Social Services-help!

[Mommabear]

Hi geeks,

I wouldnt usually come on to air something like this but i need an "outsiders" point of view, or maybe someone with experience in the social services or dealing with them.

Ok.....grab ur cuppas this could be a long one (dont say i didnt warn u haha) yesterday started out as a normal school morning (runnin round like a headless chicken trying to get out on time, im sure u all know the drill) anyway, my eldest (5) was in the bathroom being naughty (as boys do) got told off and carried to his room for a few minutes......my friend takes him to school every wednesday (i take her girl on a thursday,mwe take it in turns) so went to my friends house for a cuppa and a chin wag (as you do) she then sat there an said just thought id let you know jack said mike strangled him round the neck (his step-dad) this morning. As anybody would be, i was MORTIFIED! i said no he didnt he was getting told off and sent to his room, i was there an seen it happen. Goes on with my day, comes to around half 4, phone rings....."school"......i thought, i know exactly wat this is about......answers it is the headmistress......by this point im shaking like a ****ting dog thinking OH MY GOD wat has he said. To cut the phone call down he had basically told the teacher what he told my friend, and after being looked at by the teacher and head teacher he didnt have a mark on him (which i was told if he had even touched him on the kneck/hurt him it wouldve marked, apparantly the neck is quite sensitive) anyway, she said to me "you know we have no concerns over jack, he always comes in in a good happy mood, hes doing really well in school work (got a deputy head teachers award last friday PROUD MOMENT i nearly cried haha) as i was saying, he is always an all around happy little boy, but because of the sensistivity of something like this they have to phone social services.
At this point im ready to have a bloody breakdown (theres some other stuff thats going on st the minute that im stressingover, but thats a different story lol) doesnt help i woke up this morning with a face full of spots from the stress of everything.
Ok so bearing in mind that phone call was half 4........social services were at my door at 6!!!!!!!
Give them there due they dont waste there time.
Although, i wanted to know does anyone know if its protocol that the school has to go straight to the social be4 telling me?? I was rather taken back by the fact i was the last person to know.....and as any mother would be totally mortified at the fact she has social services knocking on the door!
I know, and as alot of family and friends have said, he comes from a very close family, loved a million times over and is spoilt by everyone. Obviously as this accusation is over my partner, my partner hasnt taken it very well, was nearly sick this morning and as they do, has been taking it out on me, snappy, cranky.....u know the score!
My boss used to work for social servcies but hasnt for quite a few years so can only say wat they used to do when she was there and is unsure if anything has changed.
I love both my boys and so does there dad he would never do anything like that if i thought he would i wouldnt be with the man, everything i do is for to make them happy, and if anything like that did happen.......its b me getting done for GBH on whoever hurt them haha (i try to crack jokes to make light of a situation, its the way i try an deal with things, not everyones cup of tea with the sensitive nature)


Im basically looking for an outsiders persepective? If you were a social worker what would you say? have you had any experience with something like this?

Please can we keep it nice, i feel crappy enough as it and dont know wat to do next, ive made an appointment to go see the head tomorrow mornign be4 work to talk things over, as the social workers didnt really say much.

Xoxoxox

 

[squidgernetball]

Very similar thing happened to a friend - son playing in the garden and his dad turned and bopped in on the head. He made a joke of it, but the kid went to school the next day and said daddy hit me. Social services were called and it all cam to nothing. The school have a duty of care but they do seem to have been a bit quick off the mark. Another friend teaches and is so desperate that the head won't involve SS that she ended up calling them anonymously about a child she has had long term concerns about! You must be so upset. How did SS leave it???

 

[Mobile Manicure]

Oh god what an awful situation. What did S.S actually do when they came to your house?

You say your little boy is 5? I have a 5 year old and the amount of rubbish that comes out of her mouth is unbelievable. Really. Surely the school can't listen to and believe every 5 year old's tale of woe. Especially when he had no marks on him. I find it a little bizarre, especially as there is no history of domestic abuse. Maybe your partner grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and marched him to his room and your son exaggerated the whole thing, then when he realised he was gaining attention, the story became even more fabricated.

I'm afraid I cant offer you any insight or advise but I really feel for you. Why can't S.S go after the people they're suppose to and help real victims?

I would be somewhat angry at the school.

 

[Mommabear]

Thanks geeks for replying i really appreciate it.

SS didnt really say anything thats why i asked my boss and have come here, be4 they left (as my mum wallks through the door, i thout flipping heck havent got my head round it now i had to explain it to her) she just said im not too sure if someone will be intouch by phone or will call down.....they didnt really say much while they were here either. But they said to my little boy are you worried about anything? Is anything bothering you? I stood there an though does a 5ye old even know wat worrying means......jack being jack said "i dunno" he says that to everything, i ask him everyday wat he has for his lunch an he says i dunno xx

 

[Mommabear]

I am a little annoyed that they didnt come to me first and let me explain what happend. I said to the headteacher i was there and seen wat happened. He just picked him up (u know wen kids do the ill drop my whole body weight thing, he did that) and took him to his room for a few minutes. Like the headteacher said, she said there very happy with jack he always comes in happy as anything and hes doing really well in school..............so i cant understand why they would have suspitions?
I mean he has come out with some corkers before, like you said the age they are they come out with allsorts.......he once went into school and said a man touched his willy......mortified when the teacher asked me about it and i explained he was having troubles with his willy an we took him the doctors.....it was a male doctor that obviously checked his willy over and everyything was fine, but i was mortifed.

Xx

 

[KayaPapaya]

I am a little annoyed that they didnt come to me first and let me explain what happend. I said to the headteacher i was there and seen wat happened. He just picked him up (u know wen kids do the ill drop my whole body weight thing, he did that) and took him to his room for a few minutes. Like the headteacher said, she said there very happy with jack he always comes in happy as anything and hes doing really well in school..............so i cant understand why they would have suspitions?
I mean he has come out with some corkers before, like you said the age they are they come out with allsorts.......he once went into school and said a man touched his willy......mortified when the teacher asked me about it and i explained he was having troubles with his willy an we took him the doctors.....it was a male doctor that obviously checked his willy over and everyything was fine, but i was mortifed.

Xx

This is really tricky isn't it.

As he hasn't lied, a man DID touch his willy but not in the way people suspiciously think. So it's really hard as he's now interpretting what your partner did to him as strangling him.
I guess there's a moment that you didn't see what happened, so I'd just let Social services do their job and investigate.

 

[Steph86]

I think school has a duty of care to inform SS without contacting the parent. Im quite sure there is nothing wrong at home.

But imagine a scenario (with another family) where there was a problem at home & the teacher spoke to the parents & it was brushed under the carpet & something terrible happened. The teacher would kick themselves.

I know its hard not to take it personally when it is you in the situation, but just see it as them doing their jobs.

You hear horror stories where SS haven't intervened, & they get slated when something bad happens.

Im sure they are now trying to prevent such awful situations.

Xx

 

[StephsTherapies]

My mum told me that when I was five she was driving me to school and she hit a curb reversing the car, when I got to school and was talking to the teacher I told her that me and my mum were in a car crash! Of course my teacher was worried and called my mum at home to see if everything was ok! Ha ha!

 

[nicole333]

The school will have a Policy and a Procedure to follow when situations like this occur. Their priority is and always should be the child and they did what anybody would have to do working with vulnerable people (in this case a child). The call to you would have been out of courtesy.

It's not the schools job to investigate or believe one way or another, but simply to follow the Policy. Everything is so strict around Safe guarding, you would hope that we don't hear as many stories as we do in the media about some of the horrific things that are able to go on behind closed doors.

If there is nothing to find, then they will find just that. It must have been a shock and once that subsides you will probably see the positives in how everyone played their role in getting a very swift contact.

 

[Mommabear]

I totally understand what Ss are doing, and im glad that they jumped on it so quick, but obviously when nothings wrong and it was just a kid doing wat kids do, it puts u on edge.
Im glad they do do wat theyve done as if there was a child actually in an abusive household, theyd b straight there, i get that.
But when he comes from a well loved and looked after family, (eats me out of £15 worth of fruit in a few days haha) it puts u in a state of mind were theres always a "what if he does this" or "what if he says this" there gonna b back again :-(

Xx

 

[Mommabear]

Forgot to add, the school have also said how they know hes always happy in school and how well hes doing with homework etc xx

 

[dandelionpoppy]

In child protection the golden rule is to take the child seriously.
The school followed procedures well. They will have done this many times before, and will do many times again in the future. Most times it will work out happily.

I feel so sorry that you're so stressed, but feel glad that your son goes to a caring school and try not to blame them.

 

[MrsHBeauty]

What a

 

[gemmah9]

I think the school did right to report it , I know how upsetting it is and would be mortified if they turned up at my door but we see so many cases where kids suffer & it's not reported in time that is actually prefer if they acted more like this than ignored children's claims, some kids will on tell teachers once & if they don't believe them may not have the courage I speak out again ! Look at poor Daniel pelka who's recently been in the news , if only teachers had acted sooner along with SS ehe may still be here Xx

 

[happyfeet]

Um I do think the school were a little hastey, however I don't know what went on at school. When I worked in childcare a few years ago, we were always trained to speak to the child, ask non leading questions to try and establish the facts. Based on this information we worked with our manager and designated child protection member of staff within the nursery and the decision was made by us as to whether or not social services needed to be involved. All information was duely noted and recorded. In some instances we discussed with the parents, or if we felt that in doing so would put the child in danger we wouldn't speak to them but obviously contact social services immediately. This was however back in 2009 so protocol may now have changed due to recent high profile and tragic cases.

I can fully understand how you feel lovely, it must feel very uncomfortable and be very upsetting for you. Just remember that social services aren't the ogres the media (both in print and in tv programmes) make them out to be, they are there to safe guard the children and to actually keep families together (where possible) keeping the child's safety at the forefront at all times. You know that your partner did not strangle your son and with your help and cooperation, as you've done thus far, it will help SS to understand that this was a misunderstanding. I know it's hard to think of it as a 'thank god the schools/SS are serious about protecting our children' situation just now but try to remain positive, try not to stress and keep your chin up lovely. X x x

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[AcidPerm]

I read your post and thought, that could be me or any one of my mummy friends. My 4 year old also comes out with all sorts of rubbish although I've no idea why.

He recently told his dad who was upstairs at the time, that I stood on his hand. No idea why or what made him say this. Obviously, his dad knows I wouldn't do such a thing but it really shook me wondering if he says similar things at pre-school.

Try not to worry too much. :hug:

 

[Nails<3]

I had exactly the same thing happen to me except it was at nursery.

My daughter fell over the week before and bruised her leg , the week after the nursery asked her where she got her bruise from and she said daddy hit her.

I got home to a postcard through my door stating that social services had been round and I would need to ring them. At this point I had no idea what the hell was going on. I rang my mum who was a social worker and asked what to do.

I went straight to the nursery and picked my 2 up and asked what the hell the nursery was doing. They had let a male social worker into my daughters classroom at nursery, pulled her out of the class and made her stand outside the room and lift her dress up to show the bruise. It was all captured on CCTV. There was no permission from myself for her to be inspected and he had no one with him. The nursery left him with her.

By this point I was raging. The nursery had told the SS that the bruise was fresh. The bruise was 1 week old and was faded. I had to go and see the social worker that interviewed my daughter without an adult present with her.

I pulled my daughter out of the nursery and put in a complaint to SS as they went about it the wrong way. I have never been so scared in my life. Thankfully my mum was with me through the interview etc and she questioned the social worker to see what the hell he was doing. He denied inspecting my daughter and denied questioning her alone so got the CCTV from the nursery to prove it.

My daughter has never ever been harmed but I think it's protocol now, as soon as your little one says something they have to report it. It's bad the way some handle it and make you feel like you have abused your own child.

 

[Mommabear]

Thanks geeks for sharing and for all level headedness my heads
just all over the place at the minute.......well...ive got the my appointment with the head in a bit. Safe to say im not looking forward to it, feel like we have to defend our corner wen we havent dun anything :-( xxxx

 

[millyspook]

I've had social services visit me because I had taken my kids to hospital 1) my son burnt his hand on cooker whilst my mum was looking after him and 2) my daughter coukdnt move her arm properly as I grabbed her awkwardly whilst getting her out her cot.


They came round and we just had a little chat, they asked a few questions, I had nothing to hide so it was all very honest and I've not heard anything since. It's protocol that they have to do this so I really shouldn't worry.

 

[pinknfluffy]

What is the world coming to? There is a situation going on at my daughters school at the moment - a mother left her 2yr old in the car (window down a little, in a private school car park) whilst she ran her elder child to the classroom door, it was raining & the 2 year old was asleep. Another parent saw this & has gone mental! She spoke to the head, got texts and letters sent out to all parents, and as the lady who left her child unattended is on the school council thingy, got a petition going round the school to get the lady removed as she feels this lady can not be trusted with the welfare of children! She approached me to sign the petition and I refused as 1) I wasnt there and dont know the full story, and 2) I would feel a hypocrite as I have before left my children in the car...whilst paying for petrol, and unloading shopping into the house!
It has completely escalated now, and is such a horrible atmosphere in the playground, my daughter is only 5 but even she is talking about it! The poor lady has had a visit from police and social services this past week, and had to resign from her position after 13 years!!
And all because some people have absolutely nothing better to do with there time! Not really the same as the posters situation I know, but just shows how nanny-state we have become!