Violet Star
Well-Known Member
He seems like a generally weird person....some people are just strange like that and dont even realise it
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This guy is still making me feel strange!!
- Thread starter kimbers_81
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***juice***
Well-Known Member
He does sound very lonely to me, like you're his bit of human contact - or like he's an exhibitionist or whatever and likes the feeling of being naked in front of you 
Personally, if you're still feeling odd about him I'd sack him off (politely), you can't be umming and aahing about whether he's going to do something creepy every 3 weeks or so.
Maybe he is an exhibitionist I don't know! I casually mentioned to him about his texts - said something like - you seem very unsure about your appointment once you have made it blah blah blah he just said sorry I just like to make sure....some people are not happy about me wanting a naked tan etc I just told him personally I don't mind, for me its however comfy the customer feels - girls for eg might want to go nude, or just topless or not go topless at all so each to their own.
^^^That comment would weird me out a bit. TBH why is he bothering with a naked tan, surely it doesn't take on his dinkle anyways.
Personally, if you're still feeling odd about him I'd sack him off (politely), you can't be umming and aahing about whether he's going to do something creepy every 3 weeks or so.
Maybe he is an exhibitionist I don't know! I casually mentioned to him about his texts - said something like - you seem very unsure about your appointment once you have made it blah blah blah he just said sorry I just like to make sure....some people are not happy about me wanting a naked tan etc I just told him personally I don't mind, for me its however comfy the customer feels - girls for eg might want to go nude, or just topless or not go topless at all so each to their own.
^^^That comment would weird me out a bit. TBH why is he bothering with a naked tan, surely it doesn't take on his dinkle anyways.
Jolicatellas
Well-Known Member
Hi Kimbers,
I'm so glad you posted and update. I was wondering how it went. He sounds harmless to me, though perhaps a little different to the norm.
Not every thing we do is as it seems & we tend to put our own spin on other people's actions.
Fact is he is very friendly and chatty when you work on him & doesn't over step the boundaries. The only way he is stepping out of line is by texting you out of business hours and not for business things (not exactly anyway) - and that is easily remedied. Just don't reply to his texts unless it's necessary. In all honesty he can send as many texts as he likes and you just reply during business hours and keep it professional.
He's probably very glad to have found a therapist who values his business & doesn't run a mile b/c he's different
I'm so glad you posted and update. I was wondering how it went. He sounds harmless to me, though perhaps a little different to the norm.
Not every thing we do is as it seems & we tend to put our own spin on other people's actions.
Fact is he is very friendly and chatty when you work on him & doesn't over step the boundaries. The only way he is stepping out of line is by texting you out of business hours and not for business things (not exactly anyway) - and that is easily remedied. Just don't reply to his texts unless it's necessary. In all honesty he can send as many texts as he likes and you just reply during business hours and keep it professional.
He's probably very glad to have found a therapist who values his business & doesn't run a mile b/c he's different
Tracey Roberts
Well-Known Member
I would carry on as normal, but still be very very cautious,for quite a while, some people like to build up a trusting nature ? ( dont know if thats the right way to explain ?) and in the next conversation maybe mention that you are going to get your fella trained up aswell, just for cover incase you are ill one day and that you might want your client to be sprayed by your fella for experience :hug:
Ruth Mills
Well-Known Member
Is there a chance your client may have Aspergers or something like that?
It sounds like he has conducted himself respectfully when he has been tanned by you.
The text messages at inappropriate times, and the way he seems to want reassurance could both be due to something like Aspergers, where people with the condition can have difficulties with social cues etc. They would have difficulties with things like reading body language, and would take what you say to them very literally, so would have difficulty with "reading between the lines". They might also not consider other people with regards to sending text messages at particular times, for example.
Many people with Aspergers would be unaware that they have th condition, particularly if it is a relatively mild form; getting a diagnosis can also be difficult.
So I would bear in mind the possibility that your client may have Aspergers or a similar condition when dealing with him, while at the same time making sure you take appropriate precautions like having your partner outside in the car for back-up (although I would consider this to be a sensible precaution to take as a female therapist working alone with any male client).
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It sounds like he has conducted himself respectfully when he has been tanned by you.
The text messages at inappropriate times, and the way he seems to want reassurance could both be due to something like Aspergers, where people with the condition can have difficulties with social cues etc. They would have difficulties with things like reading body language, and would take what you say to them very literally, so would have difficulty with "reading between the lines". They might also not consider other people with regards to sending text messages at particular times, for example.
Many people with Aspergers would be unaware that they have th condition, particularly if it is a relatively mild form; getting a diagnosis can also be difficult.
So I would bear in mind the possibility that your client may have Aspergers or a similar condition when dealing with him, while at the same time making sure you take appropriate precautions like having your partner outside in the car for back-up (although I would consider this to be a sensible precaution to take as a female therapist working alone with any male client).
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I really, really feel this man is pushing to see how far he can go - testing the water so to speak. Personally, I would not go there with him - no way would be be a customer of mine. I think he is getting some kind of a 'thrill' from his appointments (can't think of another way to put it).
Just be very careful if you still intend on treating him. For me, its a simple no. X
Just be very careful if you still intend on treating him. For me, its a simple no. X
I really am beginning to question myself here....cos most of you are seeing something strange in this man and I ain't.
He is nothing but polite when you go....(nothing strange there)
He asked if he could have a naked spray tan.....(nothing strange there...its his choice if he wants pant marks...your choice if you mind and if he was a woman asking it wouldn't be strange so i don't see anything wrong with that either)
He texts to confirm appointments and to say thank you .... (again i see nothing wrong with this either...apart from that its out of hours but we all get that from time to time with clients)
I just don't get it....what has he done to be thought of as being strange....weired...creepy or have mental condition...???
He is nothing but polite when you go....(nothing strange there)
He asked if he could have a naked spray tan.....(nothing strange there...its his choice if he wants pant marks...your choice if you mind and if he was a woman asking it wouldn't be strange so i don't see anything wrong with that either)
He texts to confirm appointments and to say thank you .... (again i see nothing wrong with this either...apart from that its out of hours but we all get that from time to time with clients)
I just don't get it....what has he done to be thought of as being strange....weired...creepy or have mental condition...???
Ruth Mills
Well-Known Member
Exactly - he's behaved himself well during both tans (and I expect he wasn't "aroused" during his naked tan otherwise you would have said so).
I would be inclined to politely tell him not to text you after a certain time in the evening if you don't want to get messages from him late at night. As (especially if he has Aspergers like I mentioned in my previous post), it is better to explicitly set ground rules than be annoyed with him for texting you at certain times if you hadn't told him not to.
He could become a good, profitable regular client.
But, like I said before, do continue to take sensible precautions like having your partner with you.
If you could use the excuse that your partner is also training to do spray tanning, you could then say that you would like your partner to be there for the next session so he can observe your technique. That way you have your partner with you for backup if you are still concerned.
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Violet Star
Well-Known Member
Really you can never be sure of anyone just because he hasnt taken any action yet doesnt mean to say he wont! (Sorry i dont want to scare you)
But if that was me and i felt uncomfortable with this guy i wouldn't spray tan him.
Ive had a man before call me asking to book a tan and that he wanted to wear a pink thong i found this strange but yet booked him and he rang up 2 days prior to his tan and started talking about his pink thong i thought this is too strange so i cancelled the appointment.And from now on i dont take appointments from men unless they have their partner with them.
But if that was me and i felt uncomfortable with this guy i wouldn't spray tan him.
Ive had a man before call me asking to book a tan and that he wanted to wear a pink thong i found this strange but yet booked him and he rang up 2 days prior to his tan and started talking about his pink thong i thought this is too strange so i cancelled the appointment.And from now on i dont take appointments from men unless they have their partner with them.
kylieb
Well-Known Member
I remember my tutor once telling me that 'if ever you are in a situation that you are not comfortable in, then get out of it' No amount of money is worth putting yourself into that position. You should go to work and enjoy it,not be worried and scared as to what could happen to you.
I would say if you really are worried about this man then politely tell him that you are no longer offering your services to male clients.
I know people slate me for not treating men...but this is why xxx
I would say if you really are worried about this man then politely tell him that you are no longer offering your services to male clients.
I know people slate me for not treating men...but this is why xxx
I understand the point of "if you don't feel comfortable"....or "there is just something about him"....but because he hasn't actually done anything wrong doesn't that make it your problem and not his...?
Anyone and everyone "could" do "something"....but we cant really condemn people before they do can we...? a car could crash...do we never get into one.
I am 100% into protecting yourself and being safe but there are precautions we can take....and we do have a choice whether we want to do a client or not.
If you don't want to spray him anymore then thats fine and up to you but its down to your own feelings and not really anything he has done IMO.
Anyone and everyone "could" do "something"....but we cant really condemn people before they do can we...? a car could crash...do we never get into one.
I am 100% into protecting yourself and being safe but there are precautions we can take....and we do have a choice whether we want to do a client or not.
If you don't want to spray him anymore then thats fine and up to you but its down to your own feelings and not really anything he has done IMO.
I think this guy has acted innapropriately. He is an adult and he should also be responsible for his own actions. Texting a female therapist late at night on more than one occasion referring to his naked spray tan, whether or not to wear a thong etc etc is placing the therapist in a situation which could make her feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but this is not acceptable and he has overstepped the mark IMO. I don't care whether he is shy, lonely or whatever - this is no way for an adult to behave - he should know better. Even if this is in all innocence (which I strongly doubt), this simply is no way to behave.
I had a male client once - he asked me if I could put my nurses uniform on for him - sad really! Made me laugh when he left though!
If you feel uncomfortable - don't treat him.
I had a male client once - he asked me if I could put my nurses uniform on for him - sad really! Made me laugh when he left though!
If you feel uncomfortable - don't treat him.
Jolicatellas
Well-Known Member
I'm with Bagpuss on this. The guy is NOT inappropriate in person. If Kimbers was saying this guy freaks me out when I'm with him... I'd say run a mile. But he's only odd with his texts & he's only been doing that b/c Kimbers was nice and replied in the first place instead of ignoring any non-professional texts. It is a situation that can be easily remedied by not replying out of ours / non-business related texts & by talking to him about this during appointments (which Kimbers is doing).
He sounds like he wants to be reassured & he probably wants to be reassured b/c he has lots of thearapists react badly to him wanting to be sprayed nude. Just look at this thread & posts... we don't know the guy and we're reacting badly to him.
I think this guys is just pleased to have found someone who will do the service for him - and his texts will die down once he looses his need to be reassured.
Having said that, if anything happened to Kimbers we'd all feel badly... so Kimbers take precautions, take your pepper spray or Impulse, take your fiance & don't turn your back on the man But I think if you don't feel nervous actually doing the service on him... then go with that feeling.
He sounds like he wants to be reassured & he probably wants to be reassured b/c he has lots of thearapists react badly to him wanting to be sprayed nude. Just look at this thread & posts... we don't know the guy and we're reacting badly to him.
I think this guys is just pleased to have found someone who will do the service for him - and his texts will die down once he looses his need to be reassured.
Having said that, if anything happened to Kimbers we'd all feel badly... so Kimbers take precautions, take your pepper spray or Impulse, take your fiance & don't turn your back on the man
But I think if you don't feel nervous actually doing the service on him... then go with that feeling.As an ex nurse and psychotherapist, it is different if its a woman because it is different! There is not a risk of sexual assault from a woman (or at least less of one, she could be setting you up for someone else, it happens. My husband is an ex police man). Like it or not there could be from a man especially in their or your home where you have no back up so you do have to be more careful. That said to be honest of I got texts from a woman out of hours I would think it inappropriate too, its not just about you being a professional its about the client recognising that the realtionship you have is a professional one not a frendship.
Have a dedicated business line whether that be mobile or not, dont respond to calls or texts outside business hours. Maybe give new clients a card with your business hours on to prevent confusion.
Finally as a mum of two daughters I think the photos are definately provocative being of you makes them more so.....you go to a client and they realise the provocative photo is you they might get the wrong impression and wrong as it is that might invite thoughts, comments and behaviour you just dont want. Maybe think about changing them if you want a bikini shot at least have it of someone else and not someone who is suggestively pulling at their bikini bottom maybe make it a more fun rather than sexual image!
Sorry I am not a prude honest but you need to think about how you protect and take care of yourself, trust your instincts on this one and dont go back!
Have a dedicated business line whether that be mobile or not, dont respond to calls or texts outside business hours. Maybe give new clients a card with your business hours on to prevent confusion.
Finally as a mum of two daughters I think the photos are definately provocative being of you makes them more so.....you go to a client and they realise the provocative photo is you they might get the wrong impression and wrong as it is that might invite thoughts, comments and behaviour you just dont want. Maybe think about changing them if you want a bikini shot at least have it of someone else and not someone who is suggestively pulling at their bikini bottom maybe make it a more fun rather than sexual image!
Sorry I am not a prude honest but you need to think about how you protect and take care of yourself, trust your instincts on this one and dont go back!
Susie H
Well-Known Member
Two things from me, 1. I like Warwick Wendy's answer about getting your boyfriend trained to spray tan him.
2. On the subject of mobile phones, most people, my self included expect a business mobile phone to be turned of out side of business hours, mine is.
So they are quiet comfortable about phoning and texting late at night. Because they expect to get straight through to the answer phone and the same with a text, you'll see it in the morning.
On those rare occasions when I've had an answer to a late call I've made, I've apologized and explained that I'm clearing my to do list and thought the phone would go straight to answer. But some people are not that articulate or fast thinking and just blunder through while thinking, oh cr*p she must think I'm a right weirdo.
2. On the subject of mobile phones, most people, my self included expect a business mobile phone to be turned of out side of business hours, mine is.
So they are quiet comfortable about phoning and texting late at night. Because they expect to get straight through to the answer phone and the same with a text, you'll see it in the morning.
On those rare occasions when I've had an answer to a late call I've made, I've apologized and explained that I'm clearing my to do list and thought the phone would go straight to answer. But some people are not that articulate or fast thinking and just blunder through while thinking, oh cr*p she must think I'm a right weirdo.
essentia
Well-Known Member
Hi - Totally agree with VickiT - it is different with men! I also feel that you are being naieve putting pictures of yourself on your website and not expecting a reaction!:hug: You are not setting the boundaries and I believe this man is testing them. Make your business message clear and there can be no doubts what clients should expect. I am also a great believer in trusting instincts - so do not ignore them however plausible someone seems.
