BBC- the great abortion divide

[lydia c]

My mum was adopted in the 60s and know her birth parents name her real dad is dead and nobody knows where the mum is but my mum doesn't want to contact her , she's tried looking but no luck so she's closed this chapter of her life now but at least she has her kids and grandchildren

 

[CHarvey]

My mum was adopted in the 60s and know her birth parents name her real dad is dead and nobody knows where the mum is but my mum doesn't want to contact her , she's tried looking but no luck so she's closed this chapter of her life now but at least she has her kids and grandchildren

I would bet my life that not a day goes by that she doesn't think of her daughter.
I would think like this.
It's not that she didnt want your mum it's that she felt she wasn't good enough for her daughter (your mum) and so gave her away xx

 

[lydia c]

I know it's hard for mother and parent with adoption I understand how my mum feels but she has lived her life without them and my dads mum was great for her she was like her mum x

 

[melissab]

The adoption process needs to be privatised. In the USA they have "open adoption" this means that you still have contact with your birth parents whilst being raised by you adoptive family. X

I just wanted to add to the above. I placed a child for adoption, that was when I was living in the US and before I met my husband, and its not all "open adoption". I had three choices, open adoption, where I would be involved in her life, semi open, where the adoptive parents would send me letters when they wanted to and closed, where there is no contact.

 

[CHarvey]

I just wanted to add to the above. I placed a child for adoption, that was when I was living in the US and before I met my husband, and its not all "open adoption". I had three choices, open adoption, where I would be involved in her life, semi open, where the adoptive parents would send me letters when they wanted to and closed, where there is no contact.

It's nice to have the choice xx I really want to ask what you chose but feel you would have volunteered that information.
Your a very amazing lady for giving the gift of a child to a couple who couldn't have tgeir own. Amazing

 

[melissab]

It's nice to have the choice xx I really want to ask what you chose but feel you would have volunteered that information.
Your a very amazing lady for giving the gift of a child to a couple who couldn't have tgeir own. Amazing

Thank you for that. I don't look at it that way to be honest. I just did what I thought was best for her. I have no problem answering whatever questions you would like to ask. I chose to do the semi-open. All I asked of the adoptive parents was they send me a letter once or twice a year. I was very lucky as they are a wonderful couple who have done exactly that.

 

[lydia c]

Thank you for that. I don't look at it that way to be honest. I just did what I thought was best for her. I have no problem answering whatever questions you would like to ask. I chose to do the semi-open. All I asked of the adoptive parents was they send me a letter once or twice a year. I was very lucky as they are a wonderful couple who have done exactly that.

I'm glad you are in contact and updated , it take a very strong person to do what you did you are a great mother x

 

[jazmine]

I just wanted to add to the above. I placed a child for adoption, that was when I was living in the US and before I met my husband, and its not all "open adoption". I had three choices, open adoption, where I would be involved in her life, semi open, where the adoptive parents would send me letters when they wanted to and closed, where there is no contact.

You passed on a wonderful gift and I hope all parties involved are happy

 

[CHarvey]

Thank you for that. I don't look at it that way to be honest. I just did what I thought was best for her. I have no problem answering whatever questions you would like to ask. I chose to do the semi-open. All I asked of the adoptive parents was they send me a letter once or twice a year. I was very lucky as they are a wonderful couple who have done exactly that.

In Britain in the 60/70s adoption was always closed. Mothers were forced to give Away their babies even if they didn't want to think loads of girls still think its like this and so chose abortion, which is why I think a meeting with an adoption specialist should come part and parcel with abortion
Why did you chose adoption over abortion? You don't have to answer x

 

[melissab]

Thank you ladies. I do get pictures with the letters and she looks so happy and it just confirms I made the right choice.

 

[lydia c]

It must if been so hard at the time but I'm glad she's happy which must make you happy x

 

[melissab]

I personally do not believe in abortion. I do believe that every woman should have the right to choose though. From the beginning she was a person to me and I could not go through an abortion. I knew i could not give her the life she deserved but another family could that may not be able to have children themselves. I already had a daughter, same father, and she brings so much joy to my life that I wanted to share that with somebody else.

 

[melissab]

It must if been so hard at the time but I'm glad she's happy which must make you happy x

Without a doubt that was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

 

[ProperPrincess]

Thank you ladies. I do get pictures with the letters and she looks so happy and it just confirms I made the right choice.

Your amazing. You chose life and gave others something so precious. Amazing x

 

[Sarah89Nails]

For me personally I would not have an abortion no matter what regardless of anything that has been stated already.

My views come from having my boy at 22-23 weeks and him passing away and having my daughter at 25 weeks and her living.My boy was fully formed and breathing when he was born but the hospital refused to keep him alive because the hospital couldn't help children under 30 weeks I watched my son die in my arms at the age of 18.I had my daughter in another hospital that took babies from 22 weeks she survived and is here with me today.There was twins born at 22 weeks at the hospital who both left just after my daughter was born both fine and health.The legal cut off point for abortion needs to be cut down to litterally the bare minimum.I had lots of tests with my daughter before she was born because they thought she was sevearly disabled and downs which came back inconclusive I carried on with my pregnancys because regardless of what could be wrong I chose to fall pregnant and I would love and care for my child regardless of the problem.

My view is if you don't want children take a conteceptive don't take the risk to then have to make a decision of aborting.I understand you can still fall pregnant but it's a very very small percent and a lot of cases where people say
they fell pregnant on the pill forget that 4 weeks before they forgot to take there pill.

If you were to wait till your financially stable to have children you would never have them lol children need love and support.

I think it's disgusting that money and time is ploud into repeat abortions for 1 person than putting the money into saving children that are born prem or with disabilities or other organisations.I think abortions are to readily available.

I understand each to there own and am not disregarding anyone in this thread.

I think the argument of you can't comment unless you have had an abortion and how hard it is could be takin in another way that some don't know what it is like to have prem children and having to watch one die that was perfectly healthy.

Peace and respect geeks

Hugs and love to u, crying now xxxx

 

[Claire-x]

I just wanted to add to the above. I placed a child for adoption, that was when I was living in the US and before I met my husband, and its not all "open adoption". I had three choices, open adoption, where I would be involved in her life, semi open, where the adoptive parents would send me letters when they wanted to and closed, where there is no contact.

I think what you did was a completely selfless and lovely thing and I'm sure it was one of the hardest decisions of your life. I'm glad that your daughter is happy and you get regular reassurance that she has a good life, it must make things so much easier for you. There are so many people desperate for a family, it's people like you that don't take the easy option of abortion and make it happen for th xx

 

[StephR]

I'm pro choice. I've never had one myself and not sure I could go through with one, so let's just hope I'm never in that situation.

I think the 24 week mark should be lowered to around 16 weeks however after seeing my 12 week scan with my son I think maybe it should be even lower than 16 weeks. Baby is fully formed by then unless for medical reasons, rape etc. I first felt my son moving at around 17 weeks by 24 he was having a rave in my tummy. Can't remember with my daughter it was 10 years ago lol.

I agree that the amount of abortions should be limited per person too. Ive read numerous stories of girls having 4+ and they seem to be using it as there form of contraception. I think if these are done through the NHS the doctors should be fitting these girls with implants or coils. I know they could still get pregnant, its a small chance but at least they are protected in some way and don't have to keep remembering to take a pill.

 

[PinkSwoon]

I'm pro-choice. However I think abortion should be made out to be what it is, what it is is actually horrifically mentally painful, draining and upsetting & not just something you can get for free if you get pregnant. I didn't realise the true impact of what an A word can have until you actually have to go through with one. Having a little life inside of you, with a heartbeat, something to nurture, look after and what you are ultimately responsible for, made out of the pure love which you & your partner share for eachother for it to be sucked out of you with a vacuum leaving a gaping empty black hole in it's place, or if you choose the tablet method, it's equally not nice to feel huge blood clots coming out of you & seeing it there in the bottom of the toilet or on a pad is just indescribable (speaking from experience). It's not nice nor easy but sometimes it's for the best, be it not the right time or the right person, whatever. You don't forget though, ever. Every time you see a little baby, an expectant mother or baby clothes in a shop, it hurts my heart & I know it was for the best but I just wish I could turn back time, or that I could be a few years older & I'd never wish it on anybody, but in the same breath, it would kill me if I had to give up my baby for adoption or if I went through with the pregnancy & couldn't afford to give the baby everything that it needed/wanted.

As the person above me said, I think the 26 week mark should be lowered, the procedure for aborting 26 year old foetus is absolutely horrific & 26 weeks to decide what you want to do...really?

I might add that I'm a little annoyed that my A-Word support thread got deleted on the grounds that it could get messy regarding opinions & this one hasn't. Meh

 

[jimjamjarz]

I thought long and hard before deciding to comment. I shall accept that my views will not be that of everyone else. I also accept individual circumstances should be considered. BUT. Everyone whether they use protection or not knows that there is a small risk that a pregnancy could occur. I'm of the mind that should you be responsible enough to acknowledge that fact then your responsible enough to deal with the consequences.

I don't think abortion should be allowed under any circumstance. I appreciate the rape issues but I am of the belief that a child does not choose to be born or created.

Ok so I imagine a few of you are shaking your heads but I cannot and will not change my mind. Losing a child is something I can never describe how painful both mentally and physically it is fully. So yes this has had an impact on my feelings. However I just can't imagine why anyone feels they have a right to abort a living thing.

24 weeks! 20 weeks! My god i am a mum of 4 and I can't tolerate this!

Abortion will however always be legal now. I would like to have abortions limited to 1 per woman whether that's NHS or private! Unless its for health reasons.

I don't want an argument. I'm sure considering there are thousands of women on this site that there will be a percentage that have gone through an abortion and I can only say I feel for what you must have gone through but I cannot say I agree with it xxx

This is exactly my opinion too x

 

[salj]

As the person above me said, I think the 26 week mark should be lowered, the procedure for aborting 26 year old foetus is absolutely horrific & 26 weeks to decide what you want to do...really?

I don't think that it's a case of women taking 26 weeks to decide. Most women are not gonna get over half way through their pregnancy and then just decide to terminate!

Lowering the limit could be problematic for anyone that develops medical issues later in their pregnancy. I don't think it should be lowered.