Help! Former friend harassing me

[DeLaFemme]

At the end of my tether, what do I do?

Hi geeks I in need of a little advice.
To cut a long story short, my best friend of 20 years married the biological father of my son (who never wants to see my son). Obviously the friendship was strained but we tried our best and it worked, she was my bridesmaid at my wedding 2 years ago.
Everything seemed ok till I got a text on my honeymoon saying they got engaged, after that it got bad. I was getting texts and phone calls at all hours harrasing me. Apparently I tricked her man into getting me pregnant and I had no right claiming child maintenance because of this.
We haven't spoken in over a year but last night I got a text saying they want to take me to court to stop the payments. I had to change my number when we fell out so I don't know who it is.

Ok maybe not a long story short, sorry. Any advice?

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

 

[tigers-mummy]

As the saying goes it takes two to tango! Both of you made a baby regardless of whether it was planned or not and that child needs paying for so I really don't see how he can suddenly say 'well I didn't want it' and that's reason enough to stop payments. I think he has a fight on his hands if he wants to go to court. Can you think of a good enough reason for him to not have to pay? Why don't you contact Citizens advice if you think he is really going to try this? Just remember to keep everything as you may need it. I wouldn't bother replying to the text either if you haven't already xx

 

[DeLaFemme]

Thank you, I haven't replied to the text. If its them I would rather they got in touch face to face.
It just annoys me that they would say I tricked him into getting me pregnant, I was 16 and the day I found out was the same day I got my conditional offer from Glasgow Uni!
Although my friend has crossed the line ( I think anyway) I don't want to cause her any hassle, she was a very good friend to me when I lost my sister x

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

 

[Nails<3]

Thank you, I haven't replied to the text. If its them I would rather they got in touch face to face.
It just annoys me that they would say I tricked him into getting me pregnant, I was 16 and the day I found out was the same day I got my conditional offer from Glasgow Uni!
Although my friend has crossed the line ( I think anyway) I don't want to cause her any hassle, she was a very good friend to me when I lost my sister x

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

Your friend has done more than cross the line. She has no right to get involved between you and your sons dad. It has nothing to do with her what he has to pay. If he was big enough to make a child then he has to be big enough to pay for his son. If that was my so called friend she would be getting it! Obviously you are a bigger person than I!

I don't think you owe her anything regardless of what she has done for you in the past and I certainly wouldn't be nice after she said that. Let them ring the CSA and tell them that they do not want to pay as he was tricked. They don't care for the ins and outs of a relationship or how a baby was made. He legally has to pay so tell them to get lost!

Ignore them, she doesn't have a leg to stand on, it has nothing to do with her, if your sons dad wants to stop paying then CSA will deal with it. The courts will just laugh. How long has he been paying maintainence for your son and how long has your friend and him been together. He needs a good enough reason not to pay.

 

[Metamorfosis]

Didn't want to read and run, an unplanned child is not a reason not to pay and there's no way on this earth a court would rule that he shouldn't have to pay because he doesn't want to. I used to work for the child support agency and parents would come up with the craziest excuses why they shouldn't have to pay but they always had to. Try not to worry and don't got caught up in replying, just ignore the correspondence that doesn't require you to take action and let it run it's course. Good luck to you and don't let them get you down xx

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek

 

[Tomme]

At the end of my tether, what do I do?

Hi geeks I in need of a little advice.
To cut a long story short, my best friend of 20 years married the biological father of my son (who never wants to see my son). Obviously the friendship was strained but we tried our best and it worked, she was my bridesmaid at my wedding 2 years ago.
Everything seemed ok till I got a text on my honeymoon saying they got engaged, after that it got bad. I was getting texts and phone calls at all hours harrasing me. Apparently I tricked her man into getting me pregnant and I had no right claiming child maintenance because of this.
We haven't spoken in over a year but last night I got a text saying they want to take me to court to stop the payments. I had to change my number when we fell out so I don't know who it is.

Ok maybe not a long story short, sorry. Any advice?

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

Go to citizens advice, and inform the police of harrasment Hun. Hope its sorted soon. Xoxo

 

[gillian w]

Don't get into any tit for tat dialogue with them just ignore it and if they want to go to court let them take you.Just remain the better person and stay dignified at all times.

 

[StephR]

Hahaha good luck with them stopping the payments. Number one the CSA won't let them, number 2 I cannot see any court agreeing to it either. It will cost them a small fortune just to take you to court, can you really see them paying it?

Child maintenance is a subject that really cheeses me off big time. The system is so screwed up!

I was a teen mum too, had my daughter at 16 I'm now 26. My daughter will be 10 end of Feb. Her father still sees her, infact she's with him right now. He has paid maintenance for 2 years at the very most out of those 10 years. We split when she was 4 months old. He paid maintenance for a few months then decided to go to college "to better himself" because he was classed as a student he didnt have to pay a penny even though he could still work and earn a good enough amount to be able to rent a flat so he didn't have to live with his parents. He was at college for 4 years! He then got a job but took over 6 months for CSA to get payments out of him, in the end it was a deduction of earnings and guess what happened then?! He decided to go to uni for 3 years. He's now in his 4th year at uni cause he failed a year. He's still classed as a student, doesn't pay a penny but best bit is CSA told me he can earn upto 30k and still be a student and not have to pay a penny!!! He's now 29! He's taken me to court numerous times for more contact and gets legal aid too because he's a student but because I was working I got no help and would have to pay for a solicitor so I didn't have one in the end. Everytime I brought up maintenance in court the judge told me they do not deal with maintenance issues, that's the CSA's job. The courts only get involved as a last ditch attempt and that's usually to demand payments etc.

So even if your ex did try he its very likely he will have the case thrown out of court.

Xx

 

[DeLaFemme]

Thanks for the advice everyone, just seems a bit weird as my son will be 12 in April and I've never had any bother (except the initial problems with getting him to pay it at all, but that was years ago).

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

 

[Miss_A]

Thanks for the advice everyone, just seems a bit weird as my son will be 12 in April and I've never had any bother (except the initial problems with getting him to pay it at all, but that was years ago).

Sent from my HTC One X using SalonGeek

There are lots of ways that "men" try to avoid paying but most involve a serious lifestyle change (ie quitting jobs & moving country!). I'd not be worrying about this. Sounds like you're better off without both of them- they've both betrayed your son. There is a forum on money saving expert dedicated to maintenance & the CSA. There are some real experts on the ins & outs of how it all works so if you're worried you could look there.

Hope it all works out for you & your boy.
Xx

 

[Tomme]

If they don't pay you can still get payments through the government. Xoxo

 

[StephR]

If they don't pay you can still get payments through the government. Xoxo

How?

 

[Crystal colleen]

Ring CSA tell them the outlines and you will get a definitive answer from them.He can't just suddenly stop payments it ridiculouse.

He will no more take you to court than go flying up the wall these types of men will try the scare tactics it would cost him a fortune it is not cheep.

My daughters biological father (sperm donor I like to call him as he can't use the name dad coz he's useless) tried this one and he got no where.Threatened me with court well it's been 4 years later no letters of solicitors nothing lol he hasn't seen her for nearly 5 years lol.

I wouldn't worry about it he can't just pay the maintenance then think you know what I'm not paying it anymore lol

 

[Tomme]

How?

Not sure but a girl I know was getting payments when her ex was out of work (deliberately so he didn't have to pay her). Xoxo

 

[StephR]

Not sure but a girl I know was getting payments when her ex was out of work (deliberately so he didn't have to pay her). Xoxo

Sounds like my ex and the 8 years of college and uni!

 

[CHarvey]

Hahaha good luck with them stopping the payments. Number one the CSA won't let them, number 2 I cannot see any court agreeing to it either. It will cost them a small fortune just to take you to court, can you really see them paying it?

Child maintenance is a subject that really cheeses me off big time. The system is so screwed up!

I was a teen mum too, had my daughter at 16 I'm now 26. My daughter will be 10 end of Feb. Her father still sees her, infact she's with him right now. He has paid maintenance for 2 years at the very most out of those 10 years. We split when she was 4 months old. He paid maintenance for a few months then decided to go to college "to better himself" because he was classed as a student he didnt have to pay a penny even though he could still work and earn a good enough amount to be able to rent a flat so he didn't have to live with his parents. He was at college for 4 years! He then got a job but took over 6 months for CSA to get payments out of him, in the end it was a deduction of earnings and guess what happened then?! He decided to go to uni for 3 years. He's now in his 4th year at uni cause he failed a year. He's still classed as a student, doesn't pay a penny but best bit is CSA told me he can earn upto 30k and still be a student and not have to pay a penny!!! He's now 29! He's taken me to court numerous times for more contact and gets legal aid too because he's a student but because I was working I got no help and would have to pay for a solicitor so I didn't have one in the end. Everytime I brought up maintenance in court the judge told me they do not deal with maintenance issues, that's the CSA's job. The courts only get involved as a last ditch attempt and that's usually to demand payments etc.

So even if your ex did try he its very likely he will have the case thrown out of court.

Xx

Are you my sister,????? She is in this exact situation! Difference is her ex rents a flat here and owns one abroad which he rents out BUT because he get free education in Scotland he doesn't pay a penny!

 

[CHarvey]

If he receives benifits the government will deduct a percentage and give it to you x

 

[DeLaFemme]

Let them act and how they want to act!let them say what they like.
Just remember you have something they haven't and that's your son!

Yip I've got my awesome son AND a fab husband and although he's not the biological dad, you would never tell, he's a brilliant dad, my son even looks like he did when he was a little boy!

Thanks for all your advice, I don't really want to get involved in a load of nonsense, I have my life now and they have their's. there is no need for our paths to cross.

I've moved 20 miles away to get away from him, maybe I should move more

 

[DeLaFemme]

Are you my sister,????? She is in this exact situation! Difference is her ex rents a flat here and owns one abroad which he rents out BUT because he get free education in Scotland he doesn't pay a penny!

That's soooo wrong if he can afford to buy abroad and rent here, then he should be able to pay for his child. I went to college after I had my son and nobody told me I didn't have to pay for him!
I'm fortunate enough that I'd don't have to rely on CM, it gets paid straight into my sons bank account for when he goes to uni ( he's desperate to go to Oxford, I might cry :cry: ), but there are people out there, who through no fault of their own who do rely on it and want to look after their kids and give them the best.