Am I being crazy?

[suzysuz]

Hello you lovely people

Really sorry to post on here but i cant work out if im going crazy or im really onto something

Me and my Mr have been arguing alot recently, we have both given up alot this year so he can start his own business as its something he has always wanted. We both decided to start it for our future. Its been a really stressful year and has really put our relationship under pressure.

We have been engaged for quite a while but he hasnt told any of his family, his relationship status is still 'in a relationship' on facebook whereas he went mental when i hadnt changed mine to engaged within a couple of days. I have asked him why he hasnt dont it and he said its becuase he wants it to be a suprise to everyone when we get married. None of his friends know we're engaged either which i find really odd.

To cut a very long story short he has started acting really strange since Saturday night. He went to see some friends and ever since he has been really odd. Little things like he took both of his business phones with him when he went when normally he would leave one with me incase anyone called or text wanting some work doing.

When he came back on saturday night he said he didnt know why he took both phones with him and only realised when he tried to call me and the phone went off in his pocket. Something didnt seem right so when i called a client the next day i looked at his call logs and there where no dialled calls to his secondary number and no missed calls on the other phone. I know its a little thing but why lie?

I also noticed that an old clients number was open on the secondary phone (like when you open your contacts to view there number) but he doesnt do work for her anymore as she really likes him and i said it made me uncomfortable, he agreed to has stopped working for her.

He has 2 facebook profiles, one personal and one business. He only uses his work one really and never normally goes on his personal one but all of sudden he was on there today. A few days ago he said he was going to delete his personal account and now he is on it, i find it really odd. On his personal account there are a few people that really like him and have in the past messaged him when we where together basically offering themselves on a plate. I dont think its appropriate for them to be on there still and i know for a fact if it was the other way around and it was happening to me he would go crazy and tell me to delete them but he just leaves these people on there. It just feels like double standards.

I cant help but think he is hiding something, he isnt acting like himself at all, seems really on edge, wont let go of his phones even though normally i always have them as i do all the admin stuff for his business and everytime i bring something up that has bothered me (like he has aked me to) he says that i am making him feel like everything is all his fault. I just feel like he is being over defensive.

Can someone please tell me if they think something is odd with him or if i am inface just going crazy

thanks for reading my made crazy rant xx

 

[lea2721]

Hello you lovely people

Really sorry to post on here but i cant work out if im going crazy or im really onto something

Me and my Mr have been arguing alot recently, we have both given up alot this year so he can start his own business as its something he has always wanted. We both decided to start it for our future. Its been a really stressful year and has really put our relationship under pressure.

We have been engaged for quite a while but he hasnt told any of his family, his relationship status is still 'in a relationship' on facebook whereas he went mental when i hadnt changed mine to engaged within a couple of days. I have asked him why he hasnt dont it and he said its becuase he wants it to be a suprise to everyone when we get married. None of his friends know we're engaged either which i find really odd.

To cut a very long story short he has started acting really strange since Saturday night. He went to see some friends and ever since he has been really odd. Little things like he took both of his business phones with him when he went when normally he would leave one with me incase anyone called or text wanting some work doing.

When he came back on saturday night he said he didnt know why he took both phones with him and only realised when he tried to call me and the phone went off in his pocket. Something didnt seem right so when i called a client the next day i looked at his call logs and there where no dialled calls to his secondary number and no missed calls on the other phone. I know its a little thing but why lie?

I also noticed that an old clients number was open on the secondary phone (like when you open your contacts to view there number) but he doesnt do work for her anymore as she really likes him and i said it made me uncomfortable, he agreed to has stopped working for her.

He has 2 facebook profiles, one personal and one business. He only uses his work one really and never normally goes on his personal one but all of sudden he was on there today. A few days ago he said he was going to delete his personal account and now he is on it, i find it really odd. On his personal account there are a few people that really like him and have in the past messaged him when we where together basically offering themselves on a plate. I dont think its appropriate for them to be on there still and i know for a fact if it was the other way around and it was happening to me he would go crazy and tell me to delete them but he just leaves these people on there. It just feels like double standards.

I cant help but think he is hiding something, he isnt acting like himself at all, seems really on edge, wont let go of his phones even though normally i always have them as i do all the admin stuff for his business and everytime i bring something up that has bothered me (like he has aked me to) he says that i am making him feel like everything is all his fault. I just feel like he is being over defensive.

Can someone please tell me if they think something is odd with him or if i am inface just going crazy

thanks for reading my made crazy rant xx

Hmm its a tough one really, but from past ecperiance when ever i have a feeling like this its always turned out to be right, dont think you are going crazy because if you did once trust him now you feel you cant there must be a genuine reason for this change in feelings, and he cant ask you to do things if he wont follow suit either, i cant say weather he is or isnt cheating or up to things but if you have never had a trust issue before with any one or with him then maybe your gut feeling coulc be right and if it isnt then there has to be some sort of relationship problem on both oarts not that you are going crazy xx

Sent from my GT-I9100 using SalonGeek

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

Oh sweetie...obviously i'm only getting your point of view and he sounds like he's acting differently, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that you feel unhappy and uncomfortable. Also, i do think the engaged thing is strange.

If it were me, i would sit him down and lay it all out for him. I'm not one for holding back my feelings though, my boyfriend hears everything whether he wants to or not, lol.

I would also take off my engagement ring and tell him that either you are both engaged or neither of you are. Ask him about everything that's bugging you and don't let him fob you off.

Good luck xx

 

['chelle]

Oh honey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's a horrible feeling when you suspect someone you love of being dishonest with you.

I hate to say this though, but trust your gut instinct. Clearly something is wrong, you know him well enough to know when something has changed about him, and little things like being overly guarded with mobile phones are telltale signs for me.

I'm going to sound really unhelpful now and I really dont mean to :hug: however, I cant tell you how to deal with this at all, it depends on your personality and his personality and only you know what type of approach he would respond to the best. If this were me and it was my hubby I would call his bluff and tell him that I know what he's been up to and see what he said to me, but that might be completely the wrong way for you. Do you have any mutual friends who you can ask for help in gathering information about what he's up to?

I'm so sorry to sound really suspicious and like I've assumed he's guilty of something, I really dont mean to come across that way, but I do believe you should trust your gut instincts and follow them. good luck chuck x

 

[jacquelineanna]

Hello you lovely people

Really sorry to post on here but i cant work out if im going crazy or im really onto something

Me and my Mr have been arguing alot recently, we have both given up alot this year so he can start his own business as its something he has always wanted. We both decided to start it for our future. Its been a really stressful year and has really put our relationship under pressure.

We have been engaged for quite a while but he hasnt told any of his family, his relationship status is still 'in a relationship' on facebook whereas he went mental when i hadnt changed mine to engaged within a couple of days. I have asked him why he hasnt dont it and he said its becuase he wants it to be a suprise to everyone when we get married. None of his friends know we're engaged either which i find really odd.

This is something to be concerned about. Have you met his family and friends? Didn't you flash your ring around to his Mother? It's very controlling behaviour to insist you change your status when he hasn't changed his. If I may say so, it's a ridiculous thing to tell you he wants his friends and family to be surprised when you get married!!! I have never heard anything like that before and it makes me a little suspicious.

To cut a very long story short he has started acting really strange since Saturday night. He went to see some friends and ever since he has been really odd. Little things like he took both of his business phones with him when he went when normally he would leave one with me incase anyone called or text wanting some work doing.

Red flag.

When he came back on saturday night he said he didnt know why he took both phones with him and only realised when he tried to call me and the phone went off in his pocket. Something didnt seem right so when i called a client the next day i looked at his call logs and there where no dialled calls to his secondary number and no missed calls on the other phone. I know its a little thing but why lie?

A blatant lie and it's not actually a little thing.

People tell lies to either cover up something good - like he's planning this 'surprise' wedding and even you are going to be surprised.

Or to cover up something bad ... ?

I also noticed that an old clients number was open on the secondary phone (like when you open your contacts to view there number) but he doesnt do work for her anymore as she really likes him and i said it made me uncomfortable, he agreed to has stopped working for her.

Hairs up on the back of the neck.

He has 2 facebook profiles, one personal and one business. He only uses his work one really and never normally goes on his personal one but all of sudden he was on there today. A few days ago he said he was going to delete his personal account and now he is on it, i find it really odd. On his personal account there are a few people that really like him and have in the past messaged him when we where together basically offering themselves on a plate. I dont think its appropriate for them to be on there still and i know for a fact if it was the other way around and it was happening to me he would go crazy and tell me to delete them but he just leaves these people on there. It just feels like double standards.

Indeed.

I cant help but think he is hiding something, he isnt acting like himself at all, seems really on edge, wont let go of his phones even though normally i always have them as i do all the admin stuff for his business and everytime i bring something up that has bothered me (like he has aked me to) he says that i am making him feel like everything is all his fault. I just feel like he is being over defensive.

He certainly seems to be hiding something. It could be something good or it could be something bad.

I just don't feel it going to be something good.


Can someone please tell me if they think something is odd with him or if i am inface just going crazy

If he tries to make you feel you are imagining things or are paranoid or crazy then you KNOW there is something very wrong.

 

[Luscious85]

Sorry to hear you're going through this - it makes me feel very stressed just reading about it.

I would say the same as some other replies - when you start noticing things your instinct is usually right. Whether something funny is going on or not, it's not right for your bf to make you feel this way and he should be trying to sort it out ASAP.

Hope you feel better soon and things are resolved for you

 

[suzysuz]

thanks guys for all your replies.

Sorry if what im typing doesnt make any sense.

I live at his with his mum and dad and have met a couple of his friends but i dont feel like i can talk about us being engaged or a wedding infront of them :sad:

The other day we where arguing on the way to work, he asked if i wanted to go with him or he could take me home. Hes said this loads in the past and i have said i will come with you but this time i didnt, i asked to go home. He pulled the van over and after talking he asked if he should fold the business now as he cant do it on his own and it was meant for us and if im not there then what is the point. Does this sound like emotional blackmail to anyone?

i think i know in my heart what i want to do but its his bday next week and then there is all this business stuff

 

[jacquelineanna]

thanks guys for all your replies.

Sorry if what im typing doesnt make any sense.

I live at his with his mum and dad and have met a couple of his friends but i dont feel like i can talk about us being engaged or a wedding infront of them :sad:

The other day we where arguing on the way to work, he asked if i wanted to go with him or he could take me home. Hes said this loads in the past and i have said i will come with you but this time i didnt, i asked to go home. He pulled the van over and after talking he asked if he should fold the business now as he cant do it on his own and it was meant for us and if im not there then what is the point. Does this sound like emotional blackmail to anyone?

i think i know in my heart what i want to do but its his bday next week and then there is all this business stuff

Oh Suzy, I think you know this isn't good.

How could you live with his parents and they don't even know you are engaged to be married to their son????? Do you even have a ring?

Where is the respect for you on any of the levels you have discussed.

I don't know how old you are and I don't know if you have any other place to go to but my gut feeling is telling me that you shouldn't be where you are anymore.

Control and emotional blackmail instead of respect and freedom.

Choose wisely my lovely.

 

[JuZz'<3]

thanks guys for all your replies.

Sorry if what im typing doesnt make any sense.

I live at his with his mum and dad and have met a couple of his friends but i dont feel like i can talk about us being engaged or a wedding infront of them :sad:

The other day we where arguing on the way to work, he asked if i wanted to go with him or he could take me home. Hes said this loads in the past and i have said i will come with you but this time i didnt, i asked to go home. He pulled the van over and after talking he asked if he should fold the business now as he cant do it on his own and it was meant for us and if im not there then what is the point. Does this sound like emotional blackmail to anyone?

i think i know in my heart what i want to do but its his bday next week and then there is all this business stuff

Hi sweetie.
Sending a massive hug your way, relationships definitely aren't easy and there will always be bumps along the path to happy ever after.

I am abit intrigued about the engagement thing... It is supposed to be a time of happiness and joy, your supposed to be centre of attention for a few days while every one congratulates you and admires the ring, then your supposed to sit down with both your family and in laws and get wedding plans rolling (if you are planning on getting married as soon as)... It sounds like you've not had a chance to 'live it up' yet.

No one can tell you how to feel, also (unless someone saw him) no one can tell you he's cheating. Some of the tell take signs may be there and all women would have alarm bells ringing right now in your situation, but no man is the same as the next, so this could be his way of doing other things like as said above planning a suprise wedding.

It's obvious you care about him, so sit him down, tell him exactly how you feel. I have this obsession with writing things down... Sit on your own with a nice cuppa, write down everything you have wrote to us, the little things you've picked up on, so when it comes to talking to him, nothing is forgotten and you are not left with any in answered questions.

Also the thing with a business, he may of done it for 'both' of you, for your futures, but he must of wanted it for himself in the first place so do not let him black mail you with that business stuff, because if it turns out he is cheating you have every right to walk away and although it will be hard, life will go on.
This business may be supporting both of you now but if you left tomorrow he will still need his business to support himself, so he cannot hold that against you.

I do hope you sort things, I think taking a step back, talking, and connecting all the loose ends will help a lot. Good luck sweetie xxxxx

 

[Steph86]

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, but Wow, how can you live with hs mum n dad and they don't know ur engaged? If he wants that commitment from you, why can't he take it?

If u had booked to run off n get married on X date then maybe, but again why would u need to be on facebook saying engaged? Do u not have any mutual friends or his family on ur facebook? Does your facebook say you are engaged to ... (His name?)

Bit bizarre if you ask me. And that's before the whole weekend/phone situation.

I like flawless's reply, either you are BOTH engaged or neither of you are end of!

I'd sort that out, then get on to the subject of the weekend/his behaviour/phone/contact open.

I'd just tell him, you checked phones- no call, this womans contact was open (threaten to call her?) Why is he acting different?

Communication is key to a relationship, you must be able to talk, like adults.

If you are still unhappy with his response, or he makes you feel crazy-then its decision time for you. You are not crazy.

Good luck lovely, let us know how u get on (hugs) xx

 

[suzysuz]

Oh Suzy, I think you know this isn't good.

How could you live with his parents and they don't even know you are engaged to be married to their son????? Do you even have a ring?

Where is the respect for you on any of the levels you have discussed.

I don't know how old you are and I don't know if you have any other place to go to but my gut feeling is telling me that you shouldn't be where you are anymore.

Control and emotional blackmail instead of respect and freedom.

Choose wisely my lovely.

I do have a ring and i wear it all the time but no one really bothers about it.

Im 24, i went home for a few days a couple of weeks ago, i questioned whether or not to come back. He came to pick me up because he said he needed to know what was going on. He said come back today with me or not at all. I still wasnt sure what to do so i went with him. But typing this and reading it back has made me realise i did the wrong thing.

We tried to sort everything out when i came back and it was ok for abit but i think weve just been glossing over the cracks. For whatever i reason i am starting to mistrust him.

Part of me feels selfish as i want to sort my life out again, i am in a financial sticky spot and would like to sort that so i can start to save to do my beauty qualifications. I know if i tell him this he will call me selfish and childish as he has offered to pay for my courses next year when the business is up and running better but is it just an empty promise?

 

[jacquelineanna]

I do have a ring and i wear it all the time but no one really bothers about it.

Im 24, i went home for a few days a couple of weeks ago, i questioned whether or not to come back. He came to pick me up because he said he needed to know what was going on. He said come back today with me or not at all. I still wasnt sure what to do so i went with him. But typing this and reading it back has made me realise i did the wrong thing.

We tried to sort everything out when i came back and it was ok for abit but i think weve just been glossing over the cracks. For whatever i reason i am starting to mistrust him.

Part of me feels selfish as i want to sort my life out again, i am in a financial sticky spot and would like to sort that so i can start to save to do my beauty qualifications. I know if i tell him this he will call me selfish and childish as he has offered to pay for my courses next year when the business is up and running better but is it just an empty promise?

Listen lovely, you are not being selfish. Sorting out your life and finding your direction is your entitlement.


Saying he will pay for your beauty courses next year may well be a sincere offer. Or it may be another tactic to keep you where you are. It seems that he is taking care of himeself and his business first and you are a poor second. Perhaps.


When you went home and needed some time he was too insecure to allow you to have it. So he applied the emotional pressure again. It's not very reasonable or very considerate to say come back now or don't come back at all.


As for an engagement ring that no one even bothers to notice - I feel quite sad about that. It worries me that this may be an indication of how things are always going to be for you.


But there are more ways to live your life than being over-looked, controlled and made to feel you are crazy.


You need to ponder a little bit on whether this is how you want your young life to be.

xxxxxx

 

[melissab]

I think you have already made up your mind about what you want to do. If it was me I would do as others suggested and talk to him about how you feel and what you want to happen. At the end if you still feel the same then at least you know that you did try to work things out. The whole engagement situation is a just off. When I got engaged everyone, on my side and his, knew that day. I hope everything works out the best for YOU!

 

[blossom]

Something is definitely not right here.

Jazquelineanna is a fountain of wisdom and I cannot think of anything further to add

except

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[PinkSwoon]

Aww this sounds like such an awful situation for you to be in, like Blossom, I can't add anything else because everything has been said & I agree with everything completely! Plenty of hugs coming your way, drop me a PM if you ever feel like you need a rant/chat, if it gets things off your chest & I hope everything works out for the best x

 

[PixieBeauty]

Sweetheart I don't have anything more constructive to add other than follow EVERYTHING jacquelineanna has said.

NEVER ever ignore your gut instinct. It is sometimes all you can trust. Reading this takes me right back and I wish someone had slapped me into reacting to my gut feelings. Do not make excuses, or explain things away.

Wish you all the best honey - nobody says this will be easy to get through but it will be worth it Xx

 

[BronzeBeauties]

I would sit him down when you both have time, talk about these issues and then tell him outright i want to check both his phones and his facebook account right now infront of him. If he is defensive and wont let you do this you know he has something to hide. If he is fine for u to do this and their is nothing going on you will have a lot of grovelling to do but at least you will know! Good luck x

 

[beautychic]

I agree with everything that Jacquelineanna has said, it's a two way thing - the business may be about both of you, but the relationship is about both of you too or its not a relationship.

I hope you manage to sort things out one way or the other, only you can do that and move things forward. We're here for you if you need us xx

 

[daniella]

No not good at all.women have a special sence about things like dis.
Lissen to it.Not telling nobody wath up with that??? He and you have to be on clouds now telling everbody.You no wath going on just dont have the proof in b&w do you need it ?
Feel like he is keeping you on a string wy do he keep it a secret?????
Your 24 there is a world full of men that can make you feel like you need to feel happy.
If you need to see do some detactivework of your one.hope you findout wat you need soon.

 

[Pika]

What she (everyone!) has said!
I was in a similar situation with my fella not so long ago, turned detective...changed settings on his phone (delivery reports, sent items) and caught him out a few times. Anyway...happened too many times that in the end I basically told him to man up, tell me the effin' truth or lose me. Left the ball in his court and things are perfect now, I get honest answers.
I would call his bluff and threaten to leave, but you have to go through with it if that ends up being the option. talk to him and get the answers you need but don't accept any excuses if they don't add up in your mind. I would also be the cow to 'accidently' let slip about the engagement to his mum. If he was serious when he asked you, why shouldn't his mum know about it and why shouldn't you be happy and shouting from the rooftops??
Sounds to me like he has a lot of growing up to do, to be able to be in an adult relationship.
Sending big hugs honey. Let us know how you get on xxx