Scared of going to toilet - Daughter

[cherubs]

I hope nobody minds me posting this it's just that I really don't know what to do :cry: My daughter is now 8, for approx 3 years she has been afraid to empty her bowels, at first we just thought that she was being lazy or not wanting to stop playing etc to go use the toilet, she had the occasional accident in her underwear. Now the accidents are every day, all day
She will wake up in the night with crippling tummy pains as she's so bunged up and constipated but just will not empty :cry: I have on many occasions sat on the bathroom floor for over an hour in the silly hours of the morning to try to get her go, but nothing :irked:
The last time she emptyied her bowels properly was at the beginning of April . We've all tried to explain to her that the longer she holds it the harder & bigger it will be, she is just terrified that it's going to hurt :cry:
Our Doctor has just prescribed some Movicol for her to take, whilst this has helped to make things softer she is still afraid to go, we're just having softer accidents iykwim.
I got a book that was recommended for us to read that's aimed at kids that are afraid to use the toilet, we've read it a couple of times and she's really interested and keeps comparing herself to the little boy in the story.

We've also tried to change her diet but she's such a finicky eater with hardly any appetite it's proving to be really difficult :irked: she won't eat any veg or anything that will make things easier for her to go

Sorry for waffling on, i'm just really worried about her and wondered if anyone else has been through this and what their advice would be?
Thanks

 

[JoJoPearce]

I'm sure that this is just a phycological problem (although I'm no doctor).

My oldest had this problem when she smaller and it was terrible to see her in so much discomfort. The doctor prescribed her with that yucky laxative med. I would use it for a few weeks and she would be ok as it softened it but then as it became harder (like normal stools) the problem would start up again. We went around in this cycle for bloody ages.

What I didn't realise (and what my docor didn't explain, but my health visitor did) is that I needed to give her the medicine for at least 6 months plus. This would enable her to forget about the fear of going to the toilet.

I hope you can sort it as it is a horrible thing and I'm sure at her age she is becoming more consious of it.

 

[Retired]

Can you pinpoint what started it 3 years ago? Was she OK before then? Was she constipated and in pain going to the toilet? Lots of children have phobias about going to the loo, my son did as a toddler but grew out of it. If it continues, perhaps you need a second opinion. Just a thought. Hope it all goes well. It's so distressing for the child, and the parents imo.

 

[~Emmsybabes~]

Ladybgemini, may be able to offer you some advice too if you pm her,
I know she had a similar problems with her little girl, it was heartbreaking, the poor little luv.
:hug:

I remember my little one (well shes not so little now)
But she had problems going to the loo...but for a wee...she became scared also...its bloomin horrible to watch your child in pain like that,
I hope she is better soon hun...

 

[cherubs]

We don't know what started it all off, she was perfectly fine as a baby/toddler, I think somewhere along the line she must of had a BIG job and it's frightened/hurt her, she never told us :cry:

We just feel so helpless, she won't even let us touch her tummy when i've tried to massage it, and like mentioned before as she gets older it's getting worse for both her and us :cry:

 

[opal]

hi
i went throught his with my now neary 7yold when she was two
its a difficult situation as the more they hold it in the more the bowel expans as in a way becomes lazy and the problem is that its much more painfull to go to the loo as it becomes more adult size rather than child size !
my daughter went thoriough this for 2 1/2 years i eventually saw a gastro paeditrician as my daughter became very underweight all we had been sucribed was laxative which work from about but dont unbloc the compacted stuff my paeditrician was brillian gave my girl movical as a maintence to halp soften the stools and a laxative to make sure that the stalls were small and frequent as it turned out my daughter had a dairy intolerence and so lactulose was actually increasing the problem and not helping - it took me a long time and my lovely college lecture who was a health visitor helped to get anyone to listen
go back to your doctor and see a gastroenterologist as the problem could actually be medical NOT psychological
i really hope it all works out for you as i spend over two years watching my little girl in distress and pain as im sure you have .:hug:
does she eat alot of dairy ie yoghurts cheese milk ????

 

[wishbabe]

Hi my little girl has had illnesses all her life so we are well mastered at the doctor system.

I would advise you to go to the doctors again and be assertive, and ask for a specialist opinion. There job as general prac is to rule out all possibilities before sending you to a consultant.

Your daughter is only 8 and needs you to fight for her right to be well and happy. Go back and dont for one minute believe you are wasiting there time, that is what they are there for.

Hope your little love gets better soon. Lots of love to her and to you, people do forget you hurt just as much watching. x:hug:

 

[cherubs]

Thanks everyone :hug:
We're due to go back to the docs next week, he wanted her to try the meds for 2 weeks, he said if after that nothing had happened he would refer us to a special clinic at the hospital
It is a physcological thing i know, it's just getting her to realise that if she takes the meds (which she has been quite easily) , it will stay soft and therefore not hurt, it's so frustrating sometimes.
If I could only do it for her :lol:

Might get her booked in for one of those colon massages on the other thread, that was amazing

Thanks again :hug:

 

[Bagpuss]

My daughter was like this at one point...about 3 i think. I had school runs to do and was always rushing about so she was in the pushchair.....i was told by my health visitor to make her walk...exersice moves it on and makes you go easier....sitting for long periods of time means the poo is still...while its still it starters to harden....it builds up and gets nearer the back passage and blocks.

So lots of walking will help to move it.....and so make it alot less painfull....which is a start but you sound like its the getting her on the loo thats the added problem...and she needs to be reassured that it wont hurt....vasaline massaged onto the bum hole itself will help too.

Books...music...favourite toy.....anything to keep her there for a while....sing songs with her...make it fun...give the toilet a name...and when she has been, make a big deal of it...."wow...look at you big girl...how clever are you...well done"

We used to have to wave at Mr Poo going down the pan as we flushed.....:lol:

I really do hear your concern ...I used to hate it...my daughter would strain so hard and be in tears and I felt so helpless....

Hope you get it sorted hun xxx

 

[dee]

my son is like this !! due to daves mother bloody scaring him by saying if he didnt go then his bum would bleed
its taken us about 2.5 yrs of sitting with him , telling him its ok that his bum wont bleed etc ,
hes takes lactulose but i only give him it if he hasnt gone for a good week or so , hes getting a lot better now but i swear i couldnt have murdred his mtoher for saying such stuff !!
kids are sensitive especially witht he toilet i have known kids like it before hence why i went mad with his mum for telling him such a tale !!
i wish i could help hun but the only thing i have done is the same , sit and talk to him while hes on the loo etc... telling em its fine , they are safe etc.... then give em a reward after like a sticker or something for being a big boy / girl
hth xxxxx

 

[liana kay]

lots of water and dried fruit . my daughter is just like this shes three and manages to hold on to it for days , and gets cramps . not so bad now as she does it in a nappy in her sleep! i remember after i had my son i was so constipated that it gave me an anal fissure ( not nice ) and haemoroids -maybe shes got a reason to be scared

 

[Coppertop]

My stepson had probelms going to the toilet when he came to live with us and they said it was psycological.
Anyway we were refered to the constipation clinic in our local hospital and now he is fine.
It takes some hard work retraining the body and mind but it's worth it. Speak with your gp or health visitor and get a referal, you won't regret it.

 

[Tracey Roberts]

Its heartbreaking to read this thread, I really feel for you and your girl,my girl had the same problems when she was about 2-3,I took her to the doctors and he gave me the lactolose? stuff,but she would not take it, she hates medicines, I used to cry for and with her because she couldnt go properly, so I put the medicine in a small amount of drink to help her take it,it did help but when she stopped having it wed be back to square one.
So I changed her diet a bit( shes soooooo fussy)I dont give her the standard white bread,its a known clogger,we use hovis best of both also my health visitor told me to mix a concoction of tomatoe juice and orange juice, plus another that i cant remember sorry plus cut out cheese and eggs for a bit if she eats them
I think its worse for your girl as she hasnt been for so long, poor little star I hope she gets better really soon,but its clearly affected her pycologically which is going to be the hardest to overcome
Dont stand for no messing off them doctors they like to fob you off half the time, a mother is ALWAYS right (instinct)

All my luck to your babe xx:hug: and you

 

[Tracey Roberts]

my son is like this !! due to daves mother bloody scaring him by saying if he didnt go then his bum would bleed
its taken us about 2.5 yrs of sitting with him , telling him its ok that his bum wont bleed etc ,
hes takes lactulose but i only give him it if he hasnt gone for a good week or so , hes getting a lot better now but i swear i couldnt have murdred his mtoher for saying such stuff !!
kids are sensitive especially witht he toilet i have known kids like it before hence why i went mad with his mum for telling him such a tale !!
i wish i could help hun but the only thing i have done is the same , sit and talk to him while hes on the loo etc... telling em its fine , they are safe etc.... then give em a reward after like a sticker or something for being a big boy / girl
hth xxxxx

OMG Dee thats terrible! mother in laws hey?

 

[tonilee]

I totally understand how difficult it is as my daughter (now 9) has the same problems, but I have some bits of advise my health visitor gave me that may help!!

Now first you have to ensure the pooh is passable, so you need to use any medication and lots of water, excercise all the usals stuff so you know its your daughter holding back as opposed to blocked or constipated bowels

Then get her on the toilet at a time she is likely to go, (after a warm bath after tea perhaps)
Get her on the loo, on a comfy seat, and get something under her feet a step or something, we need our feet flat on the flor to fully relax our body otherwise we are straining to keep balance (imagine dangling on the loo being unable to touch the floor it must be awful!!) Then get some bubbles, and get your daughter to blow bubbles, its apparantly impossible to hold your bowels in and blow!!! Its fun and may make her forget and as a result to a big job!!
This got Chloe through her issues then she realsied there was nothing to be scared of!!
Hope this helped
Good luck!!

 

[opal]

i just remembered that my daughter could manage to go in warm bath as it really seemed to help (think of a water birth ) apparently it softens the bottom bits so that stretching is not as painful when your constipated
the movial is a really good medicin as its what they give to patiens in hospital that are not mobile and find they get constipated - my daughter was put onto double dose as it really helped her to strt going frequently this helps to retrain the bowel skye has now grown out of her dairy intolerence and has no problem at all she did not have to give up dairy completely only for 6 wkks and then i had to slowley re-introduce it back
good luck , at least you know your not alone with this problem

 

[cherubs]

We're back at the doc's today (week early) things are no better at all in fact i'd say they're worse :irked:
The medicine has definately worked at making things softer but she still won't let go iykwim she's going to the bathroom nearly every 10 mins but only to wipe/clean herself up :cry: I'm beginning to think she's unable to pass what's acumilated and needs to go to hospital to clear it??
It was awfull last night we had her sat on the toilet begging her to just push and let go :cry::cry: I was so near to tears, hubby was so frustrated he ended up losing his temper and between us we made a right mess of things :cry:
Don't know what the doc's going to say/do but this just can't carry on, she had to miss swimming today at school, she loves swimming :cry:

 

[opal]

i do understand skye got so bunged up that she became impacted this is where because the bowel is not being emptyed it just keeps squashing everything down until ther is no space and making the poo so big that is really painfull to pass which is why she proberly wont go my little one ended up in hospital having an enema as she got so bad that she was in agony the enema helped remove the worst and we carried on with the movical and this helped keep them really small and easier to pass the other problem is that the lower part of the bowel becomes really stretched and needs to shrink back can you get her to drink freshly squeesed orange juice or i can reall recomend rubicon mango juice which helped keep my daughter regular /
good luck at the doctors
xx

 

[sam1]

I'm feeling your pain, my son had a terrible time from 2yrs old. Trying to get him to go was torture( I remember sitting on the loo floor for hours). We did have to resort to micro enemas to help remove everything but the kid had such control he could get rid of the enema without letting anything else out. We ended up in the emergency dept of the hospital it got so bad, what every it was they used(unfortunately it was some type of enema) it worked and once we'd gotten rid of the majority of the "blockage" he felt much better. We couldn't get him to take any sort of softener or laxatives so we'd put prunes in whatever we could( pureed in chocolate muffins or cupcakes and prune juice in alittle cola), got him to go first thing in the morning even if it was only a little bit than again after his shower at night. We also had a quiet chat to his teacher and she would suggest a toilet visit at lunchtime. So he could get use to regularly going we also had rewards for "big ones". He's nine now and still occasionally waits too long but it doesn't worry him as much. Lots of reassurance and patience and heaps of praise. Its a very trying experience but I'm sure you'll get her through:hug:

 

[angel fingers]

my girls been through it too, i cant believe how common it is. luckily it was when she was about 3, but for an 8 year old it must be really embarrassing as welll as painful.
dont be afraid of the 'clinic', we went regularly and they helped a lot.they help you understand the problem yourself so that you can work out between you what is best for your child. the longer the problem goes on the more damaged the lining of the bowel becomes and then it stops being able to transmit the "i need to go" message so the urge doesnt come and the problem gets worse.it may start out as a psycholgical problem but it does lead to damage then it also becomes a physical one. i was told that recovery takes about the same time as the problem has gone on for. so if shes had it for about 2 years , then you'll be treating her for about the same amount of time too.
i found diet was everything, its difficult when they are fussy eaters, but they can be persuaded. things my daughter liked are grapes, raisins, sesame bars ,nuts ,sunflower seeds, sweetcorn,peas,beans, tinned mandarins.use anything that has very high fibre even in small amounts.loads of pure fruit juice. dont give a thought to calories either, if she has to have chocolate coated sunflower seeds, so what, at least its fibre. another thing she liked was all bran cereal mixed with melted chocolate and put in a cake case to make a "nest" and then a little chocolate egg or some rainins in.
youve got to keep giving fibre all day every day, its hard work but it can be done. make it easy for her by cutting things small and keep giving fibre snacks and juice at regular intervals. if you do your best from now on, you should begin to see results quickly and could have this problem under control by the end of the summer holidays then she has a chance of going back to school clean in september. i should think the embarrassment factor must be as much agony for her as the discomfort its self at her age..and you can then continue to improve as you go on from there. drinking throughout the day is vital, inform her teacher and make sure she has water all day through.

haemorhoid ointment helped her too so she would be in less pain. and give a puzzle book to her so she will be distracted when she goes to the loo. about 20 mins after her evening meal will be a good time for her to try as the stomach will be naturally contracting. fill in a chart on the loo door and she will see her progress and see that it becomes more comfortable to go when she goes more regularly.

your clinic will probably prescribe a laxative to make her go and a softener to make it easier. my daughter hated taking them, but you must insist. have a drink and a sweet ready to take the taste away. eventually once shes back to a routine she'll manage with just diet, so it wont go on forever. its very easy to give in to them when you see them in such pain, but the kindest thing to do is insist the medicine is taken otherwise their agony will go on for longer.

p.m me if you want to talk any more, i so hope you get it sorted, maybe she might even like to email my daughter if she wants someone to talk about it with who is her own age. hermione is fixed now, but unless i keep up her diet relentlessly, she could so easily slip back to where she was before.