Please help. Male massage!

[Becca Wright]

hi everyone! i really need help...... On friday i had a man in for a massage, working in a hotel and gym i am used to doing alot of male massage but i had a very unpleasent experience with this particular man.
I introduced myself and told him how i wanted him to get ready, he asked me if it was ok not to wear any underwear as the area that he needed massage was his thighs and glutes. This didnt ring any alarm bells because for someone that plays football this is quite normal. He was really friendly and talked all the way through the massage but he did make me feel a little uncomfortable when he kept moving the towel very close to his manly area. he also kept moving his leg right out and asking me to massage right between his legs. He told me that he had alot of sports massage and because i am not trained in it i assumed that this is something that they are quite used to so i tried to be propfessional and get on with it. He then started to touch my legs when i was doing the back but kept making out it was an accident. This was making me feel a bit scared. Unfortunatly because his PA had also booked my 4oclock space for him, i had to deal with him coming back and this time he got an erection and was asking me if im interested in bondage. By the end of the second massage i was frightened that he wouldnt let me out or something was going to happen but he was still being very friendly so i didnt know if i was the one reading to much into this. He asked if he could see me again the following day but i said i was fully booked.

I let the hotel that i rent a room from know and they have been so supportive but they also want to write to him and let him know that he is not welcome back to the hotel. what worries me is that my mobile is my work number which this guy has and i am worried that a letter will cause more problems.
Am i over reacting or should something be done? This has really knocked confidence and i am ashamed that i didnt stick up for myself and told him that i wasnt comfortable because maybe he would have been embarassed that he made me feel like that and didnt mean it!! i feel like my head is messed up! whats the right thing to do?

Sorry this is so long but any advice to make me feel better would be great x x x x

 

[silverbird9t9]

Becca, you are in no way responsible and have nothing to be ashamed about. This slime ball took advantage of you. I don't think that you have anything to fear if the hotel writes to him. In fact if his PA opens the letter he is the one who will feel embarrassed and rightly so. He knows that the hotel have his contact details and if he bothers you, he can easily be found by the police.

Never, ever hesitate to leave the room if you feel uncomfortable. Any decent man will understand if you are worrying unnecessarily.

 

[Becca Wright]

Thank you, i think i need to be stronger. I am always worried about if i have it the wrong way round that i dont stick up for myself. I am on my own in here and the hotel have offered to put a panic alarm in my room which makes me feel better. Just hope i never have to use it. x x x

 

[oldgaltherapist]

Becca

I had the same experience myself last year and it freaked me out so you are not to blame, unfortunately this type of man is a 'wolf in sheeps clothing' so to speak...I also had my mobile as work and all I did is ensure that I never answered his call and eventually after he kept leaving messages, I sent him a text explaining why I was no longer prepared to do a massage, he got the message and apologised saying it had not been his intent to offend me...yeah right!

Just ignore all calls and/or be incredibly busy. The letter is another form of warning and as Silverbird says it could really make him sit up and think if his PA opens it!

Don't worry at least you have support....

 

[SJK]

It's a horrible situation to be in, and I'm thankful that the hotel are supporting you. Remember that this is in no way your fault. What he has done is unacceptable, the way he has made you feel is disgraceful and he deserves a bit of shame in return.

I don't think he would do anything in response to the hotel's letter, but if you really are worried, ask them not to do it. It sounds like they won't let him book in again, and that's important.

 

[smooth]

What a slime ball he is. You did the right thing by reporting him though, although you would have been well within your right to refuse the next appointment or to stop the treatment and walk out. Don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable or take advantage of you. If it happens again, with him or someon else then put a stop to it straight away.

What gives him a right to think touching you or talking about bondage whilst he is having a massage is acceptable?

x

 

[nicolao4]

I think the letter is the way to go here, and if it causes any problems report it to the Police. Also by not following it up you never know what he says to others and you don't want your reputation being spoiled by a sad little man who thinks that it is acceptable to treat a proffesional in this way. You hold your head high girl and don't let this individual knock your confidence. xx

 

[J.Victoria]

What a horrible thing to happen to you. This should definately be dealt with asap. The company should send him the letter and he should be told he is not welcome to return. If you happen to know his telephone number is there no way that you could block it on your mobile? What a poor excuse of a man.

 

[tigi]

oh becca you poor thing. It is horrible when this happens as the situations rarely turn into a full on assault immediately.

WHen it has happened to me, it has always started with something slight, then they do something else, nothing major, just unnerving, by that point i am questioning myself. they are testing the water so to speak and also doing it in this way so that you have nothing concrete to report them.

I have found that it follows a pattern, a few incidents that seem slight, worrying but nothing major. BUT when you add them together they have frightened me.

Look, this person has used this technique on you, done several things to unnerve you and yet when you think of each one of their own, they dont seem to point to anything major. Its a clever way to get away with it isnt it? you begin to doubt yourself, because, it was only this or only that.....

However, you are right to refuse this person, IF he contacts you ,let your phone service provider know and if it is ANY way threatening or worrying, the police.

I am so glad the hotel are supporting you, let them send the letter.he has overstepped the boundaries in many ways and you are NOT to blame for his actions.

 

[alixchris444]

Ah sweetie, you behaved in a way more professional manner than I would have done...which is why I don't do full body massage on any men (unless I know them really well), I don't want to be put in a position that makes me feel uncomfortable. I made this decision after a man rang me and asked for a full body and if it was ok for me to touch his testicles...there are a lot of blokes out there that hear the word massage and expect extras, some real education is required for men me thinks xxx

 

[squidgernetball]

What you need in this situation is coping strategies.

We do a lot of male massage and have never had a problem, but we have practised what we would do or say if we did, then if something like this happens, you have a planned response.

I read on here about what a therapist said, so we practised it - loudly!

Something along the lines of
You are making me uncomfortable, (or your behaviour is inappropriate), please get dressed and leave. You then walk out of the room, and they leave, but make them pay!!!

This doesn't help with your current situation, but if he makes things unpleasant for you, it's called harassment!

Good luck x

 

[missljw]

Ah sweetie, you behaved in a way more professional manner than I would have done...which is why I don't do full body massage on any men (unless I know them really well), I don't want to be put in a position that makes me feel uncomfortable. I made this decision after a man rang me and asked for a full body and if it was ok for me to touch his testicles...there are a lot of blokes out there that hear the word massage and expect extras, some real education is required for men me thinks xxx

This thread was started in 2010... I bet the op has forgotten about that even happening now! Haha