Worst news ever!

[Jodiex]

So my dad told me yesterday he has testicular cancer, and in pretty sure it's spread elsewhere, maybe his lungs, were not sure yet, or how far along it is, but I just can't cope and keep crying!

He's meant to retire next Friday after 32 years in the police, and now this has happened? He's had to cancel his holiday and everything. Everyone keeps telling me I need to be strong for him, but I just can't hold myself together and that's makin me feel worse! I lost my auntie mill last month to cancer, and that was like my first experience of someone dying.

I realise this is a massively horrible subject, but does anyone have like suggestions of how to cope? I'm going back to work tomorrow (I work at Asda as well as beauty) and I don't just wanna burst into tears. My manager has said I can take time off and that but everyone keeps telling me I need to keep busy.

I only just had my 21st last month (the week of my auntie mills funeral) I can't cope losing my dad :'(

I don't mean to put a downer on anyone's day, sorry! Just any suggestions please xx

 

[Pinkbunny28]

Oh sweetheart it's a really nasty disease and to be touched by it twice in succession will always be hard to swallow. You just have to remember that treatments are a lot better nowadays and can help sometimes. I can't say I've known someone that close to me so I can't imagine what you are going through but please do try to stay strong infront of your dad. Let go when he's not around and talk to other family members in private and share with them. I think you just have to think positively else you will continue crying loads. Massive hugs. My heart goes out to you x

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[Dexy]

Big big hug to you, as above treatments have come along way in the last few years. I work part time at a doctors surgery and more and more treatment options are available , also maybe you would benefit from talking to your gp and he could point you in right direction of people to talk to who have been where you are now, there's a lot of support available for family members to, I do believe being positive has a massive impact with people who have cancer but its ok to cry with your dad, take one day at a time and talk to people about it even your dad xxx

 

[StephR]

Oh honey that's terrible news. I agree with everyone else, treatments have come along a lot over the years so there are many more options available. Try not to worry about how bad it could be, I know that's easier said than done but you are probably imagining all of these terrible things and its not going to help you feel any better. Hopefully you will know what you are all facing soon and I really hope its good news.

I cannot even begin to imagine how you are feeling now but I agree with the poster above about calling your doctor and finding a support group or organisation that you can talk to. It's okay to cry, it really is. It's a scary thing to be going through I'm sure your dad is just as scared.

Big hugs xxx

 

[xnailsbylisax]

Have they said how progressed it is? Have they actually said it has spread or is that just what you think? Cos if it has been caught early enough, treatments now days are brill & if they haven't actually said it has spread, try not to think about the worst outcome. As hard as it is, you need to be strong xx

 

[gillian w]

Treatments are excellent now and even if they cannot cure him people can live with cancer for many years.So have hope.
You have to do what's right for you if you have to lock yourself away crying for a few days then that's ok.You will cope, inner strength will eventually come to you after the initial shock.

 

[WithLove]

:hug: big hugs!

Try www.macmillan.org.uk they have forums and chats where you can remain anonymous and recieve great help and advice from people in similar situations.

Im sure your dad understands that this is hard for you to accept but by just being there for him when his going through his chemo and doctors appointments im sure he will appreciate.

It will be hard and you will end up hating hospitals and the back and forthness but it makes you appreciate the quality time you get to spend with him. My mum was diagnosed with Leukemia so i understand what its like, if you do need anything you can always PM me x

 

[CONNECT-2-HAIR]

So sorry to hear of your news babes, I lost my best friend of cancer last year, I had known her all my life, and miss her friendship and still feel a bit lonely, but joining this friendly forum has helped a lot and because there are so many good people on here you will get a lot of support.

Will say a prayer for your dad babes:Love:

 

[Jodiex]

They don't know how far yet, but my dad just isn't well! he's never stopped, and now he's struggling to get out of bed! I have never known my dad to be in bed after 9, maybe 10 if he was on a night out the day before, and he's sleeping like 11pm till 12 the next day! He's got a constant cough and he can't even finish a sentence without coughing, and I hadn't realised, but he's lost loads of weight, he's never been big and I thought all this running and doing up houses was why he was a bit thinner..

Ergh, I just want him better, I can't do all this waiting fr tests and specialists.

I don't live with my dad, and for some reason I don't cry around him when I see him. But I cry all the other times. Just want to make him better xx

 

[lashed11]

They don't know how far yet, but my dad just isn't well! he's never stopped, and now he's struggling to get out of bed! I have never known my dad to be in bed after 9, maybe 10 if he was on a night out the day before, and he's sleeping like 11pm till 12 the next day! He's got a constant cough and he can't even finish a sentence without coughing, and I hadn't realised, but he's lost loads of weight, he's never been big and I thought all this running and doing up houses was why he was a bit thinner..

Ergh, I just want him better, I can't do all this waiting fr tests and specialists.

I don't live with my dad, and for some reason I don't cry around him when I see him. But I cry all the other times. Just want to make him better xx

I really feel for you Jodie. Sending you big hugs! I lost my dad two years ago to cancer. It's the hardest thing in the world watching someone you love suffer. I remember the feeling of constant worry, constantly analysing my dad and worrying what was happening to him but there really is no point. life is too short!

My advice to you would be take every day as it comes, try not to focus on the future and what could/couldn't happen because nobody ever knows. Alot easier said than done I know...Keep positive! It's so easy to presume the worst... Stay positive As other geeks have mentioned, medicine these days is incredible. absolutely incredible. And the Macmillan nurses are amazing there is a lot of support out there. They told us my dad would last 6-12months and he fought for two years. Looking back I wish I didn't get so consumed by timescales because all that matters is right now.

There's no right or wrong way to act. For me personally, I didn't cry infront of my dad because I knew that would upset him, but I did alot of crying, sometimes even during treatments it's only natural. Its a good release! You will cope with whatever happens, and better than you expect to. I could go on and on, because I really feel for you. Feel free to pm me if you like

Love xx

 

[Ashley Blakemore]

I cant imagine how you must be feeling! I know its hard but just think positive, your dad will be fine. He must be a strong guy if he had been in the police all these years and he has everything to fight for!

 

[Ashley Blakemore]

There is a book called 'the secret' which is all about positive thinking & has helped me & loads of people i have spoken to. It might help you with the grief of the news and your outlook to help yourself and your dad!? Look on amazon, its worth a read xx

 

[dandelionpoppy]

I'm very sorry. It's a difficult time, and especially cruel when he's newly retired. (Similar situation with my Dad, many years ago, when he had only been retired a couple of months).
I do hope all goes well for him.

 

[sanilulu]

Couldn't read and run as had tears I'm my eyes and I don't even know you.
My heart goes out to you all at this time, stay strong and stay positive hunni.
Take each day as it comes - asda sounds like they will support you if you need the time off.
No-one expects you to resume as normal with this news. Live life for today and spend quality time with your family (and I'm hoping for many years to come for you.)

Sanilulu xxx


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[waffle4]

This is an awful situation but please don't think the "C" word means its the end. Treatments have come on so well that often its treatable if not curable. Stay strong for your dad as you don't want him worrying over you too. Approach it with fight in your belly and a strong resolve. Try and get as much information and support as you can from those specially trained in this field as you will feel less confused and more able to cope. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world to get through this harrowing time x

 

[xnailsbylisax]

No shame in crying hun. I think anyone in the same situation would do the same and if not, they would hide it VERY well! Keep strong xx

 

[irishdebbie]

You poor thing.... I know how the shock of this news feels. I won't go into my my own details with my mum, but I can tell you there were a few teary moments at work. It's funny, but you will be stronger as time passes. It's hard to believe that you or your family will have any more happy moments or giggles. But you all will. And this will make things better for your dad.
Take everything step by step and day by day... Keeping things in the moment will always help during times of great stress or sadness
Hugs & Kisses from Ireland xxx

 

[PinkSwoon]

Haven't read all the replies, but please don't hear 'cancer' & think 'death', this is simply not always the case

Also do not listen to what people tell you to do, you don't *need* to keep busy but you don't *need* to put everything on hold either, do what you feel is right & at your own pace, & hell you're allowed to cry, be frustrated & want to kick and scream. Look after yourself & your dad, it's his hour of need which we will all encounter at some period in our lives, it's when need that extra little bit of 'No dad you sit down I'll get the phone' & 'Hey dad I bought you this today, I know it's your favourite' *hugs* & best wishes your way my dear.

 

[Kim Lawless]

Just wanted to send you some love xxx

 

[Belle De Jour]

Hard times for you my love, sorry to hear your news sending positive energy to you all ((Hug)) Xx