Well I am here at my house sorting some stuff out & having some contemplation time on my own & finally managing to do a few normal things, this denial phase is quite cool, strange, but at least it has chilled me down a little bit, its a bit like being on drugs I imagine, nothing seems quite real at the moment.
Thank you all for the lovely messages and emails, right now life seems as unfair as it can get but knowing I have so many good vibes coming from all of you is giving me hope & strength to keep my head up.
Paul worked so hard doing extra shifts so he could put me on training courses, some of which he even sorted out behind my back in secret conversations with Ruth Fordham & Antony Buckley, I still remember the night I came into the room to find him on MSN with the pair of them. I was aghast and said "Have you ANY idea who you are talking too" (whilst still wondering just how he had got to them) I simply got the cool reply "Yes, I know EXACTLY who I am talking too, I need to get some good advice & from what you say these people know what they are talking about, so I've registered on geeks & got in touch with them".
He was a man in a million and a true gentleman, I was so lucky to have had him in my life, and when I get over the grief and anger at just how short that time was I will have much to remember and thank him for.
Righty hoo, I've got myself sniveling again now so I shall leave that there, but again thank you so much to you all, I'll be a lurker for some time but one day I will be back in the swing of it.