Being the only non-smoker

[dudeymel]

Hey everyone, just a bit of a whinge really. I have a group of friends that are all smokers with me being the only non smoker, I don't have a problem with smoking at all, my problem is spending a good chunk of my time with them sat on my own while they all go outside for a smoke. It's really started to bother me lately because I'm starting to feel left out. When we go to the pub together there's a group of about 8 of us and they are constantly going out for a smoke and because they are all outside together they inevitably end up chatting and they're out there for ages and I'm left on my own looking lonely to mind the bags or I go out and freeze (you really feel the cold when you've got no motivation to be out in it) and end up annoyed that I'm constantly up and down just so I'm not excluded from the convo. I went out last night with 3 of my friends to the bingo (exciting I know) and every interval they were straight out for a smoke so I spent the whole time in silence when we were playing and the whole interval time on my own, I may aswell have gone on my own. I get left out of convos so I'm the last to hear everything, I feel left out and lonely when I'm with them and it's making me feel like I don't want to go out with them anymore. They'll always ask if im alright on my own but it's always as they're walking off and if I ask someone to stay with me they get annoyed because everyone else is out there for ages my only option is to just keep following them outside when they go but it's starting to make me feel quite bitter because I just want to go out for a chat nd chill out in the warm, not be stood around waiting in the cold xx

 

[libbylou]

Change your friends to non smoking friends, Apart from that not a lot you can really do.

 

[LilCheekyMonkey]

I 2nd what Libbylou has said but also have you spoken to all of them? If they are really your friends they'd be (hopefully) understanding and you'd all be able to come up with a solution.

My partner and his entire family smoke. It's s*** because when we go to the pub we have to sit outside in the cold. I also have a lot of friends that smoke, tbh I just get on with it. Yes it's their habit and I shouldn't have to put up with it but I'm not about to choose my partner or my friends based on a very common habit.

Hopefully, your friends will be understanding as mine are (they go out in small groups, so I'm not sat alone). Hope you find a solution x

 

[dudeymel]

I should put an advert out for non smoking friends lol. I have mentioned it too them but when they've had a drink the last thing on their minds is worrying about keeping me company and if they only have a certain amount of time to smoke that's always going to be more important, also have you ever tried making convo with someone who is desperate for a smoke and just stares longingly out the window lol x

 

[libbylou]

Can you buy a nice warm coat and just go outside with them xx

 

[LilCheekyMonkey]

I should put an advert out for non smoking friends lol. I have mentioned it too them but when they've had a drink the last thing on their minds is worrying about keeping me company and if they only have a certain amount of time to smoke that's always going to be more important, also have you ever tried making convo with someone who is desperate for a smoke and just stares longingly out the window lol x

Lol I live with a smoker. The wait for you too finish your food so he can spark up, the I'm just going to pop out, oh s*** I've got no filters, can you grab some on your way home?

Seems like your already making your mind up with finding new friends. Failing that a cheap winter coat (one that washes well). X

 

[gillian w]

my daughter went on a cruise recently with her aunt a heavy smoker who lights up about every half hour.

My daughters mealtimes were spent like a right billy no mates as her aunt used to leave her after every course,go right to the smokers area the other side of the ship,chat to the other smokers there, so by the time she got back my daughter had always finished her food having eaten it all on her own,
Or she would be waiting ages to eat as it was usually a buffet.

They might just start a conversation and she would be off again for a top up.

They ended up having a massive row although her aunt couldn't see what she was moaning about.

Must be awful being a slave to the nicotine.

We have thought about taking her to Orlando with us but there would be no point we would never see her as they have very few smokers areas in the parks and she also wouldn't be able to queue for long without a fag

 

[Biljana]

Toughie.
Either you accept your friends as they are and put up with it.
They can come to a compromise if they care having you as a friend.
Or reach out to people you know that aren't smokers.
You would be surprised how easy it is to find new friendships if you are open to it.
Honestly though, no one needs a group of friends that large, 8 peeps lol
You would be lucky to have 1 maybe 2 at most, really great friends and those friends would care about your feelings.


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[Miss Sparkle]

I think you need to have a quick word with them as what they are doing is really quite selfish. If they *really* *really* need a fag, they could go out in groups of 2 or 3, not the whole bunch!
Maybe you could suggest something else to do? An activity with a focus like a dance class so less opportunities to slope off? Or you could try and chat to other people who are left on their own. x

 

[Steph86]

Get a nice coat & go outside with them. I was a smoker now a non smoker so can see it from both sides. I use to smoke more in social situations too, Even more so if there was drink involved.

Our non smoker friends (i am now one of them) just come outside, on nights out locally we sit out more than inside.

Its just one of those things you go along with the majority, now id rather sit inside but ive gone out to spend time with my friends not sit on my own, so thats what I do. Xx

 

[Gemster]

I feel your pain - my partner, my parents and all my friends smoke 😷.

The only solution I have found is to get very very drunk, that way you don't feel the cold 😉

 

[Biljana]

Get a nice coat & go outside with them. I was a smoker now a non smoker so can see it from both sides. I use to smoke more in social situations too, Even more so if there was drink involved.

Our non smoker friends (i am now one of them) just come outside, on nights out locally we sit out more than inside.

Its just one of those things you go along with the majority, now id rather sit inside but ive gone out to spend time with my friends not sit on my own, so thats what I do. Xx

Honestly though, why would anyone want themselves exposed to second hand smoke? There is usually a good reason non smokers don't smoke and their health surely being their number one reason. Oh and then freeze your tush off too!

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[Steph86]

Honestly though, why would anyone want themselves exposed to second hand smoke? There is usually a good reason non smokers don't smoke and their health surely being their number one reason. Oh and then freeze your tush off too!

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They would be outside, not sat in a closed in, confined space. The amount you actually breath in is minimal, plus id hope friends wont blow it in your direction.

But each to their own, if someone was so worried about second hand smoke Im guessing wont be friends with smokers.

The Original question was about sitting inside whilst friends smoke outside, Im guessing saying "stop moaning & stay sat inside whilst your friends are outside socialising" wouldn't be classed as helpful I made a suggestion on how to merge the two, and gave examples of what happens when my friends go out.

So honestly though, yes none smokers (I know a few and I am now one myself) will sit outside with smokers. Shocking huh? 😳

 

[LilMissEmmylou]

Honestly though, why would anyone want themselves exposed to second hand smoke? There is usually a good reason non smokers don't smoke and their health surely being their number one reason. Oh and then freeze your tush off too!

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I agree and friends shouldn't be consistently leaving one friend for the sake of a cigarette IMO. I would have words or move on x

 

[KHS]

I'm finding the fact a group of friends go out together and always leaves one on their own, hard to get my head around! Maybe it's just my age

We always had the rule, no one gets left, no matter if it's to get a cab home, to smoke, or go to the loo....never ever leave one alone no matter what.

I think it's time to find a new circle of friends luvie, you're not a bag attendant, it won't hurt them to split up and go out in 2 groups so a few are always with you.

I feel for you.


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[coco.]

All my friends smoke but they always go outside in small groups, never all together

There's always someone that says no I'll stay so she's not on her own

Sometimes if everyone wants to go outside I've gone with them but generally all my friends are quite thoughtful about it

I guess as time goes on and people have more and more to drink they don't think about things like this and forget to think 'oh so and so will be on her own' so that's probably why they leave you, they just aren't thinking!

I'd just have a word next time your out and tell them how you feel, if they are good genuine friends they will completely understand and even apologise!

 

[Steph86]

I think getting a new set of friends is harder than going outside, & what if she actually likes the people she is friends with?

I get the never leave your friends but inside a bingo hall/pub it is a public place, its not asking her to walk home in the dark alone.

It wouldn't cross my mind to moan about going outside with my friends whilst they smoke. Ive gone out to see them! So thats what I do.

It is going outside, it is not a big deal, most of us do it everyday.

 

[JulesLondon]

I had friends like this... I've found new friends now! 😊😊

 

[Lilypie]

I agree with KHS, maybe it's my age too! I used to smoke, gave up for a long time then am in and out so I can see it from both sides.

However, you've gone to the pub to be social, it wouldn't hurt them to go out in two groups. I'd rather stay behind so noone was on their own and then go and smoke by myself. I hate the thought of anyone being left yet ironically I quite like being by myself.

I think you're going to have to say something next time even if it's in a 'cheers girls, look at me all by myself' kind of way. They may not even be giving it a second thought but that in itself would annoy me, the fact that it's just not entering their heads that you'll be left alone. Speak up or it'll keep happening

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