virtues2011
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When is it wrong to keep quiet? Debate.
- Thread starter dandelionpoppy
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mollie1985
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Ok here's a for instance for whether to keep quiet if you were a witness to a crime would you keep quiet ? Remember there's a lot to think about like repercussions etc there was actually CCTV on crime watch of a man being beaten and attacked and several cars just drove by, I would like to think I would try and help but if I'm honest I would call the police and not get out the car xx
Mobile Manicure
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I agree Mollie. I would park up a bit further down the road and call the police. I would always report a crime.
Reporting sexual assault is different. What does it actually mean? How far does it have to go before it is classed as sexual assault? A bloke pinching me on the bum in a bar, is that sexual assault or just being cheeky? A guy i dont know grabbing me outside the loos and sticking his hand up my skirt or down my top? A guy trying to snog when he's drunk but I'm resisting. It's all a bit vague to me.
And sorry, I don't think women should be walking home alone drunk half naked at 4am. You know what's out there. You know the dangers. You can't wear what you want. If you do, you will have to suffer the consequences. You can't say "sorry men, its now illegal to grope the half naked pissed girl" and expect them to stop doing it. I'm afraid society has never been like that. Ever.
sparkle_beauty
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Erm it is already illegal to grope the half naked drink girl if she hasn't said they can. It's sexual assault.
I think more people should speak up but when your faced with people who think it's your own fault or you deserve it because you've drunk abit to much it puts you if reporting as the police may have the same attitude.
There's also the privacy issues if you report a sexual assault although you may not be named people still find out and talk about it and give there own opinions which really who wants people discussing that?
user 52471
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'Suffer the consequences' ?
Are you for real?! I can't believe some of the ****e I'm reading on this thread.
Why should women be told to control what they wear? Shouldn't everyone have enough self control to know when to stop drinking if they're the type of person capable of committing such an act when drunk
And since when has being drunk been an excuse? I believe it takes a type of person to go out and sexually assault someone, drunk or not. And no one should think its ok to 'grope' someone because they've had a drink, assault is assault, unwanted contact, whether its someone pinching your bum or trying to drag you in for a snog, if someone feels unsafe or threatened you can't say 'well, they only grabbed your arse get over it'
And that's what I think bullying is, if you feel you're being bullied, in my opinion, you are being bullied
Are you for real?! I can't believe some of the ****e I'm reading on this thread.
Why should women be told to control what they wear? Shouldn't everyone have enough self control to know when to stop drinking if they're the type of person capable of committing such an act when drunk
And since when has being drunk been an excuse? I believe it takes a type of person to go out and sexually assault someone, drunk or not. And no one should think its ok to 'grope' someone because they've had a drink, assault is assault, unwanted contact, whether its someone pinching your bum or trying to drag you in for a snog, if someone feels unsafe or threatened you can't say 'well, they only grabbed your arse get over it'
And that's what I think bullying is, if you feel you're being bullied, in my opinion, you are being bullied
dandelionpoppy
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It must be so traumatic to suffer a serious assault.
There would only be a small window of opportunity to report it, and the victim would be feeling so shocked. I can imagine that all you would want to do is try to feel normal again, and to get involved with the police, doctor, courts etc would take a heck of a lot of strength.
I just still don't know .......it's the old saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes.
NailsXpress
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If you see a crime and can see that the targeted person is too timid to report it, but you can also see that he or she would like to report it, but does not have the courage, then you should report it with them or for them to get the ball rolling.
A pinch on the bum in a pub is just cheeky, groping when you are telling that person to STOP is assault. That should be dealt with. A slap and call the bouncers.
I'm not a prude, but I don't agree with girls walking home half dressed and drunk. If you HAVE to walk home, cover up a bit. Some men will think you are a "street lady" and obviously approach you.
Have some decency and don't flash it. If you look like a tart, you will be treated like a tart. Harsh, I know, but you just need to think about what you are doing and where you are going.
If you are going clubbing etc, I can understand that you dont want to carry a coat or something, but in that case, at least get a taxi home or stay in a group so you can help each other. It's common sense in most cases.
If you see a crime, like somebody hanging around someone else's house in the dark, or whatever, or someone breaking I to a car, get to a safe distance and report it immediately. You can do it anonymously if you like. If it was your car, you would want someone who saw it happen to assist in some way. Well firstly, that would be to report it for you.
My car was driven into TWICE in a car park by a drunken girl during the dark nights around 5pm a couple of years ago. I got straight into my car later that night and didn't see the damage on the other side until the next morning in the light! I was very lucky that someone saw her and the next day he left a note on my windscreen with the reg of her car and a description of her. I then called the police and told them what had happened. I was lucky to be able to claim the damage from her. But if that fantastic young man hadn't left a note for me, I would have been almost £2k out of pocket or paying a much higher insurance premium. I am so glad he did that very small gesture for me and the girl got a good telling off, not fined because of course the next day she had sobered up, so too late. But none the less she is now more careful about drinking and driving, after the police turned up on her doorstep. She actually owned up to it and said she thought she had got away with it.
A pinch on the bum in a pub is just cheeky, groping when you are telling that person to STOP is assault. That should be dealt with. A slap and call the bouncers.
I'm not a prude, but I don't agree with girls walking home half dressed and drunk. If you HAVE to walk home, cover up a bit. Some men will think you are a "street lady" and obviously approach you.
Have some decency and don't flash it. If you look like a tart, you will be treated like a tart. Harsh, I know, but you just need to think about what you are doing and where you are going.
If you are going clubbing etc, I can understand that you dont want to carry a coat or something, but in that case, at least get a taxi home or stay in a group so you can help each other. It's common sense in most cases.
If you see a crime, like somebody hanging around someone else's house in the dark, or whatever, or someone breaking I to a car, get to a safe distance and report it immediately. You can do it anonymously if you like. If it was your car, you would want someone who saw it happen to assist in some way. Well firstly, that would be to report it for you.
My car was driven into TWICE in a car park by a drunken girl during the dark nights around 5pm a couple of years ago. I got straight into my car later that night and didn't see the damage on the other side until the next morning in the light! I was very lucky that someone saw her and the next day he left a note on my windscreen with the reg of her car and a description of her. I then called the police and told them what had happened. I was lucky to be able to claim the damage from her. But if that fantastic young man hadn't left a note for me, I would have been almost £2k out of pocket or paying a much higher insurance premium. I am so glad he did that very small gesture for me and the girl got a good telling off, not fined because of course the next day she had sobered up, so too late. But none the less she is now more careful about drinking and driving, after the police turned up on her doorstep. She actually owned up to it and said she thought she had got away with it.
virtues2011
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I think I'm going to change career. ..A no win no fee solicitor! Mondays must be the busiest day of the week from the antics that go on Saturday night! Do you guys ever go out at a weekend on the town and watch the teenagers!
I know too many people involved in the police force and they are just human and believe it or not do the same things as we all do. Even to the point of having affairs, being drunk on a Saturday night groping people and speeding. ..
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I know too many people involved in the police force and they are just human and believe it or not do the same things as we all do. Even to the point of having affairs, being drunk on a Saturday night groping people and speeding. ..
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virtues2011
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..She says they can. .. then changes her mind... Where does it end and who believes who? Women are just as bad as men.
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NailsXpress
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Well yes Virtues, that's why you need to get help immediately. If you are groped and you have said NO then it's assault. If you are in a club or such, tell someone and get their help. Ie the bouncers or someone so that the offender can be thrown out or arrested.
virtues2011
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This is the problem nails in my youth I always quite like being groped on the dance floor as the blokes were always very nice looking at midnight in a club with beer goggles on. I've probably got away with it because I'm more scary when irritated than most so they'd run a mile quite quickly. Ha ha
I think the abuse that exists in the family home with rape, uncles, Fathers etc is probably one of the worst along with an aggressive rape by a stranger. I couldn't imagine the trauma of either tbh. ... Name calling, a fight, on line bullying has never really entered my head but that is not to say people aren't affected by it.
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Like you Dpoppy I really don't know.
I have three examples of unpleasant sexual situations.
1. Whilst at school a boy who asked me out but I did not want to date, took every opportunity he could to squeeze past me, brush up against me and try to fondle my bottom. At first I thought perhaps I had imagined it or that I was perhaps overreacting. But when it continued to happen I realised exactly what he was doing. I used to walk the long way round to get somewhere in a classroom or canteen just to avoid him. On the occassions I had no choice but to pass him I found my voice to tell him to move or just say stop very loudly. My friends thought I had it in for him, couldn't understand why I spoke to him the way I did and why I used to avoid him. I never told them why. I was embarrassed, upset, nervous and worried no one would believe me. I dealt with him the only way I knew how at 13/14 years of age. I look back now and know that if this was my daughter or a friend I would have been up to the school to report his behaviour in a heart beat. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. And my feelings are very different at 32 to 13/14 years of age. I also think when it's you its happening to its very different to being a bystander so to speak.
2. A friend and I were out in London still early evening, when we decided to go and catch our respective trains home. We were walking back from Leicester Square to Charing Cross so a very busy place. A lad came up to us asking directions which we gave, but he kept hanging around all the while we continued to walk- we told him to leave us alone. A couple of his friends then joinined him and one of them started to grope my friends bottom. When she yelled at him to stop, it just egged them on to do the same to me and one of them also leant across me to grab at my breasts. We were scared stiff, no one tried to help us either. We walked as fast as we could and managed to lose them in the crowd. As we got to Trafalgar Square we spotted a group of ladies in their forties and explained our situation to them, hoping that we could stand with them until we were sure these animals had gone. What we got from them was being accused of trying to pick pocket them, working as a team! I might add we were in tears at this point. One of them said ok to prove you're not lying, one of you come with me and we'll get the police. My friend did this and the policeman thankfully escorted us back to the train station so that we felt safe. I told my boyfriend at the time about this and his words were are you sure you didn't do anything to invite the lads behaviour! So thanks to the lads, the women and my boyfriend can you imagine how I felt. Thank goodness the police believed us.
3. Walking to the rear entrance to my property whilst pushing my little boy in his buggy, some young lad around 14 I would guess, took it upon him self to fondle my bottom. I yelled at him to f#ck off and he just laughed. I got indoors and it actually made me cry. I was embarrassed, even more so as I was with my son and I felt violated. .. how dare someone touch me uninvited. I actually called the police to report it. Expecting just to get a crime number, they sent someone round to my house. When they arrived I apologised and said to the male and female office I felt like I was wasting their time. They told me not at all, that the boys behaviour in the eyes of the law was classed as sexual assault.
Do I think we're morally obligated to report, I don't know. Yes if it ever came to light that any of these same people went on to sexually assault other people, I would feel dreadful if I hadn't spoken up or took things further. However, I also believe that sometimes you make a judgement call that gets YOU through a situation or ordeal.
As an aside, thanks to some low lifes who cry rape and are lying, it makes it very hard for those who it has actually happened to, to come forward to report it. I believe that every man or woman should feel comfortable to report a sexual assault without fear of embarrassment, without fear of accusation that they asked for it or feeling scared of the consequences.Nobody has the right to touch anyone without their permission.
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I have three examples of unpleasant sexual situations.
1. Whilst at school a boy who asked me out but I did not want to date, took every opportunity he could to squeeze past me, brush up against me and try to fondle my bottom. At first I thought perhaps I had imagined it or that I was perhaps overreacting. But when it continued to happen I realised exactly what he was doing. I used to walk the long way round to get somewhere in a classroom or canteen just to avoid him. On the occassions I had no choice but to pass him I found my voice to tell him to move or just say stop very loudly. My friends thought I had it in for him, couldn't understand why I spoke to him the way I did and why I used to avoid him. I never told them why. I was embarrassed, upset, nervous and worried no one would believe me. I dealt with him the only way I knew how at 13/14 years of age. I look back now and know that if this was my daughter or a friend I would have been up to the school to report his behaviour in a heart beat. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. And my feelings are very different at 32 to 13/14 years of age. I also think when it's you its happening to its very different to being a bystander so to speak.
2. A friend and I were out in London still early evening, when we decided to go and catch our respective trains home. We were walking back from Leicester Square to Charing Cross so a very busy place. A lad came up to us asking directions which we gave, but he kept hanging around all the while we continued to walk- we told him to leave us alone. A couple of his friends then joinined him and one of them started to grope my friends bottom. When she yelled at him to stop, it just egged them on to do the same to me and one of them also leant across me to grab at my breasts. We were scared stiff, no one tried to help us either. We walked as fast as we could and managed to lose them in the crowd. As we got to Trafalgar Square we spotted a group of ladies in their forties and explained our situation to them, hoping that we could stand with them until we were sure these animals had gone. What we got from them was being accused of trying to pick pocket them, working as a team! I might add we were in tears at this point. One of them said ok to prove you're not lying, one of you come with me and we'll get the police. My friend did this and the policeman thankfully escorted us back to the train station so that we felt safe. I told my boyfriend at the time about this and his words were are you sure you didn't do anything to invite the lads behaviour! So thanks to the lads, the women and my boyfriend can you imagine how I felt. Thank goodness the police believed us.
3. Walking to the rear entrance to my property whilst pushing my little boy in his buggy, some young lad around 14 I would guess, took it upon him self to fondle my bottom. I yelled at him to f#ck off and he just laughed. I got indoors and it actually made me cry. I was embarrassed, even more so as I was with my son and I felt violated. .. how dare someone touch me uninvited. I actually called the police to report it. Expecting just to get a crime number, they sent someone round to my house. When they arrived I apologised and said to the male and female office I felt like I was wasting their time. They told me not at all, that the boys behaviour in the eyes of the law was classed as sexual assault.
Do I think we're morally obligated to report, I don't know. Yes if it ever came to light that any of these same people went on to sexually assault other people, I would feel dreadful if I hadn't spoken up or took things further. However, I also believe that sometimes you make a judgement call that gets YOU through a situation or ordeal.
As an aside, thanks to some low lifes who cry rape and are lying, it makes it very hard for those who it has actually happened to, to come forward to report it. I believe that every man or woman should feel comfortable to report a sexual assault without fear of embarrassment, without fear of accusation that they asked for it or feeling scared of the consequences.Nobody has the right to touch anyone without their permission.
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user 52471
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I think its a shame people feel they can't report crimes due to fear of not being believed, that says more about our society than it does about the individuals 
I think its really strange if a guy sees a girl drunk and thats what he's thinking about, i find that really creepy, don't you
This!
And it's not for me to report it for someone else, as I cannot know if they would be able to cope with what ever that brings. I would always encourage them to do so themselves though.
I once went against my daughters wishes and reported an incident at her school that she had confided in me and it caused a lot of problems between us.
One of my friends reported a fight that she saw on her way home from work at 1am, she was called in to testify and thinking that she was doing her duty, she went. What they hadn't told her was that she would be in the courtroom with the accused and she had major issues about that later as she did fear reprisals from this gang. She said that she would think twice about doing it again.
Mobile Manicure
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I've got 13 years experience as a legal secretary so don't bother advertising Virtues, I'm here!
virtues2011
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I have you on speed dial MM. x
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Virtues, ir seems your daughter takes after you, being a strong confident young lady which is great, my concern would be for those girls that are not confident and definately not strong enough to " give as good as they get or a slap" The boys she or someone else did this to may see it as a green light if they are not slapped or told to do one, from a more timid, unconfident girl.
H xx
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virtues2011
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Yes absolutely. You see this. The shy timid girls will generally be picked on. That has never changed.
My daughter bottles things up terribly. I never have. I didn't even know about this issue with boys until she left school. That was a little upsetting, I have also recently found out her boyfriend has been beating, punching and biting her as he finds it funny. They've since split. My daughter cries, tells me she misses him. I lost the plot here to be honest and told her I'd rip both their heads off if she even entertained the thought of seeing him.... Once I had calmed down I was a little more rational but the ripping of people's heads did stay! She hasn't seen him since the new year. If I'm now classed as a bully then so be it.
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Rinn
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You done well to calm down after hearing that news....I'm easy going but I'm afraid in that case I would probably have gotten arrested
