Would you forgive a cheater?
- Thread starter PixieBeauty
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I agree about women who seek out married men. There are issues in why they should target this group.
If I were witness to any female trying it on with my husband, I wouldn't know whether I would laugh at her or have to muster up all my inner strength to avoid being arrested.
If I were witness to any female trying it on with my husband, I wouldn't know whether I would laugh at her or have to muster up all my inner strength to avoid being arrested.
PixieBeauty
Well-Known Member
I'd laugh my backside off with my current boyf - I don't think he'd recognise a woman coming onto him!!
StephR
Well-Known Member
I took a cheater back and guess what i caught him doing it a second time too. He totally denied it but I had the proof. Needless to say we split up. 4 months later I met my current boyfriend although we were friends for a further 3-4 months after before we became a couple. Nearly 5 years later and we are still going strong, have a gorgeous 3 year old little boy and him cheating has never and most likely will never cross my mind. He's had it done to him too so I can't see him doing it, plus he never goes out lol
xxx
xxx
I said I'd never do it, but I did. Although technically we weren't together, we were texting all the time with the intention of getting together as soon as I got back as I was living away at the time (although neither of us said this, we knew) & he went with someone else & completely dropped all contact with me. I was completely heart broken but I mustered up courage to tell him to f*** off & never speak to me again then a few months later I got a text through saying sorry etc etc & we started slowly talking again but nothing serious, I'd not stopped thinking about him so I was so surprised when he text me & secretly ecstatic. Between then and now I had a few love interests but they all let me down & I left my last boyfriend to be with this guy but boy I won't let him forget what he put me through.
He knows what he put me through & he knows if he did it again I'd be gone, fast but the truth is, this has never ever felt like anything I've had before. On paper, I sound like a complete mug but honestly, we're in love with eachother & he's definitely my soul mate. So, lesson learnt for him & I call the shots hahaa
He knows what he put me through & he knows if he did it again I'd be gone, fast but the truth is, this has never ever felt like anything I've had before. On paper, I sound like a complete mug but honestly, we're in love with eachother & he's definitely my soul mate. So, lesson learnt for him & I call the shots hahaa
Jen889
Well-Known Member
Completely agree!!
Recently my parents got divorced after 35years of being together, why? My dad found another women and basically cheated on my mom. They never had a perfect relationship and in all honesty should have been divorced years ago but I don't blame the other woman, I blame my dad! He should have known better, divorce then seek another partner, not before! My mom of course blames both my dad and the other woman but I firmly believe if the man didn't have wandering eyes the other woman would have never given him the time of day.
Point being its not always the other woman's fault, it's the man for wandering.
Having been cheated on in the past I would say no. My ex cheated on my multiple (in double figures!!!) times, I only found out for definite once we split up but I was incredibly paranoid and he always used to make out that I was a maniac! I have now met someone else and he is fantastic and trust him 100% 😊
I see that many people say once a cheater always a cheater, what if someone has cheated in a past relationship, do you think that means they will automatically cheat in you?xxx
I see that many people say once a cheater always a cheater, what if someone has cheated in a past relationship, do you think that means they will automatically cheat in you?xxx
pinky lou
Well-Known Member
No never. My boyfriend knows I'd never stop him doing anything if he wanted but believe me he knows if he ever done anything to never step near my house again.
I'm not jealous at all and I don't mind him window shopping as long as he never tries anything on ha ha. I think being realistic no matter how long your in a relationship both of you are going to notice someone attractive and comment to friends, but once the loking-cheating line has been crossed there's no going back
I'm not jealous at all and I don't mind him window shopping as long as he never tries anything on ha ha. I think being realistic no matter how long your in a relationship both of you are going to notice someone attractive and comment to friends, but once the loking-cheating line has been crossed there's no going back
Gawjus36
Well-Known Member
Great thread with some very interesting points. Just to throw a spin on things I'd like to know whether you would tell on a cheat, and if not, why not? Also, how would you go about it? The information could ruin lives, could you live with knowing you played a part in that?
I for one would want to be told if my husband was playing away. My loyalty is to me and my children, not for someone who shows no respect for me! Fortunately, my husband is AMAZING! 14 years together, 9years married, three beautiful children. But, that's not to say its all plain sailing, even good relationships can be very hard work!
I for one would want to be told if my husband was playing away. My loyalty is to me and my children, not for someone who shows no respect for me! Fortunately, my husband is AMAZING! 14 years together, 9years married, three beautiful children. But, that's not to say its all plain sailing, even good relationships can be very hard work!
PixieBeauty
Well-Known Member
Hiya,
Only just seen this reply somehow! Yes I definitely would tell on a cheater. It's their fault for being a screw-up but it doesn't mean anyone else has to put up with it. They have no right to lie to get what they want, so I'd happily tell on them! And sleep well at night, regardless of the outcome.
I had a chat with my mum about morals & ethics recently. She has always seen me as difficult & stubborn, whereas I see her as a pushover (she knows this!). My argument was if you have a strong set of morals, it's pretty easy to go through life as you always know what he right thing to do is. She argued that life was more complicated than that, but I countered saying its more difficult if you don't stick to your guns, as the goalposts keep shifting. So to answer your question, regardless of what happened afterwards, I'd definitely tell on a cheater! Xx
Fionalex
Well-Known Member
My story shows the other side of cheating, being the actual cheater myself I guess.
I was in a relationship for 3 years, 3 years too long, I lived with him, and he was controlling, abusive, mentally and emotionally and however easy people say it is to leave sometimes it just isn't. I knew things were wrong, and I knew I needed to end the relationship. I had booked to go on holiday, to my friends wedding (without him) A week before I found out he was cheating on me, I didn't say anything to him, because I didn't want to have the hassle before I went. We rented a house, the deposit on it was my money, 2 and a half months rent because I had a cat, and I couldn't afford to loose it. I didn't know what he would do if I told him I was going to leave, so I decided to go on holiday pretend like nothing had happened and deal with it when I returned.
Whilst on holiday I met the most amazing guy ever, I didn't go looking for someone else, if I'm honest I didnt really want to go into another relationship, and I had never cheated before. I explained everything to this guy and he told me he would wait for me, I came back to England and started to prepare and finally got the courage to end it with my bf. Some may say I was afraid to be alone and it gave me an excuse because I had someone else to go to, but this isnt true, I'd been alone before, it wasnt that that scared me about leaving, it's what he would do. The guy I met, helped me through ever day, he was an angel.
To cut a long story short! 21 months later me and that guy are still going strong, he is just the most special and best thing that has ever happened to me ever in my whole life. I LOVE HIM TO BITS.
So basically what I'm saying is, although I do feel there are some guys and girls out there that I would tar with the 'once a cheater always a cheater' I wouldnt say it for all. You could call me a cheater and say the same thing; that I've done it once and will do it again, but I truly believe I would never have done it if I wasnt so unhappy. I know that I will never ever ever cheat on my current bf, I would never do that to him, I know how it feels; I've been cheated on in the past many a time, for no reason at all. But sometimes you just dont know what is going on in people's lives and why they do it. You could say there is no excuse, part of me believes that, but the other part of me knows what I did, and I stand by it. I know some people might not agree with me, but it's just my side of things and my point of view.
I was in a relationship for 3 years, 3 years too long, I lived with him, and he was controlling, abusive, mentally and emotionally and however easy people say it is to leave sometimes it just isn't. I knew things were wrong, and I knew I needed to end the relationship. I had booked to go on holiday, to my friends wedding (without him) A week before I found out he was cheating on me, I didn't say anything to him, because I didn't want to have the hassle before I went. We rented a house, the deposit on it was my money, 2 and a half months rent because I had a cat, and I couldn't afford to loose it. I didn't know what he would do if I told him I was going to leave, so I decided to go on holiday pretend like nothing had happened and deal with it when I returned.
Whilst on holiday I met the most amazing guy ever, I didn't go looking for someone else, if I'm honest I didnt really want to go into another relationship, and I had never cheated before. I explained everything to this guy and he told me he would wait for me, I came back to England and started to prepare and finally got the courage to end it with my bf. Some may say I was afraid to be alone and it gave me an excuse because I had someone else to go to, but this isnt true, I'd been alone before, it wasnt that that scared me about leaving, it's what he would do. The guy I met, helped me through ever day, he was an angel.
To cut a long story short! 21 months later me and that guy are still going strong, he is just the most special and best thing that has ever happened to me ever in my whole life. I LOVE HIM TO BITS.
So basically what I'm saying is, although I do feel there are some guys and girls out there that I would tar with the 'once a cheater always a cheater' I wouldnt say it for all. You could call me a cheater and say the same thing; that I've done it once and will do it again, but I truly believe I would never have done it if I wasnt so unhappy. I know that I will never ever ever cheat on my current bf, I would never do that to him, I know how it feels; I've been cheated on in the past many a time, for no reason at all. But sometimes you just dont know what is going on in people's lives and why they do it. You could say there is no excuse, part of me believes that, but the other part of me knows what I did, and I stand by it. I know some people might not agree with me, but it's just my side of things and my point of view.
jacquelineanna
Well-Known Member
Absolutely true.
The 'other woman' or the 'other man' did not commit their lives to you ... that would be the husband or the wife!!
The husband (or wife) is the one who stood next to you on your wedding day and promised to love and respect you to the day he died.
Not the other person. They owe you nothing.
It doesn't make their involvement with one's husband/wife ok of course!
But the anger should be directed at the correct person and that is the husband or wife.
Even if the 'other person' pursues the husband/wife it is the responsibility of the married party to refuse ... nothing to do with the pursuer.
And as has already been said a pursuer of married people have serious issues of their own to deal with.
If someone who is in a committed relationship finds their head being turned by a third person, they need to go home and have a serious conversation.
Because something is wrong somewhere.
Give the person sitting at home the chance to decide if they still wish to continue in the relationship.
Instead of them finding out somewhere much further down the line that the infidelity is a fait accompli.
Rinn
CND Shellac EA
nope and as per Ivana Trump's famous quote....Don't get mad, get everything................
See would his bit on the side want him if he hadn't a pot to piss in.
My aunt did.y uncle had an affair with her best friend. She forgave him, about 3 years ago he had another affair, she then kicked him out and had a divorce with very specific instructions in it which he has signed. He basically has to keep the house going for the rest of her natural life (he pays gas, electric, mortgage, tax, Gardner, insurance and phone. She pays sky, Internet, food.)
Iv forgiven him. He's been good to her signing it without trying to contest, he still calls after work to see if she needs milk, bread, cigarettes and anything you would normally Pick up on your way home from work and drops them off. He's driven me home after I seem him on a night out save me getting a taxi. Iv stayed at his when I was on a night out and lost all my money ( he was out too so couldn't drive me home). His only fault is the affairs, and for what he's done after I have forgiven him his faults but not forget.
Xoxo
Iv forgiven him. He's been good to her signing it without trying to contest, he still calls after work to see if she needs milk, bread, cigarettes and anything you would normally Pick up on your way home from work and drops them off. He's driven me home after I seem him on a night out save me getting a taxi. Iv stayed at his when I was on a night out and lost all my money ( he was out too so couldn't drive me home). His only fault is the affairs, and for what he's done after I have forgiven him his faults but not forget.
Xoxo
cobweb
Well-Known Member
I'm in the process of trying to forgive my other half.
I got a letter a few weeks ago. It was anonymous. It said "ever wondered how many affairs your husband has had"
It was 3 yrs ago when he did this to me.
It was a friend of ours. They used to walk the dogs together, then it just went from there.
It didn't last long as they were both really guilty. ( this is what I found out the other week)
Any way, a few weeks after that. Our tenant (woman) was always flirty with him, you know innuendo, that sort of stuff. Then he started to talk to her about the affair he ha had. One thing led to another and it happened again.
Apparently he tried to end it but she was a bit screwy and he was scared of her telling me. So it went on for over a year.
He is now working in saudi and that's where I confronted him.
The funny thing is.... I knew something had gone on with the first one, and questioned him. He denied it and I let it go.
The Letter was off the second one .
I'm so glad that I've found a thread like this because I haven't been able to vent properly since it happened.
Deb x
I got a letter a few weeks ago. It was anonymous. It said "ever wondered how many affairs your husband has had"
It was 3 yrs ago when he did this to me.
It was a friend of ours. They used to walk the dogs together, then it just went from there.
It didn't last long as they were both really guilty. ( this is what I found out the other week)
Any way, a few weeks after that. Our tenant (woman) was always flirty with him, you know innuendo, that sort of stuff. Then he started to talk to her about the affair he ha had. One thing led to another and it happened again.
Apparently he tried to end it but she was a bit screwy and he was scared of her telling me. So it went on for over a year.
He is now working in saudi and that's where I confronted him.
The funny thing is.... I knew something had gone on with the first one, and questioned him. He denied it and I let it go.
The Letter was off the second one .
I'm so glad that I've found a thread like this because I haven't been able to vent properly since it happened.
Deb x
