Do you think my boyf is up to no good?

[Tilly Ann]

Hi all!

I was just wanting some girlie advice please!

I've just got back from a holiday with my boyfriend! We have a lovely time but while we were away he kept texting this other woman that he works with?!?!?
I'm getting a bit miffied about it now! I know this is really naughty but I had a look at his messages!! Ones from her were saying that she thinks he is wonderful and gorgeous and that he is her inspiration and that he keeps her going!! i think that is quite a deep thing to say to someone who you are just friends with! What do you guys think?
He insists that they are just friends but he is always texting her!!!!! i know her and she has started being funny with me!! Am I just being over possesive?
There was another message from her from when they had been out a couple of weeks ago about this woman that he had met saying that he should have gone back to her house for a coffee!!!!!!!!!!!! He swears that nothing has happened!

Am I over reacting? Should I just forget about it? I don't want to say to him that I don't want him to text her because then he would end up resenting me for it!!!!

Sorry to rant! Just wanted to get it off my chest a bit!!

Thanks

 

[ZOE!]

If this was my boyfriend i would be upset. But then maybe i am over protective too. They might be just friends but it is not a normal thing to say if she knows he has girlfriend. Its sounds to me she is after him. Ask your boyfriend what he would think if it was the other way about. Would he like it if a male "friend" was texting you calling you gorgeous and wonderful, and you were replying all the time. I bet he wouldnt. Sorry dont know if ive helped, but dont let it get you down. Have a long chat about it with him. Dont let him treat you like that!

 

[Sassy Hassy]

The fact that he is being open about it to you would suggest that there is nothing going on ... at the moment. However I would say that she definitely has designs on your man, and he is lapping up the attention. Play her at her own game and YOU send him the same sort of texts as she does- do like Posh does and hang on to your man!!

It's a tricky one to play this, but like has been said ask him to put the boot on the other foot and ask him how he'd like it if blokes were sending you texts and you were avidly responding to them.

Hope it works out for you. If it were me and it came to the crunch, I'd confront her and not him.

 

[Trinity]

If he is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable then it's wrong - whether it's cheating, texting, meeting for coffee or sharing jokes.

As a 'couple' you both should be respecting each other and making sure anything you do, or say does not deliberately upset, offend or disrespect your partner - you're supposed to be a team.

From what you have said it sounds unsettling, but men have a different way of viewing things and what seems initmate to us (as women) is often not perceived that way by men. Maybe she's flirting and he knows it and it makes him feel good about himself, BUT that doesn't mean he's cheating, or going too.

You need to talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel and ask for his view on what he thinks is happening - perhaps he's just being a bit insensitive rather than naughty.

Let us know how you get on :hug:

Trin
xx

 

[clairep10]

How would he feel if you were doing the same?
if a person feels the need to text more than a couple of times a week, for no real reason. MMMMM!!!! he may thnk nothing of it but just explain how his action s are upsetting you and as he would never do anything to hurt you he should stop the texts, what about you invite her out with you and some of your girlie friends for a drink so you can show your being socialble.

Me though I 'd ring his neck if it was my hubby, he'd be sleeping outside.
I have male friends but their gay, my hubby has friends at work who are female and they do confide in him but they have never ever text or called him. big no no.
Where's her friends?
follow your female instinct.

 

[Bagpuss]

Hiya... I am quite hard as i have been messed about by losers in the past and there is no way i would put up with that...but thats just me... I don't do games or head messing so i would be straight and tell him to have a word and sort this out. If he loves you then he wouldn't want you upset and if this means telling little miss text freak to back off then he would do it. I don't believe in fighting for your man, if he wants to stay great if not the door ain't locked. You shouldn't have to fight for him, he should be making you feel secure and respected...this "girl" knows he is of limits and should have some respect.
When in a true relationship it shouldn't be hard work ... it should flow naturally...you shouldn't have to have these worries. At the end of the day if he is going to cheat he will and there isn't really anything you can do to stop him, and if he does...i would get rid. From what you have said id does sound like its all her and he is just trying to be a friend...But she is crossing the line and i think HE needs to tell her that. If she values his friendship then she will understand...if she throws a paddy then she really is after more than just friendship and he will need to make it clear that he isn't interested.

Sorry to sound so harsh...like i said this is just me and how i would handle it.

When i met Rob i had had my share of idiots and wasn't going to make the same mistake again...i wrote a list of what i would and wouldn't put up with...i showed rob my list...it was...No shouting, swearing, hitting, cheating, talking cheep, name calling etc...he looked shocked and said i cant promise but will try...2 years later he called me name while drunk and i finished with him...told him he had blew it. He was beside himself and promised it wouldn't happen again...13 years later the rules still apply and he hasn't let me down again. Stand by your guns babes and only accept what you are happy to accept...if not..re-think what you want from him.

Blimey i do ramble on don't i...lol anyway i hope you get this sorted and best of luck. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Urban Geek]

Sorry Tilly - whether or not something has went on or is going on, this girl is giving him the chase and he doesn't seem to be doing much to discourage it. He is being very disrespectfull to you. I think it takes two to tango. I am sure he wouldn't appreciate you receiving similar texts from someone and I am sure you would nip such texts in the bud if the shoe was on the other foot. He is obviously on an ego trip. This girl is being funny with you - have you thought about confronting her and asking her directly why she is sending such texts to your boyfriend and that you are not happy about it. I know it is hard but you have too much going for you to play second fiddle. If he's with you, he should concentrate on you!

 

[Rose143]

Hi Tilly,

TRUST YOUR FEELINGS!!!! If you feel that this is more than what it should be confront the girl and tell her that you don't mind your boyfriend having friends but she is making you a little uncomfortable with what she says. If she says she doesn't mean to come accross that way or your boyfriend is very understanding then say to her that she is more than welcome to phone him because the text messages make out as if there's something to hide.

If it were me hun I would ask him why he doesn't just phone her and talk, why text? I have an ex-boyfriend who is now my best friend (for 9 years) and my boyfriend doesn't have a problem at all because we are very open about our friendship, I tell my best friend on the phone how much I miss him and love him and I jump all over him when he comes to visit. Ronald (my boyfriend) is not phased at all because he knows he can trust me. I know there is a girl at Ronald's work that is so inlove with him and I tease him about it and he thinks I'm nuts. I know I can trust him!

You need to trust your man Tilly, completely and utterly!!!! If you can't trust him you can't be with him it's not fair on you or your man! If things persist and you find more messages it's up to you what you decide.

My sister's relationship with her boyfriend of five years went like this, she also checked text messages but ignored them because she trusted him and then she found emails and spoke to him, he denied it and eventually admitted that he had been sleeping with another woman for a few months, she was heartbroken ...... get this ...... she went back to him and he did it again ...... and she went back to him again!

Don't ignore what you've found hun get to the bottom of it and trust yourself enough to be the better judge here, not your family, not your friends, you!

I hope I haven't waffled on or confused you too much, I hope everything works out for you and it's all a misunderstanding! :hug:

xxxxx

 

[Little Angel]

OH OH

Men are such children arn't they? always craving attention!

Hmm its a tricky one but i would sort it out now, don't wait for it to develop into something more. I think the fact that he was texting her on holiday speaks volumes. I would have been well pissed off and told him to turn his phone off!

I agree with angie on this one, the door's not locked!

Infact i say this to my husband all the time if we have an argument, :lol:

Nip it in the bud hun, hope it turns out well for you

xxxxx

 

[Buggy]

I've got a lot of experience in this area! You don't say if he's hiding the texts or not. If he's not hiding them then I wouldn't worry about it, but if he's going out of the way to hide them then i would worry. Its the one's they don't talk about you need to worry about. My current bloke has female friends. I've told him that while he's with me its me and him only. If he wants to live like a single bloke then that's his choice, he's free to walk away, but if he stays I'm not a stop gap until something better comes along and I have to be able to trust him as its only the same respect I would show him. And he's the first one i've felt able to trust since forever! There will always be women after your man, its a fact of life, so it all boils down to trust. If you can't trust him not to stray don't beat yourself up everyday, find someone else you do trust. Above all, trust your instinct. Most men are doggs, that's why God gave us intuition! and if you make it clear you won't put up with cheats and he does it anyway, don't give him a second chance... he already knew how you felt about it so shouldn't expect to be forgiven. (ps. check his sent box. men are a bit thick, they delete the ones coming in but forget about the ones they sent out... and never let on your checking, you'll only encourage him to delete them in future... never reveal your source even when you've made up! O yea, if he puts a lock on his phone to stop you going in he's definitely cheating). And never think there's no-one else for you. There's a whole world of men out there.

 

[Cameo Val]

Sorry to have to say, but I think he is up to no good. If he isnt doing anything wrong at this moment he is definitely right on the brink of doing so. This girl is giving him all the signals for a 'come and get it'. She is giving it all this, I am nothing without you, bit. This makes a man feel good, wanted and like the knight on the white charger feeling. She is definiterly scheming here to get hold of your man. But, if he gives in to temptation, is he really your man? If he loves you then he should give up this friendship immediately. If he does not do that, then sorry but he dont love you like he says he does.

Sorry if I sould harsh, but I am a bit of a plain speaker, which sometimes gets me into trouble, but I tend to see things in either black or white as far as relationships are concerned. You are either totally committed, or else you are not, and right now I dont think he is giving you the signals that he is totally committed. If he was then he would drop this woman like a hot brick,if it looked like he was hurting you.

Also if the worst does happen, and you are left on your own, dont let him make you think that he did it because you were not attentive enough with him. If he needed attention, then he should have said something. You cannot read his mind, if something was wrong he should have said. Blokes are very good at passing the blame for what they do right back to you.

Gool luck love, we are all here for you no matter how it turns out.

 

[Tilly Ann]

Thanks girlies!! You are all full of so much support!!!

I have asked about it and he just says 'I hope you're not going to be asking me about it all the time now!'
He just thinks I'm being stupid! I'll see how it goes for the next week or so and see what happens!
I daren't ask her about it! I'm a scardy cat!!!!

Thank you for all your help!!!

:Love: :hug: :Love:

 

[Bagpuss]

Thanks girlies!! You are all full of so much support!!!

I have asked about it and he just says 'I hope you're not going to be asking me about it all the time now!'
He just thinks I'm being stupid! I'll see how it goes for the next week or so and see what happens!
I daren't ask her about it! I'm a scardy cat!!!!

Thank you for all your help!!!

:Love: :hug: :Love:

whats there to be scared off..? knowing the truth...it might not be what you want to hear but then at least you will know. Just try and remember you have done nothing wrong...they are the ones who should be feeling scared... not you. How can he say you are being stupid..!!! being stupid is allowing this to carry on. Why is hoping you arnt going to be asking about it either...why wouldn't you...any girlfriend would. He is being unreasonable here...if he doesn't like the questions he should knock it on the head.

Words i would use....

Dont you dare try and turn this round to look like i am fault here!!!
If you loved me, you would care enough to see that i am upset about this !!!!
How would you feel if i received texts like this from a male friend..?
Either you sort this out with her or i will !!!!
If i have nothing to worry about prove it, invite her over..?

Dont be scared....what they gonna do..?

Geek Power...we are all behind you hun xxxxx

 

[jac extreme]

Hi Tilly,

I wouldnt put up with it myself, but I hope you can sort it out, if not, your young and pretty and there are plenty more frogs in the pond, there are also a lot of honest men out there who would never dream of cheating on their women.
so good luck and trust your feelings.

 

[jac extreme]

Ohh dear, I sounded like Obi Wan Kenobi

 

[crystals]

hi tilly, this definatly does not sound right. i would have it out with her as soon as. and i dont think he would put up with it for 1 min if this was you texting a male?? be strong and get it sorted, all girls togeather. xxxxxxx :hug:

 

[Jaffacake]

Hey Tilly, give me your mobile number hun, I will send YOU a few text's that will keep him on his toes!! see how he likes it when the boot is on the other foot??

Sounds dodgy to me! even if he is being open, is he being 100% open? maybe he just tells you half the story so to speak..... I would check the 'sent' box too, that way you'll know what sort of things hes been saying and if hes encouraged her or not.... might not like what you see but it wont change anything if there is anything going on, and I would rather know! xx

 

[Tilly Ann]

He never checks my phone! He's not as nosey as I am!!

I didn't think to check in his outbox!!!! I was so shoked by what was in his in box!! I'll do that later!! I feel really bad about invading his privacy though!!

 

[Jaffacake]

If he wasnt making you feel uncomfortable and suspicious you wouldnt need to invade his privacy! Go for it and let us know how you get on.... xx

 

[Fingertips ND]

Hiya... I am quite hard as i have been messed about by losers in the past and there is no way i would put up with that...but thats just me... I don't do games or head messing so i would be straight and tell him to have a word and sort this out.

Me too!

I have been treated like s**t!

I'm sorry but you are a fab girl and a really nice person with a wonderful temperament....you deserve better!

I would knock her out if it were me...but violence doesn't solve anything!