How can I get them to leave me alone???!!

[crystaltash]

Hi geeks. So my problem is this.... I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We have lived together for the past year and things are going ok. We have our ups and downs, but who doesn't, right?
Anyway, people, and when I say people, I mean clients, work colleagues and even some family members, are now thinking that I should be getting a ring on my finger quick-smart. It's all some clients ever talk about when they are in with me. And when they say, "still no ring?", they make me feel like something is wrong with me that he hasn't asked me yet.
My boyfriend and I are in no great rush to get married. We have talked about it and we both want to do it, but it's not something I'm desperate to rush into. Im not the kind of girl to force him or give him ultimatums. I want the proposal to come from him when he is ready cos then I'll know he really wants it. Until then I am happy to wait and go on as we are.
But my clients think otherwise. "maybe he'll do it on this date" "maybe he'll do it in New York" (we r going in sept). And then when they see me again and he hasn't done it, I can hear the pity and disappointment in their voices. Why are people making this their business? If I want to talk about it I will, but they don't seem to get the hint and keep going on and on and on at me. How do I get them to drop it? I'm not the kind of girl to tell people to mind their own business, so I was hoping u geeks could come up with some witty comments that I could use to get people to shut their gubs and just drop it!
Sorry for the rant, but it really is getting under my skin now and I'm actually starting to think there IS something with me!
Cheers guys.
Xxx

 

[TweezerHappy]

Why do people think getting married is the be all and end all? Why do people assume just because you are living together or been together for a while you you should get engaged???

My hubby and I were together 5 years, living together 4.5 years, before we got engaged. I personally have never wanted to be engaged just because. Never wanted a long engagement. Always said when I get engaged I'd start organising a wedding the next day. Even joked if he asked me before I was ready to start organising I'd say no!

Obviously I was really happy when he did propose and was looking forward to our wedding and being married. But I can honestly say I never thought, where is my ring? My friends never said to me, about time I got a ring. I don't know why.

Sorry I'm not much help. How old are the people saying this to you?

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[vitality]

I'm in a similar situation to you I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 4.5years. I have friend who have had kids at 16 or moved in with their boyfriends after a few months of being together. We are happy the way we are, I am studying for a business degree and my boyfriend is in his final year at uni. We are in no position to move in together never mind getting married. All I get from people when certain events come up like holidays, christmas, anniversay etc. is "maybe he will propose" or people asking me would we not think of getting a place together.

Yes we have thought about it but I feel like saying we are not stupid lol. Why move in together when we are both short on money which could possibly lead to arguments and we would not be able to afford other luxuries therefore would probably be bored s*****ss and unhappy in my opinion. Plus I feel I am too young. People need to learn to butt out and its funny how people who ask me such questions are the one's who are having relationship difficulties or are too skint to do anything.

I know my situation is slightly different but I understand ow you feel. People just seem to think when you reach a certain amount of time being/living with someone you must get married or have kids etc. but it's your life and you should be happy and live it the way you want.

Rant over lol:Love:

 

[Susie H]

Next one who say's 'no ring yet?' Say 'no' I wanted a living room carpet instead.
After that, say. Well he did offer but I wanted a new bathroom suit, I'd sooner have a jakuci bath to soak in then a dimond ring that I can't wear at work anyway.
Allways stress the word I so they get the idea it's you being practical rather then thinking he's being tight.
For the really persistant ones say. I don't want an engagment ring.
I want a wedding on the beach in the maldeves.
All else fails, look truly miserable, bottom lip tremble the lot, look down at their hands and change the subject. They try to say something, start talking about the daffadilles you've seen on the way to work. Make it sound like your grabbing at any subject.
You haven't said you've broken up, your clients just have to much time on their hands:lol:

 

[persianista]

Allan and I are still not married after 17 years!!!

When I get asked, I just say "give him half of everything I own? No chance!"

Personally it is not an issue for us, we have better things to spend our money on.

 

[pauline71]

Allan and I are still not married after 17 years!!!

When I get asked, I just say "give him half of everything I own? No chance!"

Personally it is not an issue for us, we have better things to spend our money on.

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Pmsl...... I totally agree!!!!

 

[Nataliya]

It is none of their business!

I never discuss my personal life with clients, I think it's unprofessional. I try to keep subjects neutral, because I don't need half of town to know whats going on with me!

Try to limit amount of time talking about yourself and eventually they will get a message! Politely

You boyfriend may be saving up for a huge rock, and the wedding of your dreams

Hugs

Nail designer with a twist

 

[Essential Bliss]

Agree with all the above!
Its your life and you live it how you want..marriage has never been a big thing to me and its more and more common that people choose not to marry and people dont rush into things which is how it should be.
People ask me the same, i've been with my other half for 3 and a half years and we will be moving out together next year hopefully once we saved enough..some clients hear that and say 'oh but your not engaged or getting married' ....no im not, im only 19 lol.
I believe that me and luke will be together always and thats enough for me
So dont worry about them hun..your happy and thats what counts.

Kayleigh xx

 

[MissD]

I can relate to what you're saying. There's always something though....before me and my other half moved in together it was always, 'so when are you going to live together?' Now we've been living together for 8 months its, 'So when are you getting married?' Can guarantee if we ever do it'll be, 'When are you having babies?'....
Worst one is when people feel the need to telling you that you're not getting any younger!! I'm 26 for bleeding sake! And right now marriage and kids are not on either of our radars. I have a lot of things I want to learn, we want to move house next year and have a whole lot more holidays. :lol:

 

[essentia]

I did not get married until my late thirties! People always assumed I was a career girl - another label. The best thing is to say is "we are happy as we are thanks. We aren't planning anything for a long time". Then move on and talk about their treatment. That will keep them quiet. :hug:

 

[ABDiva]

i know what you mean , ive been with my partner 3 years , (he has asked) i said no) not because i didnt want to but it wasnt time we had only been together few months we had no money to go and buy fancy rings. I just wanted to enjoy being part ov a new exciting relationship.

I know hes the one , and i know he will ask again, but as u say when they do its because they want to. Money is a big factor these days tho. And just because your friends are "engaged" doesnt mean there relationship is more vaild than yours ...........you not rushing in to things means your seure and content and your rich in many ways for that.

If anyone says anying again say NO he hasnt asked but ya never know i might ask him lol (on a leap year) that might shut them up till 2012 haha

 

[dandelionpoppy]

I find the responses to this thread really interesting because I find it fascinating that the tradition of the man proposing has survived. I've been married forever but there was no proposal; I think we just grew towards the idea together. Plus I suppose it was back in the day of women's lib so maybe it went out of fashion for that time and is now back in again.
How many geeks waited for a formal proposal I wonder?

 

[coops]

Bit of a different situation, I get asked EVERY day when am I going to have another baby, I've got one child who is perfect but everyone expects me to have another!
What business is it of theirs? I don't want any more and I tell people that but they always come up with reasons why I should have another, like they're trying to change my mind! Just wish they would butt out. I wouldn't dream if telling someone to NOT have any more children, so why do they think it's ok to tell me I should have more?!?!? Rant over

 

[ndee]

God I know how you feel. I'm 24 and that's all my clients say too. To make matters worse, my boyfriend plays football PART TIME so they keep calling me a wag and think I will be wearing a massive rock!!! Which is def not the case!

Xmas, birthday, valentines, it's always the same. The best laugh was at Xmas he bought me a diamond necklace so when all the "so did u get a diamond for Xmas?" questions started I said "yes!" and when they looked at my bare finger I pulled out the necklace!! I also say "I'm still keeping my options open!" with a straight face, that often ends that convo but like you, I am still to find a witty reply to shut them up altogether!!

 

[dee]

Allan and I are still not married after 17 years!!!

When I get asked, I just say "give him half of everything I own? No chance!"

Personally it is not an issue for us, we have better things to spend our money on.

lol this is us too !! me & dave got engaged after 6 months ... we have been together 15 yrs , lmao ... i would rather spend money on having a nice house / holidays than 15 k on a silly wedding thats for everyone elses benefit ... if and when we do it .. we will nip to vegas to do it , quick , easy stress free just us and the kids :lol:
plus i dont think it makes you any more committed just coz you are married ... half the married peeps we know are all bloody miserable , hahah

 

[Sarah22]

Awwww, don't feel like there's anything wrong with you, it's just people being nosey!! Hug :-(

I'm engaged (and have been for a while before we booked our wedding before Christmas). I was constantly getting 'so when are you getting married', now we've set our date it's 'when are you having children' and my future mother in law has now taken to telling everybody that I'm 'not maternal and far too business minded to have kids'!!!!!!! It's all labels...

But I really do think people are just nosey. Try not to let it bother you, use some of the funny responses somebody earlier came up with, the pretending to cry and changing the subject one is hilarious!!

Xx

 

[weezie]

I find the responses to this thread really interesting because I find it fascinating that the tradition of the man proposing has survived. I've been married forever but there was no proposal; I think we just grew towards the idea together. Plus I suppose it was back in the day of women's lib so maybe it went out of fashion for that time and is now back in again.
How many geeks waited for a formal proposal I wonder?

This was like me and my husband, we just decided together that we wanted to be married. Why people assume the girl is always sitting around waiting for a proposal is beyond me! I think it's a bit patronising asking "has he proposed yet" it makes me cringe. People should be less rude! I'm not surprised it's bugging you

 

[Penners]

Basically its boring people with nothing better to talk or think about!!!

My husband and I planned a gretna green wedding in secret. told everyone we were engaged and zipped up to Scotland a week later and got married - perfect for us, no hassle, no squabbles over who's invited etc.etc and we just got on with our lives.:lol:

 

[TweezerHappy]

I can relate to what you're saying. There's always something though....before me and my other half moved in together it was always, 'so when are you going to live together?' Now we've been living together for 8 months its, 'So when are you getting married?' Can guarantee if we ever do it'll be, 'When are you having babies?'....
Worst one is when people feel the need to telling you that you're not getting any younger!! I'm 26 for bleeding sake! And right now marriage and kids are not on either of our radars. I have a lot of things I want to learn, we want to move house next year and have a whole lot more holidays. :lol:

When are you going to have a baby?
When are you going to have a baby?
When are you going to have a baby?

I HATE IT! 


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[bearyd84]

This is also a pet hate of mines........ whats the rush.

A close friend of mines actually got quite upset when after her wedding she got the constant 'when u having a baby' 'it will be babies next' when infact they were trying for a while, unfortunately unsucessfully due to various reasons