Is it OK to tell your child or someone else they are fat?

[hazeleyes]

Not picking on you, I am a curvy girl too, but your original comments before you edited and comments like the one I bolded are reading (to me) like it's unhealthy or unattractive to be thin or below a size 0. Now while you may prefer curves, not everyone does and not everyone has them. Making negative comments (like it's not a "good look" or "unhealthily thin") is body shaming.

Skinny doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy, just as fat doesn't. I just think we need to be mindful of who else is reading, when we make comments like that.

Ok well perhaps that's the way you read it but it's not the way it's intended. as It is what it is, just my personal opinion about my body and size! Perhaps I wasn't clear or concise enough as I quickly typed my initial comment perhaps not thinking my wording through enough and now I feel I'm having to justify my opinions on my own figure!!!!

I personally consider curves (on myself) to be more attractive, I'm not trying to judge anyone else as we are all different shapes and sizes and yes of course I think that being below a size zero can be unhealthy! If you aren't eating enough to get to that size then that's unhealthy! For me to get supermodel thin, I would have to really starve myself and so would a lot of other people and therefore it would be unhealthy!

It's just my personal preference and opinion in relation to my body, I would look awful as a size 0, as I'm just naturally larger than that, and it wouldn't be a good look at all! In fact when I was a size 10 people thought I was too skinny then and cast their judgements!

I just mean as a teenager I genuinely thought that to be skinny automatically was prettier, better, more attractive! I would see pics of models and think they were so much prettier than I was! Then when I got older my perceptions changed, I now very much appreciate curves on everyone and especially in myself! I lost weight a couple years ago and I realised I actually looked worse!

Now I am happy how I am I prefer it (well mainly although I could do with some firming up and less vino) as i said before not trying to offend anyone at all it's just my opinion on myself!

 

[virtues2011]

Not picking on you, I am a curvy girl too, but your original comments before you edited and comments like the one I bolded are reading (to me) like it's unhealthy or unattractive to be thin or below a size 0. Now while you may prefer curves, not everyone does and not everyone has them. Making negative comments (like it's not a "good look" or "unhealthily thin") is body shaming.

Skinny doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy, just as fat doesn't. I just think we need to be mindful of who else is reading, when we make comments like that.

I don't agree with you Salj, it is purely an opinion, there is nothing personal towards anyone here.

When I was away this year I witnessed a extremely large lady getting stuck in her chair - she was wedged fast! It took three people to wrench the chair away from her behind. She laughed. We laughed. Everyone laughed...the only thing was it was more of an embarrassing laugh for her than a funny one! I know I'm overweight, I looked at this lady and thought "no way am I getting into that state"....the same as I look at the ultra skinny and say to husband "oh no that's nasty" ...everyone has an opinion, this is an open forum and we all have different ideas and thoughts on to what we all believe is right or wrong. Why have you not jumped on the post that says " the young girl is a size of a barrel. It's sad"...is that not body shaming - comparing a young girl to a barrel? It's just a posters opinion..you could go on all day complaining about what others write because it upsets you. It's not personal.

 

[Absolutebeautyx]

Have showed my daughter all your comments on how she actually beautiful as she is and her response is as follows

"thank you to all of you that have said I am beautiful as I am and that my friends maybe jealous, it has made feel a lot better that people who don't know me think I am fine as I am and maybe I should start listening when I am told I'm not fat"

So all in all I hope my daughter does start listening and thank you to all of you who commented xx

Shelblie, I was like your daughter from about the age of 13 I thought I was fat (no one ever told me I was I just thought it) and see now looking at photos I realise I wasn't fat, absolutely far from it! I'm 20 now and a size 14, bigger than I was but I'm happy and healthy that's all that matters. She's beautiful and far from fat! Her friends are clearly jealous, probably of her lovely curves! When she gets a bit older and leaves school, gets a job etc she will learn that those horrible girls we're never her friends they were just little jealous b******s with nothing better to do than make a lovely girl feel horrible about herself! Hope she stops listening to them and realises she's beautiful just the way she is xxx

 

[tonicj]

To be fair to hazeleyes, she did amend her post! Would she have done so if her intention was to upset someone? No. She just has an opinion, like all of us!

 

[salj]

I don't agree with you Salj, it is purely an opinion, there is nothing personal towards anyone here.

When I was away this year I witnessed a extremely large lady getting stuck in her chair - she was wedged fast! It took three people to wrench the chair away from her behind. She laughed. We laughed. Everyone laughed...the only thing was it was more of an embarrassing laugh for her than a funny one! I know I'm overweight, I looked at this lady and thought "no way am I getting into that state"....the same as I look at the ultra skinny and say to husband "oh no that's nasty" ...everyone has an opinion, this is an open forum and we all have different ideas and thoughts on to what we all believe is right or wrong. Why have you not jumped on the post that says " the young girl is a size of a barrel. It's sad"...is that not body shaming - comparing a young girl to a barrel? It's just a posters opinion..you could go on all day complaining about what others write because it upsets you. It's not personal.

I missed the barrel post.

There's opinions yes and everyone is entitled to them, as you are entitled to disagree with me. Everyone has a preference too and I understand this.

I know the posts were not attacking anyone on here personally; what I'm getting at, is as you said, this is a public forum, and making comments like you'd rather be curvy because skinny doesn't look nice or looks unhealthy is body shaming, and might be triggering for someone else reading it, even if it wasn't meant that way.

Looking at someone and going 'oh no that's nasty' because they don't conform to your idea of what is attractive is not very nice either but it's one thing to say it to your husband and another to say it on a forum where anyone could be reading it. Body image is a really sensitive issue for all shapes and sizes.

 

[Chickafish]

To be fair crash dieting has been proven to be no less effective in the long term for keeping it to compared to say weight watchers. If I lose weight a fast is a bit easier as you go into ketosis after a few days and your not as hungry. My crash diet begins January naturally!

My point on the whole crash dieting is it isn't healthy, and it doesn't teach a person anything other than "if I drink this or eat this item for 4 days of the week I can drop an easy 10 pounds in 7 days." I'm seeing kids as young as 14 thinking that if they drink some strange concoction of lemon juice and cayenne pepper for 10 days, they'll reach their dream body. It's disgusting.

And the effectiveness of any proper diet and eating program will only be as good as the person doing it. If a person sticks to it, learns a few things, and changes their lifestyle to be more active, then it worked. If they fall off the wagon too much, make up excuses not to hit the gym, and never reach their goal, then it's them who failed, not the program.

 

[virtues2011]

I missed the barrel post.

There's opinions yes and everyone is entitled to them, as you are entitled to disagree with me. Everyone has a preference too and I understand this.

I know the posts were not attacking anyone on here personally; what I'm getting at, is as you said, this is a public forum, and making comments like you'd rather be curvy because skinny doesn't look nice or looks unhealthy is body shaming, and might be triggering for someone else reading it, even if it wasn't meant that way.

Looking at someone and going 'oh no that's nasty' because they don't conform to your idea of what is attractive is not very nice either but it's one thing to say it to your husband and another to say it on a forum where anyone could be reading it. Body image is a really sensitive issue for all shapes and sizes.

Yes I understand - No different than the smelly guy that sells the big issue in the street. The teenages with orange faces that think they look good when in fact they look plain hideious. The disabled person dribbling and shouting from his wheelchair, the kids that bully the poor little girl that has a big nose, the guy who has tourettes standing at the bus stop screaming out "Bus WA7*KER" every second.....do you honestly have no opinion of these people regardless whether it is a positive or negative opinion...if you said you didn't have an opinion I wouldn't believe you. It is human nature. I don't fault you for your comments I just can not justify them. If you were with a friend at the bus stop with the tourettes guy I bet you would say something about him to your friend, an open forum is just a bigger reach.

 

[hazeleyes]

I missed the barrel post.

There's opinions yes and everyone is entitled to them, as you are entitled to disagree with me. Everyone has a preference too and I understand this.

I know the posts were not attacking anyone on here personally; what I'm getting at, is as you said, this is a public forum, and making comments like you'd rather be curvy because skinny doesn't look nice or looks unhealthy is body shaming, and might be triggering for someone else reading it, even if it wasn't meant that way.

Looking at someone and going 'oh no that's nasty' because they don't conform to your idea of what is attractive is not very nice either but it's one thing to say it to your husband and another to say it on a forum where anyone could be reading it. Body image is a really sensitive issue for all shapes and sizes.

Yes and we are discussing it, therefore I gave my opinion on my own body! Others gave given their opinions can I not share my experiences?

And that's not what I said either! I didn't ever say I would rather be curvy because skinny looks unhealthy!!! That's far to generalised and I know you can't blanket statement like that !I know plenty of 'skinny' people who look extremely healthy! You are now generalising what I said!

After your initial post I felt really bad, I thought "ok maybe I wasn't clear enough, a bit blunt, not explicit enough, maybe I didn't choose my words carefully enough, it's a public forum, clearly I've offended her" etc I immediately edited my post and apologised to you (and I extend that to anyone else who may of been offended) and then went on to very clearly explain in detail that I was talking about the super skinny models and why I mentioned it in the first place was as I once admired for how skinny they were but now I've changed my opinion. It's all in relation to me personally, I was simply trying to explain to a troubled teen not dissimilar to myself 15 years ago, how far I've come since being that teenager who wanted to be unhealthily skinny!

There have been far worse comments made here earlier about fat children and it being the parents fault and xboxes etc. but you have picked on me, when I made one comment in relation to MYSELF! No one else, nothing personal no one in mind when I type but me. Which I then came back to explain fully and STILL you are going on about how bad it was and how I'm body shaming!

I won't apologise for thinking that starving oneself or crash dieting to be painfully thin is unhealthy either! And I've crash dieted before (with success) as Chickafish said it doesn't mean it's a healthy way to lose weight though!

I'm no longer debating this point.... That's my opinion on it, I can justify no more, sorry if it offends you but it won't change, I'm happy the way I am, curvaceous and all the rest and I'm proud to say it publicly! Just sad it took me 15 years to recognise it!!!.

 

[Kiva]

Coming from a chubby kid(size 10 now & smaller than I was when I was 10) no it's not ok use the word fat to a child or anyone else. My parents had nothing to so with my weight, they weren't over weight, they didn't sit me in front of the tv and I didn't have computer games, I wasn't filled with junk food, sweets were a treat, and I was very active. People are way too quick to judge, they automatically assume every chubby kid is being feed junk by fat parents. It's a very sensitive subject that needs to be handled with care, because if the subject is approached in the wrong way, it can be very hurtful, every nasty comment with the word fat in it is still as clear as the day it was said even now.

 

[salj]

Yes and we are discussing it, therefore I gave my opinion on my own body! Others gave given their opinions can I not share my experiences?

And that's not what I said either! I didn't ever say I would rather be curvy because skinny looks unhealthy!!! That's far to generalised and I know you can't blanket statement like that !I know plenty of 'skinny' people who look extremely healthy! You are now generalising what I said!

After your initial post I felt really bad, I thought "ok maybe I wasn't clear enough, a bit blunt, not explicit enough, maybe I didn't choose my words carefully enough, it's a public forum, clearly I've offended her" etc I immediately edited my post and apologised to you (and I extend that to anyone else who may of been offended) and then went on to very clearly explain in detail that I was talking about the super skinny models and why I mentioned it in the first place was as I once admired for how skinny they were but now I've changed my opinion. It's all in relation to me personally, I was simply trying to explain to a troubled teen not dissimilar to myself 15 years ago, how far I've come since being that teenager who wanted to be unhealthily skinny!

There have been far worse comments made here earlier about fat children and it being the parents fault and xboxes etc. but you have picked on me, when I made one comment in relation to MYSELF! No one else, nothing personal no one in mind when I type but me. Which I then came back to explain fully and STILL you are going on about how bad it was and how I'm body shaming!

I won't apologise for thinking that starving oneself or crash dieting to be painfully thin is unhealthy either! And I've crash dieted before (with success) as Chickafish said it doesn't mean it's a healthy way to lose weight though!

I'm no longer debating this point.... That's my opinion on it, I can justify no more, sorry if it offends you but it won't change, I'm happy the way I am, curvaceous and all the rest and I'm proud to say it publicly! Just sad it took me 15 years to recognise it!!!.

I was actually just trying to explain my comment not go on about it, in response to another comment, so apologies if I worded that badly or made you feel I was picking on you... not my intention. I won't labour the point either though as it seems to have gotten lost anyway.

For the record I'm glad you like your body, if only more people did. It took me many wasted years to learn to love my body and believe that I deserve the things I used to think I didnt have because I wasn't a perfect size 10!

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[Littlegems1]

No its about ensuring parents are educated not to use food to sooth.
"Oh baby you fell over, here have some chocolate buttons"

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Totally agree with you here!
I've got a 1 year old and am in a constant battle with my family who want to treat baby with food!
It's a constant " oh can I give him a biscuit or some other pointless food".
I'm very into nutrition and believe everything we eat must contribute to our bodies in some way. Treats such as chocolate, biscuits and crisps have no nutritional value.
I make everything from scratch and from this young age chatter away about what his eating and why so he has a good relationship with food and understands healthy and unhealthy.
It makes me mad seeing kids with fizzy drinks and crap and the parents wonder by they are overweight an unhealthy.
I believe it starts and ends with parents.

 

[eternalscot]

The only reason I'm mentioned barrel was there is a difference to puppy fat and morbid obesity. Puppy fat you would just encourage healthy options the morbid obese barrelled shaped types need help for the future as do there families.

 

[Mobile Manicure]

Everything in moderation. I say this for a reason. My sister in law banned from her twins sweets, cakes, biscuits, anything that didn't have a nutritional value. And I mean banned completely. I have a daughter the same age. Unbanned. A treat every now and then, not all the time, lots of healthy eating but on occasions a piece of birthday cake etc was allowed. These twins weren't even allowed to eat their birthday cake! It was an absolute joke. Made her look a fool.

A few years later they're all at a relative's birthday party. The table is laden with all types of food from sweets to sandwiches, celery sticks, fruit, mini sausages, you know, the usual kiddy stuff.

Well, my daughter had no interest in the table, she was playing and having a good time. The twins however couldn't be torn away. They were embarrassingly stuffing handfuls of junk down their throats like there was no tomorrow as mummy wasn't there. These kids were like they were on drugs. It was insane.

To make an issue of food is dangerous. Just relax, cook healthy meals for your kids, be sensible, the occasional treat won't hurt. Some people take it too far. Both my girls are a healthy weight. My eldest eats like a horse but looks like a greyhound.

 

[Mobile Manicure]

Oh and another thing. My eldest walks to high school with 2 other girls. One is a vegetarian. Mother is a health "freak". Daughter is suppose to be following in her footsteps. Little does she know that her daughter is stopping off at the newsagents every morning before school buying £1.50 worth of sweets to eat on the way.

My daughter buys £2 worth of sweets, doesn't eat any but sells them at school for a profit! Lol. So proud!

 

[shelbie]

My daughter buys £2 worth of sweets, doesn't eat any but sells them at school for a profit! Lol. So proud!

I used to do that lol

 

[virtues2011]

The only reason I'm mentioned barrel was there is a difference to puppy fat and morbid obesity. Puppy fat you would just encourage healthy options the morbid obese barrelled shaped types need help for the future as do there families.

I don't have a problem with whatever word you wish to use.....ha ha I am not easily offended.

 

[virtues2011]

Oh and another thing. My eldest walks to high school with 2 other girls. One is a vegetarian. Mother is a health "freak". Daughter is suppose to be following in her footsteps. Little does she know that her daughter is stopping off at the newsagents every morning before school buying £1.50 worth of sweets to eat on the way.

My daughter buys £2 worth of sweets, doesn't eat any but sells them at school for a profit! Lol. So proud!

Ha ha MM this is just fine until they get caught and are called up to the school. My daughter done this, got bored with it and realised very quickly there was more profit to me made in selling cigarettes!

 

[blossom]

Shelbie, can I add my comment that your daughter is perfect, absolutely not fat, are her friends crazy? They could well be jealous imho.

Some of the kids in my daughter's year at school are insulting to the girls who have developed a feminine curvy shape with a defined waist, boobs and a bum and I believe it is no coincidence that the very girls doing the insulting look like young boys still in that they have no hips or anything and in fact if you looked at them from the back you would not know if they were a boy or a girl.

Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with looking boyish, simply drawing what may or may not be a logical conclusion - it seems that if its these girls doing the insulating that could arise out of insecurity in their own shape.

 

[ProperPrincess]

Being on high school weighing 13 stone is no fun! It's hard, unhealthy and heartbreaking! I believe my body issues are bad now because I got stuck in the mind set that I'm fat!

Whilst it may seem cruel to tell a child (I say this as if it was my own child, I have 4) that they are fat it far more cruel if you let them continue on a slippery slope downwards to a pit of bullying, misery, heartache and self loathing!

Sitting down a child and steering them in the right direction and explaining why is the way to go for me! I'd rather my kid be upset for a while than spend twenty years being overweight and feeling like crap!

That said my mother is five foot and weighed 15 stone and I straight out told her she was heading for a heart attack! That's the relationship we have! She went on a diet.... She now weighs 6 and a half stone! I feel responsible! She looks worse but feels better!!! It's such a tricky situation! But for me I think honesty is the best policy x

 

[salj]

Everything in moderation. I say this for a reason. My sister in law banned from her twins sweets, cakes, biscuits, anything that didn't have a nutritional value. And I mean banned completely. I have a daughter the same age. Unbanned. A treat every now and then, not all the time, lots of healthy eating but on occasions a piece of birthday cake etc was allowed. These twins weren't even allowed to eat their birthday cake! It was an absolute joke. Made her look a fool.

My friends mum did this to her and as a result they have major issues with food, that she is desperately trying not to pass onto her own kids.