How to cope with a personal crisis

[angel fingers]

i know that some geeks have been through some tough times recently and in the past.

at the moment i am having a personal crisis myself.
what i need is some ideas on how to cope with work.

how am i going to be the cheerful agony aunt for all my clients when its obvious that i have been awake most of the night crying. i feel like anything could set me off again any moment. :cry:

do i try to pretend its a cold.
do i say i have a problem but arent ready to talk about it.
i feel like a fool and i dont want to embarass clients.

what have been your personal coping strategies?

 

[Zo Zo]

Susan, I am so sorry to hear you are unhappy :hug: :hug:

When I am unhappy, there are some clients I am honest with, and there are some clients I switch myself onto autopilot for.

The thing is, when you are normally bright and bubbly and smiley, clients do immediately know if you are not yourself. If I am miserable but I don't want to explain myself, I just say something like, ' you're right, I'm not myself today, but won't bore you with the details...' then I totally focus on asking them questions, like, 'what's going on in your life, tell me l about such and such..'

Even if I'm not listening to their answers, it fills the void! And tbh, even if they know I'm not really listening, they don't mind because I have already explained that I am not myself.

Years ago I went to a therapist every week and obviously we became close and talked about a lot of stuff and there were times she got tearful when telling me about her stuff. As the client, I didn't mind at all, I appreciated our closeness even if it wasn't exactly a friendship.

Overall, I think better out than in, but as you have said, you are not ready to talk about it yet, so wait until you are ready, and in the meantime, ask all the routine stuff like, ' so have you booked a holiday yet?' :lol:

Take care Susan :hug: :hug: xxx

 

[adelekeegan1]

I am a very outgoing person and my clients all comment on it.

If I am below par I feel I have to wear the 'salon persona' like I wear my uniform. To be honest I find it actually helps to give ME a lift.

It is a case of keeping the 2 parts of your life separate. :hug::hug:

 

[Bagpuss]

:hug:....I think if i felt that i was really unable to work to the best of my ability and couldn't keep it together I would ring in sick......just like my clients do when they are ill.

I was real ill the other week and felt terrible...I wanted and needed to rest but felt I couldn't so worked through and carried on.....it took ages to get right and thats because I didn't listen to my body.....I should have rested and got well.

We are entitled to ring in sick just like anyone else....I know its hard when your self employed ..1) no pay...2) no cover 3) re-booking clients.....so its never something I would do if I didn't HAVE to...but the fact is....if you cant work, you cant.

Maybe you need a little break hun..:hug:

 

[Blue Rose]

I tend to find that once I put my uniform on I can switch into a different mode so don't bring my personal problems into work.

 

[dellaznailz]

Sorry to hear you are having problems hun. :hug: We have all been there ( I know thats not much comfort) but we all deal with in our own way.

I agree it's best just to acknowledge with clients there is a problem but not go into details. As you say if you are usually bubbly they will recognise it right away anyway. I spent 2 years thinking I was doing a great job of kidding everyone I was 'normal' (in denial?!) but when I finally 'came clean' everyone said they knew I had problem as I had seemed to have a personality transplant lol. And there was me thinking no one knew I ran off to the loo every hour or so to cry in private!

Just remember there are people on here who have never met you but are your friends and 'family' please feel free to pm me if you want sometimes its easier to spill the beans to someone you don't know:hug::hug::hug:

 

[motherbird]

I suppose you have to decide if you can keep a front up, and if you can manage it then I would do so (it can keep you going).

If not and you are likely to be weepy etc and unable to carry on then perhaps take a bit of time out to compose yourself.

Sorry you are down chicken, hope you soon feel better :hug:

 

[Zo Zo]

The thing is with personal problems, they can be ongoing over a long period of time, so it's not always possible to take that much time off.

I have been feeling really cross this week, hormones all over the show, and my boiler is broken so I have no hot water and yesterday afternoon I scalded myself with the kettle whilst making up the foot spa... I nearly burst into tears, pretty much over nothing, but I just said to the client, shall I make us a cup of tea, went in the kitchen, ran my hand under the cold tap, phoned my next two clients and re-arranged them, and immediately felt 100% better.

However, like I said, that was one bad day, and I only had to re-arrange 2 clients. If I had a problem hanging over me I would just soldier on. I do agree with what Adele said though about being falsely cheerful can actually make you feel better, although it does depend on the severity of the problem.

 

[Coppertop]

Really sorry to hear you are having a bad time hun.

Last year i was having a really hard time with Ray and i got to the point where i didn't want to leave the house or even talk to anyone!
I was half way through my Beauty Therapy level 3 and i just didn't think i could do it.
I never told anyone what was going on but i found myself switching off to everything. I would make sure my kids were fine and looked after but nothing else would get a second thought.

I would get myself ready for college and i would just be thinking 'phone in sick, leave the course, it's not worth the hassle'. But by the time i was ready i just wanted to give it a go.
Once i got to college i'd stand outside the door and just want to cry but i'd take a huge deep breath and fall through the door. Once i was in there was no going back.

I got through it and passed the course. How i did it i do not know and my clients were always happy when they left.
I never spoke about me to clients but i let the chat away, i guess i fell into there life during the treatment and it took away my problems.

Everybody is different and is able to cope with different levels of stress and emotions.
Good on you for confiding in us and i guess the only way to get through it is to find a way of turning off to whatever it is.
This may be hard but it might just help you, will give you a chance to relax a little.

Is this something that someone could help you with? Maybe a close friend :hug:

 

[angel fingers]

thanks for all the messages of support.
i have done a couple of clients so far and have managed to hold myself together. i told them that i'm not quite myself and appologised for being all fingers and thumbs. once i got engrosed in what i was doing it helped to keep my mind off the crisis.
next lady in has become a personal friend, though not quite to the point where i can spill my heart out. so i might find it a bit tricky. got the rest of the day booked off though for a parents meeting, so only 1 more to do now and then i can blub till snot comes out of my nose :lol:

i'm feeling a little better and very aware that i need to keep my personal issues and my work seperate.
thanks for the boost.:hug:

 

[UKRed]

I am sorry to hear you are feeling sad. I hope things get better for you soon. :hug:

The way I cope with things (or at least try to cope) is talking to people mainly people online who don’t know me (I don’t know why but it seems to work for me), I also have a councillor at college and I keep a blog…

If it is problems you want to talk about anonymously (if you have time) then there is a site called daily strength which is good - www.dailystrength.org

I have perfected a ‘fake smile’ or a ‘front’ for my fellow student’s or client’s who come to the college salon and just talk about it if it feel's right, otherwise I just say I am tired or having a bad day and then laugh it off.

Just remember there is always someone who will listen if you need to talk :hug:

 

[JoJoPearce]

Susan,

A :hug: for you and hope you get through whatever is worring you.

 

[Noodle]

Sorry to hear you're going through your own personal crisis Susan ... hope you are able to sort through your problems and are back on top form soon.

Sending these for you in the meantime :hug::hug: xx

 

[sodabubble]

hope you feel better soon :hug:

 

[sj1973]

Susan.....sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment.........just wanted to send you hugs and say,if you dont really feel like work ...DONT ....

Sometimes a good rest by yourself at home is all you need hun xxxxxxxxx:hug:

 

[min11]

No words of wisdom but :hug::hug: to you. Hope your feeling better and the situation improves soon x

 

[angel fingers]

oh, youve all been so lovely, i'm really touched that you care.

i have got some time off for a few days. only 1 friend of the family to do tomorrow. she is actually a trained councilor and i know she knows all about my problem coz shes my mums best friend. but i dont want her to think i'm treating her like an agony aunt when shes paying for my time.

thanks so much for everyones support. i'm actually surprised that i have coped ok with clients.

 

[rouge]

You've had some fab advice here. The best thing I can tell you is to make sure you have someone - it doesn't matter who - that you CAN talk to about things. Sometimes it helps just to talk, even if whoever you're talking to doesn't have any answers for you.

:hug: for you, and I really hope you can get it sorted. We're all here for you.

 

[beautynails]

I'm glad you've been coping ok with your client, but if you don't & you do cry in front of someone, don't be hard on yourself.
I know I've done it & I was so hard on myself for it. I thought it was unprofessional. We are all only human.

 

[aj1]

Sorry to hear you're going through some rough times at the moment. I know it's very hard to hide our personal lives through work. When I feel down, my good clients know it, they feel it and usually want to know what's wrong.

Last week I literally broke down about things to a client that's not really all that regular. She was very sweet and very happy that I did talk to her about my feelings. I think it makes them feel closer to you when the role is often reversed when they share their chaotic lives with us.

Hope you cheer up and get yourself sorted:hug: