Awkward (& awful) situation!

[Laurasnowwhite]

Hi all,
After some advice and opinions really.

I am relatively new to the industry, and am currently working on a freelance basis after struggling to find salon work.

building a client base is tough as I don't know anybody in the town where I live, but I'm trying my best.

Anyway, about 8 weeks ago, I got a call from a man who wanted to book and manicure and pedicure for his wife before they went on holiday. As it was my first real 'general public' booking I was apprehensive, but took the booking and went along.

The appointment went well, the client was slightly scary, but I think that was jus because she seemed to be quite an authoritarian woman!!

As I was leaving I left one of my price lists with her, and when she returned from her holiday she booked me for another pedicure and a massage.

Again, appointment went well, however, while o was there she enquired whether I would massage her husband, as he apparently loves massage and gets at least one a week (oh the extravagance!!)
I felt a little put on the spot, so made up some rubbish about having to check the terms of my insurance as I'm mobile.

I saw her a few weeks later for another massage and pedicure and she asked again, so I agreed to giving him a massage the following week (money's a bit tight after paying for all my training and buying all my equipment, so I'm not really in the position where I can turn down work, especially if he's going to book me once a week!!)

I arrived on Friday just gone to do the massage, they have their own couch, as he has so many (I found this strange, just me?!) so I just rocked up with my oil and a towel.

I left him in the room to get ready and settled, specifically saying cover yourself with the towel, but when I opened the door I got an eyeful!!
He had practically rolled the towel into a belt and the boys were hanging out the bottom!!

I'm no prude, however this was my first male massage, I wasn't sure about doing it anyway, and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

I got started, just telling myself to pull it together, looking the whole time at his feet!

About 5 minutes in he said to me, "you do know that we're naturists don't you?"

NO!!! I did not, however, from what I'm aware, it's not about sex just about being nude, which is fine.

Quite frankly, it went from bad to worse, he starts telling me about these different places he goes for massage where it costs £70 for an hour, but it's ok, because that includes all the "extras" of you want them, but of course he doesn't.

He repeatedly tells me I can remove the towel if I like, because he's used to being massaged without a towel, but when I didn't reply he said "of course, if you prefer it I respect that"

If you respected it you wouldn't keep bringing it up surely?!

Then he says he got a really good cheap massage in Bulgaria in a 4* hotel, and the therapist finished him off, for want of a better word, without him even asking,and he didn't stop her, when it was over he told his wife and her response was it saves her a job!!

I said I didn't agree with it and behaviour like that gives real therapists a bad name, his response?! I don't judge people, what ever you want to do is up to you, you wouldn't be judged by me.

YUCK!!!

I couldn't get out of there quick enough.

Only problem is now I have a booking in 2 weeks time with his wife, which I will attend, however I really don't want to massage him again.

I'm not in the position where I can really be turning down business, but he's enough to make my skin crawl, and I'm worried that if I refuse to massage him again then I'll loose his wife as a client.

What would you do?

(sorry it's been an essay, but you need the full story and I needed to spill it to someone, it's been really worrying me!!)

Lx

 

[RBT]

HELL NO!
Ive been in situations much less than that one and refused!!!!
No CHANCE AT ALL! SICK AND A NO GO!
No more to say other than.......
IN THE POLITEST POSSIBLE MANNER......
'IM SORRY IM NOT THAT KIND OF ESTABLISHMENT!'
seriously thats wrong!!!!!!

 

[muddi]

Thats awful and he shouldn't of been saying those things to you, he must of known it made you feel uncomfortable - he was obviously ( in my eyes) telling you its ok if you want to add some 'extras' for some extra cash - which clearly is NOT ok with you or any other decent therapist!!

I would sack them both!! Just be booked up if they call or just tell them straight - you do not feel comfortable any more doing their treatments!
It might make them think twice before putting another therapist through that again...

If you ever feel this uncomfortable again, you should tell them they are making you uncomfortable and if they insist on carrying on then you will have no choice but to stop the massage immediately and leave.

I think sometimes we are too polite and people like that play on it... next time just walk xx hope this has not put you off, not all men or couples are like this, some are very normal xx

 

[chocolatepickle]

How uncomfortable, but I think you should have been firm in the beginning in stating in no uncertain terms that you would prefer he kept covered and would not be getting 'extras' when he hinted to try and nip it in the bud, and stopped if he carried on.

If your not comfortable doing it, which I dont blame you, dont do it- do you really want the money that bad??

If you really dont want to lose the wife I think you should be honest and tell her you dont think you offer the service her husband requires and would feel more comfortable not doing it, but then I guess you still may lose her even then.

 

[GIGGLER]

Ur all very polite!! I'd of said "did u kno u can get arrested for indecent exposure?.. Or does this come under sexual harassment at work??.. Il find out!" bet he'd av covered up then! It's made me so angry reading that.. Mainly coz u shud av never been put in that situation! :-|

 

[dazzleuk]

hun you need to be clear and firm... in future if this happens you need to be firm about your expectations. If they overstep .. I walk out.. I have massaged many of couples.. profesional couples and some of the older men have a laugh. They soon realise if they mess I walk out and leave it to them to explain to the wife why I will not return. Because if I walk out on them I walk out on the house abd ban it as a whole. Make this clear when providing a massage... when you feel uncomfortable explain that you are a professional and if they keep it up they leave you no other option but to leave and not return.
I walked out on a client and he had to explain to his wife wh i would not return.
its a shame some men out there think they can push a client. I wil say NOT all men are like this... I have performed massages on many a clients including men and apart from only a couple all have been fine so do not give up hope xx

 

[dazzleuk]

Ur all very polite!! I'd of said "did u kno u can get arrested for indecent exposure?.. Or does this come under sexual harassment at work??.. Il find out!" bet he'd av covered up then! It's made me so angry reading that.. Mainly coz u shud av never been put in that situation! :-|

I agree.......... you are so right

 

[Annemarie]

Blimey Sounds like a right perve who was testing the water first to see how far you were willing to go. I know you said moneys really tight but there's just no why I'd be going back there. It's an awkward situation allright. You could loose the wife as a client anyway by refusing to massage her husband. If I was you though I'd call her and tell her your not going to treat her husband before you go. Don't know how you kept your composure. Good luck hun:biggrin:

 

[muddi]

Just wondering - in this case it would of been easy to grab your oils and towels and just walk out as it was the clients couch, so you can make a quick get away etc, but what would you geeks do if you were using your couch, takes me about 10 mins just to pack my couch and towels and oils away!! lol - not exactly a quick walk out :lol: And would probably seem a lot longer when you have a naked man stood in front of you!!



Somebody once suggested that if you really felt uncomfortable and especially if you felt the situation was getting out of control that you just leave everything and walk out and explain that your husband/partner would collect the items the next day.. and then send him or a very big male friend round for your equipment the next day lol ..

 

[soriminah]

I said to one client once 'I am a remedial massage therapist, not a prostitute'. Short and to the point. He rang me about 1/2hr later when I was on my way home and he apologised.

 

[geeg]

He was 'grooming' you and sometimes couples are in these things together.

I would be very apprehensive going there again if I were you and I would advise you against it.

 

[jujojones]

Please, please, please DO NOT go back! I know you said you can't turn custom away but no money is worth being treated like that! If you return they will think your happy to be there and try it on even more! Your safety and professionalism is in jeopardy so please forget about them and sack them as clients x

 

[missymish]

He was 'grooming' you and sometimes couples are in these things together.

I would be very apprehensive going there again if I were you and I would advise you against it.

Totally agree with Geeg seems like the woman was testing the water with you and of course you are in a position to have to say yes when asked to massage her husband.

If you do her next treatment I would explain to her that you were made to feel very uncomfortable and maybe the massage service you provide is maybe not suited to him!

No matter how much you need the work do not let yourself feel intimidated you are your own boss and deserve to be respected by yourself and others.

It's men Like this that gives other men a bad name!

 

[elliemay]

oh my god i would probley freak out and screem! does his wife know he asks for 'extras'? i wouldnt even reply to any calls/texts from them, you don't know if next time he could try and insist theses extras! xx

 

[Up To Scratch]

I'm sorry hun, but you don't go back.

You contact your client (the wife) to say you were made to feel very uncomfortable and are therefore not willing to return to the house (meaning you're unable to attend her pre-booked appointments). If you don't want to have this conversation with her, you put it in an polite note and post it. But you don't go back into that house - your safety is so much more important than the money.

Oh & don't mourn the loss of the wife as a client - there are many others out there who will treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve. xx

 

[Sam81]

You poor thing! This kind of situation has only happened to me once and it wasn't as drastic as yours, plus I work from a salon so there was another therapist around so I was in a much safer position too. Let's just say inappropriate comments were made and I got an eyeful of his family jewels. Since then I don't do full body massage on male clients unless I have already treated them or they have been recommended to me by an existing client who I trust. Please, please, please don't go back there. It will only break your confidence and who knows how far someone like that is willing to go. No amount of money is worth putting yourself in danger for.

 

[Purebeauty2785]

I really feel for you, I have been in exactly the same position, mine was a nudist too! Indecently asked if I wanted to touch it! Hell Nooooo!

I left the room and was shaking, we threatened to prosecute, and rang every salon in the area, warning them.

You get angry because after you feel " I should have said this or that...."
Too be honest when you put trust in people, and it happens to you for the first time, it really comes as a shock!

I learnt...... The second time I had a man do this, I told him get out!!! and he was a client I had been doing for 2 years!

 

[yellow]

hi....agree with everyone. Some men eh!!

I worked in a spa in a 5 star hotel and the treatment room was in the pool area and so lots of people about. This guy books a massage and walks in in a bath robe. He dosnt say anything but hands me a condom. I took it straight out of his hand and dropped it from a great height into the bucket. He then lay on the couch naked and I went over and put a towel on. He then threw it on the floor and said NO TOWEL. I said he had a choice .....no towel, no massage. He then threw it on the ground again. So I told him he had three minutes to get out the room or he would be in trouble. He got up and muttered something about women should do as they are told and walked out.
I should have thrown him out when he handed me a condom but at no point did i feel threatened so i never.
I told the manager though.

 

[angel fingers]

I wouldnt be the least bit surprised if you werent the only victim of theirs.

Very easy to find a mobile therapist, book her in for an innocent pedicure for your wife and then up the ante a bit at a time.

Its probably a game to them. Let the dirty old man soak his wifes cheesy feet and get out of there. If you go back its like saying you dont mind his behaviour.

You will soon pick up new and respectful clients. Its worth waiting.

 

[Mrs RSM]

He was 'grooming' you and sometimes couples are in these things together.

I would be very apprehensive going there again if I were you and I would advise you against it.

I totally agree, stay well away from them both!