Divorce: married name -v- maiden name

[scrumpyjo44]

I decided to go back to my maiden name as soon as we separated - I didn't want to have the same name anymore as his!!! I was also buying a house and wanted it all to go through in my maiden name.

I didn't have the issue of my son having a different name as he was from a previous relationship anyway or I may have kept my married name so that I had the same surname - makes it easier for school etc - gets confusing when they phone you at work asking for Mrs X even though you have told them you are Mrs Y.

The thing that annoyed me the most was that I had to pay to change my name back to my maiden name by deed poll - cost me £100 - that I just don't understand - why should you have to pay go back to your own name - just doesn't make sense!! It may be that its different in Guernsey or maybe because we weren't divorced yet only legally seperated but I still totally disagree to having to do it via deed poll.

 

[Susie H]

When Tina Turner divorced, she told the Judge, he can have everything except the name, I EARNED that name. The judge agreed.
Why do we take our husbands names?
Historically we married into our husbands family, our fathers still 'give' us away on our wedding day, up until then we were our fathers responsibility, he had to provide for us but on our wedding day our fathers no longer provided food, shelter or clothing for us any more, that became our husbands responsibility, we bore his children and saw to it their upbringing, we cared for the children and the home that 'he' provided. His family were supposed to wellcome us as a new sister, daughter etc and help us out where needed.
Now of course, that doesn't happen, most of us work out side of the home and both partners are involved in the upbringing of the children and share the house hold chores. I can hear so many of you saying HA!! I still do most of the house work.
Well that's why it's considered womans work, because it was, he brought in the money, we made sure it was spent wisely.
It's also why many women keep the married name. We earned it, we still by default raise the children and quiet often keep the family home, not always, but still more then 50% of the time.
If I hadn't of remarried straight away I would have reverted to my maiden name, for me it would have been the last bit of getting rid of him.
As it is, when we moved to France a year later we found that all over Europe women keep their maiden name so as to keep public records simple.
Because all my public records were in my maiden name and married name I adopted the practice of double barreling my name. Then found when I came back to live in England, I wasn't allowed to do it unless I wanted to go by deed pole
If I split up from Paul, I'd keep the name, it's been my name for over 25 years and a bit of paper isn't going to change that.

 

[bombini]

Just a thought, but Cheryl Cole has built a highly successful career while being known by that name. It could complicate things for her professionally if she reverted to Cheryl Tweedy now <I think that was her maiden name?>, so it might have nothing to do with not wanting to let go of the name in emotional terms?

From what I have read she never actually changed her maiden name when she got married so on her passport she is still tweedy. Cole is just used for marketing as far as I can tell.

Im not married yet but if we ever did split up (hopefully not!) I would keep the name as we have a child. Thats one of the reasons we are getting married sooner rather than later as I don't want him to start school with different surnames. I also prefer my OH surname :wink2:

I think a lot of people do it for the childrens sake, my friend can't stand her ex husband and has wanted to change to her maiden name for years but her son doesn't want her to as he wants them to have the same name.

 

[xxlouiseshanexx]

When my fiancée and I get married he's is going to take my name, he hates his last name and he doesn't want any future kids we may have getting bullied like he did.

Say that thou his mum has the 5 kids. 4 with their dads last name (1st marriage) 1 with her maiden name. And she kept her 3rd married name now.

It's personal choice like everyone else has said x

 

[lisa.sharrock]

Hmm this subject is very dear to my heart...

I would DEARLY LOVE to go back to my maiden name as I HATE having the same name as my ex-pig-sorry-excuse-for-a-man husband...

But we have 3 children together so for that reason I kept my married name (through gritted teeth). I'm now with an amazing man and dearly hope that one day we'll get married and I'll then take his name.

Except I then have the same problem I was facing when I first wanted to change back to my maiden name, as my children will have a different surname to me. They're aged 10,. 12 & 14 and I don't particularly want them to change their names now anyway.

So this is a very interesting topic to see what other women have done.

Great thread!

 

[smooth]

When my fiancée and I get married he's is going to take my name, he hates his last name and he doesn't want any future kids we may have getting bullied like he did.

How bad is it? My friend's surname used to be Looney and they changed it to Lindale for similar reasons.

I'm dreading my youngest going to school as she has her dad's surname (shame as she is a scouser with the surname Manchester ha ha ha everyone keeps saying how unfortunate.), the other 4 have mine so when hubby comes to parents evening he gets called by my surname ha ha. I'll be forever correcting them if they get new staff in who don't know me as my maiden name.

I've got an unusual surname but you'd be surprised at how many people question my husband's surname.:biggrin:

 

[xxlouiseshanexx]

Lol I don't think it's that bad, it's Drinkwater. But he really doesn't like it and likes mine which is Bowers.

I have to admit I did laugh a bit when he said his dads first name began with an I so his name was Mr I Drinkwater lol xx

 

[smooth]

ha ha ha, love it. his name is not that bad, wonder why he got bullied????

 

[Kim Lawless]

If we hadn't had children together, I would revert back to my single name. However, if we had, I would never have a different surname from my child.

I read an article by a child psychologist who said that it was very damaging for the child to have a different name from their mother. Don't know how true that it though.

 

[smooth]

If we hadn't had children together, I would revert back to my single name. However, if we had, I would never have a different surname from my child.

I read an article by a child psychologist who said that it was very damaging for the child to have a different name from their mother. Don't know how true that it though.

Really? Good excuse for all kids to have their mother's name then I say lol.

 

[toffeepop]

When my parents divorced, my mum kept the married name. I never quite understood why though, and I've never actually asked her.

My oldest has my maiden name - I refused to call him his father's surname as we split early on in the pregnancy and throughout the 19 years since has never done a thing for my son, so I am very glad I didn't give him his surname! I know that probably sounds very cold or shallow or pathetic, but I do think it would have hurt my son having the surname as much as he has been hurt by his father's lack of interest.

My other 2 were originally given my surname at birth, simply so the 3 kids would have the same surname (school and kids and different names, I feared they would be bullied). But I'd always said that if I married their father, I'd change their names. So, of course, we got married, I changed their names, and they had a few years of hell in school, as did I when having any appointments anywhere. I am NOT going to disclose the surname on a public forum, one because it is so awful, and 2 it is very unusal and may very well get recognised by their 'family'.

Once I split from my husband (5 years after we got married) I decided I'd start using my maiden name again. Only, it isn't so simple! The banks refused to let me go back to my previous name (even though I'd banked there pre-marriage!) without a decree nisi and obviously I had to wait the specified time before I could apply for the divorce.

In the meantime, with no interest in the kids from the ex, we decided to move away. I asked the kids what surname they wanted to use when we moved (seeing as they had previously been registered under my maiden name) and they jumped at the chance to revert back. They absolutely hated their father's surname, and also don't want any link to him (they've been very clear that they don't want to see him etc, and as they are old enough to make up their own minds, I respect their decisions). So, legally, we are still the ex-husbands name, but 'officially' with schools, dentist, hospital/doctor etc we are known by my maiden name.

At some point I will look into changing their names legally back to my name. I've since met and now live with my partner and we plan to marry quite soon. Thankfully, he has a 'normal' name lol, so I'm more than happy to take his name, and should the worst happen, I'd probably keep it (way too much hassle to revert back again!).

Interestingly, my brother's ex girlfriend gave their duaghter our surname when registering the birth. When they split up, she had my neice known as by her maiden name, and then when she finally married, my niece took on the husbands name (bit confusing as she's now divorcing him lol. However, my neice is 18 today (omg I feel so old now!) so could probably pick whichever surname she wants to lol)

I once had a friend who marrid her husband and HE took on her surname, I'm not sure why, though I think she refused point blank to take his (I never did find out what his was!). We all thought it a bit odd but apparently it's not a huge hassle to do, it's just that the woman taking theman's name is tradition, nothing more.

 

[Sharkster]

I hated my maiden surname and kept my (1st) married name, largely to p!ss him off, because he said I couldn't keep it. He was furious that he couldn't legally make me change it!

My Mum did this to my Dad. She kept it for about 16 years after they divorced, even when she re-married (no wonder that didn't last!).

She only changed it when she re-married for the 3rd time because he had more cash! (Yes a woman of principles, glad I'm not like her!)

x

 

[smooth]

My Mum did this to my Dad. She kept it for about 16 years after they divorced, even when she re-married (no wonder that didn't last!).

She only changed it when she re-married for the 3rd time because he had more cash! (Yes a woman of principles, glad I'm not like her!)

x

Imagine your wife having another man's surname, ooh that's harsh! He obviously didn't have the money from what you said in the last paragraph, don't think it's that bad to be honest but very funny :wink2:

My first husband hated the fact that I didn't take his name and that the kids have my surname but this husband is absolutely fine about me not having his surname.