Hi,
I have to say that i do think that this piece of work is a good alround first attempt. However i do have a few comments. These comments are constructive and hope they help. i have read your profile and you mention that you regard yourself as very much a beginner and you welcome any comments so here are mine.
1) Your nails look very red at the cuticle ( i would imagine from excessive filing) you need to be very careful here as not to permanently damage them also the cuticle and surrounding area must be sore... i know as a new tec it is very hard to get people to practice on so i would recommend investing in a training hand ( they are very helpful), also have a look at the grit of file you are using it may be way to harsh... if you have done the CND conversion then i would not expect to see this amount of damage if correct files and prep are used.
2) In relation to the overall look of the nail it does look bulky and nails not very straight also length needs to be looked at as does not really compliment what you are trying to achieve ( that all said) i assume you have picked the length so you had plenty of room to experiment, also working with mylar for the first time is very hard to judge the amount that should be applied ( this making for the bulk), also working with a glitter fade at the same time also adds to the bulk and final shape.
I would advise maybe working with one medium either glitter fade or mylar until you are producing work you are happy with then add the second medium... this is where the hand would come in you can keep the nails that you create and compare them.. be as critical as you can be this will make you improve leaps and bounds....
Practice makes perfect... But good effort and idea.
HTH.