No Emotional Support!!

[nixnewcastle]

Hi everyone my situation is i still live at home with my parents and ever since i set my business up it's almost like they've wanted it to fail so i'll go back to work for someone eles full time (which if i do i'll never be able to afford to move out) I've tried explaining to my parents that a new business takes time to establish but whenever they see me spending money on leaflets or anything to do with the business they say things like "do you really think you should be spending that? the business isn't making much money so why are you spending more money on it?"

Im finding it extremely hard to find it in myself to be positive and continue with the business as all of their comments are negative and its making me feel like a failure.

Everytime I have a good week and say see look what i can earn they say things like yes but you need to be doing that every week (like duh i know that) All i want is for them to say well done we're proud of you but i never ever get it and i feel like whatever i do it's never enough.

If I had a daughter who had set up a business i'd be asking things like "would you like me to help you leaflet drop?" I'd want her to succeed so badly if it was her dream but i dont get any support at all apart from the financial support of still being able to live at home (which they constantly throw in my face at every given opportunity) My Mum has said things like im selfish because me doing what im doing is stopping them doing things they want to do. I just feel like a burden and that i cant do anythign right.
Advise and support from anyone at all would be greatly appreciated and thanks for taking the time to read this

 

[angel fingers]

thats really tough for you.
as a parent myself i could see how they would maybe want to see you in a regular job with regular wages. but these days theres no guarantee that a job is for ever. they are probably just wanting security for you and to know you can be independent from them and that they can start to think about what they want from life now that the family is grown up.

however if they are people who have never run businesses themselves they may not fully understand what to expect from the first year or 2. and that you have to invest quite heavily at first to reap rewards later.

i do feel for you though, i know how tough it is to feel like you are going it alone. ive worked by myself for a fair while now and sometimes you really need the support of others who properly understand the business. i find my sanctuary here with my colleagues on nail geek and over on www.beautytech.

i cant be more practical in my help but i do understand and offer support to you:hug:

 

[Beautification]

i know exactly how u feel.

im currently on job seekers and hopefully starting in a salon soon, but my mum nags at me to get a job all the time but when i do shes like well make sure u can still pick your brother up from school i have to take him & pick him up 3 days a week its a bloody joke im tellin ya!

& she wasn't 2 keen on me being mobile at first & was like tht she still goes off on one now if i ever had a client it'd be well you can't do that your not good enough and your not qualified when i am and i know for a fact i'm deffo good enough.

prob jus a good job havn't had any work in so long, just tell them straight! although i can't talk i've tried but it never works out.

just ignore them and always know us lot on salongeek will always be here for you! who cares if they dont want u to do it or they can't do what they want it's not about them anymore is it.
Do you mind me asking how old u r? i kno a lot of ppol judge if your a young therapist but i won't & probably all of the people on here wont.x

 

[Tanya.]

Hi,

I have been where you are at, my parents weren't too thrilled about it either. They come from a time where you go to work, get a steady paycheck and benefits. Jobs we can lose at any time, a business you build yourself is a way to build your own destiny....

I think your parents are worried for you, only because they want to see you have the freedom you deserve. I know it's hard, if you can try to suck it up.

Tips.... I don't know how many hours you are spending at the shop, but to build a good book, you have to be there at the same times that you post on your door. NO EXCUSES I don't know what days the salon is typically closed in the UK, in the US it's Sundays and Mondays, so I would work Mondays and in any salon I worked in, including my own, it was just as busy as a Saturday because no one else was open.

Another thing, offer some kind of incentive for new clients... don't offer a percentage off, because they can't work that out in their minds... maybe make up some cards you can punch like buy 3 haircuts, get your fourth one half price.... or, have them pay for a bunch of services up front and offer the last one for free... pay for 5 haircuts and get the 6th one free...

Flyers like you are making are great, pretty cheap considering how much it costs for advertising...the key is to get out and pound the pavement, meet people! Maybe go out to other business owners in the area and offer a first time free service to the owner... they will sure to send you some business!

Yes, starting a business takes time and alot of foot work. Remain focused, set some small goals, and the sky is the limit. You can do it!

Wishing you all the best!

Tanya

 

[nixnewcastle]

Thanks everyone. Im 25 now and i know it's pretty bad to be at this age and still living at home but with the credit crunch being how it is it's so hard to move out. feels like im stuck in a catch 22. If I move out they cant nag me anymore and put me down and make me think negatively but then i cant afford to do the business
I think alot of people dont understand businesses as well if you've never been self employed you never will understand and i do also find i get most of my moral support and good advice from here

 

[number1kitty]

Thanks everyone. Im 25 now and i know it's pretty bad to be at this age and still living at home but with the credit crunch being how it is it's so hard to move out. feels like im stuck in a catch 22. If I move out they cant nag me anymore and put me down and make me think negatively but then i cant afford to do the business
I think alot of people dont understand businesses as well if you've never been self employed you never will understand and i do also find i get most of my moral support and good advice from here

Theres lots of house shares about at the minute as people try to earn some extra income and I think it costs about £50-£75 a week all in. You should be able to get housing benefit too if your on a low income (and your landlord does not need to know). Then when your back on your feet and earning good money you can support yourself.

I hated living with my mum as she was quite strict (although now looking back I see why!) so much so I packed up and left at 18 and never returned. Lived with Dad for a few weeks and hated fighting with siblings so got my own flat.

That said Mum and Dad still nag me and I still fall out with my brothers/sisters so to be honest you eventually learn to switch off from it. Otherwise vacating to the other side of the world is a great option!!

Don't let them put you down, I don't see how your stopping your parents doing what they want - after all at 25 me thinks you no longer need babysitting lol! :green:

Call your parents bluff, pretend to go for interviews and view places to live etc and try to appease them whilst still doing what you love.

And I don't know if you do already but help with the housework and donate over some keep without them asking just to keep them sweet. Sometimes you have to run away (what I did) or put on an act (what a brother of mine does) to get what you want!

Good Luck

Kate

 

[angelina221]

My dad is extremely supportive and has always been there for me....but..........when i first bought my business he was different.
I got quite upset about it. He never asked how i was doing, he never offered to help me do the place out. It took me and a friend 6 months to refurb my salon. If i asked him to do something then he would but i always had to ask.
If i mentioned the salon, he just changed the subject!
Now he is extremely proud of me.
He apologised for how he was. He told me that he didn't think i would survive and that he was worried how much debt i was getting into to do my salon up.
He said even though he knew i was stubborn and determined, he was worried about the economic climate and if i would survive.
Now he tells me how proud he is of me and how much i have achieved.
I think it's a parent thing!!
Hopefully you will make a success of your business and then your parents can breathe a sigh of relief and join in with your enthusiasm.

 

[persianista]

My mum, even now will piont out anything in the salons that need doing!
My lovely dad, now dead, only ever came to my first salon once!
My mum will critisize endlessly, anyone would think I was a total deadbeat!
I have a stunning house in the best area, on the best road. It's my pride and joy and was my big ambition in life, yet my mum will moan and gripe about it!
Sometimes parents have their own issues and there isnt much you can do about it.
My mum thinks you shoul "know your place " and "not get above yourself". She struggles to understand my lifestyle and has never worked, let alone run a business.
She thinks its shocking the way my other half has to run the house.
They are a different generation, its not their fault.

 

[junejuno]

Hi Nixnewcastle,

I was really sad to read your post and others too who find that they have no support with their ambition.

I have a friend who came into my business and without whom i would have been lost, we now manage our studios together and bounce ideas off each other. It works well. My daughter is also very supportive and helps as much as she can, more with legal stuff and general advice as she lives a long way away..

I don't think i could have done this on my own so I do feel for you.

Remember, believe in yourself, we all make mistakes and that's how we learn. If i can be of any further help please email or PM me. I'm not too far away from you.

There is no such thing as failure only feedback. It's what you do with what you learn that matters.

Take care

 

[leonnib]

i know how you feel..my dad has been to my salon once..
my mum has never come.. she used to say things like 'oh is that all you made today'..or 'its probably better to get a real job'.

i dont bother looking for support anymore as i know it wont happen so i do it for my own satisfaction... i dont talk about the salon as i know the response wont be of any interest...

i know its hard when you get no support i am around the same age as you and i aslo feel like if i had a daughter i would offer to help them with whatever i can....

but ive decided its better to accept it then keep getting upset everytime.
only someone who has set up a business themselves would understand how hard it is.

 

[nixnewcastle]

Im shocked that it seems everyones parents are like this and are unsupportive. It seems like everyones parents wants them jobs working for others. I can understand this as its much more secure but it's not my dream and i know when i start to get busy it'll all come together and i will feel succesful. I've been trading now a year and 3 months and im not quite sure how busy i should be for having been trading that length of time or really whereabouts in business i should be.
I feel it would help loads if i had at least one member of staff so im not sat in a room all day on my own. I think the hardest bit is doing it alone as such

 

[Tanya.]

Nixnewcastle,

I was the same as you, working alone with just me and my clients. I can remember how isolated I felt, especially in the the winter.

As long as you are seeing some kind of growth, you should be okay. It can take a year to two years to build a full book. Anything beyond three years I would be rethinking about what I am doing. On looking back through my books, I was surprised to see some months that were busy one year were slow the next.

Maybe there are small business meetings in your area, where business owners pay a small fee and help each other get referrals. That might be fun and you can be a part of something special.

All the best!

 

[persianista]

The thing is I'm now ten years and a couple of salons down the road. I have employees etc, yet my mum behaves no differently from yours. Some parents are just like that.
My brother is a teacher and earns a fraction of what I do, yet she thinks he is fantastic!
I gave up trying to gain praise many years ago

 

[nixnewcastle]

The thing is I'm now ten years and a couple of salons down the road. I have employees etc, yet my mum behaves no differently from yours. Some parents are just like that.
My brother is a teacher and earns a fraction of what I do, yet she thinks he is fantastic!
I gave up trying to gain praise many years ago

Strange you say that my sister is a teacher and they think she's great and listen to her babble on for ages about ofsted and what kids she's teaching but they dont seem as interested in my work

 

[annabeebalc]

I Completely understand how you feel.

I'm 30 and in the process of setting up my first hair salon.

Last night I had dinner with my dad. He ended up making me cry!!!! He started asking questions about the salon and how my business plan was looking etc. Then he started criticizing my marketing strategy (ok, i didn't have much of one) but there is so much to do!!!!!

It has been reassuring to read that so many of your parents are equally unsupportive.

All I can say is...
Don't let it knock you off your perch, take the wind out of your sails.
Keep focused on the vision you have for your business, in your head, you know what you're trying to achieve.
Try and think good thoughts and positively. The rest WILL follow through.

Good luck to you
and thanks to everyone on here for their ongoing support. It can be difficult to obtain elsewhere!!!!

A
x

 

[Susie H]

One of my co-workers has a daughter who has her own nail salon. She's been going 2 years now and in the beginning not only did she live at home rent free, but her mum and dad, helped refit the room, put up a lot of the money and yes had quiet a few rows over how she was running it, for example, she wanted a new car and she got into a huge row with her dad over this and in the end didn't get the new car, now she's glad she didn't because she hasn't got a 5 year finance agreement hanging over her head. Her dad told me that he's really chuffed with what his daughter has achieved and that she can now afford to pay herself a wage and pay him rent:lol: But I wonder if he's told her that????
The point is, quiet often mum's and dad's are proud of what you do, but they are also frightened for you and don't know how to tell you that they think you are amazing because they fear that if they do you will loose focus and start spending when you should be staying on the long term plan.
Also sometimes we are so ready for the criticism that when a genuine question is asked, we see it as an attack.
So mum says why are you doing more leaflets? Explain to her that you need to cover the same area every few weeks to catch the customers who, 1, didn't see it the first time and 2, will only come to you once they see that you are there pertinently, then say, you know what mum it would be a huge help if you delivered these with me. She could be sitting there thinking, all you have to do is ask:smack:
And unfortunately I'll cover the other comment from a mum's point of view.
Yes having your adult child living at home does stop you doing what you want to do, sorry guy's but having you at home costs a lot. My bills went up by a 3rd when kay came home. Water, gas, electric and food. She used it and none of it's for free. It's not a dig at those of you who have to live with parents, but have a bit of understanding please We may be older but we're not dead from the neck down and we do without a lot while our kids are growing up and once they are grown we start to think about those holidays in the sun or that sports car etc. etc.
:hug:Hugs to you hun, the best way to prove to mum that she's wrong is to stick at it, after a year and 3 months I would expect you to just be turning the corner and with party season nearly here, you've got a very busy time coming up, so open up that savings account and start planning next year:lol:
If however it turns out that you just have one of 'those' mum's, well, stick at it, because you are right, you never get rich working for someone else:hug:

 

[Princess Peach]

I know how you feel, i'm looking into setting up my own salon, all my mum has said is are you sure you can afford to do it and im not bothering with telling my dad coz he would make me feel like an idiot for even thinking about doing something like this. I'm learning slowly that sometimes you can only rely on yourself (luckily i have an amazing boyfriend who supports me and offers advise) Both my brothers do law and have always been more academic so they are thought of with higher regards
The best thing to do is succeed and believe in yourself XxX

 

[steve@nouvatan]

I always wanted my son to be an electrical/mechanical engineer as i was and its a steady job with good pay at 16 i sent him to newcastle under lyme college for an open evening and to sign on to an electrical course,
I was horrified when he came home and said he had enrolled on A HAIR AND BEAUTY COURSE !!!!
This was before i had anything to do with spray tanning or the beauty biz I just couldnt understand it and i tried to put him off
But he was adamant that that was what he wanted to do he got a job in a run down hairdressers on minimum wage and did weekly placement much to my disappointment,The salon at that time was really badly managed and went bust! i had not supported him at all up to this point but now he was out of work so we contacted the landlord and i took on the lease of the shop myself as he was only 18 at the time we refurbed the shop and changed the front to a modern barbers and put the ladies in the rear he run that shop for 2 years and we sold it on at a profit as he wanted to move to cheshire
7 years on he is still hairdressing/barber loves it has loads of fun and makes a good living from it and i am very proud of him for sticking to his guns yes he needed a little help from the Royal Bank of Dad But i am sure if you show your parents you are serious and stick with it they will respect your decision eventually :hug::hug:

 

[Annie23]

I was extremely lucky my parents supported me through all my various decisions over the years and only ever wanted the best for my brothers, sister and I.

However, I do think that sometimes parents do try to live their own lives through their children and want their children to have the opportunities that they never had. Lets face it it does seem easier generally for people to achieve success in todays society.

In the case of the original poster I simply wouldnt talk about your business to your parents, unless they directly ask. Its a tough one because you still live at home and I think they have a right to insist that you live by their rules BUT that doesnt mean that you shouldnt be able to follow your heart as long as you are paying your way which I am sure you are. If it gets too much try and explain how much they are hurting your feelings and ask them not to be involved. Hard I know but it may be best for your sanity :hug: :hug: hth's

anne xx

 

[Kim Lawless]

They're probably worried for you and don't understand the nature of your business. Don't tell them anymore and just get on with it yourself.

Must be horrible though. xxx