Do you think my boyf is up to no good?

[scattyfox]

Think Angie is right in what she says, how dare he turn it around as if you are at fault here. he is the one who is sending texts to some stupid girl not you.


Sherrie great minds think alike love pmsl.x must be the essex mentality.

In any relationship trust is the biggest thing and without it , the realtionship is useless.

Angie forward mea copy of your list hun so i don't make the same mistakes again.

 

[jacqui]

hi tilly,

my hubby used to do the same, but it wasnt texts, he used to talk on messenger for hours and hours.
the computer used to be in the spare bedroom, on his day off he would sit up until the early hours of the morning talking to her, or when he came home from nightshift, he would be straight onto messenger again.
i confronted him, told him i wasnt happy about it, and while he could sit all night and not speak to me, then talk to her for hours, i said he may as well be with her, as he obviously couldnt talk to me anymore.
i know they were just friends, as she lives to far away for it to be anything else, but, it was really hurtful how long he could ignore me and talk to her.

the computer is now in the living room, and he hardly ever goes on messenger, i think he must go on when i,m out.
like you i used to sneak a look at his e-mails, then mark them as unread, but even they have dwindled away now, he may get one every couple of months now.

hope everything works out for you.
like a few others have already said 'i would confront him'

 

[Minipig007]

My Word did i miss out on a good thread today..


Right, Tilly... he has absolutely NO RIGHT to make out that you are the bad guy by asking what is going on. I take it that, as you had to read his phone to find out what the texts say, it's not as if he's sharing the content with you, as if in the contect of going "Look Tilly, i think i've got an admirer". His reaction to your questioning gets my back up. He is obviously stringing this girl on for his own ego trip, which could far too easily get out of hand. If it was a case that she was chasing him and he wanted to stop it there's a really easy way - he wouldn't text her back.

I'm soo sorry hun, as you sound like a really lovely girl, but you need to be strong and put your foot down. I personally wouldn't confront the girl about it, as it is between you and your bloke. The minute you ask her about it she knows she has the upper hand and that he's keeping things from you - you dont want her knowing that. But he has to have it made clear to him that this is unacceptable behaviour. If he once again tried to make out you're being unreasonable..... it doesn't look good. But, you've got us all here for moral support.....

 

[dee]

yeah i am sorry but if dave was gettign texts like that, i would be kicking hiss ass out on the street, i arnt mega jealous or anything, but if i get a vibe i am usually right , my ex was cheating on me , and i could tell, coz he started working weird hours and stuff, and he wouldnt admit it :Scared: , even when my SISTER :Scared: caught him!!! , eeeww he was such a sleaze, i was so glad when i could prove it !!!!!
go with your instincts hun, you will usually be right :hug: , hope everything goes ok, xxx

 

[Mrs Geek]

Tilly, my husband taught me about respect for each other - something I had to learn as I didn't have much of it for the ex! Sam always thinks of how I would feel about things and I now do that for him. I have to put up with more than most (not from him) but how other women treat him and I am not bothered because I know how much he loved me. Someone earlier said TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS - trust them - they are the best thing ever and my own instincts always serve me correctly!! I hope all turns out well for you x:hug:

 

[Nailsinlondon1]

LOL well babe, been there done that got the divorce papers to proove it lol..........Hence I have an Ex hubby.....

You guy sounds like he is totaly oblivious to your feelings .......... thats sad, you deserve someone that treats you with care and concideration.......and where you dont have the need to check the phone..........
My Richard and I have a 110% trust thing going on, he works away a lot of the time, his main company during his work day are women..........but he has never given me, in the 10 years we have been together any vibes or feelings of insecurity.... He is very aware of how I would feel and do feel about things.......and I am in turn aware of his feelings ........so its a two way street for us...........
So like the others have said , trust your instincts..........Hope it all works itself out babe xxxx

But just think there are plenty of other frogs out there to kiss........Dont be scared xxx worst case scenario is you end up young free and single and available to the right kind of guy that is going to treat you like a princess xxxx

 

[Bagpuss]

Tilly...how long have you been together...? xxx

 

[Michybug]

I've just got back from a holiday with my boyfriend! We have a lovely time but while we were away he kept texting this other woman that he works with?!?!?

Why don't you suggest the 3 of you go away together... sounds like she might as well have been there anyway!!!!

Tilly, I am so sorry to hear what you're going thru right now... but having been there, done that and got the t-shirt - I am with the girls who say 'trust your instincts' !!!

I did - and turned out to be my best friend. I went thru the guilty nasty treatments, the secret texts, calls, late work meetings, the locking of the briefcase, the security pin on his mobile!! I was a nervous wreck but i knew something was not right. I was on the case for 8 months and gave him 4 chances to save our marriage and give her up - finally I gave up, couldnt take anymore.

I found another frog in the pond, and i'm marrying the prince next year.

I hope for your sake that we are all wrong about this and that things work out for you, but he has lost your trust already and you'll keep digging until you find what ur looking for.

Good luck, chin up and take care.... thoughts are with you x x x

 

[Bagpuss]

Hiya again...lol xx

Been thinking about you today and how you must be feeling....and just one things keeps coming back to me...if you are already looking for clues and already have your suspicions then what is that telling you..? If you felt safe, secure and trusted him then you wouldn't have even done this thread..let alone looked on his phone..I think you already know the answer...but it hurts to much to admit it.

I will pray that i am wrong for your sake...but as said above...you deserve to know and you deserve a prince. best of luck xxx

 

[aep155]

Hi Tilly,

Just been through this myself although it was what i had thought it could have been worse. It's still tough for me to talk about as it was only a few months ago. I wouldn't put up with the behaviour of your boyf and never have done but then i never handled it the right way, anyway hubby was being very protective of his phone... i sneaked it away anyway and then kicked him out didn't wait for him to admit anything - that came later. I really don't know what to say to you cos it's one of the hardest things you have to face. Luckily we were able to move away and come back home, changed his phone number and got away from the situation as one big mistake. Please don't let it carry on if he won't talk about it there is something wrong but i also know how bad it can be for him if he is getting nagged at for no reason - had that too . I am very paranoid anyway and still check is phone all the time - it's messed me up big time cos it all happened at the only time i had ever completely trusted him... You really need to do something about this over the next day or two - check the phone - i've locked myself in the toilet before and gone through every single thing on it - picture messages, inbox, outbox, last dialled numbers - but as hubby says now - i got every right to do that after what he put me through.

Good luck Tilly

PS anyone in Sheffield wanna get me a picture of this (lots of abusive words) cos i don't know what she looks like and it's driving me up the wall - but its not worth the 230 mile drive

 

[twinkletoes910]

personally, I would start by cursing HER out.... She'd be my warm up and then I'd lit into his butt. If my husband were to ever text a female, besides his sister, I would put the fear of God in him. but hey... that's just me. I'm a very sweet person:biggrin: , until I get screwed over:evil: . Men are very immature, and will soak up any kind of attention that they can get. They don't care if the girl is stubby and 400lbs . If she's got the right parts, they're up for it!


humm... :irked: maybe you should get a guy friend to start texting you... turn the tables around and see how he feels!
any-who... big hug and good luck! :hug:

 

[MINKUS]

Heres what i would do........

no 1) get her number and give her the b*****ng of her life.
no 2) tell him to get a grip and if you seen another text from her he's outta there wether HE SAYS innocent or not
no 3) get a mate to follow him ( i should have been a detective !!)
no 4) i dont know why but its always worked for me in the past ...be distant....show the 'cold shoulder' perhaps book a girly weekend away or something or a good girly night out.......my hubby after 13 years still quizzes me when i have been out...did you see anyone? did anyone pull......did you speak to any blokes?

He is not really a jealous person either !! if he stopped quizzing me i would start worrying !!!

I hope this girl backs off babe especially if you love him and have been together a long time.

If not....you wont want to hear this but its already been said....plenty more fish in the sea....and from your avatar pic i dont think you'll be on the shelf tooooo long !!!

Amb x

 

[Tilly Ann]

Hello everyone!!!

YOU GUYS ARE ACE!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for all the advice!

Lastnight I was feeling a bit glum so when I had finished all my clients I thought I'd pop to the gym where he work to say hello and have a quick workout! He was very nice to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and all was going very well until.........SHE walked through the door!!! She came up to us both and immediateley started flirting with him and comparing his tan with hers!!!!!!!!! She sort of said hi to me but that was it and just asked him how HIS holiday was, as if he had been on his own!!! She really is doing my head in!!!
I talked to him about it lastnight and he say nothing is going on but he likes the attention from her!!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously attention from me is no longer enough for him!
We've only been together just over a year so it's not that long really but it's still long enough to get attached to someone!! I do love him and he says he loves me! Not sure what to do as I don't want to end up as a doormat but I don't want to loose him either!!

Thanks for all your help girls!!! :hug: :hug: :Love:

 

[dee]

oh hun, i am so sorry :hug: , you must have felt awful, i am trying to be open minded but if it was me, i would have dragged her out back and kicked her head in :evil: , but she maybe is like that, i know my mate who lives next door, me and her husband always have a laugh, he makes comments about my boobs , i make comments about him, etc.. but its always when my mate is there and she totally knows its just a joke, and shes the same with dave, but there is nothing at all there, its all innocent :biggrin: , just a laugh between mates, but if i were mates with a lad, and i dint know his girlfriend i wouldnt dare do that, prbably , "did you 2 have a nice holiday" "was it romantic" i deffo wouldnt want his girlfriend thinking i was flirting :Scared: coz i would hate it if it happened to me ,
i would have to say if it were me i would be getting my own hobbies! and see what he does, when he phones you and you cant see him that night , coz you are going out with your mates(even if you are sat in doing nothing) turn the tables on him, if he aint fussed then get rid, (sorry :hug: ) jmo xx

 

[crystals]

LIKES THE ATTENTION HE GETS FROM HER.( ID GIVE HIM SOME ATTENTION ALRIGHT) !!!!!! YOU SOUND LIKE A REALLY CALM SORT OF PERSON, NOW I WOULD HAVE RIPPED BOTH THERE HEADS OF IN THE GYM. AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF IT.! BIG ALARM BELLS ARE RINGING HERE TILLY.IF HE HASN'T STRAYED YET HE'S GOING TO SHE'S TO MUCH OF A TEMPTATION IN HIS FACE IF YOU NO WHAT I MEAN. SHE'S THROWING HER SELF AT HIM. XXX

 

[Fingertips ND]

He likes the flaming attention?????

I'd tell him if he likes the attention that much then to go get it full time from her!

I am sorry but she would be black and blue if she was playing up to my boyfriend like that!

We have had a conversation before chick and you admitted you can be quite soft like me but when it comes to something like this you need to stand up to both of them.

If there is anything I have learnt from being with that k*** h*** it's that if a girl wants your man she'll stop at nothing to get him! And in the end she did but it's her loss and I know now i'm better off out of it!

Keep your chin up chuck and i'm sure stuff will work out1

If you want to disappear for the weekend let me know - we have a spare room!

 

[Tilly Ann]

Awww thanks Sweetie Pie!!! I'll bear it in mind!!

 

[Fingertips ND]

I'm serious chick, anytime!

We have two spare rooms and we could go out for something to eat or a drink!

It's good to take a break sometimes!

 

[colorflair]

Dear Tilly,

You really are such a sweetie and he obviously knows how much you care about him that even though you are voicing your concerns I don't think he really thinks you see her as a threat - he is too sure of your feelings that he thinks he can get away with this nonsense, you know what they say about how much fun the chase is, well maybe you need to get him chasing again, you are such a pretty thing there is no way he should be that sure of him self that you are not going to find someone who will treat you like a princess - nobody should be left wondering if their man is cheating or about to!!that is just way out of line. You are too soft and as others have said there is no way I could have just stood there while she was rabbitting on cheeky mare.

Go with your instincs as suggested and know you are worth a hundred of her and he can't see that well his loss, sending you a BIG hug :hug: hope it all gets sorted soon xxxxx

 

[Michelle77]

Hi there

I've been reading your posts and the replies and I have to say I agree with Angie (Nailstyle) on all her posts!

I was with my ex for 5 years but after about a year into the relationship he started lying to me about little things and from then on I always was suspisious of him. All my friends sais he was a 'waste of space' and 'I could do better' but I didn't listen. I found out via his flat mate that he was seeing someone from work, how long I dont know. I think deep down I knew for a long time but we had got into so much of a routine over the years and I was scared of being on my own that just went along with everything and didn't say anything. Now I realise how much he treated me like s**t.

I'm happily married now and TRUST my hubby.

This is not right what you are putting up with. He has admitted that he likes the attention but he is with you not her. His attentions should be with you. Everyone can have abit of fun but I think this girl is over the top completely.

I would definietly go round and say summit to her! If you love him and you think hes worth hanging onto then sort her out! Let her know that hes yours and NOBODY can get their hands on him. (If you need some help, I'd love a day out in Huddersfield!!!)

I really hope you can sort things out BUT think about what you really want deep down.

Take Care
Mich x