as I can be lmaoooooo

I cant tell them everything ...... They might divorce me lol

 

[xAnnaBannAx]

JESUS CHRIST NOOO! lol well i am quite honest with my son...but I think you have to be careful what you tell em! At the end of the day it depends what you did! Some kids will prob take on board what you tell em and avoid doing it themselves...others ( like my son!) would probably think it's ok for him to do then!

How can you ask them not to do something if they know you have done it yourself?
That's not to say I lie to him...I answer any questions asked dependant on the situation and the context its asked in....there are some difficult issues to tackle...if he asked me if i have ever taken drugs....i wouldnt know whether to be honest about that or not because i have many moons ago...but obviously the last thing i want him to do is think its ok to try them because i did! i would probably avoid answering the question if im honest..or just say no and just try drum it in to him how dangerous they are etc

It is scary that you sound like your parents sometimes BUT that's the way it is...i often sound like my mum! lol but at the same time my son is very much like me and i can undrstand why he will do something that he shouldn't so altho i might tell him off for it...i don't get too stressed out about it personally because i understand whats gone through his mind sometimes lol iykwim

 

[xAnnaBannAx]

The hardest most upsetting thing i have ever had to do to date...is try and explain after being asked why he doesnt know his real father...how the hell do you tell a child their dad basically doesn't give 2 hoots about em! I wanted to be honest about that situation but i didnt want to hurt his feelings...virtually impossible unless i lied..which i wasnt prepared to do in that situation.

 

[cabinkel]

No!!!!! Strictly need to know basis:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[Tracey Roberts]

No!!!!! Strictly need to know basis:lol::lol::lol::lol:

lol this is how my parents treated me,,, I still dont know most of what they got up too,I think my dad was a right bugger( certain lol),but cant ask now,theyve passed away.
my kids dont ask questions yet,but ill be honest with them,when they do,just hope they dont copy,omg there will be trouble lol

 

[~Emmsybabes~]

Well personally I am just waiting for my kids to grow up, so I can revert to being a teen again myself :lol:

My mum did it..my god it was embarrassing,
I was 18 and on my second child..sitting at home all day and night doing the "parent routine" and my mother began sitting in parks getting drunk with her mates WTF !!!!

No I am joking I won't really revert lol.

My kids are 11 and almost 9,
My eldest starts high school this year and that is when the fun will begin I am sure
I WILL be honest with her, in the hope that from understanding I have been there done that I can help her to make informed decisions.
Well when it comes to drugs, drink, stealing etc....
Compared to some of my mates I was mild though.

There are maybe certain things I won't tell her until I HAVE to
as some of the things I did were VERY wrong for a child to do.

But for example should she ask, I will tell her how I got into to so much trouble being drunk and sleeping on the streets at a young age (13)
I was VERY lucky to be honest....the majority of friends I had looked after us girls,
I had a lot of male friends I was safe with, one of them would always be around to get us girls out of the scrapes we got into when drunk.
But of course there was always knobs, who would try to take advantage..

This is funny actually, I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday and said something about "I had this boyfriend when I was younger"
The girls overheard and thought it was totally MINGIN that I ever had a boyfriend lol ....

So to sum it up...I will try to be honest, but while protecting them from things I think they DON'T need to know at the same time.

 

[1999judy]

Remember when you were a kid and your mum and dad kept nagging you...do your homework,turn off the light when you leave the room,you look tired are you taking drugs kind of thing.

Like it was yesterday.

I remember seeing my parents as being people who had never done anything wrong in their lives.

As I get older and so do my two boys who are entering young manhood and are starting to get up to the crazy things I did at their age....well not quiet as bad to be fair.

I have 2 boys.....17 and 15 HELLLLLPPPPPPP

Sometimes after giving the boys a good lecture about what's right and wrong and don't do this and dont do that ,your treating this place like a hotel,I can just hear my dear old dads voice ringing in my ears saying the same old thing

Yep me too

I guess my two lads also look at me as some sort of boring old fart who has never bent the rules or been a rebel...how wrong they are

No my dad told them I was a rebel from 15 and anything they do to get me down is KARMA!!!!

Do your children know what you got up to in younger years...does them knowing make enforcemet of house rules and standards more difficult???

HELL NO and I don't intend telling them:lol:
One things for sure though so far....neither of them smoke.
Unlike me...so there's a result.

 

[dee]

i dont know with this one , james is only 6 so have a long way to go yet but ... i think sometimes it can backfire on ya
i have a mate whos got a 13 yr old daughter who knows everything her mum got up (lets just say she was very experienced with a lot of boys from a young age , lol) she does not hide it at all now to me telling her all this could result in the child thinking "well mum did it so i might aswell " and if it were me i wouldnt want my kid getting up to what she was doing at that age , as for my own sins ............ i might tell my kids a toned down version but not much !!
not very good saying you went out with a 22 yr old bloke , fresh out of jail when you were 14 , pmsl
thank god i grew up , haha

 

[beautyseeker]

If she asks me a question I will tell her if I can, but too much honesty could be a bad thing

 

[becki x]

It won't have him sat down cringing whilst i re live the "good old days" :lol: but if i have to i will,certain things ,yes i would,i'd tell him my experience if i thought it might help the situation,and i'd tell him openly about any regrets i have and hope he doesn't make the same choices.

 

[min11]

Now my twins are 15 I am very honest, especially because if I am not they are under the wrong illusion from my mother. No matter what they do my mother will stand in front of them and say how funny it is and my, how she is enjoying this because what goes around comes around and I was exactly the same.

Contrary to what she tells them I did not stay out unless I had permission, was rarely late (was terrified enough of the consequenses). I did not keep my bedroom so it looked like a bomb hit it. I was too afraid to and sat in my room listening to the weekely weekend morning of yelling at the top of her voice at my brothers followed by crashing around as she sorted it. Funnily enough though one question got answered this weekend. I have over the years just gone into my twins room and emptied it of everything except furniture in bin bags. Turns out this weekend she did that to me as a teen, except she didn't. I remembered it as she was talking and she did it to the boys, not me. So, I am as honest as I can be, about everything I did, good bad, regretted or otherwise if something happens which leads to me telling them from the voice of experience angle.

As it goes I left home at 16 totally determined I would never be with my kids how she was with me and when I do hear myself start to sound like her, either with the kids or husband I go quiet and just leave it. I come back after a cuppa and talk asbout it then from my perspective. I couldn't stand it otherwise!