WHAT IS IT WITH MEN?????? (getting it off my chest)

[Tsia]

:cry: What is it with the male species? Or is it just mine???
Me and my partner have been together 3 years and our 'anniversary' of meeting is on 11th May.
Every year we get eachother a card and maybe a little token of love, and go out for a meal.. etc..
This year, after moving in together 8 months ago, I am not employed, cos I have taken time out to get my weight loss surgery done and eyes lasered etc.. I have bought a Train to become a Driving Instructor' course (hasnt yet arrived) and I have an interest in nails in my spare time.
Anyway, back to the point! I handed my card to my Partner along with a DVD to watch on the day after he had a long day policing the london railways.
He opened it and said thanks etc.. then there was a silence. I was expecting him to give me mine.. He didnt. I asked, he said he hasnt had time.
Fair enough, I was hurt but understand he does obscure hours.

Next morning, I dropped a few hints in a jokey way, but really meant what I was saying of course, and Last night he came home late again, after small talk, and just before bed, I asked him if he had anything for me. HE SHOOK HIS HEAD, said no! (I was really hurt and stormed off to bed)
When he got in bed, I went down the other end. (top to toe)
Got up early, ignored him all morning, kept busy (sent him to 'Coventry' really)
Then just as he left for work, he said, "right I'm going, may as well go to work if theres an atmosphere" I replied "bye then!" in a bit of a sarcastic manner. We ended up rowing a bit in the doorway. I told him that I couldnt believe there was not one shop that sold cards between here and London and that I felt hurt and unloved. To which he said, " maybe if you got a job you would understand so GET OVER IT!!" :cry:

Get over it? What should I do now? I cant beieve he said that.
I know I aint gonna answer his texts if I get one. However, he's a bit stubborn so I dont think he'll send one.

Am I going over the top about this or being silly? Or is it him? He knew the anniversary was coming up cos we spoke about it a few days before! How hard is it to get a quick card sorted??

Tell me honestly, I would prefer to hear the truth what you geeks think.
(sorry about this being long)

 

[fats28]

Blokes are a bit thoughtless in that department, but maybe you are making a mountain out of a molehill. If everything else in yr relationship is OK why has this small (to me maybe not to you) oversight on yr partners part caused so much of a problem to you?

From what you've said I think your partner is p***ed off you don't work for whatever reason, he could even have done it on purpose to raise the issue of you not working and if your driving test instructor course hasn't arrived in his eyes you not working in the near future.

In relationships theres always got to be give and take and compromise. Be honest with yourself are you really being fair to him pushing him away and causing a scene over a card and a small gift? He works every day to keep your home going, whilst you don't work, surely that shows you he loves you every day and thats more important.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but you did ask:lol:

 

[cantrelax]

I think that I would have been upet too (and have been) but at the end of the day I guess it is just a present/card. I guess if he did not acknowledge the day at all then that would have been more of a reason to get upset or angry.

Now, the fact that he has dropped this, "get a job", comment in to the equation may indicate why he didn't buy you a gift? However, you have had major surgery and he should really think about that. Calm down and talk to him when he gets in, ask him if there really is an underlying problem. xx

 

[Sassy Hassy]

I've learned over the years that dropping subtle hints to men doesn't work. Their minds just don't work the same as ours. You have to tell them straight - get me a card or you'll have something in common with John wayne Bobbit (or whatever his name was)!!!!!!!

I know where you are coming from, my EX husband forgot my birthday one year, I was gutted ... he never forgot again mind you. As for the comments about you not working, well it's rather below the belt and rather unfair. BUT he obviously has a hang up about it that maybe you weren't aware of.

Now either you can both be stubborn and get nowhere, or you can sit down and talk and discuss what's bugging each of you. Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting to win the argument that we forget how much we really love the other person. Take a step back and be the instigator of peace, if he still won't come around .... well remind of him of Mr Bobbit!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jobo]

hi chick

i think you have over reacted!!!
if it was ya birthday or something id understand. my other half always forgets valentines,mothers day etc but after 11 yrs im used to it.
it does not change the fact hes a great,loving guy and would do anything for me and the kids. at the end of the day lifes too short for silly crap like that to cause problems.
oh well thats my opinion anyhow
make up and good luck:lol:

 

[Tsia]

Thanks for all your replies.
I do pay my way, I have got money from a sale of MY house before this move with him and do not ponce off him at all.
He still gets everything done in the home etc.. I feel that I should do it cos I'm at home...

And I am the one who usually makes the first move to reslove a dispute. We dont really have arguements, only little disagreements. (does that make sense) I am not stubborn at all, but sometimes I think thats the best way to be so your not a push over.
We usually get on really well and bounce off each other.
He knows that he has a knack of 'bottling it all up' when something is bothering him and he thinks that I dont see when something is bothering him, even though he hasnt actually told me.

Maybe I am overreacting a little. But why does he do something that makes me hurt just to bring up the fact that I aint in work? Wht cant he just tell me his gripes?

We'll see what happens tomorrow cos he wont be home till 4am tonight... and I'll be away with the fairies.
Thankyou for all your comments.. xx

 

[nicjill]

Sounds like you need to sit down & talk. It may be that he's just thoughtless or he may have a problem. Either way, you need to knowas it's obviously bothering you. People who bottle things up tend not to say anything until they reach the point that they are ready to explode, get things out in the open now before it gets any worse. Hopefully he's just thoughtless & needs a kick up the bum!

 

[Tsia]

..Hopefully he's just thoughtless & needs a kick up the bum!

LOL
Thats made me cheer up at least ! :lol:

 

[CadenceAlex]

Perhaps he resents the fact that you AREN'T working and have loads of free time... whilst he has to get his backside into work every day!!! I know my husband whinges and whines and can be a right pain in the arse when I haven't been into work for whatever reason... and comes home and makes comments about the house being untidy!

The fact that I have more spare time than him really grates on him and it causes more arguments than anything...

... one day he actually came home and said I'd done NOTHING all day... and kicked off because he was putting the baby to bed... then freaked out because he couldn't find her sleepsuit babygro bag.... until I smugly pointed out that they were all in the laundry basket as I had been WASHING CLOTHES ALL GOD DAMN DAY!!!

 

[CadenceAlex]

NB His answer to that was (and ALWAYS is) that the washing machine washes the clothes!!!

Grrrrrr :smack:

 

[HappyHands]

no i think its just men..... my husband for the first time.. got me nothing for valentines day (made me feel like he does not love me anymore) got me nothing for easter (made me think i was fat) got me nothing for mother days (made me feel like i was a no good mother) he did not even tell the kids what day it was then went to golf for the whole day. after coventry for a week finally asked me what was wrong.(boy did he get it) took me to the poshest resturant for our wedding anny.. he will now pay for the next 2 yrs to make up for it..pmsl

 

[Tsia]

Yeah well, a day later and still no card. He got in at 5am cos he ended up arresting someone. I didnt speak to him, I looked at his pocket note book!

I'm think I'm giving up now. I know he has been doing these long hours. He left for work today. Things still arent right between us. He said goodbye, I just grunted. Then followed him out to the car and said that I wasnt fond of this atmosphere, to which he said, you think I am?
Weve agreed to talk in the morning (cos he wont be home till 3am again tonight) Hope we get back on track cos he's the one that has to drive me to have my eyes lasered tomorrow! (thats not all I'm worried about, but I cant miss my appointment)

 

[raw-beauty]

Men's all like that I guess. They just need a little remind. Be calm and have a talk with him, ask him is there any problems. Good Luck, hun
xx

 

[scratchmyback]

I think you both are not communicating with each other. You are dropping hints that he's not picking up, and he is not telling you what is bothering him. You are assuming it's something to do with your not working but you don't know that for sure. He deliberately didn't get you a card hun, I don't buy for a minute that he forgot or didn't have time. It's a passive-aggressive way of letting you know he's not happy.

So you have agreed to set aside the time to talk about this in the morning, let him know the card isn't the big dealbreaker here. It's whatever's behind not getting you the card that's the worry. I'm sure if you sit down and talk like the loving and caring partners you are, you can get through it. Oh and I hope your eye surgery goes well...is it laser surgery? I'm soooo jealous hun

Hope this helps a little bit.

Laura x

 

[prettyfingers]

It is a man thing mine does it all the time, i didnt get anything off him not even a card for my birthday last year, we went to Alton Towers for the day and after having the nerve to get up and have no card or pressie for me the cheeky bugger even made me pay for myself to get in to the park now that is appalling.

Good job i have my mum as he never gets me anything for mothers day off my little girl so mum sorts it for me.

This has been going on for me for 3 years i know how annoying it is however, i let it go over my head now as i always expect nothing from him

 

[NailsFrmHeaven]

hope you work it out soon hun , men are strange creatures xx

 

[Peter Pan]

im sorry flower but im gonna be really brutal here, but are you sure its the "you not having a job" that caused this? i dont think so........................

heres the brutal bit, and i do apologise, cos i know you dont want to hear this, but is he being like this cos he might want "out" of the relationship and this is his only way of doing it, cos he might think that if he goes that route, youll get fed up and just leave........................

again i apologise for this, but its just what i thought when i read your thread:hug:

 

[Vlinder]

Hi,
I have to agree with glynis on this. It sound like if this happens that it will be u who ends it & he gets off scot free. But thats just what i thought while reading it, and then again im never right. Im sure it will all work itself out in the end. Just keep smiling

 

[ladybgemini]

It's not just you hun, I married my hubby just before my birthday (2 days before) nearly 2 years ago and I didn't get a birthday card, I was 34 wks pregnant and very hormonal and upset but still no card.

He had plenty of opportunity to go and get one but didn't. I still remind him of it. It's no use sending em to Coventry, scare him and act like it doesn't matter, that will get him worrying and then maybe next year you can "forget"

I suggest you do what us women do best and "file it away for use at a later date" Failing that read the post "revenge is sweet", I'm sure that will make you feel better.


Rachel

 

[lisaloveliness]

Well one of the most classiest lines that has come from my fiancee when forgeting to buy a card as men do is..............

If you need a piece of card from me to tell me how much i love you then theres not much hope is there.

Men see cards as a waste of money which i suppose they clearly are i have give up on expecting cards as i no he would sooner go out and buy me an outfit or perfume than silly card.