Maid of Honour problems-advice please

[Han88]

Hi ladies! Just after some advice really from someone who isn't close to me.i am getting married next yr and i have 5 bridesmaids one who lives 100 miles away from me.a while ago I had organised for last Saturday a day and night with me and my bridesmaids for us to have a little bonding session as not everyone knows each other and for us to sort out there dresses, hair, hen etc.... I've asked my sister to be my maid of honour so obviously she was there. She had to leave at 7.30 just to pick her son up and drop him home and then she was coming back, I messaged her when she didn't come back and she said oh god I'll call u in abit so I left it. She never came back and never called. I messaged her on Sunday asking if she was ok and what happened, she messaged saying Han I promise I'll call in abit. She didn't call. I messaged Monday asking why she hadn't called or txt, she said she hadn't because she felt so bad. Basically when she left mine she found out she no longer needed to get her son but instead of coming straight back she went round to her other sisters (she's my half sister) who had phoned her then proceeded to get drunk and go out with her instead. In one of her messages she said I just thought I'd let u down anyway so I may as we'll go the whole hog and go out! I am so hurt and upset and just wondered what you guys would do. We had a lil row and I told her how I felt now it's just awkward between us and I don't know what to do! Sorry for the essay just abit lost.... Thanks in advance ladies xxx

 

[Mobile Manicure]

Wow. What a *****. I would drop her from the maid of honour duties. She is obviously unreliable and self-obsessed. Who could do that to their sister?

Explain to her that your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life and you need someone there you can rely on 100% and who will be with you all the way. Her attitude is not right for maid of honour, note even bridesmaid to be honest.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm guessing your sister isn't married? Could there be an element of jealousy?

 

[Han88]

Thanks for replying! She's married with 6 kids!! That's what I thought, maybe I need to be tougher. I feel maybe coz I'm so laid back she thought I would just let it go but I can't. I've messaged her today saying how I'm still pissed off but don't wanna lose a sister and don't want the awkwardness and she hasn't messaged back even though I said pls don't ignore my message. Sent it at half 10 and she's read it . Why do people do dumb stuff

 

[Han88]

I don't think it's jealousy I don't see what she's got to be jealous of?

 

[beautybyleigh]

I think she's being really mean, this is one of the most important events of your life. I would drop the maid of honour duties, as she choose to go out on the p*** instead I would be hurt too. x

 

[MeganDaisy]

I concur with others, I would agree to her dropping out as she doesn't sound like she'll be much good at helping out with duties if she is unreliable at this point.

 

[lila22]

She sounds selfish and going out is more important!
You should be exited planning the wedding not worrying about her.
Tell her you think someone who has more time ect is better for the job x

 

[Joannedesouza41]

Hi ladies! Just after some advice really from someone who isn't close to me.i am getting married next yr and i have 5 bridesmaids one who lives 100 miles away from me.a while ago I had organised for last Saturday a day and night with me and my bridesmaids for us to have a little bonding session as not everyone knows each other and for us to sort out there dresses, hair, hen etc.... I've asked my sister to be my maid of honour so obviously she was there. She had to leave at 7.30 just to pick her son up and drop him home and then she was coming back, I messaged her when she didn't come back and she said oh god I'll call u in abit so I left it. She never came back and never called. I messaged her on Sunday asking if she was ok and what happened, she messaged saying Han I promise I'll call in abit. She didn't call. I messaged Monday asking why she hadn't called or txt, she said she hadn't because she felt so bad. Basically when she left mine she found out she no longer needed to get her son but instead of coming straight back she went round to her other sisters (she's my half sister) who had phoned her then proceeded to get drunk and go out with her instead. In one of her messages she said I just thought I'd let u down anyway so I may as we'll go the whole hog and go out! I am so hurt and upset and just wondered what you guys would do. We had a lil row and I told her how I felt now it's just awkward between us and I don't know what to do! Sorry for the essay just abit lost.... Thanks in advance ladies xxx

Wow! That's terrible! I'm getting married in July and have the 3 best bridesmaids I could ever ask for! I know if I was having a crisis they would drop everything to help me out and they certainly wouldn't do that to me. We're just back from an amazing hen doo in Newcastle and they did a great job organising everything.

I would say to her, she clearly has to many responsibilities to add on being a bridesmaids to the list. If she can't commit to helping you out when you need her now then god knows what she will be like when you have to do bridesmaids dress, hair and make-up, hen doo, wedding rehearsal! I would cut the tie now if I was you.

Easier said than done I Know, hope your ok xxxx

Beleza Beauty ♡

 

[izzidoll]

Stop texting.
Speak to each other!

Go round, sit down and talk it all through, clear the air sort it all out and then take it from there.

There are all sorts of reasons she could have done what she did, it may have been difficult having a night out with people she didn't know and had nothing in common with. Maybe she is panicking at the responsibility of being your Maid of Honour, as well as looking after 6 kids!
I don't know, and nobody else on here does, but you are sisters and you should be able to sit down and tell each other what's going on.

Good Luck.

 

[Han88]

Thanks for your advice everyone. It's easier said than done to meet with her izzidoll with all the things she has goin on which sine of the reasons I organised that evening so far in advance! Will have to see what happens from here xx

 

[lila22]

Thanks for your advice everyone. It's easier said than done to meet with her izzidoll with all the things she has goin on which sine of the reasons I organised that evening so far in advance! Will have to see what happens from here xx

Maybe try and make out you should have not asked her as she has enough on so it's not sounding like you don't want her to. Xx

 

[LaurensLocks_xx]

I would have been so hurt too. I would definitely try and speak to her face to face x

 

[Biljana]

Thanks for your advice everyone. It's easier said than done to meet with her izzidoll with all the things she has goin on which sine of the reasons I organised that evening so far in advance! Will have to see what happens from here xx

I too agree with Izzidoll.
If you know her situation perhaps it would have been better to find someone else instead in the first place.
I have been asked to take on MOH positions BUT only if I can handle it with my busy family? That way I was given a choice with no hard feelings.
Smooth it over and tell her you want her to be a part if your life and wedding but maybe not in an important role where she may feel way in over her head.
Best of luck and have a fun wedding!

Cleen Cheeks Spa

 

[Han88]

Just tried to phone her to ask to meet up and clear the air and maybe ask if it's too much for her like you wonderful ladies suggested but no answer messaged her sayin can u give me a ring so we can meet and sort it out and straight away got a message back saying Han I'm moving furniture will call later. So don't know how to feel ATM don't think she'll call as she has never called when she says she will and obviously doesn't seem that bothered. Almost feel like I've done something wrong! Very confused at the moment. Thanks again girls this has been a big help. Even just talking about it xx

 

[lila22]

Just tried to phone her to ask to meet up and clear the air and maybe ask if it's too much for her like you wonderful ladies suggested but no answer messaged her sayin can u give me a ring so we can meet and sort it out and straight away got a message back saying Han I'm moving furniture will call later. So don't know how to feel ATM don't think she'll call as she has never called when she says she will and obviously doesn't seem that bothered. Almost feel like I've done something wrong! Very confused at the moment. Thanks again girls this has been a big help. Even just talking about it xx

Don't stress just once you do get to talk say it's best I get someone else as it's a lot I've asked you to do! Xx

 

[Han88]

So I took all your advice and tried to arrange to meet up with my sis to sort through things..sorted my son being collected from school yesterday as she wanted to meet. she never turned up. Txt me later but I was with a client said Id call after so I did but she said it was to late I'll meet you tomorrow evening so I txt her earlier as she doesn't answer my calls to ask if she was still planning on coming over and got a reply at 6.30 saying she just feeding the kids and clean up after .up to now she hasn't turned up and haven't heard anything from her ( she lives literally a 2 min walk from me). Went on what's app to see if she'd been online and to message to find she deleted whatsapp an hour ago which means she's no longer part of my bridesmaids group chat or that she couldn't be bothered to message me to say she wasn't coming. Safe to say I get the message she doesn't want to know. I'm gutted.
Thanks you so much ladies for your kind words and good advice. Can't say I haven't tried. Sorry for the essay xxxxxxxxx

 

[MeganDaisy]

Oh no sorry to hear it's turned sour. It sounds like you have given her more than enough opportunities to sort things out though so you have definitely been fair.

 

[Severnrose]

Unless she has always been a massively unreliable person, and unless this is usual behaviour for her I would be worrying that there is something going on in her life that is making her act this way. She said she was bound to let you down anyway, is this negative talk normal for her? It's quite a concern if this ISNT her normal type of behaviour. I think you should text or just go round and explain you're worried about her and is everything ok? Don't even mention your wedding at that point!

If on the other hand this is the type of person she always has been then, although it is lovely that you want your sister as maid of honour I think you made a mistake picking her to even be bridesmaid! As you've made numerous attempts to contact her I would just make my own decision that she's not involved as a MOH/Bridesmaid anymore.

Hope you manage to sort it, it must be very stressful and upsetting for you. Not to mention confusing! x

 

[izzidoll]

I'm sorry I just don't get all this texting and arranging to meet by texting.
If she lives a 2 minute walk away from you why don't you just go and see her?

Only when you see her and sit down face to face and ask her calmly if something is wrong, and how you can both fix it, can you say you have tried.

She obviously does have a problem, but whether its just that she can't be bothered, or if it is something she has got herself stressed out about and doesn't know how to tell you, therefore is avoiding you, you will never know unless you speak to her.

Ditch the phone. Go see her.
I sincerely hope it is something that can be sorted, and wish you the best of luck.

 

[Han88]

Thanks for your great advice again ladies! I may try again we'll see it's just draining. Izzidoll I have turned up at her house and she didn't want to discuss it hence her organising to meet me the last 2 times! It's not for want of trying trust me! Maybe I'll try this afternoon! It's just getting ridiculous! Xxx