How to deal with schools????

[Coppertop]

Ok, i wanna scream right now!
To cut a long story short my step son, who lives with me and his dad started comprehensive school in september.
During his induction week a young boy (who had assulted him in the past and was the cause of me stepson changing primary school) put his hands around his throat. I wrote to the school as i felt this needed to be delt with asap and be took seriously as i didn't want a repeat situation.
This was delt with very well and no futher problems between the boys.
So 2 weeks ago i get called into the school, Jed had got into an argument with a boy, both had said very bad things to each other and because of Jed's past (him not living with his egg donor) they gave it "we are really worried about his state of mind do you think he should go talk with someone about his problems?" WTF!!! He has had an argument and this makes his crazy?
As you can imagine i told this teacher no and that i would deal with it but could only do so much as i can't come to school with him.
She told me that they would work along side Jed to help him socialise better which i said would be a great help and we should see progress from that happening.
A week has now past and in the meantime Jed has had his bag stolen, i rang the school and said i wanted the cameras checked and the person responsible dealt with. Next day Jed gets a detention (after school at that!) for not being equipt in class, teacher wouldn't listen to an explanation.
So next day i phone school, no one available to speak with so i leave a message for 3 people and that i would be gratefull if one could get back to me asap. I tell Jed that he does not attend detention.
3 days later not heard from the school still, i phone, no one available to speak to, i leave ANOTHER message.
Jed comes home, has had a talking to from the teacher who had given him the detention, the detention i told him not to attend. She again would not allow him to explain!!!
so have just called the school and asked to speak to the teacher who had called me in to speak with her, it was her who answered, i ask how things are going? (before i get stuck in as to why no one has contacted me or dealt with anything she said she would) and i get " Oh i have just been called to the medical room, Jed has been punched in the face."
I'm like "is he ok?" she says, "yeah i think it's just one of those things that kids are doing these days" WTF!!!!! i say " well i don't think so and i will not accept this just happening" tell her to go deal with Jed and then phone me back before i leave the house at 3pm to collect the twins from school.
I warned her at out little meeting that i will not tollerate any form of violance from anyone, from Jed or towards Jed as she joked that a boy had threatened to punch Jed in the face to her.
If it is the same boy i will call in the police as she hasn't dealt with the situation.
So here i am venting to all of you whilst waiting for her to call me back.
Do i now end dealing with her and go straight to the headmaster? I may give her what for on the phone cos i am not happy at all.
I have done everything to help them deal with Jed. He was punished by me for the argument with the boy. I have talked with him every night about his day to make sure there has been no problems. I have spoke to the social worker who came to court with us when he came to live with us about this situation and she gave me advice about how to get Jed to socialise outside and i school. I am awaiting a pack for info about social clubs for him and now i have this to deal with.
What have the school done?

STRESSED!!!!:cry:

 

[Lellipop]

Well I dont blame you I would be livid too The problem here is not your son but the school failing to communicate with you I would state to this so called Teacher than you have rung on numerous occasions have left messages yet still no one has called you back.
On the violence issue its needs addressing and stopping now your son doesnt go to school to be assulted and tell them to sort the matter out asap or you will have no choice but to inform the police.
Good Luck

 

[sj1973]

poor you hun and poor jed....i have had this at the school my son use to go to....if there was a fight ,row my son was always in exit room even though others had told teachers the other lad started it by calling both my sons dads (his real dad,my hubby dad)w*****s...kids can be soooo cruel...in the end i spoke to the head teacher...i still was not happy so i complained about these teachers....it stopped....next time my son had a fight , row the teacher (who i had complained about) said my son was sticking up for hiself....THANK GOD!!!!....what these teachers DONT see is that when jed is trying to tell them what happened,who said what,jed looks at it as well they dont see what I am saying so why bother....have a meeting with the head and tell him/her all that has been happening...tell them,if YOU tell your son NO detension...then its none and if they have a problem about this they call YOU.if you want have a meeting with the head and the other teacher invovled...get things aired before it gets worse hun....and let them know that your son is NOT a punch bag for other kids.pm me if you need to type huni i will respond back xxxhave a :hug: for now xxx

 

[Coppertop]

Bad eh!
See in my house i am god! kids do as i say and when they are at school the teachers are god! that's how it works but i am higher up the ranks than the teachers and if i am working with the school they should understand this as i am their mum.
I feel sick about this whole thing.
I get the impression that they think i haven't a clue cos i am 27 and Jed is 11. That i am just young, well big mistake cos i have my head screwed on this time.
I feel like i have been spun round and then dropped into a room full of problems.
:irked:
You guys are great by the way!:hug:

 

[Hope]

Personally I would say go higher. The teacher/staff that you have spoken to don't seem to be acting quick enough and the lines of communication regarding other issues don't seem to be working. I would write down all that has happened and make an appointment with the Deputy Head and go through all of the issues saying that you would like a follow up meeting once all of them have been investigated so that the problems can be resolved once and for all.

 

[Coppertop]

I have you spoke to this teacher and here is what was said;
Jed was slapped and poked in the eye as they were playing this new game thing and it was an accident! (They are dealing and his paernts are to be called in, fair enough.)
She had informed the french teacher that Jeds bag had been stolen and she can't understand why he got told off for not attending detention.(Rubbish)
She had told Jed that the cameras had not covered the area where his bag was and that a teacher had found it outside. (Jed found his bag in a bush the next day.)
As for communication, She can't phone every parent about a LOST bag. (Bag wasn't lost, was took from where Jed hung it and dumped in a bush. Her reply, Kids do that kind of thing. And we have it in our handbook that kids should not remove other pupils property. I asked if she had any idea how much i spent on his bag and school equipment. She said no in a "i don't give a ****" manner.
I basically feel like she pulled me into school, fed me full of rubbish then expected to walk away.
I said that i was doing everything i could to make her job easy and that no one could give me the time of day to give me feedback.
Gonna write a letter to her over the weekend cos i think she needs a warning about how she deals with my step son.

 

[sj1973]

the teacher should know what she is talking about before calling you....go into the school and ask what you have to do to complain about a teacher....the head will ( i hope ) call you and ask what the problem is....tell him everything hun and tell him your not happy as you are his mum (step mum...mum ...samt thing)....good luck xx

 

[Coppertop]

Have just spoken to Jed and it was the boy who he had the big argument with the other week who slapped him.
I am going to get Jed to sit with me tonight and write his side of it down on paper, also about the missing bag and the problem with the french teacher and then first thing monday morning i am going to make an appointment with the head and dicuss this mater with him and present him with Jeds side.
He can deal with this woman who i now don't have the time of day for.
What a woman eh! In the wrong job i'd say.
This really shouldn't be happening, always a case of the bullies being protected.
I hope none of you have to deal with something like this and thanks for all advice and your ears for me to rant too. :hug:

 

[fificharlie]

Hun, this is bullying. Outright, nasty children that think its ok to use violence towards others because thats the way they have been dragged up.

Go straight to the head, sod all the stupid airhead teachers, they dont know what the hell they are talking about, and in my case (I was bullied very very badly at school to the point of a nervous breakdown at 15) the teachers like to turn a blind eye because they cant be bothered to deal with it.

It makes my blood boil that there are horrid little scumbags walking round your son's school thinking that they will just get his bag and chuck it in a bush, or hit him, or poke him in the eye, I can remember those types of situations like they were yesterday, and I still live with the effects of it all daily (anxiety, panic attacks)

I'm not denying that your son may have argued back (I dont know him obviously) - but are YOU the one being called into school and being told that YOUR son has hit someone? Or stolen thier bag?

Straight to the head, and demand a meeting with the other boys parents. You said it yourself, you do NOT send your son to school to be subjected to something that can be totally damaging to a young persons life. ( I hate to sound extreme here, but these things need to be stopped right from the start. Mine wasn't and I wish it was.)

If you need to chat just pm me hun. Please keep us updated x Good luck x

 

[Coppertop]

Hun, this is bullying. Outright, nasty children that think its ok to use violence towards others because thats the way they have been dragged up.

Go straight to the head, sod all the stupid airhead teachers, they dont know what the hell they are talking about, and in my case (I was bullied very very badly at school to the point of a nervous breakdown at 15) the teachers like to turn a blind eye because they cant be bothered to deal with it.

It makes my blood boil that there are horrid little scumbags walking round your son's school thinking that they will just get his bag and chuck it in a bush, or hit him, or poke him in the eye, I can remember those types of situations like they were yesterday, and I still live with the effects of it all daily (anxiety, panic attacks)

I'm not denying that your son may have argued back (I dont know him obviously) - but are YOU the one being called into school and being told that YOUR son has hit someone? Or stolen thier bag?

Straight to the head, and demand a meeting with the other boys parents. You said it yourself, you do NOT send your son to school to be subjected to something that can be totally damaging to a young persons life. ( I hate to sound extreme here, but these things need to be stopped right from the start. Mine wasn't and I wish it was.)

If you need to chat just pm me hun. Please keep us updated x Good luck x

Hun i so know where you are coming from and am sorry to hear you had a bad time.
I was bullied by prefects and then by a teacher! That is why i am trying now to deal with it.
It's hard for me cos i get very angry and just wanna shout, i bite very hard and take deep breaths.
I appreciate all advice given by you all and i am going to speak with the head. I mean i don't think i am being unreasonable. Whis i could of recorded the phone call, you lot would of been gunning for her!
I just feel angry now and want to sort it, monday can't come soon enough.
And surprise surprise Jed is not wanting to do his french homework, this teacher is going to have to be spoken to as she ain't encouraging him to do the work as no matter what he's getting punished. Really feel for him.

 

[sj1973]

yeah hun....keep us informed and let us know how he gets on....schools dont like to think they have bullys in the school as it does not go well with ofsted or on the books....you do need to nip all this in the bud now before it gets worse (to the point jed does not want to go to school , or more hitting on jed ).and as for the teacher i would ask for her to be in the meeting and tell her how you feel huni....let us know chick xxxx

 

[Coppertop]

yeah hun....keep us informed and let us know how he gets on....schools dont like to think they have bullys in the school as it does not go well with ofsted or on the books....you do need to nip all this in the bud now before it gets worse (to the point jed does not want to go to school , or more hitting on jed ).and as for the teacher i would ask for her to be in the meeting and tell her how you feel huni....let us know chick xxxx

Just been telling my mate about it and he said to slap her across the face and then just say "oh it's that great new games that's going around the playground! Wanna play?"
Tell you what it sounds tempting. Think she needs to sit in a room full of people who had to put up with teachers like her, she may learn a thing or two!!!

 

[Rubyroo]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your son's story.

My kids have been bullied at school whether it be primary or secondary.

You did the right thing in trying to inform the dimwit teacher, but I cannot believe how she has not acted on anything. Well, actually, I can believe it, because to be honest, it is too much trouble for her to go about investigating it all and sorting it out for you!

Also, there is probably the chance that she is frightened of the bully's parents? I have found this before. Not that it makes her actions right, or lack of actions.

Write everything down.
Keep a log.
Take photos.
You can bring in the police now, to be honest, your son was attacked.
Then the school will have to deal with it,.
Report it to the head, write a letter and cc to the Head of Governers, and the teacher involved and see what happens, I can guarantee you, you will get immediate results.
Tell them there is an ongoing history of nit-picking against your son which has turned into nasty bullying. Tell them that it's not just one thing here and there it is constant, drip, drip, effect and your son cannot take it any longer and shouldn't have to either.
Go for it.
Stick with it.
Get your results and get the bully sorted.
Lots of love to you,
I know how gutted you all must be feeling.
Keep strong and keep notes, it's the only way in these PC days i'm afraid.
:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Coppertop]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your son's story.

My kids have been bullied at school whether it be primary or secondary.

You did the right thing in trying to inform the dimwit teacher, but I cannot believe how she has not acted on anything. Well, actually, I can believe it, because to be honest, it is too much trouble for her to go about investigating it all and sorting it out for you!

Also, there is probably the chance that she is frightened of the bully's parents? I have found this before. Not that it makes her actions right, or lack of actions.

Write everything down.
Keep a log.
Take photos.
You can bring in the police now, to be honest, your son was attacked.
Then the school will have to deal with it,.
Report it to the head, write a letter and cc to the Head of Governers, and the teacher involved and see what happens, I can guarantee you, you will get immediate results.
Tell them there is an ongoing history of nit-picking against your son which has turned into nasty bullying. Tell them that it's not just one thing here and there it is constant, drip, drip, effect and your son cannot take it any longer and shouldn't have to either.
Go for it.
Stick with it.
Get your results and get the bully sorted.
Lots of love to you,
I know how gutted you all must be feeling.
Keep strong and keep notes, it's the only way in these PC days i'm afraid.
:hug::hug::hug:

Thanks for that hun. Yeah i do keep a diary, have done since he came to live with us, stuff for court and all.
I want it dealing with before they break up for the holidays and i will never deal with this teacher again unless she changes her attitude.
Why can't they help him and let him learn? fools all of them, they have no idea what effect they have on kids by treating them like this.
I must say that Jed is being very brave and dealing quite well with this, we are talking with him all the time about it and he knows i'm stuck by his side 100%.
Glad he has always seen me as a friend, think that's why he now calls me mum.

 

[Rubyroo]

Hi Mandy,

You seem to be doing the right things hun.

Keep talking to him, talk it through all the time, you are right to do that because in the long run, when things get better, and they will, he will always remember that you were there for him and fought for him all the way.

Some teachers are pathetic and just want the problem to go away and really do not want to deal with it. Others, will deal with immediately and you wonder why you had to create such hassle in the first place!

The sad thing is, that I think we have all been bullied in our time, but I think it is getting worse, everyone you speak to these days says their kids are being bullied orhave been bullied. I reckon its because everyone has to be so PC its getting crazy.

Years ago a bully would have been caned or had the blackboard rubber thrown at his head! Or ridiculed in front of the class, probably wrong, but they did work!

Nowadays, we have to 'talk' about these problems with these problem children and everyone sees the 'need' in these kids!!!!! What about the need of our kids???????

If you want it sorting before the hols, then my advice would be to go into the school, to reception, tell them you want an appointment with the head, if the head does not see you that day, fine; but before the end of term please. Show them that even though you have gone out of your way to go to the school to make the appointment rather than ringing them up and being fobbed off, you are determined to get this sorted out once and for all. Don't take any crap from them! Don't let them put you off. You want this appointment and you WILL get it!!!!!!!!

Don't lose your temper. Ever. Always remain calm. They can't accuse you of being hot headed and influencing Jed, etc, etc, you know how these things work?????

If you are not satisfied with his meeting then ask for another meeting with the chair of govenors, I am sure you will get it sorted with the head.

Ignore the teacher from now on, go straight to the head, directly to the head, do not pass go..........(sorry, couldn't help that one!).

Good luck.

I am sure you will get this sorted, once they realise you are not going away and are persistent, you will get this sorted, I am sure.

Thinking of you, I know how you feel, never mind Jed, your stomach is in knots you can't wait for home time to see how the day has been for him, oh tell me about it..........

Really rooting for you hun. Take care.
:hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[nailzandbeauty]

I think alot of schools fail us these days,iv treid to support my daughter and also go onlong with the school at the same time but it has not got us anyway.My daughter has just turned 16 so iv taken her out because its making her ill,the education officer came yesterday and agve me 3 options one of which i face court and maybe jail!! OMG none of this is my fault but i could get punished,stroll on next summer when she can walk away from school altogether.Good luck with your probs keep us updated xx

 

[sj1973]

totally agree with nailzand beauty in the schools dont want to do anything about bullying these days....i have been up my school no end of times for my sons mates (yes mates) calling him fat...teachers "is that all they are doing"...me aswell as calling his parents S***....teachers...i will have a word...so i told my son if they are saying stuff you argue back...he did ...ended in them fighting in which MY son was punished.....teachers have such a bad attutide in school now...no wonder the kids dont give a poo.
your mate is right mandy....i will play slapping GAMES with your son,s teacher...
bet i get done for assault.

 

[Coppertop]

It's no wonder kids leave school with a poor education is it.
Well will let you all know what heppens tomorrow and thank you all :hug:

 

[nailzandbeauty]

The options they have given us are:
she returns to school and just takes it all
I drive her to school,she stays in isolation all day then i drive her home {30 mins away}
I sign her out of school and she leaves with nothing {GCSE's}
Get medical proof that she is ill and maybe the board may send her work home and she goes back for her last exam next year

So i think we are going to go far the medical proof as the dr knows that she has a bad time with school and the medication she is on.Then the board have to decided if its worth it or not to let her have work at home.
When she is at school she dosnt get the help she needs as they are too busy trying so sort the class out anyway.

So god knows wots going to happen she is at the dr's tomorow to let him know the board are going to be contacting him for evidence.
Good luck to everyone else with schooling matters as mine have been a nightmare with my daughter,i hope i dont have the same with son aswell.xxx

 

[sj1973]

that is soooo bloody unfair....so your daughter would have to go in isalation all day even though she has done nothing wrong....makes sense....... NOT ....i know teachers have it tough but so do parents and we are here to protect our children cos no one else does...parents are blamed for children going wild....maybe the children that have gone wild have been through alot in live and need a bloody CHANCE....i for one will stand by my children if i know they are right....i will also punish if i know they are bad....how do i find these facts out....i ask my childrens freinds (the sensiable ones)how they are doing....