My baby girl has autistic traits


Help Support SalonGeek:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.


Well-Known Member
Apr 4, 2007
Reaction score
south wales
My health visitor called todayat my behest. My little girl is 22 months old, the only word she has ever muttered is mam. She is really busy, alway fiddling with things have to have eyes in the back of your head and all that. My little boy is nearly five he is really shy and timid, but extremenly quick and intelligent, especially with computers, but afraid of all new experiences, molly coddled too much. My baby girl would jump over his head. We have been getting a little concerned with her speech lately, but not overly concerned, as she seems to quick in other areas. I took her for her MMR injection about 6 weeks ago, at the time my health visitor drew my attention to her eyes, she was laying on a changing matt under a flourescent tube, she was incecently blinking. I said no problem I would as do the same as well in that position. We moved about 5 weeks ago, last week another health visitor called to the house, I thought it was a little cheeky, it seemed like she was checking out the new premises. Lili (lilly in welsh)my baby was watching peppa pig, her absolute fav program, would not respond to the health visitor in any way. She booked her 2 year assessment with me, and asked me some questions of Lili. The seed of doubt was sown, no talking, occasionally appears deaf (although she isn't, my mum is deaf, she has tested twice after birth) waves her arms up and down (flapping) when she becomes excited or upset. Makes a lot of cooing noises. These traits have really concerned the health visitor.
I have done some research into syptoms, the main indicator to autism is failure to bond forge relationships, my little girl is like glue, she screams if I leave, won't settle for anyone other than me. Apparently children with autism don't like being cuddled, Lili loves them. She has been a really hard work baby since the day she was born, again total opposit to what people say of autistic babies, they are apparently placid. She was a screamer from day one, only ever like me and my mam, not bothered with the hubby at all (good excuse for him to do nothing with her). The health vistor is refering her ASAP to be assessed for autism or its lesser inconclusive diagnosis (which could affect my already established schooling plans for her). I am sitting here tonight on my sixth bottle of lager, wondering what my future holds, could my childs education be affected because my health visitor is concerned by cooing noises, the flapping of arms and the fact she doesn't want to speak yet, or am I being blinkered. She also told me a diagnosis of autism could take years, one referral to another. Anyone with advice please comment, hubby absolutely useless, friends being overly sympathetic, mother-in-law offering cash to go private. Just wanted some genuinely distant opinions.
Why do health visitor do this if a kid is late walking, talking etc they seem to want to put some sort of label on them nowadays. In my sons class out of 10 boys 5 have hdd now call me old fashioned but that was just call being a bugger years ago. I am not saying that there aren't people with children with real problems health wise but I do thinks lots are giving a label too quickly.
Agree with Lelli, far to many people are too quick to label these days.

On the flip side of this many parents of autistic children find themselves frustrated because they reported the signs to their doctors and were told, "you're being a nervous parent, every child is different" only to find out they missed precious months when their child could have been receiving treatment.

Since autism is a spectrum disorder, it manifests itself in varying degrees in different children. Some children are only mildly affected while others are affected in a pervasive manner. I know it's not what any parent wants to hear, but the experts say that early detection is CRITICAL.

Time is precious. I am not sure what therapy is available where you are, but it is most critical that it be started as early as possible. If it turns out she does not suffer from autistism or PDD, than you will have done nothing worse than subject her to some tests. Perhaps during the initial assessment they will agree with you and say there is no reason to go any further and you'll have gained some piece of mind.

This must be most heart wrenching and I hope for the best for you and your family. This may not be what you are hoping to hear and please feel free to totally disregard it. Let your 'gut feeling' guide you.:hug:

Big hugs and best of luck with whatever you decide. Alex
Alex has offered some good sound advice. It can take a long time for a pediatrician/psychiatrist to diagnose autism/spectrum disorders and yes time is valuable. There are many programs that one can tap into if a diagnosis is made. I am a special educator/teacher and I can vouch for the importance of early intervention. I have worked with children in this capacity since 1987 and I believe that at times a "label" it essential in order to tap into special programs. Without a diagnosis, a child with Austism/aspergers will not receive funding that is so needed. Rest assured, doctors are usually very careful/cautious when they make a diagnosis. Alot of times the diagnosis isn't made until the child is 4 or 5 years old. I know one child that was just identified and he is 9 years old! I know that this hard but you have to be strong and advocate for your daughter. For now I would be certainly looking into speech and language services for your daughter as her speech does appear to be delayed. I would certainly continue to monitor her sensory needs as well as keep a tab on her social skills.
Feel free to pm me if you would like any specific information and I'd be happy to help you. Hugs to you.:hug:
I'm crossing my fingers for all the best for you, and am lighting a candle in the hopes she doesn't have those traits and is only acting as my 'seconds' and 'thirds' do.

In the meantime, here's food for thought.
My eldest was yapping early on, and at 4yrs of age, we were told she had the vocab of a 7yr old. She's a bull in a china shop, always busy, always noisy.
My youngest... she refused to start talking until she was umm just turned 3yrs old (she's 3.5yrs old now, so I only recently started enjoying the actual convos as opposed to the frustrating pointing, whining and guessing games). She likes to sit quietly and 'observe' and is quite content to be on her own when playing but also plays well with her sister.
Why did she take so long? In all likelihood because we were talking for her and didn't realize we were. We played the guessing game and put up with her whining a bit too much. This is common with 2nd and 3rd children.
And when we get to the 2nd and 3rd child, we've had some practice, so we learn to anticipate their needs a bit better.. so they don't have to ask as often as their siblings did at the same age. Plus, their elder siblings often cater to them.
Why communicate if you don't have to and get what you want anyway?

She also even turns her nose up at her grandparents attempts at cuddling/showing affection... BUT with us and her sister, her affection is limitless. it takes her a LONG time to warm up to people, and it has to be on her own terms. Once she warms up, it's ok. But before she decides she's ready, forget it, good luck getting a hug outta her. My eldest would hug a bum on the street. Not my youngest.

As per the pediatrician, absolutely nothing wrong with her. She's very intelligent.. no worries.... just took her own sweet time with the english language.

Now, I'm not saying don't go through with the testing etc. DO go through with the tests etc.., play safe and best case scenario, your Lilli is like my Cailin and taking her own sweet time getting around to communicate and is only just observing for the time being.

I'm crossing my fingers for you.
Giant :hug:
First things first, big :hug:'s to you.
As Victoria and the others said, every child is individual and takes there own time with things, but if there are any concerns it's vital that they are assessed as soon as possible.
If you daughter does have autism, aspergers or something similar then it just means a few plans get altered and adjusted along the way.
One of my favorite clients at my old home had a grandson who had aspergers. Ben is such a loving child, now in his mid teens who is starting to really understand and have a bit of a laugh with his condition. He likes to make his gran laugh at his escapades at school. He has special face pulling lessons, so that he can learn to read facial expressions and gauge how people around him are feeling. If he's messing around and not getting on with stuff and gran says "Come on Ben, pull your socks up!" , he will literally just pull his socks up. He is still in mainstream school and planning on working with computers in the future.:green:
Another one of my my friends has a son with Autism, he is not full blown but not quite high functioning. Chris stayed in mainstream education till he was 10, now he's at a great school that brings out the best in him. He's such a lovely child, he loves to talk to trees (he always very polite to them) and feels a real affinty to nature and being outside, and will hopefully end up working outdoors. When he gets excited he rubs his hands together like a little old man.
Both of these boys are on the autistic spectrum, but both are loving gentle boys who give their parents so much pleasure. I think their extra little quirks are endearing. Your baby girl will be fine, whatever the outcome. A mothers love can overcome so much. Take
Hi hunni, you have had some great advise off the others.

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last year, he is now nearly 11 so was very late being diagnosed. It is a very long proccess, and not something that the health professionals will rush into byany means! (it took us 4 years) A lot of parents actually decide that they do not wish to have an official diagnosis as they do not want to 'brand' their child.

The thing to remember is that even IF your little one is diagnosed as having ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) - nothing will change. She will still be your little girl, and there is no cure or treatment for the condition. Again IF she is diagnosed, yes you will initally be distraught, as I was....but children and adults with ASD have many many beautiful traits, and they CAN be very loving, in their own way. They can also be very difficult to manage at times (cant all kids!), but there is loads of support around for parents and carers, that you will be able to access if you get a diagnosis.

Take a look at the website The National Autistic Society - Home this is the national autistic sociotys website and on there you will find loads of info on pre/post diagnosis, helping with claim forms for disibility allowance , and they can also put you in touch with other families in your area who are going through the same thing.

Good luck to you and your family, if you need to talk to someone you are more than welcome to pm me and I will give you my contact details.:hug:
I cant add to any of the great advice geeks have given you, only to say try and focus on getting through these tests which are ultimately for her benefit then take it from there.

My daughter is 24 months and has friends who are twins at 28months and neither of them have even said the word 'mum' yet. They have been visited by the health visitor at their mums request but no action was taken. Health Visitor said that Mum should monitor their progress over the next 6 months and if they're still not talking to contact them again!! They also are doing the flapping arms bit and the mumbling and cooing but then again I would expect that a child would try and communicate their emotion in some way if their speech wasnt there yet.

I would prefer your Health Visitor personally!! - it may turn out to be absolutely nothing but better to get her checked out. xx:hug:
I think maybe you should look on the positive that you have a health visitor who thinks there MAY be a problem and is taking action to see if there really is. So many health workers think we are mega worriers and don't know our own children and ignore us. Hopefully it will all prove negative, but if positive as already said, she is your little girl and you will love her nonetheless.

That said your daughter sounds just like my Natalie. She hardly spoke a word until she was 3!!! Well she didn't need to, her elder sister did evrything for her. I always remember reading somewhere about a child (fictional) whose first words at 5 years old were "can you pass the salt please?" The astonised parents wondered why the child hadn't spoken before to which it replied "well everything was perfect so I didn't need to". Natalie didn't walk til she was at least 2, and as a left handed child her first words she wrote were in a perfect mirror image. She now never stops talking (she's 18 now) and is a very active person, used to beat the boys at football in primary school! She is however a lazy monkey!!!!!

Wishing you well :hug:
My eldest boy has dyslexia and slight dyspraxia is now a highly intelligant normal 12 year old boy.
He was reffered to the hospital for his speach and co ordination. He didnt talk until he was over 3 and the health visitors where concerned more that they said he couldnt understand what people where saying to him, and that this was more worrying than not talking. I allways new joe had something but i didnt know what but i also knew what a clever little fella he was but there was just this niggle.
Any how he was diagnosed after seeing specialist with dyslexia and dyspraxia...and now years on he is 12 very clever had fantastic reports from school, he is a popular lad, quite moralistic and sensitive and is thriving.....his dyslexia isnt holding him back like i thought but his dyspraxia upsets him due to his pals playing football and him not having the co-ordination skills but he is a strong minded lad.
It is good that the health visitor starting the ball rolling and soon you will get answers may not be ones you want but you will take everything as they come. I was lucky that joe started having referrals from age 3 and although sometimes i felt the health visitor was scaremongering.....i founfd out early on and didnt have the struggles some parents have trying to get their child diagnosed when they start school.
be strong :hug:
Thankyou soooo much for your kindness and replies. I am feeling so much better today and feel really positive. I now know its not the end of the world. Whatever the outcome, see is still my little Lili and always will be.
Have some more of these hun :hug::hug::hug::hug: as you can never have too many.
Have some from me too

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

xx xx
I don't know anything about autism.....

But I can tell you my second son did not talk clearly or say many words when he was young either fact he really did not talk where you could mildly understand him until he was about 3 1/2.......we had to ask his older sister " what did baby say?" come to find out he was just tongue tied.....(could not stick out his tongue past his teeth) .....never noticed before:o..... who looks?.....and because of this he could not form his words correctly so he would get frustrated because no one understood him......and throw a fit.....waving his arms about ......and sometimes just ignoring us because he did not want to bother speaking to us..............he went through 5 yrs of speech therapy before we had his tongue cut so it would work right......he's now 21 and still talks with a slight impediment.....but you can now understand him.....and he's a Sgt in the Army !

get a second opinion about your child.......
Hope it all works out for you ......:hug:
hello welshmammy,

well just like the above there are so many different stories about there life with ASD just like ASD itself it has lots of different angles to it.

my son who is now 9 was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in sept 2003. when he was 26 months we took him to our Health visiter to explain about our problems with his behavior. all we keeped being asked was .. what is he eating? how much does he drink? what does he drink? his just a boy! NO NO NO NO sorry i have to write it big because when i think back to then i get really angry and upset because i knew there was something wrong with him and they were living the olden days :irked:.

my husband and my self were very much like you we didn't really understand Autism we though oh it's when children hand flap and don't talk. the first pediatrician said there was no way in this world that our son had autism, we agreed yes but only because we didn't know just what autism is about. i also suggest you read info from NAS site as this will help with a better understanding of what Autism really is.ther are lots of site mainly U.S which say things and do thing differently to us.
both my hubby and me cried when we were told lewis had a ASD we had been fighting for so long and honestly i mean fighting to find out what was wrong with him and to be told that yes it was higher functioning autism well it just felt like we had let him down before when we had seen the pediatricians.

please please do not think this is the end for your little girl trust me. it could be as you have said she just doesn't wish to talk and well my little girl doesn't either when pepper pig is on :). also regarding schools Autism doesn't mean a special school is needed all the time, yes of cause when there are those with certain difficulties then yes it is needed but my son has a statement which entitles him to 10 hrs a week extra support one2one and also when he finishes jnrs he is being funded to go to a private school which we could never ever be able to afford. so yes his disability does bring upset and sadness when things go wrong but it has also given him the best opportunity ever. i know how you feel honestly but as someone els has said if it's just a couple of test then it not to much of a worry and great news for you if everything is fine.

i do hope what you have read on this thread shows how all of us are so strong in the support we have for our kids with special needs and how we turn it to a positive.

if you need to talk hun just pm me i'm always here :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
I'm a teacher for children with special needs. Most of the children I work with are on the autistic spectrum. I'd really recommend the NAS website too, the same as a previous poster. I'm also a Licenced EarlyBird Trainer, which is a free NAS programme for parents with a pre-school autistic child. I really can't recommend this programme too hiighly. It is such a wonderful programme, designed to give you knowledge of autism, develop communication with your child and to help with "behaviour" problems, which includes eating and sleeping problems, fears, etc. If you phone the EarlyBird centre in Barnsley they will be able to put you in touch with whoever runs it in your area. The only problem is that the child has to have a diagnosis for you to take part, so I'd keep pushing for an assessment. Children can be diagnosed early in life, but it is more difficult. It needs to be a medical diagnosis, so can you get an appointment with the Community Medical Officer at your "baby clinic"? (I'm in Scotland, so things might be different for you in Wales)
(Remember that it is autistic SPECTRUM disorder. There is a whole range of abilities, and there are many adult autistic people holding down responsible jobs, who are in relationships and have children.) I'd say the earlier you have a diagnosis and help from professionals - speech and language therapist, home visiting teacher (this is another part of what I do in my job - get in touch with your education authority to check this out), etc the sooner you can be helping your daughter develop in the way it suits her learning style best.
Hope this helps, and get in touch if you want more info or support.
Marion xxx
You're Child sounds just like any other child to me ,
all children are different and all have
different personality's,
Would you want chat to your hubby or be interested in a chat if the best part of Corrie or east enders were on ? :eek: I wouldn't LOL

Honestly she sounds just fine , I am sure as a mum you are going to keep a close eye on her ,
Perhaps she should not have any more mmr vaccination in the future or in smaller doses ?
but then again I always feel you know your own child best ,

Your health visitor sounds a little over zealousl ,
I think you are doing a great job as a mum ,
She has had her ears tested and so you are aware of these things ,
and I'm sure after the health visitor saying about the lights no doubt you will get her eyes checked regularly ,

Enjoy all your time with her , and your little boy,
You are her mum and know your own child's needs best,
You are all a family together , and your children sound just the way mine did ,
just like children,
and all different ,
one of mine hardly spoke at all , now he's just the opposite,
Perhaps go to another clinic instead ,
it may give you peace of mind , having another opinion ,
Any way please try not to worry ,
Just enjoy your family time with your little ones together
every happiness :hug:

Hi, well, I can understand you being devastated but you shouldn't worry until there is clear evidence that your little girl has this disorder.

My 23 month old, this evening, ignored everyone.. we had visitors and she ignored them. She ignores Tradesmen, she ignores ME when it suits. If I looked at the Autistic Traits, i am sure I could find a few that would suit Cadence! She looks blankly at people sometimes... stares through them... ignores me when I collect her from the Chilminder if she sees her Dad... doesn't look at me... runs straight past me into her Daddys arms.

If she were watching Pepa Pig... we wouldn't get any sense from her!

As for the speaking, my friends THREE children didn't utter a proper sentence until the age of 5... all 3 went to Speech Therapists and they have no problems now!!!

My 2 year old is intelligent and bright BUT my Twins are much slower... we went to the Beach on Sunday and hubby said, whilst watching Cadence running through the Water... 'Those two will be doing that this time next year'... 'Charlie will be able to sit up , and Jake may roll over'!!!

My Twins are 8 months old and can't sit up!! I could say they aren't as intelligent BUT they haven't had the complete attention Cadence had when she was a baby. I wave at them and they look at me blank. I clap and they look blank. I show them a bottle and they flap like mad!!!

WHATEVER happens... you have a beautiful and special little girl and whether she has Autism or not, she is YOURS. You are her Mummy and you will form such a close bond with her, that you wont care about Autism (IF she has it)... you will just love that little girl regardless.

Nobody wants their child to have anything wrong with them, they don't, I would be gutted... but my love wouldn't change.

I left Cadence sat in a bath seat on a carpet... by the fire (Why?!)... she fell quickly forward onto the Hearth and had a massive dint on her head... the next day she started pulling Tongues and dribbling... :eek:... I was distraught, I was convinced I had brain damaged her!

I have also thought in the past she is Deaf/Autistic... but she is just a child.. and they can be funny buggers when they want to be!

You are all so kind. It is so nice that there are people in similar situations out there for support.
I have a question, perhaps the geeks experienced in this area may help, how do I encourage speech in my child correctly. I understand, it is not just repeating a word constantly until the child copies it. Am I right in thinking I should verbally describe everything I do or see to my child, should I reward with hugs when she does something well.
I also think yesterday she started saying yes. And I am beginning to notice she occasionally shakes her head for no.
How should I respond to her, when she shakes her head, should I say Lili says no, Lili doesn't want this. Or should I ignore the shaking of the head, to encourage her to say no.
Obviously Lili is going to be assessed in 3 weeks, will get speech therapy whatever the outcome. But I would like to encourage developement of her speech immediately, and I don't want to make mistakes. I have googled, but the speech therapists don't want to give up their methods. Please, pointers would be very welcome.
Definately reward good behaviour, if she says a new word (or tries to) make a big deal of it, all kids like praise, and it will give her more confidence. I would definately descibe things to her a swell, people with ASD are very visual and she probably takes in far more than you think she does- it certainly wont do her any harm! :) Just a little FYI, my son is an obsolute genius when it comes to reading/english language - so much so he even corrects his head of year (who is the English teacher!) He was very late speaking, but could read by the time he was 3. He is 10 now and has the reading age of 16, and can read adult books and understand the context and the meaning of the words. so it donst necessarily follow that a child who speaks later will always be like that.:hug:

Latest posts