Children? Yes, No and why

[VHunter]

Reading these threads makes me wonder why it seems more people have trouble conceiving or staying pregnant nowadays:?:

I was told i only had a 20% chance of becoming pregnant after losing part of my insides! But we have 2 healthy children who basically are my whole world and i feel truly blessed. Not a day goes past without out house being filled with laughter and cuddles.....bit strange as they are 34 and 35! Only kidding, they are 8 and 9 ,not sure for how much longer the cuddles will last!

I think this is because A) many start their families later in life than biology intended for us B)much of technology has a hand in this like polution, over stressed at work etc...

So yes, many have a harder time these days.
I do regret starting later in life, though it was out of my control. I wish I had started younger (20 instead of 30) as maybe then, I could have had more than 2 and had the energy to keep up with them.

 

[Tars]

Reading these threads makes me wonder why it seems more people have trouble conceiving or staying pregnant nowadays:?:

I was told i only had a 20% chance of becoming pregnant after losing part of my insides! But we have 2 healthy children who basically are my whole world and i feel truly blessed. Not a day goes past without out house being filled with laughter and cuddles.....bit strange as they are 34 and 35! Only kidding, they are 8 and 9 ,not sure for how much longer the cuddles will last!

I can't believe how many people I know who have lost an unborn child. When I had my troubles I was pointed in the direction of the ivillage website and when I read some of the posts I was humbled, some of them had been through so much worst than me however we all had an understanding and I can honestly say the friends I made there got me through it and I will never forget them.

 

[1999judy]

3 children. My first two boys weren't planned but my little girl was planned.
They are now 15, 13 and 5 years old.
Never really saw myself as maternal and didn't think I'd have any children because I was too selfish.
Strange how things turn out, I can't imagine life without them.

 

[pinkmummy]

I have 3 of the litle treasures. My eldest is taller than me now! He's 14 and was a happy accident, the other two, 12 & 5 were planned.
They bring so much joy, laughter and pride to my life, and the odd bit of trouble!:lol: I even didn't mind being woken for a cuddle at 2am this morning by the youngest who started school yesterday. He just needed a mummy moment after his big day.:hug:

 

[shelly]

I have two, George who is 12 and Taylor who is 9. I am now on my second marriage to a gorgeous man who has two daughters, 14 and 12.
We did think to have a child of our own, but then decided not to.
When my kids are with their dad, and my step daughters are with their mum we can spend time together, on our own. Also, if we had a child and the other kids were with our x partners, our child would be on their own.

 

[HAILZTONES]

I voted no children and believe me its not for the want of trying.....get your hankies out guys.......

I'm 37 and haven't been very lucky in my quest for a family and feel every day that its slipping further and further away from me! In fact I'm feeling quite down about it the last few months.

I'll try to keep it brief.......Got married at 23 and started trying for a baby straight away, at 26 got pregnant naturally after have a laparoscopy and discovering endometriosis and taking clomid. Had a healthy pregnancy but unfortunately during labour I had a placenta problem (Vasa Previa - too long to go into detail, please look at the sight as we need to raise awareness about this (International Vasa Previa Foundation). My daughter Ellie had been starved of oxygen in labour and had to be resusitated for 25 mins. Ellie survived in the Special Care Baby Unit for 5 days, but things deteriorated and she died. It was a very difficult time and she would have been 10 this year. You never get over it but learn to live with it, but life will never be the same again for me.

A year later to the day my daughter died, I had a miscarriage. Two years later I had IVF, it failed, a few months later a 2nd attempt of IVF and it worked only to result in an ectopic and the loss of embryo and tube.

Next.......marriage of 10 years broke down, I've been divorced now 4 years. 3 years ago I met my boyfriend, we bought a house together, he has 3 kids, but we would like one of our own. Meanwhile Endometriosis has worsened and I've had several laser treatments, and now face more IVF next year at 38 and to be honest I'm not very hopeful. Would adopt if I could get a baby, but don't want an over 3 yr old. I dunno time is just going on rather rapidly and I'm wrapped up in my new beauty business, don't know if I'll ever be a mum. If I'd never had a child, never been pregnant, I don't think I'd be so determined to have another. What you haven't had you don't miss!

Anyway thats about it really, I thought I'd never give up hope, but its dwindleing the closer I'm getting to 40. I think I'll start a thread on older mums!

Hayley

 

[~shelley~]

Nikki, that must have been so hard for you hun xxxxxxxxxxx:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[huberella]

Since I started a poll about partners it got me thinking about children and how many of you do or don't have kids.

I don't have any children, this is not from choice. I lost a baby at 23 weeks when I was 24 and had been trying for 2 years. Surgery afterwards resulted in damaged tubes. Tried IVF eventually but was unsuccessful. Took a long time to adjust, my marriage didn't survive and it was only when I met my 2nd husband that I came to terms with it.

I have 2 children. My first was not a planned pregnancy, but definetly a welcome one. After she was born and we tried for another, I miscarried. Then I went on to husband #2. I had another planned pregnancy that resulted in my son. When he was 1 we tried for another... however I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy and lost the baby at 12 weeks and lost my tube. One year later I was pregnant again, but lost that one to another ectopic pregnancy. Lost that tube too. That marriage ended in divorce. Now I am finally with a wonderful man who has no natural children of his own, and I have lost both tubes and recently had to have a hysterectomy (due to severe endometriosis).

 

[CadenceAlex]

I have a 1 year old daughter... she makes me laugh and smile about something everyday, and even when we go to bed at night... after a long tiring day.. me and my husband can talk about her and it's the most special feeling in the world.

To all those girls who say they worry about pregnancy being unnatural... I know where you are coming from... I was so freaked out by having something in my tummy and was dreading feeling the baby getting bigger and bigger and kicking more... but I loved it! It was brilliant! You get over those feelings, and PND is not necessarily a definite just because history runs in the family - I'm 23 now and my mother still has PND I think :lol: but I haven't got it, and watching Clare on Corrie is horrible, I agree.. but it doesn't have to be like that!!

I have got twin boys on the way now and am looking forward to Christmas with a big family... only thing is.. 3 is an odd number.. so may have to have 4!!!

 

[juju]

Aw nikki don't give up hope.My nan had a child at 44 and another at 46 my mum was pregnant with me at the same time and also again with my sister My mum in law had my fella at 40 after being told she couldn't have any.Good luck:hug:

 

[loubylou]

No not by choice, i was abused when i was a baby (from birth ) then when they realised they had done significant damage ( i was bleeding in my nappy ) they panicked and abandoned me, thankfully i grew up with my grandparents who were fantastic, i wasnt aware of what had happened to me and always wanted children, when i was 17 i was having really bad pains and my monthlys were lasting forever i had been bleeding for nearly 3 months, i had the doctors out 5 times as i couldnt get out of bed but it was always a male doc who said "pmt take paracetomol" in the end i crawled to my docs ( female ) who got me an ambulance, after tests the nurse came in and asked me to sign consent form for op then gave me another form to sign for a hysterectomy i refused to sign this one ( my nan passed away when i was 15 and my grandad had moved away when i was 12 so didnt have anyone to help me ) after my op they told me i was a mess inside and needed a hysterectomy but couldnt give me a reason why i was that like that. I married at 20 and tried for 6 years then went to hospital for tests it was then that i realised something was very wrong, the doctors kept asking if something had happened to me or if id been in an acident that they wasnt aware of, i kept saying no and asking why my insides would be so bad, one doc asked me if i had been abused as there didnt seem to be any other explanation but i said not that i was aware of, i went away still with my womb and did some investigating i asked my old social workers what they knew of it but didnt get many answers they just told me if i wanted to know the truth i would have to ask my real mum so i tracked her down, made friends with her first then told her i was having problems concieving and asked if she knew why, she said "i dont know but when you were 2wks old you had a period and the midwife had told her that it meant i would be very fertile" i knew this was a lie as i had been abandoned at 2wks old and moved into my granparents, i asked around my mums side of the family and found out alsorts of horrible things about my mum and even worse things about my dad, it was 35 yrs ago and things were very different back then so nothing was ever done and i cant find out or prove if it was him or her but they must have been both in on it, anyway thats the reason why i have none. I have looked at every treatment available been told i have a 10% chance of pregnancy with ivf but probably wouldnt carry for long if at all as there is no where for it to attach to as i have too much scarring on my womb my only chance would be a surrogate but i dont have any sisters or other family and i definatly cant afford the thousands that people charge so that ones a no no, i did foster long term for 7yrs and loved every bit of it but she grew up and went back to her family i dont see her no more (her choice) i dont foster now as its heart breaking when they leave.Sorry if ive depressed anyone or offended anyone i know some people think these things shouldnt be talked about but i believe people need to be made aware of what goes on in this world to protect other children, if more people had been aware of these things 35yrs ago then maybe whoever was responsible would have been caught. so i voted no NOT BY CHOICE if i had been given the choice i would have liked to have had 5 children of any sex i didnt mind, i have been aware now for 9 yrs and it dosnt get any easier but i have to put it to one side and get on with life, i tell myself that in one way i am sort of lucky because i dont remember any of it and there are lots of people who have to live with the memories of these horrible things happening to them. Oh god its easy to ramble on here when you dont see no ones faces sorry everyone.

 

[~shelley~]

No not by choice, i was abused when i was a baby (from birth ) then when they realised they had done significant damage ( i was bleeding in my nappy ) they panicked and abandoned me, thankfully i grew up with my grandparents who were fantastic, i wasnt aware of what had happened to me and always wanted children, when i was 17 i was having really bad pains and my monthlys were lasting forever i had been bleeding for nearly 3 months, i had the doctors out 5 times as i couldnt get out of bed but it was always a male doc who said "pmt take paracetomol" in the end i crawled to my docs ( female ) who got me an ambulance, after tests the nurse came in and asked me to sign consent form for op then gave me another form to sign for a hysterectomy i refused to sign this one ( my nan passed away when i was 15 and my grandad had moved away when i was 12 so didnt have anyone to help me ) after my op they told me i was a mess inside and needed a hysterectomy but couldnt give me a reason why i was that like that. I married at 20 and tried for 6 years then went to hospital for tests it was then that i realised something was very wrong, the doctors kept asking if something had happened to me or if id been in an acident that they wasnt aware of, i kept saying no and asking why my insides would be so bad, one doc asked me if i had been abused as there didnt seem to be any other explanation but i said not that i was aware of, i went away still with my womb and did some investigating i asked my old social workers what they knew of it but didnt get many answers they just told me if i wanted to know the truth i would have to ask my real mum so i tracked her down, made friends with her first then told her i was having problems concieving and asked if she knew why, she said "i dont know but when you were 2wks old you had a period and the midwife had told her that it meant i would be very fertile" i knew this was a lie as i had been abandoned at 2wks old and moved into my granparents, i asked around my mums side of the family and found out alsorts of horrible things about my mum and even worse things about my dad, it was 35 yrs ago and things were very different back then so nothing was ever done and i cant find out or prove if it was him or her but they must have been both in on it, anyway thats the reason why i have none. I have looked at every treatment available been told i have a 10% chance of pregnancy with ivf but probably wouldnt carry for long if at all as there is no where for it to attach to as i have too much scarring on my womb my only chance would be a surrogate but i dont have any sisters or other family and i definatly cant afford the thousands that people charge so that ones a no no, i did foster long term for 7yrs and loved every bit of it but she grew up and went back to her family i dont see her no more (her choice) i dont foster now as its heart breaking when they leave.Sorry if ive depressed anyone or offended anyone i know some people think these things shouldnt be talked about but i believe people need to be made aware of what goes on in this world to protect other children, if more people had been aware of these things 35yrs ago then maybe whoever was responsible would have been caught. so i voted no NOT BY CHOICE if i had been given the choice i would have liked to have had 5 children of any sex i didnt mind, i have been aware now for 9 yrs and it dosnt get any easier but i have to put it to one side and get on with life, i tell myself that in one way i am sort of lucky because i dont remember any of it and there are lots of people who have to live with the memories of these horrible things happening to them. Oh god its easy to ramble on here when you dont see no ones faces sorry everyone.

please dont say sorry hun!! you can ramble as much as you like, it must be so hard for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[loubylou]

Thanks Shelly it is hard but i only have to live with the knowledge not the memories so im grateful for small mercys, but feel so strongly about it that i dont keep it a secret, i try to tell myself i have nothing to be ashamed of and might help other people by talking about it and making people aware that it goes on at every age:hug:

 

[babydollmama]

I've read some really sad stories on this thread and it really makes me realise how lucky I am to have two beautiful children.
Louise, you're amazing for talking so openly and using your experience to make others aware.:hug:

 

[loubylou]

Thanks Babydollmama i only wish i could do more to help prevent this hidious crime:hug:

 

[HAILZTONES]

Louise....Such a sad story! I find that there is always someone worse off than myself!!

You seem a really lovely,strong person who has been through alot and talking about these things help, its never good to bottle things up,and keep things quiet. People always ask if I have any children, I could just say 'No' and leave it at that,but I can't deny my daughter afterall she lived a week, so I just tell them about her. I'm sure though some wish they hadn't asked, even clients ask and I tell them and to be honest it does help to be honest and open with people. I admit I do tell people too much of my business, but thats just me and the way I am and I can't change, I'm just an open book.

Good luck to you anyway.

Hayley:hug:

 

[jenny]

Hiya

No kids for us..just pets:hug:

Never wanted kids..but love the way u make them:Grope: :smack:
My best pal has 6 and my hubbys best pal has 5...i guess they had them for us.
We are happy with the Aunt Uncle Godparent thing.


Jenx

 

[Hope]

I love Children, and adore babies. I always have.

I have 4 at the moment (all planned), my youngest is nearly 3 and I am feeling broody again!

I come from a big family, my Dad is 1 of 7 and I am 1 of 5, I just love the feeling of a full house xx

 

[loubylou]

Louise....Such a sad story! I find that there is always someone worse off than myself!!

You seem a really lovely,strong person who has been through alot and talking about these things help, its never good to bottle things up,and keep things quiet. People always ask if I have any children, I could just say 'No' and leave it at that,but I can't deny my daughter afterall she lived a week, so I just tell them about her. I'm sure though some wish they hadn't asked, even clients ask and I tell them and to be honest it does help to be honest and open with people. I admit I do tell people too much of my business, but thats just me and the way I am and I can't change, I'm just an open book.

Good luck to you anyway.

Hayley:hug:

Thanks hun, your right it does help to talk about things, it helps yourself and makes other people aware of the things that happen in life, im just like you i too am an open book and i do meet people that dont like this about me but that is a shame because it does not make me shutup, we are all better people when we talk and share experiences with one another. i know what you mean about people wishing they hadnt asked, when people in the salon ask me if i have children i say no unfortunatly i cant have them, then i get oh im sorry i shouldnt have asked but i just say its ok you were not to know, but i dont tell them why i dont think my story is appropiate for the salon, when they are regulars though and if they ever ask me why then i will tell them. you also sound like a very nice strong person and i wish you well if you have any more children, good luck hun:hug:

 

[wizz]

I answered other, cause I am trying to win the lottery :wink2:
Have been trying for 4 month now, and just got my ... so not this month either.

How long can it take :sad:

Hubby is happy though... more time to practise, and he doesn't have to panic yet :lol:....