Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality,they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

And... Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

And.......

This is stoopid but funny!

After completing the three questions you will understand the subject line.Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is an excerpt [slightly anglicised] from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants", by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie > > b = lumpy > > c = buttercup > > d = gidget > > e = crusty > > f = greasy > > g = fluffy > > h = cheeseball > > i = chim-chim > > j = stinky > > k = flunky > > l = bogey > > m = pinky > > n = zippy > > o = goober > > p = fruitcake > > q = slimy > > r = loopy > > s = snotty > > t = tulefel > > u = looney > > v = squeezit > > w = wobbles > > x = skipper > > y = dinky > > z = zsa-zsa.

Use the second letter of your surname to determine the first half of your new surname:

a = nappy > > b = toilet > > c = giggle > > d = burger > > e = zit > > f = puke > > g = lizard > > h = waffle > > i = nit > > j = monkey > > k = potty > > l = liver > > m = banana > > n = rhino > > o = bubble > > p = hamster > > q = toad > > r = gizzard > > s = pizza > > t = gerbil > > u = chicken > > v = pickle > > w = chuckle > > x = tofu > > y = gorilla > > z = stinker > >

Use the fourth letter of your surname to determine the second half of your new surname:

a = head > > b = mouth > > c = nose > > d = face > > e = buttocks > > f = breath > > g = pants > > h = knickers > > i = lips > > j = honker > > k = bum > > l = scoffer > > m = cheeks > > n = chunks > > o = belly > > p = biscuits > > q = toes > > r = bottom > > s = chops > > t = sniffer > > u = sprinkles > > v = kisser > > w = squirt > > x = humperdinck > > y = brain > > z = juice

Thus, for example, John Howard's new name is Cheeseball Bubblehead and George Bush's is Goober Chickenknickers.

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