Divorce: married name -v- maiden name

[smooth]

So the question I have is this. When people get divorced do you think they should change back to their maiden name or keep their married name? Whatever your answer, why do you think this?

I never changed my name when I got married so can't even say what I'd do!

 

[Ruth Mills]

I hope you're not thinking of getting divorced! Given your hubby's surname, surely you're better off staying "United"

 

[MsRebeccaJ]

I think it depends on the situation but personally if it was me I would change my name back. My married name would reflect the person I used to be. I don't understand why Cheryl keeps the name cole! Surely she would want to remove every trace of someone who treated her badly? People would prob disagree with me and I've never been in the situation so can't speak from experience. Will be interesting to hear what others think x x

 

[treasure]

I would definately go back to my maiden name. If you take your husbands name its sort of a sign of your unity, that you are married to this particular person, so if your not married any more its like holding onto something thats gone. Im not married yet though and i can imagine it could be a hassle changing everything back to your maiden name but Id definately do it (although i hope i never have to! )

I wonder why we always take the mens name and not the other way round, is it a legal thing or is it just tradition? xx

 

[Deena]

Purely personal choice, but it can be easier to keep it when there are mutual children involved.

 

[TweezerHappy]

I've been marries two and a half years and haven't changed my name to my husbands. I feel like I'm losing my identity. I'm half Chinese and have a Chinese surname. If I changed it I would lose that. My hubby understands.

When we have children I will change it then as I'd want us all to have the same name. If we got divorced after having children I'd keep my married name. But I'd only be changing my name if we have children.


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[smooth]

I hope you're not thinking of getting divorced! Given your hubby's surname, surely you're better off staying "United"

ha ha no not thinking of getting divorced, yet :wink2:. No seriously, not on the cards but there is a reason for asking the question. There is someone who has the same name as me, the ex wife of my brother. They divorced years ago and he is re-married now.

This is a problem as at the local hospital they keep adding my notes to hers or her notes to mine, sending me out her hospital appointments to the diabetic clinic and won't believe me when I phone them up to tell them I'm not diabetic. The last time this happened they said I'll just put you through to the clinic as you have been before and you may be mistaken!!!!!

They have put a sticker on our notes saying duplicate name but it stilll happens. She adds people on facebook that are my friends even if she doesn't know them. They do have 2 kids together BUT my brother has custody of them so they live with him not her.

I can't understand why she won't revert back to her maiden name other than the fact that ours is more unusual than hers, she was together with my brother for around 9 years, got married and then left him 6 months later:smack:

I wonder why we always take the mens name and not the other way round, is it a legal thing or is it just tradition? xx

Outdated tradition in my opinion ha ha! My first 4 kids have my surname, first 2 I wasn't married, second 2 I was but still gave them my name. The last one has my husband's surname (new hubby) but I still refused to change my name, I have my own I don't need another; especially considering what his is and where I'm from lol, that just wouldn't be right as Ruth knows:wink2:

 

[Lynne Baker]

I hated my maiden surname and kept my (1st) married name, largely to p!ss him off, because he said I couldn't keep it. He was furious that he couldn't legally make me change it!

 

[Lunarstorm]

I think it's a personnal choice.

When I divorced my first husband, I kept his surname as we had a child together.

I remarried and then took my husbands surname and our child has his surname also but my child from my first marraige still has his fathers surname.

For me, I did not want to keep changing ethier mine or my childs name. My mother changed mine so much when I was a child and it's a nightmare filling in forms which ask for all known surnames!!! I've been Giles (birth name, fathers surname) Watts (1st step fathers surname) Mylius (mother maiden name) Walton (2nd step fathers surname) Mylius-Giles (I had to do this to get a passport as none of my childhood paper work matched, had to get a court to sort it all out when I was 16 ) Warry (first husbands surname) and now Perrett and I will not change it again if I can help it!!!!

 

[deanosnana]

Personally, I feel if you have children, then you should keep your married name. I am divorced and kept my married name so the kids and I would have the same last name.

Also, IF I were to get married again and my kids were still small, I would keep THIS married name, not change to my new hubby's.

 

[BlondieBear]

That is a tough one.
My sister kept her maiden for 6 years through her marriage. She then had two girls so changed her name to her husbands so they would all have the same name. She left when the girls were 9 months & 2. He put her and the girls through hell and is in the middle of getting a divorce. She wants to change her name back because she wants nothing to do with him but does not want to have a different name as the girls for the likes of school etc.
By law she can only add her name and can not remove his name even though he does not help with the girls at all. So i suppose it all depends.

I think it is stupid cheryl keeps cole they are divorced and have no kids. How would she feel if he got married tomorrow and i say he is loving the fact she can not let it go.

 

[Deena]

Just a thought, but Cheryl Cole has built a highly successful career while being known by that name. It could complicate things for her professionally if she reverted to Cheryl Tweedy now <I think that was her maiden name?>, so it might have nothing to do with not wanting to let go of the name in emotional terms?

 

[Lovingyournails]

Firstly, Ms Baker, you are very funny, I like it!!!

I changed my name back to my maiden name PDQ after my first marriage (but, I was the leaver) - I was sure I'd NEVER take on another man's surname, loss of identity etc etc HOWEVER, I have subsequently remarried the 'right' man and quite adore the fact we share the same surname (his obviously)!!

We have had two gorgeous children together and in a bid to stamp my roots into their memory banks we gave both boys my maiden name as their middle name (hope that makes sense)...

If I ever did have to go back to using my maiden name (I pray not) the childrens' names would still have a link to me!!!!!

:biggrin::biggrin:

 

[BlondieBear]

Just a thought, but Cheryl Cole has built a highly successful career while being known by that name. It could complicate things for her professionally if she reverted to Cheryl Tweedy now <I think that was her maiden name?>, so it might have nothing to do with not wanting to let go of the name in emotional terms?

I understand what you are saying but she still has not had her big mrs c tattoo removed off her neck and simon introduced her as miss tweedy at the start of the x factor and made a point of doing so. Each to there own.

 

[sarahpoppy24]

Maby with cheryl coke it has something to do with the brand that she had created..like with Loreal or something she signed a contract? If it was me I would defo change it back of I didnt have kids, I dont know what i would do if I did, im not married and dont have any kids yet so untill/if the time ever comes Ill decide whats best to do then... I think it all depends on the person and what has gone on between them xxx

 

[Blue Rose]

Well, before I got married, I had an unusual surname which even though it gets mispronounced, I kinda like it.
Met hubby, (now not together) who happenend to be a Smith. As my surname was the last of the line, (and for other personal reasons) he agreed to change his name to include mine too by deed poll so any children we had would also have both names. Hence my double barrell surname!

We've now been separated 3 1/2 years & I've kept my d-b name as I like it, & it's the same as my daughters. If I was to get married again?? Hmm, I think I'd be inclined to drop the Smith & keep my name, lol. Hahaha, unless of course I met another Smith!!

 

[EMMA AT ELITE]

Tricky one & totally a personal choice, but if it was me,(if I was married) I think I would go back to my maiden name if I got divorced.

As for Cheyl Cole, I read/heard somewhere that she is a massive Diana Ross fan, & she kept her married name so that inspired Cheryl to do the same! x

 

[smooth]

By law she can only add her name and can not remove his name even though he does not help with the girls at all. So i suppose it all depends.

this is to do with the children, she is not able to remove a name from the birth certificate but can only add one up until the age of 1 I think so they can be added to birth certificate. After this time she has to do a transfer by deed poll but I think she would need permission from the father if he is named on the birth certificate. A divorced lady can change her name not a problem, not sure whether it needs to be done via deed poll but it is stupid if you do as that is your name and has been since the day you were born

 

[Penny Vintage]

I personally would keep my Husbands name if i was divorced as i see it as a chapter in my life and not as unity with him. Also it would save the aggro of changing the name lol. I can understand people wanting to stay true to there roots and be proud of there own name. Someone i knew married and used both surnames, her one first. But i am not particularly proud of the majority of the family that share my surname so getting rid is a good thing probably.. I also found it wierd that a family member had a child with a boyfriend and used his surname for the kid and not hers?! Not being married i thought this was a wierd choice! Or is that just me?

 

[skymark]

To me it would depend on what the name was. As the fella would be out of the equation and now not an issue in decision making, I would look at it as just that... just a name. I would choose based on which one I thought sounded best and I would like to be called for the rest of my life. If the married one was better I would keep it, wouldnt matter where it came from. After all our maiden names are a matter of luck as to what our parents were called.