I can see both sides here. My boyfriend is in a similar situation to *flower*. He is 30 & his dad is in his 70s. He is now his dad's main carer, despite being the youngest in his family. He has older brothers but they have their own lives & don't see their dad very often and a sister who only lives down the road but doesn't want anything to do with their dad. Which just leaves him to cope with the help he now gets from social services. To a certain point this means he has put his life on hold for the time that he has been caring for his dad. He moved back home several years ago & has put off buying his own house to look after him. His dad is disabled & has lots of medical problems so needs almost constant care. I know how stressed out my boyfriend gets because of the extra burden on him but it's his dad so he doesn't complain (much!). However, we are now in the process of buying our first house. Social services have arranged a care plan for him so that he will still be looked after & we are only going to be 5-10 minutes away.
The other side is my family. I am the eldest child at 25, I have a brother who is 18 & a brother who is just about to turn 4. My mum will be 50 this year. As some of you know, my baby brother was adopted, as my parents are foster carers, so there were no age-related health risks to worry about. We went though all of this when my parents were deciding whether to adopt Louis or not. We had to consider whether it was fair to him, whether my parents could cope with 'starting again' for another 18 years & what would happen if anything happened to my parents. We decided that the most important factor was that we all loved him (we had him from 4 months old, we couldn't give him up!) & between us, we could handle whatever happened. We made the decision as a family so me & my brother had a say in it too.
My mum is fantastic with Louis, she has so much patience & she has more time to spend with him than when Chris & I were little. As she is a foster carer she doesn't work outside the house so she is always there for him. We have lots of young cousins & half cousins around his age so he doesn't miss out on having younger children to play with. If anything happens to my parents, I will be his legal guardian so his future is secure. He is surrounded by people who love him. My parents may be nearly 50 but they still have plenty of energy to run around after a 4 year old, plus he has me & Chris to look after him.
The only problem that they have had is when my mum found out she was ill. All last year she was being treated for breast cancer. The chemo & radiotherapy really took it out of her & she didn't have the energy she normally has BUT she was determined to keep a normal routine for the sake of my little brother. He really got her through it, she didn't sit back & give in to it but kept going & he kept her spirits up. As he was born with problems, he is hyperactive & can be very challenging at times, but we wouldn't be without him. If he had been adopted by a younger family with less experience, they may not have been able to cope with his behaviour so he may have found it hard to settle. My mum is a hero for taking on such a challenge when her biological children had already grown up & she could have just sat back and relaxed!
