Men

[lila22]

[QUOTE=Nails
Ah that's awful you were so upset, I've been in relationships myself where I got not help but in the end I walked(amongst other reasons)
You may need a good heart to heart and tell him just how you feel, maybe. Write it down and go through it. Like no anniversary present/card ect. Men need it spelling !! Good luck x x x

 

[Nails<3]

I told him already and he just says he doesn't do presents/cards etc. it really annoys me as its just the one time of year when I want to be appreciated and lasting this bloody long with him. Just over the last 2 weeks or so I just am not liking him. Sick of his selfish ways, it's depressing me. Seeing people so happy and wondering what is happening with me and him. He wants to go and get a mortgage, which I said yeah too as I want to get out of the area I'm in and move to my own property. I also said I wanted to get married first before I get a mortgage or just have some sort of commitment(engaged).

He doesn't want to get engaged to anyone until he has been with that person for 8 years. It's pathetic. I'm honestly dont want to hang around and wait to be shown something. Four years is a long time and we have lived together for 3 and a half. He always talks about getting married to me and what it would be like. He said to me the other day that his boss got married after 17 years. I asked why he waited so long, and apparently his boss said he doesn't need a piece of paper to show his love! So I said why did he get married them. I'm sick of it, that's what he says, but he doesn't consider my feelings on the situation. I have talked to him about it and actually cried and cried as I was just do hurt. I can't be with someone like him but I can't be without him as I live him to bits. Just stuck, can't talk to my mum as she just judges and my friends are useless just feel really lost at the moment.

 

['chelle]

I told him already and he just says he doesn't do presents/cards etc. it really annoys me as its just the one time of year when I want to be appreciated and lasting this bloody long with him. Just over the last 2 weeks or so I just am not liking him. Sick of his selfish ways, it's depressing me. Seeing people so happy and wondering what is happening with me and him. He wants to go and get a mortgage, which I said yeah too as I want to get out of the area I'm in and move to my own property. I also said I wanted to get married first before I get a mortgage or just have some sort of commitment(engaged).

He doesn't want to get engaged to anyone until he has been with that person for 8 years. It's pathetic. I'm honestly dont want to hang around and wait to be shown something. Four years is a long time and we have lived together for 3 and a half. He always talks about getting married to me and what it would be like. He said to me the other day that his boss got married after 17 years. I asked why he waited so long, and apparently his boss said he doesn't need a piece of paper to show his love! So I said why did he get married them. I'm sick of it, that's what he says, but he doesn't consider my feelings on the situation. I have talked to him about it and actually cried and cried as I was just do hurt. I can't be with someone like him but I can't be without him as I live him to bits. Just stuck, can't talk to my mum as she just judges and my friends are useless just feel really lost at the moment.

aw honey it sounds like you're really unhappy. As an outsider looking in I think it would be unwise to move forward with this guy and commit yourself even more with marriage or a mortgage, those things arent so easy to walk away from. There are some wonderful guys out there who will respect you and treat you right and you deserve one of them. Dont let this man walk all over you just because you love him, there's so much more to a relationship than love xxx

 

[tanfastic]

I told him already and he just says he doesn't do presents/cards etc. it really annoys me as its just the one time of year when I want to be appreciated and lasting this bloody long with him. Just over the last 2 weeks or so I just am not liking him. Sick of his selfish ways, it's depressing me. Seeing people so happy and wondering what is happening with me and him. He wants to go and get a mortgage, which I said yeah too as I want to get out of the area I'm in and move to my own property. I also said I wanted to get married first before I get a mortgage or just have some sort of commitment(engaged).

He doesn't want to get engaged to anyone until he has been with that person for 8 years. It's pathetic. I'm honestly dont want to hang around and wait to be shown something. Four years is a long time and we have lived together for 3 and a half. He always talks about getting married to me and what it would be like. He said to me the other day that his boss got married after 17 years. I asked why he waited so long, and apparently his boss said he doesn't need a piece of paper to show his love! So I said why did he get married them. I'm sick of it, that's what he says, but he doesn't consider my feelings on the situation. I have talked to him about it and actually cried and cried as I was just do hurt. I can't be with someone like him but I can't be without him as I live him to bits. Just stuck, can't talk to my mum as she just judges and my friends are useless just feel really lost at the moment.

:hug::hug::Love:

 

[Nails<3]

aw honey it sounds like you're really unhappy. As an outsider looking in I think it would be unwise to move forward with this guy and commit yourself even more with marriage or a mortgage, those things arent so easy to walk away from. There are some wonderful guys out there who will respect you and treat you right and you deserve one of them. Dont let this man walk all over you just because you love him, there's so much more to a relationship than love xxx

I know, ans I can't stop thinking about it. Just feel like crap, not hungry just feel really resentful. He is a good man and loves the kids to bits but it's just his laziness and his attitude towards things. We split up earlier in the year and I can't help thinking maybe if I didn't try and get things back together I wouldn't be like this now. I think he knows how much I love him and he takes advantage of that. He needs a boot up the arse and to realise what he actually has in me and the kids. He lives in my house, I regularly buy him things etc do everything for him and I get bugger all back. Just want a bit of appreciation and love. I am cancelling my new York trip as I don't think I will be going now, as I'm going with his sister and mum and he has just put a whole downer on it even though he knows I have always wanted to go!

What really cracked me up was the fact one of his work mates had a barney with his girlfriend because the dinner wasn't cooked and she didn't clean the house, and apparently he turned round to his work mate and said you know what would happen if that was me.Basically he would leave me! I'm just a glorified maid and mother to the kids to him I think and until I do something about it then it will never change.

He always says he wouldn't know what he would do without me, well maybe he should see and realise how much I do for him. Just so sick and tired of feeling useless and unloved. Just scared that is all

 

[Mobile Manicure]

I know, ans I can't stop thinking about it. Just feel like crap, not hungry just feel really resentful. He is a good man and loves the kids to bits but it's just his laziness and his attitude towards things. We split up earlier in the year and I can't help thinking maybe if I didn't try and get things back together I wouldn't be like this now. I think he knows how much I love him and he takes advantage of that. He needs a boot up the arse and to realise what he actually has in me and the kids. He lives in my house, I regularly buy him things etc do everything for him and I get bugger all back. Just want a bit of appreciation and love. I am cancelling my new York trip as I don't think I will be going now, as I'm going with his sister and mum and he has just put a whole downer on it even though he knows I have always wanted to go!

What really cracked me up was the fact one of his work mates had a barney with his girlfriend because the dinner wasn't cooked and she didn't clean the house, and apparently he turned round to his work mate and said you know what would happen if that was me.Basically he would leave me! I'm just a glorified maid and mother to the kids to him I think and until I do something about it then it will never change.

He always says he wouldn't know what he would do without me, well maybe he should see and realise how much I do for him. Just so sick and tired of feeling useless and unloved. Just scared that is all

You know what, and it sounds awful, but I doubt it's ever going to get any better. Men like that don't change. They've either been well trained by their mothers and are brilliant from the start (like some of the wonderful hubbies who have been quoted on here)
or theyre a bunch of chauvinistic ****holes who will never change. If you're unhappy, get out. You're going to be unhappy for the rest of your life. You only get one chance at life, try and make it a happy one. No amount of leaving him temporarily will fix it. He will behave for a few weeks and then revert back to type. get rid. Permanently.

If anyone on here has managed to train a lazy, selfish pig into a Prince and had the effects last more than 12 months, I would be interested to hear it on here please.

Big hug to you by the way. I know how you're feeling. Be strong and move on.

 

[lila22]

You know what, and it sounds awful, but I doubt it's ever going to get any better. Men like that don't change. They've either been well trained by their mothers and are brilliant from the start (like some of the wonderful hubbies who have been quoted on here)
or theyre a bunch of chauvinistic ****holes who will never change. If you're unhappy, get out. You're going to be unhappy for the rest of your life. You only get one chance at life, try and make it a happy one. No amount of leaving him temporarily will fix it. He will behave for a few weeks and then revert back to type. get rid. Permanently.

If anyone on here has managed to train a lazy, selfish pig into a Prince and had the effects last more than 12 months, I would be interested to hear it on here please.

Big hug to you by the way. I know how you're feeling. Be strong and move on.

Could not agree more, even if they do change its more then likely temporary as they no its what you want so on best behaviour.
I'm lucky to have after years and hard times to have found someone who is great in this way. (a little to tidy but hey) but we have been together four years and not living together and not engaged! I'm 40 next yr &#55357;&#56881;
But I've been engaged twice and I pushed it both times so a bit laid back this time, although I do keep hinting I don't want to be an old bride!

Also you say everyone around is happy but 9 out of 10 times if you really got talking people would start moaning about something. (my experience anyway)
My partner and me still have troubles and disagreements, he finds my daughter hard work at times so although we look all happy it's tough sometimes.
Think do you want to be in this position in five years?
I no I left my daughters dad as he was useless and would go out and not come home from the pub so I thought no, I get one go at life and I'm not wasting it on you!
Took a lot to leave as was in Liverpool and been there six years but I'm from Newcastle so is all my family so had to come back and start again.
Hard but don't regret it!
You need a good long think what you want and go with what you decide. Always here if you need a chat petal x x

 

[McKendrick22]

[quote=Nails

 

['chelle]

I know, ans I can't stop thinking about it. Just feel like crap, not hungry just feel really resentful. He is a good man and loves the kids to bits but it's just his laziness and his attitude towards things. We split up earlier in the year and I can't help thinking maybe if I didn't try and get things back together I wouldn't be like this now. I think he knows how much I love him and he takes advantage of that. He needs a boot up the arse and to realise what he actually has in me and the kids. He lives in my house, I regularly buy him things etc do everything for him and I get bugger all back. Just want a bit of appreciation and love. I am cancelling my new York trip as I don't think I will be going now, as I'm going with his sister and mum and he has just put a whole downer on it even though he knows I have always wanted to go!

What really cracked me up was the fact one of his work mates had a barney with his girlfriend because the dinner wasn't cooked and she didn't clean the house, and apparently he turned round to his work mate and said you know what would happen if that was me.Basically he would leave me! I'm just a glorified maid and mother to the kids to him I think and until I do something about it then it will never change.

He always says he wouldn't know what he would do without me, well maybe he should see and realise how much I do for him. Just so sick and tired of feeling useless and unloved. Just scared that is all

Get yourself on that plane young lady and go to New York and have a bloody good time!!!!!! Dont let him spoil it for you, I agree with the other girls its unlikely he will get any better and while your spending your days feeling upset and unappreciated there's someone else out there waiting to treat you like a princess. Life is way too short to spend it flogging a dead horse, breaking off a relationship is one of the hardest things to do and it takes strength and courage but I can tell you from my personal experience that you will be so glad you did when you've had time to heal xxxx

 

[nicole333]

I'm going to be blunt.

You sound like your self esteem is so low, that you appear grateful and lucky that he is with you. At least, that is what he would probably have you believe. You need to respect yourself first, before anyone can respect you back and from what you have written, it doesn't sound you have have much self worth to respect yourself at all.

He is basically controlling you and keeping you desperate for any little piece of attention. It's the work of a selfish control freak.
He is also doing some pretty good work on chipping away to make sure you don't have a life from the sounds of things, like putting a guilt trip on New York, and also subtly letting you know that if you slacked in the household duties, you would be history.

It's disgraceful for a grown up to treat another like this, knowing how unhappy they are.
I hope you don't take offense, but he is a pig and you need to get rid!

 

['chelle]

I'm going to be blunt.

You sound like your self esteem is so low, that you appear grateful and lucky that he is with you. At least, that is what he would probably have you believe. You need to respect yourself first, before anyone can respect you back and from what you have written, it doesn't sound you have have much self worth to respect yourself at all.

He is basically controlling you and keeping you desperate for any little piece of attention. It's the work of a selfish control freak.
He is also doing some pretty good work on chipping away to make sure you don't have a life from the sounds of things, like putting a guilt trip on New York, and also subtly letting you know that if you slacked in the household duties, you would be history.

It's disgraceful for a grown up to treat another like this, knowing how unhappy they are.
I hope you don't take offense, but he is a pig and you need to get rid!

She's right you know :hug:

 

[PixieBeauty]

Can I just add, I was with a guy I loved to bits who did very little (like the examples you've given) & wouldn't commit & gave a load of bullsh** reasons why we should wait to get married. He didn't make me happy but I was happy (myself) and I loved him more than anything.

He left me, because I loved him I let him go as I could see he wasn't happy. I went out & met an AMAZING guy 2 weeks later. If I'd stayed with the first guy I'd never have found out what it was like to be in a good relationship. My ex used to say he loved me & I replied that's not everything though, in itself it's not enough.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if someone doesn't make you happy, loving them is not in itself a reason to stay Xxx

 

[PixieBeauty]

Oh and this is my new mantra, which I'll gladly shout to anyone:

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO SPEND IT WITH THE WRONG PERSON

:hugs: xx

 

[McKendrick22]

Ok since my post somehow didn't work...

'a man who treats his woman like a princess is proof he was born and raised in the arms of a queen'

Vicki xx

Sent from my GT-I9100 using SalonGeek

 

[Nails<3]

I'm going to be blunt.

You sound like your self esteem is so low, that you appear grateful and lucky that he is with you. At least, that is what he would probably have you believe. You need to respect yourself first, before anyone can respect you back and from what you have written, it doesn't sound you have have much self worth to respect yourself at all.

He is basically controlling you and keeping you desperate for any little piece of attention. It's the work of a selfish control freak.
He is also doing some pretty good work on chipping away to make sure you don't have a life from the sounds of things, like putting a guilt trip on New York, and also subtly letting you know that if you slacked in the household duties, you would be history.

It's disgraceful for a grown up to treat another like this, knowing how unhappy they are.
I hope you don't take offense, but he is a pig and you need to get rid!

No offence taken! This is exactly how I feel. You have it to a t. At the moment I am so low, I'm sick of fighting for attention from him and it's making me ill.

I know what I need to do, I just need to get it together to do the right thing. In my head it's saying, don't do it, im dependant on him, not financially etc but to know someone is in my life and I'm not alone, which is sad because I have felt that even when I'm unhappy it's better to be with him to have that relationship security than not being with anyone. The main thing is being scared of being alone and I desperately need to get past that to move forward and be happy x x x

 

[Lush-Lash]

Do not get me started on the black bits of socks on light carpets. I threatened to throw all the socks away, so he went and bought some that don't leave the bits!

This made me lol! xx

 

[Frattylicious]

I dunno really what to say.. I am a very much so a middle man.. I baby the **** out of my husband.. He is a HUGEEEEEEEEEE pain in the ass.. this man will starve to death If I don't feed him.. He virtually does NOTHING... lol I mean short of doing the dishes ... he does nothing.. Buuuut!!! Hes a good man, hes got a good heart .. can be a little "slow" at times... moved across the ocean for me.. helps me with my 3 kids who might I point out that they have a good dad.. so this isnt a daddy issue lol they love him.... we fight.. he can be lazy... we argue about dumb **** and love each other 45 mins later.... there is 15 yrs ago difference between us and I am the bread winner.. I do everything! soooo we are very different Im a New Yorker Hes A Londoner , I'm wild , hes calm.. hes very passive I'm very aggressive..... But at the end of the day... what works , has to work for you ... only you are gonna know whats right for you... If you can imagine your life without him... then maybe its time to say **** it... but..... If you can't then its time for some long convos about things that you both need to do differently.. everyone has their own way .. sometimes its not about what "we" all think.. its about what you think... =)

 

[Noodle]

I think that now that the OP has thanked everyone for their advice (and before any of you lot get into trouble with your other halves, who could well be reading what you are saying about them!), it is time to close this thread.