In need of a little Geek love & support

[Baggybear]

I don't usually say much about my personal life on here but I'm going through the start of what I know will be a very tough time for me (and it's made worse because it's Christmas).

My parents and siblings all live aprox 100 miles from me. My dad is ill, he has been for a long time now but has recently gone downhill quite fast. There are many things wrong with him including cancer and problems with his lungs caused by working in the Mines when he was younger.

I went to see him on Saturday (as I felt I needed to ensure I saw him around Christmas) and today my sister has rung me to say he has got a lot worse and the Drs think that his time is running out fast.

I have been waiting for this news for a while but now that it seems the time is here, I don't really know how I feel, there are so many feelings all at once.

I hate that he is suffering and in so much pain and I hate how it's making my mum suffer to see him this way and have to look after him, and I want him to go soon so that he is no longer suffering & in pain but I also don't want him to go as he is my dad and I selfishly want him to stay and always be here for me.

I feel so many things all at once and I just don't know what to do with myself. I have been talking with my sister tonight on the phone and I said to her that I would have to try & keep things from my kids if anything happens before Christmas as I would hate to ruin this time of year for them but I am not sure if I would actually be able to hold it together.

To be honest I don't really know why I am writing this, I know you will all offer me great advice and there may even be people out there who have been through similar experience who can advise me of what helped them get through it.

So thank you if you have made it through all my ramblings. :Love:

 

[lydia c]

I am so sorry to hear this , i have both parents still but have lost all grandparents , at the time it feels you will never get over this , but memories live forever , i care for the elderly and have to care for those dying , towards the end its hard but such a relief when they do pass because then they are pain free and the suffering is over , i am a believer that we borrow our bodies but our soul stays alive forever and you dad will be around you .
Thats the part of life i hate when it has to come to an end , dont hold it in if you want to cry , do it , if you want to scream or shout , do it , whatever you do talk to your family i am sure you will not be alone .
once again i am so so sorry and all the best XxXxX:hug:

 

[jacquelineanna]

Aw Baggy :hug:

There isn't very much that can be said that you haven't already said yourself my lovely.

I have an opinion on everything usually but I don't actually know what to say that would help you even a little bit.

I hope you can feel the geek love and support that is coming your way though. Mwah mwah mwah xxxxxxxx

PS - I am not sure you should keep it from your children, perhaps you could let them share what is happening so that you can all deal with it as a family rather than you trying to do it on your own.

Having said that, you know your children and you will do what is right for them.

xxxxxxx

 

[KayaPapaya]

You poor thing. I think everything you feel is perfectly natural and it's what you think is right for you and your family at this time.

I suspect your children may probably prefer you share this with them, and they may offer more support than you think. I would think the thought of their mum bottling it up and keeping it from them, would weigh heavily on their shoulders. But they're your children, you know them best. I know I would feel guilty if my mum kept it quiet.

Loss at this time of year always seems worse, although there is never a good time.

Wish you and your family the very best and hope the outcome is as you wish it to be.

xxxxx

 

[shezybabes]

I totally understand how u feel my grandad died 4 years ago on Boxing day from luekemia. Just take each day as it comes. He will know you love him and would love to be with you. Do not punish yourself as you will be needed once he is gone!

 

[PixieBeauty]

I'm sorry for what you are going through, I have been through similar and felt so relieved and happy when my dad finally was at peace. What I'm saying is, there's no anticipating how anyone would feel & there's no right or wrong way.

As said you know your kids best but I'd think about sharing it with them. Christmas isn't the be all and end all, but maybe family is and they will be able to start or share the grieving with you. They'll get over Christmas soon enough and could pick up on your sadness anyway if they don't understand what's happening, maybe. Xxx

 

[Kazzikammy]

I understand how you feel hun, I lost my aunty last xmas day to a very sudden heart attack brought on by the medication that they were giving her for cancer. I remember it vividly, i got the call at 10.20am. I live about 2hrs away from my parents, from my aunty (when she was still alive) and being truthful.... If my mam had kept it from me, i would be angry. But then again, am 26. You haven't said how old ur kids are, but I have kids, and I was truthful with my 3yr old, I told her aunty had gone to heaven and she is now the biggest brighest star you see in the sky.

 

[cabby]

So sorry to hear you are sad there is nothing I can say to make things better but wanted to send you a hug x

 

[dandelionpoppy]

I'm so very sorry.
I think that it would be very hard on you to mask your feelings for your children. Maybe it's better to gently explain what's happening now.

 

[nazmomi]

I lost my mum suddenly a few weeks ago. My feelings were and still are all over the place, so i understand where you are coming from.

It sounds like you have a close family despite the distance between you, and your love for each other will help you all through this difficult time.

My only experience is with my own children, aged 12, 9, 4 and 3. I was dreading telling them and it was hard but i think it has been important to them to feel involved with what is going on.
You know your children best and will know at the time what is best for them.

There is nothing to say to make it easier. I wish there was. My thoughts are with you xx


Sent from my LG-E400 using SalonGeek

 

[Baggybear]

I suppose I should have said in my opening post that my kids are 15, 9, 5 & 4.

I think the older 2 would understand and be able to still get through Christmas if they knew but I don't think my 5 & 4 year old would understand what is happening so it would ruin things for them.

I suppose telling them or not will totally depend on when it happens - if it's Christmas eve or Christmas day I think I would try not to say anything and just get through the day (or 2) before sitting them down and telling them.

I think if it was to happen in the next few days I would tell them because things would hopefully settle again by the big day (obviously not 100%).

Really, really selfishly I am hoping he will manage to get through Christmas for us, my mum even said earlier when I spoke to her that she is hoping he will hold out until between Christmas and new year.

I feel such a mixture of feelings that I don't know what feelings are in there all together - anxious, upset, affraid, love, selfishness, childlike, worry (for my mum).

 

[nazmomi]

I still feel like my emotions are all over now. I think it is normal. We are never ready to say goodbye to those we love. Even when we have had time to prepare.

Be kind to yourself. Do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong way to handle your feelings.
Your children will be a great comfort to you x

Sent from my LG-E400 using SalonGeek

 

[melissab]

I just wanted to send big hugs your way. I hope your father can hang on until after Christmas. My grandfather passed away on January 6 last year so I can understand how you are feeling. It's nice that you seem so close to your family. I think I would tell the older two so they know what's going on. I understand you don't want to ruin Christmas for them but, Christmas is about family and I think you need all of yours together right now. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[tonicj]

Feeling deeply for you:hug:. No time is ever easy but somehow it feels more difficult this time of year. It's amazing sometimes the inner strength we get during difficult times. Whatever happens, you will know yourself what way to handle things with the kids, but remember when times are very very difficult we all go back to feeling like kids ourselves, so you yourself will need just as much love and support too x

 

[Noodle]

:hug: to you Baggybear

 

[babychops]

I know exactly how you feel, I lost my mum when I was 15, my dad lives 100 miles away by himself and he's always in and out of hospital, nearly died so many times! I will always worry about him :-( x

 

[gillian w]

So sorry what a hard time for you.x

 

[tjmadmum]

Aww, Baggy, so sorry to hear this, I don't often comment on here, but often notice your comments, and get the feeling you are a tough cookie and full of good advice. I hope everyone gives you a bit of geek love. Mine is being flown over right now xxx My father died 3,years ago and it was similar to your situation. It's tough, and my kids knew from the onset, 13 year olds and a 7 year old. They were amazing and my rock. It's soo tough to see them in pain, but for me I was relieved at the end as he was at peace. He held my hand and I knew he was happy to go. Thinking of you at this very hard time. Always here if you need a shoulder. Much love to you xxxxxxx

 

[Dream Nails]

Im really sorry for your worry. Will be thinking of you :hug:
Vicki x

 

[happyfeet]

Aw Baggy so sorry to read this. First of all lovely remember it's ok to feel like you don't know whether you are coming or going, quite normal in fact. Try not to tax your brain with how you think you should and shouldn't be feeling and what you are and are not going to do. Let things happen as they come (I know that's not easy). Not only are you dealing with your grief and upset but often it's the lack of control we have over these situations, and I don't mean in a power crazy kind of control way, I mean that we want to control how we feel, how others feel and how you want to protect your heart and those around you.

Where your kids are concerned only you can answer that lovely, you'll know when the time comes how you are going to handle it, just be kind to yourself and try not to over crowd your poor mind in the mean time.

Once again I'm so sorry to read of your upset and worry.

Thinking of your dad, you and yours. xxxx