what age to have children?

[MINKUS]

I had my first child at 22..another at 27 and another at 28. I don't think there is ever a right time to have kids...and there will always be reasons why you shouldn't ... those reasons are just the same when you have kids. To be honest (and older mums please don't be offended i am speaking about people that i have met only) i have known couples to wait and have kids when they are older and its been harder for them to adjust...they are set in there ways and used to just doing as they please and a little selfish (they can be as they have no-one to answer to) then this baby comes along and they just don't seem to cope as well as the younger couples. Don't get me wrong..sometimes i wish Rob and I had spent more time together and had holidays together first...but we will have plenty of time to do that when the kids are older.

What does he think will be better/different in 10 years then..?? people make excuses about not having kids just yet all the time...i don't get it...the time is never right and if you keep waiting and waiting...the years tick by and all of a sudden...here you are lovely home..nice holidays...stuck in your ways...no-one to share it with.

For all the reasons not to have kids i could give you a million more reasons to have them.

Sorry for rambling but for all the headaches i get from mine i would never be with out them...i just love babies and kids...they give you so much..and i believe make you a better person...babies rule !!!!

Start biting holes in them dobbers babes...lol

PMSL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:o u nutter

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Huh??????!

Actually I think I've just worked it out!!!! :o

 

[Bagpuss]

Actually I think I've just worked it out!!!! :o

lol..dont they call em that anymore..they did when i was at school..x

 

[Fingertips ND]

johnies?

 

[Bagpuss]

johnies?

bullet proof vest

 

[Fingertips ND]

rain coats?

 

[Rachel Mary]

I had my first at 31 not by choice, we were told the only way my husband and I could conceive would be by IVF (is it called the same in UK?) Luckily I got pregnant 1st time they tried. then I got pregnant 3 times naturally after that (miscarried one early on). Would have loved to have had them earlier. But little miracles come when they are meant to not when they are told to.
The time will come and you will wonder how you ever lived without them, but in the meantime enjoy the two of you till you both are ready.
xxxx:Love:

 

[PenelopePitstop]

Start biting holes in them dobbers babes...lol

The good thing for me is i don't use them....if i stopped taking the pill without him knowing (in the future) and i got preggers he would leave me, he's told me this!!! (i know that's really harsh)

His reasons for not wanting them is because he dosen't feel old enough, he said he still feels like he felt when he was 17 which was 8 yrs ago, he still wants to go out clubbing, dj-ing, lads weekends away etc etc and he dosen't see himself giving that up for another 10 years.

he may change his mind...do i hang around to find out....


xxxxx

 

[Bagpuss]

The good thing for me is i don't use them....if i stopped taking the pill without him knowing (in the future) and i got preggers he would leave me, he's told me this!!! (i know that's really harsh)

His reasons for not wanting them is because he dosen't feel old enough, he said he still feels like he felt when he was 17 which was 8 yrs ago, he still wants to go out clubbing, dj-ing, lads weekends away etc etc and he dosen't see himself giving that up for another 10 years.

he may change his mind...do i hang around to find out....


xxxxx

Ummmm !! i dunno hun...me personally...if i wanted something different than my b/f and there was no comprimise..then i would have to seriously think about what kind of future we have. You have to think about how bad you want kids...and will he be ready in 10 years even...or in 10 years will he say another 5...we all have to grow up sometime, and having kids doesn't mean your life stops..sure it changes but there are babysitters, you can still go out and have fun. best of luck babes xxxx:Love:

 

[PenelopePitstop]

Ummmm !! i dunno hun...me personally...if i wanted something different than my b/f and there was no comprimise..then i would have to seriously think about what kind of future we have. You have to think about how bad you want kids...and will he be ready in 10 years even...or in 10 years will he say another 5...we all have to grow up sometime, and having kids doesn't mean your life stops..sure it changes but there are babysitters, you can still go out and have fun. best of luck babes xxxx:Love:

Thanks Chick, you've all really helped :hug: , i'm off for a weeks holiday in 2 weeks time so i think i'm going to have a real hard think about it and see how i feel when i come back, it's really hard to leave someone that you love and want to be with but for them not to want what you want and when you want itit maybe harder to stay....this is something i thought i'd never come across in a relationship, if i hadn't of brought it up i would of never have known!! xxxxxxxxxx

 

[emmam]

Well i had mine at 17,22,23 and 27 and i found them all challenging but in different ways, so age didnt give me an advantage.

I always said i would never have a baby after i was 30 as i didnt want to be an old mum in the playground, i am nearly 31 now and do miss having a baby around the house but wont be having anymore.

my eldest loves having a young(ish ) mum who does her funky makeovers for parties, she is 13 now.

my mum was a young mum and had me at 18 but now we are more like best friends than mum and daughter, she loves the fact that she gets asked if her grandkids are hers cos she is so young looking. Not even 50 and a nanny to 8

You will know when you are ready to start a family

em x

 

[Jaffacake]

I had my first child at 25, second at 26. I was definately ready by then and I am glad I didnt wait until I was older. My son is now 11 and my daughter is 9 and life is getting easier (was a struggle in the begining and I wondered what I was doing?)

My parents were 16 and 18 when they had me, unplanned of course, but they are still together 35 years later! My mum is now early 50's and she was 40 when my son was born, she said she couldnt have coped with having a baby at that age because she found it really tiring having a toddler running around, she didnt know how women of her age did it! she was only early 30's when I was off hand so they had their life just begining then with nice holidays etc, and they had the money to do it then as well, something they didnt have when they were young.

It is a personal choice of course, the only thing that made me want children in my 20's was the higher risks involved in being an older mum, dont they call you elderly mums if you are over 30 in hospital or something?? and the higher risk of complications etc.

 

[caz3]

20, 25, 31, 39, and 42 years of age!

OMG Here goes at my age now 44 years young!!!! I do not think there is a right or wrong time to have kids, what ever you plan at one stage of your life could change over the rest of the years.

Whe I got married at 19 I just wanted to be a Mummy so I had my 1st daughter when I was 20 years of age we had been living in Germany and came back to the UK and had just got our new quarter I was so happy but my marriage went through a bad patch then we moved back to Germany a new house things were looking up so at 25 I had my 2nd daughter things were ok for a while then I left my hubby and moved back to the UK. I was very happy with my 2 girls from my X hubby and never thought I would have any more.

Met my hubby who I am married to now wanted another baby so at 31 years of age had my 3rd daughter.

At the age of 39 I had my 4th daughter.

At the age of 42 I had my 1st son my 5th child.

I have enjoyed all of my kids at all stages of my life.

I must say when I was in my 20's I would have always said I would never have kids over the age of 30 now I no this was a silly thing to say as you never no what your life holds for you.

Good luck be happy and I hope all you worries will be little ones :biggrin:

Caz xxx

 

[linzi]

I think it depends on how you both feel, if you're both eready then great. I also think, however that if you are always waiting for the right moment, then it's never going to come, kids cost money (apparently £20,000 in the first five years), it's a fact. I wouldn't particularly like to be an older mother, my gran had my mum at 42 and now she has severe alzheimers and my mum has to constantly look after her - it's like having another baby in the house! My mum and my aunt are the same age but my mum has me (20) and my sister (17), we will be 21 and 18 in March and my aunt has my little cousin who has just turned five. When I think of what my mother has to cope with, I would hate it.

However, having said that, I think that things happen for a reason, when I miscarried last year we were devasted and it brought us closer together. If it's right for you both, then it will happen.

As for my age, I alwasy thought about 23, but things change all the time!

 

[PenelopePitstop]

However, having said that, I think that things happen for a reason, when I miscarried last year we were devasted and it brought us closer together. If it's right for you both, then it will happen.

As for my age, I alwasy thought about 23, but things change all the time!

ahh god i'm really sorry, i feel sorry for thinking about it let alone talking about it especially when other people are having to go through things like this!

I think i'll have another word with him, i do worry about being an older mum as the risks are higher but people do and are fine. hopefully he'll change his mind one day xxx

 

[Buggy]

haven't read all the replies, so i might be repeating something, but i don't think there is a "right" time. life rarely turns out exactly how you plan it anyway. so long as your children turn out healthy and your in good enough health yourself to look after them, then age doesn't matter. and while you don't have them, enjoy yourself with holidays, clubbing and stuff, because you won't get chance once you do have them!

 

[1999judy]

I had my kids at 23, 24 and 33. Still managed to do everything I have wanted to do, and I was one of those people who said I was too selfish to have children! They are hard work but they are the best thing in the world and constantly make me proud. AND I'm going clubbing on Saturday - you do have time for yourself - it's just a little less than it was before.

 

[ValencianNails]

we didn't plan an age to start a family, it just felt like the right time...

got married at 20, had our first one at 22 and our second at 24, there's only 9 months between hubby and me (he's older lol as i keep reminding him).

I'm now 36 (for a couple months more lol), my kids are 14 and 12, very independant children and we're getting a lot more freedom, not only as a couple but also as a family, I think it's due to having them when I was in my early twenties.

that's it now, no more for me, good grief I couldn't stand having a baby now!!!

your other half can still go away for boys weekends if he wants to but maybe not quite as often as he does now, you'll become closer and cherish the quiet times when you're on your own AND more importantly appreciate the quality time.

You'll know when the time is right, believe me you will... :hug: xx

 

[tamimac]

The most important thing to remember about having kids is that there is never a truly right time. Youll never feel you have enough money, enough patience, time, energy ect.
We had our first two boys when we had NO money, but I was young (22 and 24) and apparrently full of energy but with little life experience. My youngest boy was born when I was 29 and already I felt a difference in my energy levels, but we were more financially stable and because there was less pressure on hubby and me, we both enjoyed his babyhood more. BUt hell it was knackering. I stillwant one last one, hopefully next year but it does concern me that its putting my career on hold another few years. (thank god for mobile work)
Hell, this sounds really engative, I dont mean to be, but I just wanted to say just because the time isnt "right", doesn't mean youre not ready to be great parent.

 

[xtremities]

Hi there.

I had my first two children (boys) when I was 24 and 25. Two lovely boys who played together and wore me out. Then my marriage broke down when I was 29/30 and I was on my own for a few years. Met someone else at 31 and wasn't too bothered about having any more children at that stage, wanted to enjoy what I had. Anyway at 35 had this real urge to have one more child (hopefully a daughter). It didn't happen. My then partner had fertility problems, so I kinda gave up hope. Anyway I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at 37 and my daughter was born the same month that I was 38.

Two totally different experiences and good and bad about both.

At 24/25 I had more energy, but if I am honest felt a little trapped when I saw other people of my age going out and having fun. Don't have family closeby and it was difficult to get babysitter for two, so my husband basically used to go out on his own and leave me to hold the forte. Anyway I left that marriage and single parenthood was preferable to a marriage that was one sided. Then I met my daughter's father and looking back I was searching for security for my boys, wrong reason to be with someone. When i fell pregnant with her it was a shock and this relationship too was going wrong but I buried my head in the sand. When she was born I didn't know what had hit me. Found it much harder, especially with by now two teenage sons as well. Anyway, by the time she was three, I realised I couldn't stay in the relationship and left that one to become a single parent of three!!!

I am now 45 with an adorable 7 year old daughter and although tiring, wouldn't change anything for the world. She keeps me young and she is lucky to have two older brothers of 22 and 20 that think the world of her.

Do what is in your heart, life never works out to plan anyway. Hope this helps.

Sam