~shelley~
Well-Known Member
Aw hun, hope you sort things out - you know you can talk to me anytime or if you ever feel like a night out of the house you can always come to mine for a chat xxxxxxxx
Am I just being paranoid?
- Thread starter Lady H
- Start date
Help Support SalonGeek:
bridget1802
Well-Known Member
Hope eveything goes ok for you, Hopefully you will feel better after tonight when you have both had a chat, Dont forget most men are insentisive!
I say most because Im hoping i will find one one day that isnt at the moment I live with my bloke and The 9 year age gap has never bothered me im 24 hes nearly 33 but lately Im finding it a strain!! but will save that for another thread/post not sure which!!
Take care x
I say most because Im hoping i will find one one day that isnt at the moment I live with my bloke and The 9 year age gap has never bothered me im 24 hes nearly 33 but lately Im finding it a strain!! but will save that for another thread/post not sure which!!
Take care x
Lissie
Well-Known Member
Oh hun i really feel for you as Will and I are pretty much the same about the whole Labido thing, Talk it through, your relationship is not based on sex!!!! although i understand the rejection thing can be harsh for him, he needs to recognise your needs too,
Good luck hun, i could rant on for ages about this so feel free to PM me, i have loads to say (as usual) x x x x x x x x xx
Good luck hun, i could rant on for ages about this so feel free to PM me, i have loads to say (as usual) x x x x x x x x xx
lovenails1
Well-Known Member
Hi Harvey, my first reaction to your thread/heading was ....there is no such thing as paranoia in a marriage situation like this, only GUT FEELINGS. You must listen to those gut feelings as they are trying to warn you of something.
Im not saying that your hubby is doing anything wrong, Im just saying that there seems to be something in the air that you shouldnt ignore.
The one thing I realised when I went through Post Natal Depression is that it is a very selfish illness. Its all about me and everyone else is second. This is part and parcel of depression and unfortunately even though our partners are supportive, they cant help but feel a little bit left out.
Mix this with an outsider who is picking up on his vulnerabilities and Im sorry but this is a recipe for disaster, one that can be averted if you and him stick together and talk it through.
Im sorry if I have sounded harsh, but as have other geeks, Ive been there too and it is something that really needs to be sorted fast in my experience.
Sounds like you two are strong enough, thats a great start.x
PS In my experience him going away for a few days, is not a good idea. xx
Im not saying that your hubby is doing anything wrong, Im just saying that there seems to be something in the air that you shouldnt ignore.
The one thing I realised when I went through Post Natal Depression is that it is a very selfish illness. Its all about me and everyone else is second. This is part and parcel of depression and unfortunately even though our partners are supportive, they cant help but feel a little bit left out.
Mix this with an outsider who is picking up on his vulnerabilities and Im sorry but this is a recipe for disaster, one that can be averted if you and him stick together and talk it through.
Im sorry if I have sounded harsh, but as have other geeks, Ive been there too and it is something that really needs to be sorted fast in my experience.
Sounds like you two are strong enough, thats a great start.x
PS In my experience him going away for a few days, is not a good idea. xx
Buggy
Guest
harvey, i'm gonna give you my honest opinion. if you need to talk pm me your number.
Remember when i thought for six months that my fella had feelings for another woman and he denied it, said she was just a friend and he (and everyone else) told me i was paranoid?? remember what happened???? i had to sit there and watch them grow together and then be told he had feelings for her more than me.
Nip this in the bud mate. tell him you will talk to him about your sex life and make an effort but you won't tolerate this friendship or her calling you while he's at home. i wish i had done this. the sex thing is an excuse for him. and as for him suddenly mentioning her name... well that's what happened with Ray. when you fancy someone you can't help but mention them, even if its to your partner. so i knew he liked her, i had that gut instinct and i chose to ignore it and believed him when he said nothing was there.
get this out in the open as soon as you next see him. nip it in the bud before he gets really strong feelings. as it happens now, he probably still feels more for you than her and he has a lot to lose, so talk to him now before its too late. don't be afraid to test your relationship hun, if you don't it will just drive you mad in your head anyway, and its better to know.
like i said pm me your number if you want to talk and i'll give you a call over the weekend.
Remember when i thought for six months that my fella had feelings for another woman and he denied it, said she was just a friend and he (and everyone else) told me i was paranoid?? remember what happened???? i had to sit there and watch them grow together and then be told he had feelings for her more than me.
Nip this in the bud mate. tell him you will talk to him about your sex life and make an effort but you won't tolerate this friendship or her calling you while he's at home. i wish i had done this. the sex thing is an excuse for him. and as for him suddenly mentioning her name... well that's what happened with Ray. when you fancy someone you can't help but mention them, even if its to your partner. so i knew he liked her, i had that gut instinct and i chose to ignore it and believed him when he said nothing was there.
get this out in the open as soon as you next see him. nip it in the bud before he gets really strong feelings. as it happens now, he probably still feels more for you than her and he has a lot to lose, so talk to him now before its too late. don't be afraid to test your relationship hun, if you don't it will just drive you mad in your head anyway, and its better to know.
like i said pm me your number if you want to talk and i'll give you a call over the weekend.
sprklngsaphire
Well-Known Member
HI Harvery,
just read your post and have to say I myself have a few mixed emotions about what you are going through. after 9 years of marriage last year i went through something Very similar myself with my husband.Believe it or not but everything seemed to be fine going along well like with your sittuation- then whamo!! he started questioning our relationship- said to me he thought i didnt love him anymore!! i was shocked
. it got worse before it got better- found out he was hanging out with a woman from his job!! not a very good thing at all. We got through it but it took time- i still get alittle paranoid at times- especially since all this came on all of a sudden when i thought things were fine. If I were you I would listen to my gut instincts- and just be cautious- observe things. if it seems like there is more to this other co-worker i would nip it in the bud fast and sit him down and talk to him. ( dont nag or accuse that could be very bad) but let him know how you are feeling.it could be that he just needs to know that you love him and is waitting to see how you might react to this other woman? might be far fetched but i know of women who do this if they think their partner might not feel strongly for them and try to test them with saying( "so and so was flirting with me today" just to see how they would react..) also I would tell him and reassure him that you do love him very much. and you would be more affectionate with him but it needs to be on your terms ( if you know what i mean) like if you want to cuddle its just to cuddle. you could also go to a doctor about the libido problem, could be due to hormones? another suggestion is why not try a marriage counselor? My husband and I went to one a few times last year- it did help alittle and i found out a few things.. might be worth a shot. Truthfully I have heard about things like this happening after you have been together for awhile- seems to be some what common, not sure why. and it definatley doesnt help the self esteem.but if you both can get through it you will only have a stronger relationship in the end however,sometimes when men are questioning the relationship and are beginning to wonder about things they tend to put the blame on their partner verses themselves. hence why I would tackle this now and seek a counselor session if he is willing to go. hope things go well for you- keep us posted and keep your chin held up high!! and always know you have our support.
just read your post and have to say I myself have a few mixed emotions about what you are going through. after 9 years of marriage last year i went through something Very similar myself with my husband.Believe it or not but everything seemed to be fine going along well like with your sittuation- then whamo!! he started questioning our relationship- said to me he thought i didnt love him anymore!! i was shocked
. it got worse before it got better- found out he was hanging out with a woman from his job!! not a very good thing at all. We got through it but it took time- i still get alittle paranoid at times- especially since all this came on all of a sudden when i thought things were fine. If I were you I would listen to my gut instincts- and just be cautious- observe things. if it seems like there is more to this other co-worker i would nip it in the bud fast and sit him down and talk to him. ( dont nag or accuse that could be very bad) but let him know how you are feeling.it could be that he just needs to know that you love him and is waitting to see how you might react to this other woman? might be far fetched but i know of women who do this if they think their partner might not feel strongly for them and try to test them with saying( "so and so was flirting with me today" just to see how they would react..) also I would tell him and reassure him that you do love him very much. and you would be more affectionate with him but it needs to be on your terms ( if you know what i mean) like if you want to cuddle its just to cuddle. you could also go to a doctor about the libido problem, could be due to hormones? another suggestion is why not try a marriage counselor? My husband and I went to one a few times last year- it did help alittle and i found out a few things.. might be worth a shot. Truthfully I have heard about things like this happening after you have been together for awhile- seems to be some what common, not sure why. and it definatley doesnt help the self esteem.but if you both can get through it you will only have a stronger relationship in the end however,sometimes when men are questioning the relationship and are beginning to wonder about things they tend to put the blame on their partner verses themselves. hence why I would tackle this now and seek a counselor session if he is willing to go. hope things go well for you- keep us posted and keep your chin held up high!! and always know you have our support.
Lady H
Well-Known Member
Do you know what? You guys are all wonderful and I love you all to bits x x
We went for a meal last night and to talk things through. I had asked him to think of a few of his favourite memories of our relationship and to tell me them when we were having our meal - I wanted us to remember better times and also to see wether they were all to do with sex lol!
Anyway I was pleasantly surprised that they werent, he chose our wedding day, a couple of nights out on various holidays, a few daytrips we took in our early days, our first date, and a few of my finest blonde moments lol.
He also said he wanted us to name our 5 favourite things about each other and surprised me there too, he chose
1 - beautiful face
2 - boobs and bum (that one wasnt surprising lol)
3 - my sense of humour and the ability to laugh at myself
4 - my bubbly personality
5 - the fact that he is constantly learning things from me
Anyway all this was helping my self esteem no end and I plucked up the courage to tell him my feelings about this whole Anne-Marie thing. (thats the girl from work).
He said the reason he told me she called was that he had felt slightly uncomfortable with her calling him at home about her marriage problems himself, and he wanted to tell me it was her in case I was suspicious, as he thought he would be if it were the other way round. He said I should have no fear of him and her running off into the sunset together as he reckons he has never thought of her in that way. He also said he had never ever discussed our relationship with her, or anyone else except me. He said he has spoke to her at work about her husband as she has come in upset a few times and being her manager felt he should offer her the opportunity to get things off her chest, but he personally beleives there is only one person anyone needs to talk to to resolve issues like this, and that is their partner.
I said I would make more of an effort in the sack (and last night the efforts were pretty damn good lol) but he needs to understand my feelings and consider that a cuddle might just be a cuddle and nothing more. We are still working through our problems but have both agreed we need to go out more and spend time on our own so we can relax properly and talk if needs be, as living with my parents is not helping, not enough space to be ourselves, which we are not really used to. I left home at 20 and he left home at 18 (obviously this was not to be together as we hadnt met).
Anyway just thought yout might like an update guys. Thank you all, sincerely. Will let you know how the weekend has progressed at some point x x x x x x x x x x
We went for a meal last night and to talk things through. I had asked him to think of a few of his favourite memories of our relationship and to tell me them when we were having our meal - I wanted us to remember better times and also to see wether they were all to do with sex lol!
Anyway I was pleasantly surprised that they werent, he chose our wedding day, a couple of nights out on various holidays, a few daytrips we took in our early days, our first date, and a few of my finest blonde moments lol.
He also said he wanted us to name our 5 favourite things about each other and surprised me there too, he chose
1 - beautiful face
2 - boobs and bum (that one wasnt surprising lol)
3 - my sense of humour and the ability to laugh at myself
4 - my bubbly personality
5 - the fact that he is constantly learning things from me
Anyway all this was helping my self esteem no end and I plucked up the courage to tell him my feelings about this whole Anne-Marie thing. (thats the girl from work).
He said the reason he told me she called was that he had felt slightly uncomfortable with her calling him at home about her marriage problems himself, and he wanted to tell me it was her in case I was suspicious, as he thought he would be if it were the other way round. He said I should have no fear of him and her running off into the sunset together as he reckons he has never thought of her in that way. He also said he had never ever discussed our relationship with her, or anyone else except me. He said he has spoke to her at work about her husband as she has come in upset a few times and being her manager felt he should offer her the opportunity to get things off her chest, but he personally beleives there is only one person anyone needs to talk to to resolve issues like this, and that is their partner.
I said I would make more of an effort in the sack (and last night the efforts were pretty damn good lol) but he needs to understand my feelings and consider that a cuddle might just be a cuddle and nothing more. We are still working through our problems but have both agreed we need to go out more and spend time on our own so we can relax properly and talk if needs be, as living with my parents is not helping, not enough space to be ourselves, which we are not really used to. I left home at 20 and he left home at 18 (obviously this was not to be together as we hadnt met).
Anyway just thought yout might like an update guys. Thank you all, sincerely. Will let you know how the weekend has progressed at some point x x x x x x x x x x
Fingertips ND
Brand New Mummy Geek
So glad everything has worked out for you x x
Lady H
Well-Known Member
me too, although we are still working through things and seeing how it goes
loualarta
Well-Known Member
Im so glad you had a good time and got a lot off your chest. You do sound much better today!!!!
cantrelax
Head in the clouds Geek
So glad that you guys talked it through. xx
Lady H
Well-Known Member
well this anne marie thing might still be looming over my head for a while, I have to trust his word but I will be monitoring the situation lol
MINKUS
Gel Junkie
:green: :green: :green: :green: happy to hear it babes:green: :green: :green:
:hug: :hug: :hug: amb xx:hug: :hug: :hug:
:hug: :hug: :hug: amb xx:hug: :hug: :hug:
caz3
Well-Known Member
Great news I am really happy for you this marraige larck is not always easy we need to work at it, but looks like you are both doing a great job.
Take care
Caz xxx
Take care
Caz xxx
harvey said:
dee
supernatural geek
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aww i am glad you worked through some stuff and feel happier :biggrin:
Lady H
Well-Known Member
thanks all - I just hope things continue on the positive track now
Klassy Klaws
Well-Known Member
Helen thats great I am so glad you had a good talk just remember dont let things bubble under the surface get it out in the open its the only way:Love: :Love:
Lissie
Well-Known Member
I am really glad you talked things through honey, we are all here for you x
sprklngsaphire
Well-Known Member
Woooo hoo!!! I am so happy to hear things are working out:hug:. especially in the ummmmm private since lol!! let us know how the weekend goes- though i think you all are going to be great!! wishing you and your other half the very best.
