7 Parenting Tactics that Can Damage Your Child’s Self-Esteem

[~Freckles~]

check out this link ~

https://www.personalandfinanceconfi...parenting&x=&jtid=392803&client_code=&p_id=20

interesting reading!!

 

[izzidoll]

I am glad I am not a parent...because if I was I would have found that very patronising.

 

[ValencianNails]

I've read the "7 parenting tactics that can damage your child's self esteem"...
I've used every one of them at some point or other (either directly or indirectly) while bringing up my children and they're not lacking in self esteem at all...

In my opinion, as a parent of 2 teenage children, the things that knock a child's self esteem are doing the things mentioned on that thread persistently, ie always smacking, always criticising etc

Self esteem is reaffirmed by the parents... if the parents offer their child/children a healthy balanced upbringing then what more can be done to instill self esteem... if a child is lacking in self esteem then there's a reason for it and you can bet your azz it'll be for something more than the things mentioned on that thread!

 

[bubbabinks]

My mum actually e-mailed this to me the other day with no explanation - thanks mum!:irked:

 

[Tiger Jay]

I have a son who will be 3 in May, I have never smacked him.
I'm a bit of a fan of the Super Nanny techniques, and my god they really work. For me anyway!

I only have the one and I suppose at the age of nearly 3 it's difficult to tell what he will be like in years to come, what with toddler tantrums!:lol:

One thing I do know is that I do feel in control of my child no matter what.

(I must stress though, I am not totally anti-smacking, I just choose not to do it.)

 

[adelekeegan1]

These were all used on me, I'm perfectly normal

 

[Tiger Jay]

These were all used on me, I'm perfectly normal

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: (Sorry!):smack:

 

[Bagpuss]

I am glad I am not a parent...because if I was I would have found that very patronising.

I am and I did....:irked: ..... xxx

 

[melissaq]

I've used all of them on my kids ...I have 2 that are in there early twenties and a late teen one and they are just fine ...I'd like to think that I showed my children more love than the degitivity they sometimes recieved ....... as Sandi said if you do it all the time then yes they can have a problem......and then for far more than was mentioned in the article.....

 

[*JOANNE*]

well thats my boys screwed up then,
my 3 boys are the most confident little boys alot more confidence than i have ever had.....why because i have used most on that list one thing i also use........they have and are entitled to have an opinion and say what they feel...thats why they have self asteem and confidence........

 

[~Emmsybabes~]

ooh i do all of them(sometimes might i add,not always lol) except for smacking them (i dont see the point in that)
or threatening them with their dad ...they are more afraid of me , so dont see the point in that either :lol:
if i did tell him to disiplin them , he would only ask me what he should say anyway, scared he would get shouted at , if he upset my babies hahaha :green:

 

[fifitrix]

I take it that the person that wrote this has no kids just a degree of some sort!
I don't often smack my kids,I'd need a stepladder for my 16 year old son, and my 9 year old knows if she gets a swift skelp she's really ticked me off.
The homework part, well I'd be seen as an irresponsible parent if my kids didn't do their homework by the school, so I suppose I was wrong in helping my son do a study programme to be able to attain the 8 standard grades he got rather than leaving him to learn by failure.

My god this world has gone pc mad!

I have got 2 well ajusted happy kids that people comment on for their politeness due to going against these tactics!:irked:

 

[VHunter]

I'm not perfect. Heck who is?

But whoever wrote that is living on a very bizarre planet and clearly either A) has no kids or B) has spoiled rotten kids or c)their kids are on drugs or seeing a shrink or both
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Anything in extreme is bad for a child. And sometimes, all that "Positive parenting" crap produces is a rotten kid that's never been told whatfor, and sometimes, they NEED to be told off, and disciplined.
That's the way of it.

When my daughter does well, I praise her up and down for it; whether it's colouring a picture or finishing her dinner, and you'll hear me say several times a day "I'm so proud that you did that, I'm very happy" etc.
And if she's naughty "I'm NOT proud of you right now, I'm not happy, that wasn't very nice etc"
She's been in timeout. She has lost priveledges. She has stood in corners and been sent to her room.
She HAS been smacked on the hand and on the bottom.

There is a difference between abuse and discipline, and that's why the province of Quebec made it legal to spank children, when it was once illegal for a few years.
Look at all these kids on talk shows being sent to bootcamps??????
I'm not saying failure to spank is why... but the idea of 'discipline' went down the toilet a few years ago, and look at what we ended up with?
Mini-hoodlums running amok everywhere.

Do I spank/smack for everything? No. Most times, just telling her what for, only one time gets the results I need. Or I ask her "do you want me to get cranky? Do you want to go to your room? Do you want to lose the tv? etc... Usually that's more than enough. Sometimes, I'll make my request and start counting to 3.
1...........................2 ............. and then she does it.
Rarely do I say "do you want me to smack your bum?" and even more rarely do I do it. (ummmmmmmmmm last time was several months ago)

I'm lucky.
Pretty good girls.
But it's NOT easy sometimes......................

And articles like that make my blood boil.

ON THE OTHER HAND, a child raised with too much criticism and not enough praise...... that was me growing up.... and my esteem was in the TOILET.
When a parent delivers one and not the other, and things are unbalanced.... that is not good. Whichever way the unbalance leans.

Balance I think is key.

ok, I'll shut up now. It's past my bedtime and I'm rambling LOL:lol:

 

[CadenceAlex]

If a child

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.

Amanda Cater

​

 

[VHunter]

If a child​

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world. ​

Amanda Cater​

I have this on my fridge, but my version is slightly longer :wink2: :Love:

 

[Snugglepuss]

ON THE OTHER HAND, a child raised with too much criticism and not enough praise...... that was me growing up.... and my esteem was in the TOILET.
When a parent delivers one and not the other, and things are unbalanced.... that is not good. Whichever way the unbalance leans.

Balance I think is key.

Me and you both Victoria:hug: my brother got all the praise and love and I got none - it's still that way now!

Balance is key - as it is in all areas of life.

I have, like others at some point used all those techniques but never in excess. In fact (GULP) I did it the other day at school when one of the boys wouldn't eat his dinner and I said to him - "you better eat some of your dinner otherwise Mrs T. will be over and tell you off!) he did eat some more but as soon as she had gone out to the playground, I let him eat his pudding! This particular boy can be a bit of a handful but - with me he respects and does as he is told!

The children are scared of her (Mrs T)and one little boy wet his trousers because she said he couldn't go to the toilet until after he had eaten his dinner - he was 4 years old! then we had to clean him up and the bench - what does that do for anyone??

IMHO there are too many peeps telling us how to bring our children/run our lives. The unfortunate thing is that out in the big bad world there really are big bad wolves and if your children are not made aware of it, how will they survive with corporate bullying for example, as they get older???

In no way do I condone abuse/bullying/corporal punishment BUT we have to make our children aware in a sensible way that life isn't and won't always be easy - especially if you are a wimp like I was (am )!

Sorry I'm rambling - but as you perhaps can tell this area of life really winds me up!

 

[HappyHands]

oohhhhh don,t get me started on this..:lol::lol::lol: I have used alot of those things on my kids I have one child who has loads of self-esteem and the other one has none (but thats not my fault) I have been sent on loads of "parenting courses" and have been taught the same at all of them (i do use alot of the things they teach already) My kids even laugh if i say "I,ll tell your dad when he gets home" they reply by saying "what will he do ha ha ha " my kids are more scared of me than him.:irked:

My kids come from a loving happy home, we praise our kids when they are good... we punish our kids if they are bad... we help our kids with their homework...

GOD LET KIDS BE KIDS AND NOT ADULTS BEFORE THEIR TIME!!!!!!

I,ll breath now:lol::lol::lol:

 

[dee]

ok this sounds like it was wrote by someone who hasnt got kids ! no parent is perfect coz its just so hard and it would make my brain hurt to try try remeber if i was damaging james' self esteem by giving him "false" praise
like this morning he just read a sign on the telly and i heard him but wasnt paying too much attention and i told him he was a brilliant reader , now is that construde as being false ?? coz it wasnt:green: but i didnt start going "ooh james you have improved on your amount of key words that you recognise , you are sooo intellectual ":lol:
all i can say is god help us all !!

 

[becki x]

For goodness sake,as parents we try our best we do what we think is right.

No decent parent would do anything to damage or harm their child in anyway,but ffs we don't all have text book kids !

I have smacked his hand,told him i am ringing his dad,infact i have prob done everything on that list. Does that make me a bad mother,don't answer that because i am not,i love my son dearly,end of .

The hardest thing you can do IMO is raising a child,as long as my child is happy healthy and safe they can stuff their article where the sun doesn't shine :grr:

Thankyou for sharing though lol