Really hacked off

[San]

Sorry geeks/friends, but I need someone to talk to.....

I'm feeling really low at the moment, its the first Christmas since my mum died in March and I've recently split with my partner (although we are still living in the same house at the moment). I was supposed to be buying a house - I've got a 50% deposit to put down (as a settlement from my partner for our 5 year old son) so my mortgage advisor told me that getting a mortgage would be no problem. I've had an offer accepted on a house in an area I want to live but today my mortgage has been rejected due to the "credit crunch" and now I don't know what to do. My partner won't give me the settlement unless I buy somewhere and put it into a house, so renting is not an option for me. Looks like I've got to stay put in a loveless relationship.

I just feel really down, I miss my mum terribly. I've got no-one to talk to that understands how I feel. I used to be so close to my dad, but he is a broken man now without my mum and I can't talk to him anymore. He is a different person now which also upsets me. I feel like I've lost my dad as well as my mum. I don't really have any friends as I relocated to be with my parter 8 years ago, and it just wasn't possible carry on relationships with them being so far away. We talk on the phone occasionally but its not the same.

I am really stuck in a rut. To top it all I offered to do Christmas day for all his family (even though we are not technically together any more) but the thought of it just fills me with dread. I just want to run away and spend Christmas day back in Stafford (I live in Leicester) sitting under the tree where we scattered my mums ashes.

Sorry its so long.

 

[Scratchers]

ah bless you hun sending you big :hug::hug::hug::hug:s

 

[Danger Mouse]

ah bless you hun sending you big :hug::hug::hug::hug:s

Second that, heres some more :hug::hug::hug: Hope things get better for you. x

 

[Lucy-Jayne]

:hug::hug:

Can you perhaps try applying for a mortgage through another mortgage provider? You shouldn't necessarily stick with the same advisor.

Have you looked on Cheap loans | mortgages | credit cards | home & car insurance - moneysupermarket UK ? I'm sure that with a 50% deposit, there will be a lender prepared to lend for a mortgage.

xxx

 

[Kim Lawless]

NEVER GIVE UP !!! Get Christmas over and in January, approach all the top building societies. You'll be fine. If you're meant to have that house, then you will. There's plenty more houses out there and an even better one might become available in the new year. Good luck. xxx

 

[blossom]

San, your post moved me to tears. :hug::hug::hug: You've been through such a rough time, and Christmas tends to highlight the absence of loved ones even more than usual. And splitting with your partner as well. Things must be really difficult for you right now.

You sound like such a lovely person. You obviously had such a close relationship with your mum, which is a lovely, special thing to have had. It must be so hard for your dad too, and hard for you to accept how losing your mum has made him change. It won't be forever, though, but it does take a long time to come to terms with losing a spouse. My dad died when I was a kid (7), and I saw it change my mum, too, she was only in her very early forties. It can take quite some time. Has your dad (or you) been in touch with an organisation such as Cruse (who offer counselling and so on, for coping with bereavement, even if it's months or years down the line).

Have his family taken up the offer to come for Christmas hun?

 

[Noodle]

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[hippy-chick]

be strong, take baby steps rather than try and achieve everything so quickly.
cope!
you will do it!

 

[sj1973]

bless ya hun......you have had a rough time.....someone has put a link up for morgages so give them a call....do it after xmas ....your going through soooo much huni you dont want to feel as though your suffercating......hope it all works out and pm if you ever need a good chin wag :hug::hug::hug::hug:xx

 

[San]

Thank you all for your support. When you are really stuck in it sometimes its hard to see the wood for the trees and all your comments make a lot of sense.

Blossom - your message was lovely thank you. Yes, his family have taken me up on the offer, but I really do feel like doing a runner and letting him do it all. I know it sounds like self pity but I just can't face all the joviality and laughter. It just makes me feel like they don't give a toss.

 

[hippy-chick]

perhaps they sort of feel the same, and they have agreed to show you some support?

 

[San]

No, they definately are not the type of people who would show me any kind of support. They are all a bit kind of weird and actually didn't get on with me for ages. They are all completely selfish, in fact, my partner's step mum has told me she doesn't want turkey this year, its boring!!!!! I always spend ages on preparing Christmas day, I never used have have turkey as dad didn't like it and therefore we never had it. It has only been since we had Matty that I've done christmas and we have turkey and roast pork and all the trimmings. I always put a present on the table for everyone too with a cryptic clue and you are not allowed to open it until you've guessed what it is.

Usually, christmas is wonderful in our house, even if I do feel like the in-laws just come, eat and go.

By the way, last year they bought me a suitcase! I didn't need one, I didn't ask for one and it just made me think, hey are they hinting something here?

 

[blossom]

Thank you all for your support. When you are really stuck in it sometimes its hard to see the wood for the trees and all your comments make a lot of sense.

Blossom - your message was lovely thank you. Yes, his family have taken me up on the offer, but I really do feel like doing a runner and letting him do it all. I know it sounds like self pity but I just can't face all the joviality and laughter. It just makes me feel like they don't give a toss.

It doesn't sound at all like self-pity. :hug: And if it did, who can blame you? I would feel exactly the same. But I guess for the sake of your little one, you're going to have to get through it somehow (maybe with the help of a glass of wine or three??)

It must have been tricky if you didn't hit it off with his family straight away. It's quite stressful being in that sort of situation. The suitcase thing was probably completely innocent but given the present situation I'm sure I would be thinking hmmmmm . . . . .

This Christmas is going to be hard enough for you anyway, without all the extra work. Could you enlist a bit of help by asking someone to do the starter and bringing it round maybe, get the other half involved with veg prep? I'd buy as much ready prepared food as possible in this situation I think.

 

[1999judy]

No, they definately are not the type of people who would show me any kind of support. They are all a bit kind of weird and actually didn't get on with me for ages. They are all completely selfish, in fact, my partner's step mum has told me she doesn't want turkey this year, its boring!!!!! I always spend ages on preparing Christmas day, I never used have have turkey as dad didn't like it and therefore we never had it. It has only been since we had Matty that I've done christmas and we have turkey and roast pork and all the trimmings. I always put a present on the table for everyone too with a cryptic clue and you are not allowed to open it until you've guessed what it is.

Usually, christmas is wonderful in our house, even if I do feel like the in-laws just come, eat and go.

By the way, last year they bought me a suitcase! I didn't need one, I didn't ask for one and it just made me think, hey are they hinting something here?

Sorry you feel so down mate. It sounds as though you are doing too much for everyone else and not enough for yourself :hug:
You want to think about utilising that suitcase and booking a little holiday for yourself and your son in the near future. Maybe your dad might fancy a mini break with you? :hug::hug:

 

[loubylou]

Thank you all for your support. When you are really stuck in it sometimes its hard to see the wood for the trees and all your comments make a lot of sense.

Blossom - your message was lovely thank you. Yes, his family have taken me up on the offer, but I really do feel like doing a runner and letting him do it all. I know it sounds like self pity but I just can't face all the joviality and laughter. It just makes me feel like they don't give a toss.

Stuff the ungrateful in-laws and there xmas dinner,
if i was you i would be getting in touch with some old friends from where you used to live and make good use of the suitcase, get your self and your son off and book yourselves a hotel and spend time with friends at xmas,
if they were good friends they will welcome a visit from you at this time of year,
chin up hun, everything will work out fine and as for the in-laws, well god has funny ways of exacting revenge
:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Peter Pan]

awww bless ya hun - i too was getting all teary eyed reading your thread. try to stay strong hun - i know this will be soo hard for you flower, and its easier said than done, but you have a little lad there for you, and im sure his love for his mummy will get you through this

stay strong flower - sending you massive hugs

 

[chantell simone]

keep your head up :hug:

they say that time is a great healer

i say forget the in-laws and spend the festive period with people you care about and want to spend time with

don't worry about the mortgage you will sort it in the new year

 

[oey]

Oh San - have a :hug: You need to start thinking of yourself and not everybody else. What matters most is your and your children, so let the in-laws sort out their own xmas dinner!

 

[minky]

Hi , yup I would get some ready sliced turkey and some other ready sliced meat some frozen veg gravy granules and a microwave Christmas pud and let your ex to dish it all up to his relatives :lol:

Then go to your Dads or to someones who you and you're little boy would enjoy being with at Christmas time,

Or you could just wait and see,
as I think some of us all wish we could be somewhere else at this time of year and I think just chatting about it can help a bit.
Enjoy the day for yourself and your Son x
lot of hugs to you your Dad and your son :hug: :hug: xxxx

.

 

[gillian w]

This time of year always magnifies the things happening in our lives.Its only a few days and take each day as it comes and then take the new year as a new beginning.
Im a great believer in certain things happening for a reason maybe its just not the right time to get your mortgage maybe the prices are going to go down.
Sometimes the pain of bereavement hits us harder at a later time its almost like an ache when you miss someone especially at times when you need them.I dont think that ever goes away but maybe you could have some bereavement counselling just to talk to people about how you feel who would understand.
Just remember that life can take huge twists and turns when you think things cant get any worse they often get better without us even trying too hard.
This time next year you could be settled and happy and thinking thank god i didn't get that mortgage at that time and thank goodness im not with my partner any more.There is always hope,there is always friendship and love as well but sometimes we have to go out and find it.