Ideas on how to discipline a 16 month old?

[blossom]

Hi everyone, as the titles suggests I'm having trouble disciplining my 16 month old so I'm asking for suggestions and advice if you'd be so kind!

The trouble is she doesn't really understand what I'm saying so if I tell her off she just looks at me and then does it again. For example, she's just tipped a big beaker full of milk all over the sofa. No milk at all then,unless in a babys beaker or unless she's stood in the kitchen by the sink.
I said NO in a stern voice, took the beaker away and went to get a wet tea towel. She then stood with me happily cleaning it up, thinking it was all a game. shows she wants to do things with you. This is great!

When I need to wash up, within 10 seconds she's emptied the kitchen cupboards. If she lets you get on and wash up, SHE can have a dabble in some cooler water with some plastic bits maybe in a bowl on the floor? Thats presuming you're not too pushed for time. When I try to eat my breakfast she steals my food then drops a tennis ball in my coffee cup (funny the first time!)If you laughed the first time, maybe she keeps thinking you'll laugh again? Try crying - honesty they hate you upset! When I'm on the loo she unravels the loo roll and runs away with it :lol: Don't allow her in with you till she can manage NOT to.When I sweep the kitchen, she stands in the pile and kicks the dirt all over the floor. Get a little broom and sweep up together, followed by a piggyback round the kitchen or something - one day she might want to do it for you all by herself ! When I use the laptop, she presses the OFF button (and she KNOWS this is not allowed!) Does she have a kind of baby laptop so she can join you? Think she wants your attention tho!!

I know she's pushing boundaries and that's normal for her age, but I don't know how to show her the difference between what's naughty and what's a game, as she doesn't seem to understand what I say?!

Sorry to be really annoying, sounds like I have an answer for everything and I Don't - just my thoughts and probably what I would have done with my two.

I don't think at this age they understand punishment particularly although they like to make you cross because ANY attention is better than none (at that moment - I'm not saying you ignore her )

Try to let any small issues go, whilst rewarding any good behaviour tenfold, and exaggerating your pleasure, they like to make you cross but they like to make you HAPPY even better!! Smiles, hugs, laughing, whooping, dancing round and jumping about - responding with these will definitely encourage good behaviour to be repeated over and over!!

Good luck though, maybe I was quite lucky because my two never tried my patience that much (or maybe I have loads). It is time consuming but you don't get those years back once they've gone so fast forwarding your brain to a point where they don't want you quite so much, and then looking back at the current situation, can sometimes make you more patient and tolerant. My girls are now mid teens and we are all very close.

 

[Severnrose]

I have read some of these responses but then scrolled to the bottom because I was so desperate to reply! Ha ha. Well not so much reply, but to ask another question.....
My friend told me about this "gentle parenting" the other day, some has been mentioned above "I can see you want to pour water, let's do it in the bath etc". This is great on paper, and I'm sitting here now with a few spare peaceful minutes before the school run so sounds lovely, but in reality we can't always drop what we are doing to go and play with water in the bath. There are things that we need to get done! - washing, cleaning, making their dinner! Also in this gentle parenting was to explain things to your child rather than just say "get your shoes on" or "come here I need to get you dressed". If you explain that "if you would like to come out with me to feed the ducks we need to get your shoes on" then that will work. It basically means you don't have to discipline your child and it doesn't agree with the naughty step etc.

Well I have news for you gentle parenting advisors!!! It doesn't! My daughter point blank refuses to do anything I ask! I don't just decide to shout at my children; I shout after 18 times of trying to ask the politely to do something (or not to do something!!) What I want to know is what you're supposed to do when they still don't listen - how long are you supposed to reason with this child?! I genuinely would like to know the answer if anyone knows this because I sometimes feel like I don't know what else to do other than wanting to get up and leave!
Sorry for the massive long essay x

 

[ch-ela]

Well I have news for you gentle parenting advisors!!! It doesn't! My daughter point blank refuses to do anything I ask! I don't just decide to shout at my children; I shout after 18 times of trying to ask the politely to do something (or not to do something!!) What I want to know is what you're supposed to do when they still don't listen - how long are you supposed to reason with this child?! I genuinely would like to know the answer if anyone knows this because I sometimes feel like I don't know what else to do other than wanting to get up and leave!
Sorry for the massive long essay x

I do feel for you but I think you may have misunderstood what is being said here. You shouldn't have to shout after 18 times of asking. My children got three chances.. then finished! Once they realised this, it worked. I couldn't be one for shouting all day, but also not for begging either. Children know exactly when to stop, especially when they are a bit older.

I remember reading about this book on a parenting forum (BBC)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1848123094



I will admit that I haven't read it, but if you have a look through the reviews, you will get the gist of what it's about.

I remember that I had such fun when my children were small. I guess this is what I would want for all parents (and children) too. Of course it's hard work, but it shouldn't be ALL the time.

:hug:

 

[waxandpolish]

I really don't know what I could do to make our house more baby proof. I've tried all the gadgets, she unlocked the cupboard locks within hours (as did my niece and nephew!) and she's tall so she can reach everything. She has literally hundreds if toys in the living room, 2 huge 80litre storage boxes overflowing, one of those racks with 9 canvas boxes full, a ball pit, a rocking chair and a ride on horse all live in the living room! She's never really been interested in playing with them though.

It's frustrating because we don't have enough room for a play pen because our house is a strange layout. I tried a travel cot but she just screamed for ages until I let her out so now she follows me around the house. Our interior door is old and made of glass do I can't shut it, she bangs on it and I'm worried she'll break it and hurt herself.

She's a very bright little girl, I've taught her lots of things like actions to nursery rhymes, peekaboo, and she always says ta when you give her something. She gives lots of kisses, she knows lots of words like bye bye, toast, teddy, shake shake, sausage, pop, boo etc! So I thought I might be able to teach her right from wrong. Maybe she's just too young, I've never done this before so I'm learning :o

Try dividing her toys into different boxes and putting some away. Bring out a new box every week or two and she will think she has new toys all the time and be more inclined to play with them. Don't let her drink/eat on sofa, sit her at table or in a high chair. Good luck, we've all been there!

 

[Severnrose]

I do feel for you but I think you may have misunderstood what is being said here. You shouldn't have to shout after 18 times of asking. My children got three chances.. then finished! Once they realised this, it worked. I couldn't be one for shouting all day, but also not for begging either. Children know exactly when to stop, especially when they are a bit older.

I remember reading about this book on a parenting forum (BBC)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1848123094



I will admit that I haven't read it, but if you have a look through the reviews, you will get the gist of what it's about.

I remember that I had such fun when my children were small. I guess this is what I would want for all parents (and children) too. Of course it's hard work, but it shouldn't be ALL the time.

:hug:

But what happened after the 3 chances? How do they know they have 3 chances and that's it? This is what no one seems to be able to tell me. X

 

[ch-ela]

But what happened after the 3 chances? How do they know they have 3 chances and that's it? This is what no one seems to be able to tell me. X

They learn that in time. It becomes a pattern. They got NO chances with their dad, and boy did they know it.

You have to decide beforehand what the "punishment" (or consequences as I like to see it) is going to be, and I always found it fair to tell them what the consequences are. I find that the natural consequences work best too.

So, for example "if you pour that milk over the settee, you will have to stand in the kitchen to drink your drink"

Or, "stop hitting your brother over the head with that rolling pin or I will take it away" "stop it now, this is your last chance, or you will no longer have the rolling pin" "ok, give me the rolling pin" That's it.

This is obviously very simplified, but you get the gist. Once they realise that you are not just offering empty threats, then they will take you seriously. Even if you just say that "mummy will be cross, and you don't want that, do you?" it should work. It's just a matter of getting them to understand where the boundary is. At the moment, yours is at 18 requests. What happens then for you? Do they then comply?

It's the same as offering them a treat, but in reverse, if you see what I mean.

Does that make sense?

 

[sallyyummymummy]

They do grow out if that stage. My little girl is now 21 months and she was doing all sorts at 16 months - turning the washing machine on/off, playing with the dials, chucking her food on the floor...... a stern no wasn't working. So I started by making her help me clean the floors when she had thrown food. Giving her little jobs to help mummy and turning it into a game really helped and now she's that little bit older its easier. And yes she still throws the most almighty tantrums but she knows no means no. I always explain why I'm saying no and then distract her. Life is more fun now though thats for sure. Good luck.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Severnrose]

They learn that in time. It becomes a pattern. They got NO chances with their dad, and boy did they know it.

You have to decide beforehand what the "punishment" (or consequences as I like to see it) is going to be, and I always found it fair to tell them what the consequences are. I find that the natural consequences work best too.

So, for example "if you pour that milk over the settee, you will have to stand in the kitchen to drink your drink"

Or, "stop hitting your brother over the head with that rolling pin or I will take it away" "stop it now, this is your last chance, or you will no longer have the rolling pin" "ok, give me the rolling pin" That's it.

This is obviously very simplified, but you get the gist. Once they realise that you are not just offering empty threats, then they will take you seriously. Even if you just say that "mummy will be cross, and you don't want that, do you?" it should work. It's just a matter of getting them to understand where the boundary is. At the moment, yours is at 18 requests. What happens then for you? Do they then comply?

It's the same as offering them a treat, but in reverse, if you see what I mean.

Does that make sense?

Thanks for taking the time to reply again. Obviously 18 is not actually the amount of time I ask them to comply but my point was that it often a lot of times. So your advice may work when they are doing something naughty - you can take it off them. What happens when you want them to do something ie letting you get them dressed, getting dressed themselves, getting shoes on, tidying up?
Thanks x

 

[Mobile Manicure]

Thanks for taking the time to reply again. Obviously 18 is not actually the amount of time I ask them to comply but my point was that it often a lot of times. So your advice may work when they are doing something naughty - you can take it off them. What happens when you want them to do something ie letting you get them dressed, getting dressed themselves, getting shoes on, tidying up?
Thanks x

Rewards. Not bribes but a reward chart is good. Stickers. Kids LOVE stickers! "If you put your shoes on right now you'll get a sticker on your chart".

 

[blossom]

We used to have trouble at one point with me getting my daughters shoes on, mainly because she wanted to do them but it took absolutely ages

So I decided to ask her to put her shoes on half an hour before we went out so she had time to struggle but had the satisfaction of doing them herself and that solved the problem

When one of them drew flowers along a chest of drawers (wipe offable thank heavens) it meant no pens for a few days (which was like taking fags off a chain smoker if you knew my daughters)

A real "punishment" if you like, for my youngest, and she had to be really really unco-operative for this, was take away her choices for the day (because that for her was something she loved, choosing her own things) so she was told what breakfast she was having, what sandwich filling, what colour t shirt, what tv programme etc etc I think if you hone in on whatever means most to them you have a bit of a lever.

Agree on the stickers, not sure from what age tho, I can't remember. They would do anything for a sticker, which is a bit concerning really.

 

[hazeleyes]

My older son loved a sticker!
I'm having the show problem with my son at the moment too... He gets so upset when he can't do it bless him.

 

[ch-ela]

Thanks for taking the time to reply again. Obviously 18 is not actually the amount of time I ask them to comply but my point was that it often a lot of times. So your advice may work when they are doing something naughty - you can take it off them. What happens when you want them to do something ie letting you get them dressed, getting dressed themselves, getting shoes on, tidying up?
Thanks x

I know it's not 18, but I bet it feels like that sometimes. The idea is to limit it to three, so just persevere and you will get there (although 3 is just what I chose, you can have 4 or 5 if you wish)

What you might like to try is setting up a new set of rules, for your benefit as much as theirs.

So you could think of a treat that your child likes (half an hour of games, or water play with plastic cups and saucers, a little tea party with dolls) and on a specific day, let her have the treat, but tell her BEFORE she gets it that she is having it because she put her shoes away promptly, helped with doing the shopping and cleaned her teeth. Chose as positive things as possible. When she goes to bed, tell her how much you enjoyed giving her the treat and say you hope to do it again soon.

That's the kind of thing that I mean. You will know what kind of things will work for you in your situation, tbh, I don't even know how old your child is and whether it's a girl or boy.

One thing that I will say about tidying up is that I think most children struggle with this. I always helped with it, and made sure that they did their bit, but I don't know many children that could do this without guidance. As long as they help, I think it's ok to do it with them.

 

[Severnrose]

They are 5 and almost 2.5 the 5 year old is generally not too bad. She's picked up bad behaviour from school but that's more answering back, being rude etc. if I ask her to do anything she tends to do it even if it takes her ages.

The 2.5 year old is another story! She says no to everything and doesn't understand that by doing one thing she gets to do another. For example - get shoes in means go to feed the ducks! I know the obvious answer here would be just don't go to the ducks then, but I would tie that in with going to tescos so we have to go out! This is obviously just one example of many. She will try and ruin what my 5 year kid is doing....painting, drawing, reading etc. she hits, throws things, has tantrums, draws on walls and tables, pours water out the bath, anything you can think of! It's all new to me as my eldest never did anything like that so I've never really had to deal with naughty behaviour. Feel like I'm saying no constantly. I could cry most days, and I find myself taking it out on my 5 year old which is wrong.

Will try the sticker thing and see if that works with her. She loves playing with water in the sink which I hate because it just goes everywhere but I may let her do that as a treat for being extra good

 

[Spa Therapist]

Sorry to be really annoying, sounds like I have an answer for everything and I Don't - just my thoughts and probably what I would have done with my two.

I don't think at this age they understand punishment particularly although they like to make you cross because ANY attention is better than none (at that moment - I'm not saying you ignore her )

Try to let any small issues go, whilst rewarding any good behaviour tenfold, and exaggerating your pleasure, they like to make you cross but they like to make you HAPPY even better!! Smiles, hugs, laughing, whooping, dancing round and jumping about - responding with these will definitely encourage good behaviour to be repeated over and over!!

Good luck though, maybe I was quite lucky because my two never tried my patience that much (or maybe I have loads). It is time consuming but you don't get those years back once they've gone so fast forwarding your brain to a point where they don't want you quite so much, and then looking back at the current situation, can sometimes make you more patient and tolerant. My girls are now mid teens and we are all very close.

Thankyou, that's made me feel like I'm armed with some very practical solutions! She does have her own little Vtech laptop, she has a little brush and dustpan set etc so I'll definitely be trying to encourage her to copy me rather than sabotage me :lol:

 

[Spa Therapist]

She loves stickers too! She goes round the house trying to stick everything to her chest, the other day it was a soggy Lil-Lets leaflet that she'd dunked in the bath :lol: she was chuffed to bits!

 

[sallyyummymummy]

Mine is sticker mad too. They are all over the house. Sticking to peoples clothes & shoes lol. Found daddy pig sticker in our bed last night on other halfs side - I reckon shes trying to tell him something lol.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[weezie]

How I live with my son would take a lifetime to expain but for the example you gave of putting shoes/clothes on etc, just leave the house with them undressed and show them how cold it is, they will then want to put them or, or dress them in the car, or when you arrive where you're going when they want to come with you. We all want to comply when it's of benefit to us, you just need to explain to them the benefit Food for thought - there is only a battle of wills when you try to control another person, we don't like being told what to do so why would our child put up any less resistance! LOL

 

[blossom]

I remember once my daughter wouldn't put her shoes on so she had to walk home from her friends house in bare feet with me carrying them - she thought if she didn't put her shoes on, she wouldn't have to go home, bless. I only remember that happening once though.

edit to add, it was only round the corner or I couldn't have done it!