Do u leave the society change your personality?

[Dessi]

Hi! I had a fight with my husband today, i am person who like "extreme" clothes, nails and hair, but sometimes my husband doesnt feel pretty well with my style when he is with people from the office and not only. I respect that and i am trying to not be very trendy?, but sometimes i dont feel it is the big deal to have hard red tufts in my hair and swirl nail. His example was"do u think if u was lower and u had hard red hair u will have clients?" I think that all of us we have some personality and we cannot just delete and depress it for the "SOCIETY" cuz with this we aggrieve ourselfs and sometimes we make things that is not in our characters, but we make them deliberately cuz is like revolution or to tease the snob society. What do u think?

 

[Rachel Mary]

I think Dessi, that if your husband fell in love with you the way you are with your outragous hair and nails and so on, and now has decided he doesnt like it in certain occassions then its his problem and not yours. You should express yourself as you see fit, you dont work in an office so why should you have to dress like you do. You work in the beauty industry and you can be as trendy as you like.
Be who you are and not who he wants.
cheers
:hug:

 

[Dessi]

Yes, but lets make other question, a lot of u u have children, will u leave them to express themself with the way they want and will u feel uncomfortable, let say u have to go on your husband's boss party, will u leave your children with havy metal clothes nad rings everywhere(thats the way they want to express themselfs)?

 

[Rachel Mary]

:hug: :green: I hope I wont want them to change who they are, I hope that I will never be embarrassed of them, my kids are 6, 5 and 3. Maybe if they had certain things that might upset the grandparents I might ask them to take tame it down when they came over, but I really hope I dont ever get that boring. If you are going out looking like a stripper then maybe your husband has cause to say "hey, tone it down tonight we are going to my office work party" but if you are dressing trendy and have red in your hair and spirals in your nails, so what. Be who you are!

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Yes, but lets make other question, a lot of u u have children, will u leave them to express themself with the way they want and will u feel uncomfortable, let say u have to go on your husband's boss party, will u leave your children with havy metal clothes nad rings everywhere(thats the way they want to express themselfs)?

An extremely good question Dessi, however, I think it is our responsibility to teach our kids to dress and behave respectably as they will then be able to make their own decisions when they are old enough based on a good grounding.

For example:
I have hilites in my hair and my soon to be 13yr old daughter wants them. Answer, No you are not old enough to make that descision or pay for them.

Another example is that my daughter wants extra peircings in her ears and the simple answer is, no, irrespective of whether I had them or not. When she is old enough she can make those decisions herself.

I honestly don't think children should be freely expressing themselves but that's just my opinion.

 

[becki x]

I honestly don't think children should be freely expressing themselves but that's just my opinion.

I agree to a certain extent. I beleive children should be given choices and options within reason,to allow them to become confident individuals in adulthood.

For example,i have a four year old,every day we go to his wardrobe and look through it to see what he wants to wear (even variations of school uniform),on friday it was his christmas concert,he wanted to wear a red jumper,i said why you never wear that,yes but everyone will see it he said .

He knew that by choosing it he would stand out,i personally would rather encourage this and nurture his confidence,than have him " fit in " when he doesn't want to.

I do beleive our childhood has a huge impact who we become as an adult.

If he wants to express himself and is not comming to any harm,or doing anything permanant,who am i to stop him,i will explain and guide,but ultimately i want him to become who ever or what ever he wants to be .

I am not saying i let him do what he likes,i ask for his opinion,but rather than say no outright,i talk him round,that way i win but he still got to choose,you see :wink2:

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

I agree to a certain extent. I beleive children should be given choices and options within reason,to allow them to become confident individuals in adulthood.

For example,i have a four year old,every day we go to his wardrobe and look through it to see what he wants to wear (even variations of school uniform),on friday it was his christmas concert,he wanted to wear a red jumper,i said why you never wear that,yes but everyone will see it he said .

He knew that by choosing it he would stand out,i personally would rather encourage this and nurture his confidence,than have him " fit in " when he doesn't want to.

I do beleive our childhood has a huge impact who we become as an adult.

If he wants to express himself and is not comming to any harm,or doing anything permanant,who am i to stop him,i will explain and guide,but ultimately i want him to become who ever or what ever he wants to be .

I am not saying i let him do what he likes,i ask for his opinion,but rather than say no outright,i talk him round,that way i win but he still got to choose,you see :wink2:

I agree with you on this Becki, but what you have done here is allow him a choice within the options which you have laid out for him, ie. what is in his wardrobe. His boundaries do not extend beyond what is in his wardrobe. If he had said that he wanted to wear a spiderman outfit with red mohican hair, I feel sure you would have put your foot down.

Yes, I do think children should express themselves, but within certain limits. If they don't realize these limits as kids, then they won't recognize them as adults.

 

[becki x]

:lol: Mrs C ,there is nothing in his wardrobe i wouldn't let him wear,certainly no spiderman outfits :lol:

So that's what i mean,the choice is entirely his,even though i have controled it :hug:

 

[florence2004]

I think a lot of it boils down to repect and understanding. You yourself can be whoever you want to be and dress and act how you like no-one should be trying to change that and the same goes for children but we should all understand and respect when maybe our clothes or actions are not suited to certain occasions.

For instance most people would dress up in a really nice outfit for a wedding. This may not be the sort of clothes that you or your children would normally wear but you wear them anyway out of respect for the bride and groom generally.

I don't see any harm in your husband wanting you to look nice when he introduces you to people or takes you places. Obviously your tastes are different and so your ideas of what looks nice are different and that is not really a problem if you love each other. As long as he is not constantly asking you to change then a little give and take is what marridge is all about!!

 

[Dessi]

Ok, what about if he is 20 u want to go out together and he want to wear spiderman outfit, he will be adult to decide how to express himself, what u will gonna do how u will gonna feel, sorry but i really want to try to understand my hubby thats why i am giving all the exapmles lol, in his eyes hard red hair and swirl nails are like spiderman outfit:cry:

 

[becki x]

I don't see any harm in your husband wanting you to look nice when he introduces you to people or takes you places. Obviously your tastes are different and so your ideas of what looks nice are different and that is not really a problem if you love each other. As long as he is not constantly asking you to change then a little give and take is what marridge is all about!!

The comprimise being he accepts her as she is,if she has not changed since he met her,he should not have a problem,it's his insecurities,not hers.

 

[JoJoPearce]

I'm not a wayout person in how i dress or look. I do follow fashion but adapt it to my comfort zone (no skinny jeans for me) and look like the next girl I suppose. If you are someone that likes to express thereself through clothes and hair than thats your choice and OK.

However, I understand where your husband might be coming from. My husband works in the city (london) and has a very good job with lots of socialising. Now if I was invited to a party or out to a meal and had a wayout dress sense then for my husbands sake I would make sure that I would dress accordingly. What I would wear in my personal life with friends and family would be different to what I would wear if I was representing my husband and showing a side of his personal life ,if that make sense.

We all know marriage is about give and take and comprimise, now for the one occasion I think it's ok to tone it down. This doesn't mean he doesn't like what you have going on and wants you to change.


With regards to giving your kids choices. Well i'm with Becki and Mrs C. It's all withingthe controlled boundries.

 

[Dessi]

I don't see any harm in your husband wanting you to look nice when he introduces you to people or takes you places. Obviously your tastes are different and so your ideas of what looks nice are different and that is not really a problem if you love each other. As long as he is not constantly asking you to change then a little give and take is what marridge is all about!!

My husband is rock soul(revolution), so when he start his job he cut him hair, i think is personal desision, just having in my mind this revolution soul cannot understand him, he said wanting or not sometimes we have to things that we dont like, but with all my respect and love for him i get mad when i have to cut my swirl nail and never to have my hair havy red, just to pretend i am not that "trendy" girl:cry:

 

[jac extreme]

I think they should have choice within reason, my daughter is 14 and I encourage her individuality in her clothes choices and I have even let her colour her hair with pink red and green at times, but I would draw the line at anything permanent IE facial piercings etc or wearing something to revealing or provocative (not that she would want to) as I don't feel she is mature enough at 14.

So freedom of expression and individuality is great for kids, in fact it is a must, but it should be done with some boundaries. As when they become adults they will find that life is full of restrictions and boundaries and they need to know what is and isn't acceptable.

 

[beautynails]

Yes, I do think children should express themselves, but within certain limits. If they don't realize these limits as kids, then they won't recognize them as adults.

I couldn't agree more with this. My daughter (almost 13) has gothic tendencies, that's fine, I would never tell her it's not ok, but she realises that she needs to dress appropriately for the situation, so the dark clothes and eye liner aren't always suitable.

Ok, what about if he is 20 u want to go out together and he want to wear spiderman outfit, he will be adult to decide how to express himself, what u will gonna do how u will gonna feel, sorry but i really want to try to understand my hubby thats why i am giving all the exapmles lol, in his eyes hard red hair and swirl nails are like spiderman outfit:cry:

Hun, you are an adult, you have shown a willingness to compromise by to toning down your clothing, your husband should also be willing to make some compromises.

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

My husband is rock soul(revolution), so when he start his job he cut him hair, i think is personal desision, just having in my mind this revolution soul cannot understand him, he said wanting or not sometimes we have to things that we dont like, but with all my respect and love for him i get mad when i have to cut my swirl nail and never to have my hair havy red, just to pretend i am not that "trendy" girl:cry:

Dessi, I think that you should both try to compromise a bit with eachother here because you do love eachother.

When he married you, you were you and he married you for you! But if he is taking you out and introducing you to his work colleagues on his turf, then perhaps you could tone down your hair and nails a bit. Have a little of your style present but just tone it down a little out of respect for him. At the same time he should compromise by agreeing to you showing some of your free spirit in front of his mates. I agree with beautynails here. xx

 

[Dessi]

Dessi, I think that you should both try to compromise a bit with eachother here because you do love eachother.

When he married you, you were you and he married you for you! But if he is taking you out and introducing you to his work colleagues on his turf, then perhaps you could tone down your hair and nails a bit. Have a little of your style present but just tone it down a little out of respect for him. At the same time he should compromise by agreeing to you showing some of your free spirit in front of his mates. I agree with beautynails here. xx

Well, may be u are right i have to calm down my temperament cuz in our life we have only this problem, nothing else, i adore him, but if i think little its fault of my parents( i am not trying to throught responsibility, everything depence from me), they had big jobs, so from little child this thing with society depressed me too mach, i deliberately teased them, cuz i wanted to show yes i live in this society but i have mine personality in it and if someone like me will like ME.
Yeah i have to calm down with my poor hubby, who is trying all the time make me happy:Love:

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Well, may be u are right i have to calm down my temperament cuz in our life we have only this problem, nothing else, i adore him, but if i think little its fault of my parents( i am not trying to throught responsibility, everything depence from me), they had big jobs, so from little child this thing with society depressed me too mach, i deliberately teased them, cuz i wanted to show yes i live in this society but i have mine personality in it and if someone like me will like ME.
Yeah i have to calm down with my poor hubby, who is trying all the time make me happy:Love:

Dessi, You only need to do this when you are out with his mates, not all the time.:hug:

 

[Buggy]

I agree that everyone should have their individuality but there is a time and a place. it sounds like your husband has a good job and therefore, as marriage is a compromise, i don't think it would hurt on the odd occasion to tone it down. Just because you may be wearing something formal does not mean it can't be individual, just look for an outfit with a bit of individuality.

you are able to wear what you like because you are in the beauty industry, and its acceptable, however, you can't carry the same attitude through to office work, as it is seen to be unprofessional, and therefore i can see why your husband has asked you to tone it down.

like i said, there is a time and a place. i wouldn't wear black to a wedding, and i wouldn't wear punk to a dinner and dance. Why not enjoy the occasion for what it is, and have fun dressing up differently.

Also, if you've been married a few years.... well, i can't say this diplomatically so i will tell you about a personal experience... last week i put an outfit on for a club and looked in the mirror and do you know what i saw staring back at me? HOOKER! Suddenly, i seem to have turned a corner... maybe its my age? There is nothing different about my body as the last time i wore it but i felt uncomfortable and i suddenly realised that maybe i'm a bit too old for a skirt just past my arse and a tight titty top, and it was time to tone it down. i think it was the style of skirt or something, can't put my finger on it, but the look was definitely hooker!

This is not meant to cause offence but maybe, if you've been married a few years, your husband is politely trying to tell you that its time you changed your style to suit your age?
i don't know you i'm just guessing, so if you're still young just ignore me.

 

[Dessi]

Well esspecially my clothes lol my brest are never out and i dont wear mini(it happened only in vacancion island) and he encourage me to wear them, my favorite clothes are jeans with tounica blouse, i even i dont wear hight shoes, but hair i love extreme hair(i am not sayng that in this age i feel confortable with green and blue tufts)but i like different styles, i am in love to make my nails to look "too mach", thats it. Thx everyone for the advices really needed them:hug: