Need encouragement - I am scared

[michellemaillet]

Hi,

This feels weird for me to post here, but I just need to tell someone... and telling others that are not super close to me somehow makes it easier and less scary

I left my husband last night. I have not loved him for a long time now... I am miserable with him, but stayed for the sake of trying to make it work and for the kids. The children are now all grown up (17 and 20).

I am scared, because I already feel lonely, scared for financial stability, scared he is not going to do well.... scared period.

I can go on and on... but I won't... I am not expecting any major responses as I am a complete stranger and what is there to say, really?

I am 40 years old and can't believe I am alone. Deep down, in the long run, I know I will be happier... but in the short term the emotions make me wonder if I was stupid to do it. I know it would be dumb to stay with someone I don't truly love... I was getting more angrier, frustrated and depriving him of love more and more as the years went on and although he says he loves me, I think he will probably be happier in the long run.

Wow.... 24 years of being with him, and now I am single! Yikes.... I am in a state of numbness.... overwhelmed with how we move forward with a mortgage, house, vehicles.... ugg.

Anyways... I should stop.... if you are still reading... thanks for listening. Have any of you found yourself at the crossroad I am at? And....??

Hugs,

michelle

(PS. I am a new nail tech that has been running a home business... it is going well... I am booking between 5 and 8 appointments a week and I have only been certified for 4 months). I am happy with how that has been going. It won't be enough to carry me though... will have to go find a part time job to supplement my income un less God gives me a few extra clients a week starting right away! LOL.)

 

[Pinkbunny28]

Didn't want to read and run but don't really know what to say. My heart goes out to you, that must have taken a lot of courage with everything you now have to worry about. Easiest way to do it is to take it a step at a time. Get out there and do some advertising for your business so you can continue your clients and gain more. It will help eventually.

As for your now ex - you need to sit down calmly and talk about how would be easiest to divide things. This needs to be done sooner rather than later so he doesn't think there would still be a chance you'll come back.

I hope that helped a little and I wish you all the best of luck. Big hugs x

 

[lilly]

Well done for making the decision, life is short and you should do what feels right, you'll have a sense of complete relief mixed up with sense of... What the hell have I done ! Give it a Month and it will all calm down ! Don't forget too look into working tax credits this what they're are for, people like you who are trying to make a living. Get out with your mates and have some fun X

 

[*Zoe*]

Life rewards the brave. It may be a huge and scary step you are taking, stepping out into the unknown but it's something you need to do now. The pain and hurt you feel now will be nothing compared to how happy you will be in the future.

Be brave - things always work themselves out x

 

[michellemaillet]

Thanks so much for your responses... they truly are helpful, somehow knowing people are out there that know what is going on....

I will find myself reading and re-reading your responses through out the day and the days to come as a constant reminder of the positive, encouraging strengthening things you have said to me.

You are very kind.

Michelle

 

[NIGHT OWL]

Hi honey....I'm in the same boat as you only rolls reversed...I divorced my husband six years ago and then got back with him just over a year ago....today out of the blue he has left me..I am absolutely devastated....I am also recovering from a hip replacement that he encouraged me to have and said he would look after me so am feeling really let down....but hey hoe left him once before I will get over it and so will you....you will be ok if your not happy you have done the best thing. I managed on working tax credits apply for these as you should qualify, it's amazing what you can live on when you don't have to consider a man, and 40 is no great age get yourself out there and have a ball I did lol...and then got back with the silly bugger....wishing you all the best for your new life..xxx

 

[Only-me]

Yes you came to the right place to talk we here for you..
You know you have made the right decision but it's still a difficult process... And at 40 you have many years ahead of you hat off to you for sticking with the situation so long, I left my ex when my kids were young and they were far happier as we were..

It's like a sort of bereavement of your former life, this will be hard unsettling for a while but will get better. How have your kids taken it? Try to stay calm and amicable if you can.
Good luck and keep us posted.. If I was near I'd be grabbing the vino and a good chinwag! Stay cool one day at a time 😥💙💁x

 

[effie]

Your scared because of the unknown

In time it will all come together in the end and it all takes time

I was only 23 when I left my husband ( wasn't married that long but had been together or 7 years ) I had no money not place to live and a 4 year old child 9 years later I've a lovely home the love of a man that would move heaven and earth of me and the children and yes another child with him

All you need is support of your family and friends and you will get through this and more than Likely ask yourself why you didn't do it sooner x

 

[RBonadies]

Well done for making such a brave decision. Remember the material things in life don't matter, but your happiness does. Be brave, keep your head high and im sure new doors will open for you.

 

[RBonadies]

Oh - just one more thing - just think about this whenever u feel down:
The day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud, was more painful than the risk it took to bloom. The element of freedom!
You may feel down now, but soon you will realise it was more painful spending your life feeling trapped .

x

 

[Only-me]

You got to get through the rain to see the rainbow x

 

[michellemaillet]

Thank you ladies <3

 

[PinkSwoon]

Michelle, fortune favours the brave well done for finding the courage to leave something behind you felt wasn't right. Many people become too complacent in life & just settle. I have a big belief in the fact that people should never just settle for what is ok, it may be hurting now because it's so fresh but in a few months time you will be able to look back on this experience & think 'I got through it!' so well done to you You're not alone!

 

[dandelionpoppy]

I hope all goes really well for you in your new life.
A friend went through something similar. She is now in her own little house, with her choice of furnishings, her choice of food, her choice of television! She is enjoying a much fuller and happier life than she had, and is feeling free.
Good luck!X

 

[xxsarahj25xx]

My parents divorced when u was 12, my siblings were around the same age as your kids, I think to make it as easy as possible for them, keep calm! My parents were always at each others throats when they went through it, we had to tell our parents off for acting like kids, arguing over cars and the house.... It really is just stuff!

I can speak from both sides as when I was 17 going on 18, I was living with my eldest sons dad ( he was only 9mnths at the time) and discovered he had been cheating. I had nothing, we lived off HIS wages, we stayed with family members for a bit while I desperately tried to sort my life out and one by one my family was turning their backs on me (said having me and an infant in the house was too hectic for them/ causing problems with their OH/ just generally inconviencing them!) so I ended up homeless, the council couldnt accommadate anymore homeless families so I ended up in a hostel seperated from my son for 9 months while he lived with his dad. Lovely soul his dad is applied for a residency order and did his best to TRY and stop me from seeing him.

The conclusion of my loooong comment? My son is now four, me and his dad share residency. I have a lovely house I can call my home, a lovely man who treats me right, a lively 1 yo son with him, and last month I gained my first ever qualification in nail technology and im slowly building up my business around my family! LIFE IS AMAZING!!!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

 

[tonicj]

My parents divorced when u was 12, my siblings were around the same age as your kids, I think to make it as easy as possible for them, keep calm! My parents were always at each others throats when they went through it, we had to tell our parents off for acting like kids, arguing over cars and the house.... It really is just stuff!

I can speak from both sides as when I was 17 going on 18, I was living with my eldest sons dad ( he was only 9mnths at the time) and discovered he had been cheating. I had nothing, we lived off HIS wages, we stayed with family members for a bit while I desperately tried to sort my life out and one by one my family was turning their backs on me (said having me and an infant in the house was too hectic for them/ causing problems with their OH/ just generally inconviencing them!) so I ended up homeless, the council couldnt accommadate anymore homeless families so I ended up in a hostel seperated from my son for 9 months while he lived with his dad. Lovely soul his dad is applied for a residency order and did his best to TRY and stop me from seeing him.

The conclusion of my loooong comment? My son is now four, me and his dad share residency. I have a lovely house I can call my home, a lovely man who treats me right, a lively 1 yo son with him, and last month I gained my first ever qualification in nail technology and im slowly building up my business around my family! LIFE IS AMAZING!!!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

Sarah,

So sad that your family turned their back on you at your most difficult time and its great to hear that you pulled yourself up again and achieved your qualification in nail technology and indeed created a happy family life for yourself. I can tell from your story that you must have great stamina and I know you will do very well indeed in your chosen career and you deserve it! Good luck:hug:

 

[michellemaillet]

Wow, I can't say thank you enough. It has been so encouraging to read your stories of courage and triumph!

I do free already!

I really prayed before I told him. Prayed God would prepare his heart. And it seems my prayers were answered.

He has admitted that he knows the separation is best for both of us. Is willing to do whatever it takes to see both of us grounded and back up on our feet in our new living accommodations... and he wants to remain good friends.

The remaining good friends part scares me a bit, as he is a little needy and I fear he will change his mind and try and get me to come back.... but at the same time, I spent the past 24 years with the man and would love to be friends, if we can make that work... as long as it is healthy and he doesn't have alternative motives.

My daughter and I have decided to not stay in the house... we are looking for a place to rent in town somewhere where I can still run my business. My ex will come back to the house and finish up a few of the minor renos needing done and then we have agreed to sell it and split the equity.

I am feeling much better today... still feels weird, lonely, scary a little - but exciting as well.

Hugs ladies <3

And thanks Again,

Michelle

 

[blossom]

Michelle my heart goes out to you, although I don't have any words of wisdom.

But you are doing the right thing and this will pass.

Good luck in all you do and don't forget we're here for you. You're right, it's easier to talk sometimes when it's NOT friends and family. . . your geek family are perfect for this :hug::hug: xx

 

[Lavender lovely]

Sorry your having a hard time of it, it's very brave to walk away, much harder than staying so you must be a very strong person. The fear and loneliness will pass, it's always the hardest at the beginning. Xx

 

[michellemaillet]

Hi Ladies,

Thanks again for all your encouragement and support! :hug:

I thought I would give you guys an update. My daughter and I have moved out of our home and are renting a place in town. There are some issues here that have convinced us that this isn't the place to be renting, so we are on the search again :/

I am so glad we decided to move out... first off, my ex was sleeping in his freaking truck!!! and by moving out, he went back to the house. Also, living right in town will enable my daughter to walk to and from school (she is in her 12th grade this year!) We also moved out because we needed a completely new start... new walls, environment etc... And it is a good thing we made the move because it has helped me stay strong and not change my mind... it made it more official and real!

I need to get about 10 more regular clients and we should be okay financially... so I will really begin to advertise. We are selling the house and will split the equity... that will give me a nice financial cushion (thank God).

It has been HARD! Lot of days where I have cried lots and felt quite down, but also lots of moments of relief and freedom! Quite the roller coaster ride! For the most part, the kids seem to be adjusting as well as can be expected.

I could go on and on... but won't keep you. Just wanted to let you know I have been strong enough to follow through and we are doing fine

I can't believe I am 40 years old and freaking single... weird. I would never have thought this would be my story... oh well, I am working on creating a happy ending.

Hugs,

Michelle