Coping with moments of grief

[Molly B]

Hi geeks

I have a wonderful life. I am blessed with a nice boyfriend an amazing family and a job I like. It was my dream to do a beauty course and I fulfilled it and enjoy doing treatments and relating to all of you pals on salon geek.

My mam died nine years ago, she was a wonderful lady I loved her so much. She had MS and suffered so much but never complained and always had a smile and so much love for me.

She loved skincare waxing and tinting and was always visiting the salon. I think that's where I got my love of beauty therapy from!

Its a long time ago but every so often like today for no reason being without her hits me like a ton of bricks and I start to cry and feel sad and miss her terribly. It can be a bit awkward especially if I'm working. It only happens once every few months but I think I should be able to cope by now.

Does anyone have any tips about how to cope better or does anybody feel this way too?

Thank you for being there my friends I feel better even after expressing the way I feel with these words xxx

 

[Pinkbunny28]

First of all. Massive hugs. It's never going to be easy and you shouldn't expect it to be. You can have your days where you break down, no one will think bad of you but you do need to learn how to deal with it a bit better if it's affecting your daily activities.

Have you tried therapy? It might help you or it might not.

How about just taking a few minutes out if you feel sad just to have a little cry and then go back?

Perhaps it may help you to have something that reminds you of her on you at all times and just remember she is with you?

Another coping strategy may be that you dedicate a specific time each week or so to thinking about her and do something nice in her memory.

I hope this has helped a little and I hope you can find something that will work for you x

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[dandelionpoppy]

Sometimes you have to make a decision to think about it later. It's fine to have whatever feelings you have; it's natural and right. They can hit us at inconvenient times though, can't they? I find it easiest to acknowledge them and postpone them, if that makes sense.
You sound like a lovely, caring and upbeat person.

 

[lila22]

Maybe try and turn the sadness in to something happy like a moment you remember with your mum that makes you smile.
I've lost my grandad but it is different as your mum was still young and died due to illness so It must be awful for you.
She sounded lovely and you sound strong.
It's good it's helped you putting it down on paper (so to speak) and hope you find a way to help. Sending hugs xxxxx

 

[tonicj]

It's lovely that you have such warm and loving memories of your Mum and only natural that losing her will overwhelm you from time to time. Tell yourself that she is at peace and nothing can hurt her now. Maybe ask for a little sign that she knows you are thinking about her. I lost my Grandad 14 years ago. I was so close to him. I would visit his grave on a daily basis and one day I got so upset and angry and said "grandad you probably don't even know I'm here!" I could see something sparkling in his grave, but never paid much attention, but my eyes kept going back to this little sparkle and then I picked it up. It was a little granite stone in the shape of a heart, and when the sun shone on it, it would sparkle. I took this as my sign, that he knew I was there. I keep it in my purse to this day. :hug:

 

[Kristalinx]

I think people have this misconception that grief lessens over time. It doesn't, only the space in between moments of grief becomes bigger. I think sometimes you need to just take a bit of time to yourself to grieve uninterrupted. I lost my dad nearly 5 years ago and its just as hard now sometimes as it was straight after it happened.

 

[MissLease]

Sometimes you have to make a decision to think about it later. It's fine to have whatever feelings you have; it's natural and right. They can hit us at inconvenient times though, can't they? I find it easiest to acknowledge them and postpone them, if that makes sense.
You sound like a lovely, caring and upbeat person.

I think this hits the nail on the head for me. I lost my dad 10 years ago very suddenly. It felt very strange just now typing 10 years. It feels like yesterday. There has not been a day that has gone by that i haven't thought of him, these can be small thoughts or they can hit hard. As dandelionpoppy said, i acknowledge them and come back to them later - mostly at night before i go to sleep. This helps alot when im at work and doing day to day things. I cant say Ive ever actually come to terms with my dad passing away, its never got easier, i've just found different ways to deal with it.

If you do have a day where you're really struggling maybe find somewhere quiet and have a little chat with her? Maybe take some time out later in the day or at night when you have some alone time and come back to your thoughts then, that way you know your not ignoring them just managing them at a better time. I hope that makes sense.

I hope this helps abit, you seem very sweet, i'm sure your mum will be very proud of what you've achieved xx

 

[pure]

I think your grief sounds perfectly normal. You have lost one of the most important people in your life and it can still hurt many years later. I lost my dad over 13 years ago now, and like you I will occasionally have days where it hurts like it happened yesterday, for no reason at all. I personally have found I cope better if I simply accept those times, go with the flow, cry, get angry, feel sorry for myself and then pick myself up again.

Accept that how you feel is normal. We all grieve differently and there is no right or wrong way, and definitely no time limit to it :hug:

 

[Missashhh]

I think people have this misconception that grief lessens over time. It doesn't, only the space in between moments of grief becomes bigger.

I think Kristalin said it best. Everyone's input here is nice, but as long as your grief isn't becoming destructive to your day or your health, then you should give yourself that moment. Maybe it is her spirit letting you know she is still with you? There is nothing wrong with breaking down and having a moment...I think most people around you would be understanding it. I'm 27 and lost my grandma when I was 15-16..She was the greatest thing to me and I hold so much regret for what a snotty teenager I was, but I loved her so. To this day..if I give myself a moment to think about her (like now) I begin to tear.. its especially hard when family starts talking about her. Sometimes if I'm at work I would just go in the bathroom and give myself a minute to cry and remember her, then go on with my day. This doesn't happen frequently, but when it does I let myself breakdown. I feel it's good for me...I don't visit her grave because its so hard for me to think of her in such a morbid way..so I give myself those moments of breakdown because its her spirit and memory that I connect with in those moments.

There's nothing to be ashamed of..like Kristalin said..its just the space in time not our grief. *hugs*


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[hairbylouisa]

I don't think there is any wrong way to grief... reading through the thread made me tear up a bit
I think we can all relate to the lost of a loved one whether that's a family member or a friend, i've never experienced death of close family however my grandmother is terminally ill and occasionally it just gets to me knowing what the outcome will be and the pain she is suffering

When I was 14 I lost my childhood best friend tragically and all sudden when we were at school. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do was to read a poem at her funeral
As time has went on I havent got over it ive just learnt to cope with it.. occasionally I will have a little cry, visit her grave when possible or visit her family (we are next door neighbours)

If you find grieving is becoming a big part in your life then maybe its best to seek help through your GP.


Lots of love xx

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[blossom]

I think your grief sounds perfectly normal. You have lost one of the most important people in your life and it can still hurt many years later. I lost my dad over 13 years ago now, and like you I will occasionally have days where it hurts like it happened yesterday, for no reason at all. I personally have found I cope better if I simply accept those times, go with the flow, cry, get angry, feel sorry for myself and then pick myself up again.

Accept that how you feel is normal. We all grieve differently and there is no right or wrong way, and definitely no time limit to it :hug:

Totally agree with this. I lost my dad when i was 7 and still have moments where I well up and get that massive lump in the throat. (I'm 48).

Don't be too hard on yourself, grief is natural and takes ages and sometimes never quite goes although you accept it more with the years. It's a sign that you loved your mum so very much. xx

 

[MissyMuffin]

I lost my mum 18 years ago and my dad not yet 2 years ago.
I have photographs on the bookcase and I talk to them nearly every day. My mum died very quickly and it's taken me a while but I actually feel peace when I talk to her. My dad died suddenly on Father's Day. I was devastated and I miss his hugs and chats very painfully. But I always remember that because I loved him I was grateful he got up in the morning as though a normal day and then was gone. A perfect way to go.
Maybe if you chat to your mum daily then the grief won't engulf you so powerfully x

 

[JenBella]

Big hugs Molly :hug: :hug:

I still get it a lot after the loss of my nan...she was pretty much like my mum and was the rock of my life. She passed away with us all around her bed and it was incredibly hard for the first few years. Now it's easier to handle but still can just hit you and bring you to tears.

One strange one is a hand cream we have in work, the honeysuckle one...that is her smell and I just can't smell it without crying.

On a happier note I have a massive lilac tree in my garden, she loved them, every year when it blooms it just fills me with love. She's up there somewhere xx

Everyone grieves in different ways and I don't believe that those bonds are easy to move on from..but you learn to live with it and know that in your heart they still live on.

 

[Molly B]

Thanks so much for sharing everyone. You have no idea how much your kind words mean and knowing that other people feel this way too.

Thank you my kind geek angels. xxxxxxxxx:Love: