TPTW - Do you smack your children?

['chelle]

Well I had a think about a "TPT", and I thought this would provide plenty of fuel for debate!

So, do you smack your children? Do you agree with smacking children as a form of punishment? Do you think that it is a hypocritical form of punishment (eg "you smacked your sister so to show you how wrong it is I'm going to smack you) or do you think that many of todays children display such a lack of respect because they havent been smacked by their parents, you know, spare the rod and spoil the child and all that? Also, where, in your opinion, is the line drawn between a harmless form of physical punishment and actual assault or abuse? Of course the law states that any physical contact is assault, but should this be applied to children?

I'll start my with 2 pence worth: I dont disagree with a smack in the right circumstances. With my own kids I use it as a last resort and they are warned first that if they carry on with the bad behaviour they will get a smack, and now they usually dont get that far, the threat of a smack is sufficient. I think this demonstrates something that we should all give to our kids - a healthy respect for authority and fear of reprisal. I dont agree with giving them a right massive clout round the head, for me a smack is a slap on the back of the legs, any more than that is unnecessary.

Go on then, what do you think?

 

[nicky's nails]

completley agree with you, i threaten a smack all the time, and i have done on plenty of occasions, although im pleased to say, havent smacked one of my kids in over a year, they have all reached that stage whereas you say, the threat is enough and tbh, they are all fairly well behaved

massive clouts over the head, or repeated slapping etc is uncalled for, a quick slap on the arse or back of the leg is suffice, but ive got to say the 'problem' kids in both Ashleigh and mattys classes, are the parents who tut when they hear you telling your kids off in front of everyone in the playground, i even heard one of them say once, 'bet she's the kind who smacks her kids too' i said to him ' too bloody right i do mate, and thats why mine are well liked and trouble free in school and yours are little tearaways and constantly in trouble' he just went red and hung his head

i think the kids of today have no fear , cos punishment consists of not getting their £20 a week pocket money!! or not having the wii in their bedroom that night, so what, if you bring them up to have respect and in my firm belief a quick smack helps reinforce this (has to be from an early age) then in most cases these kids are respectful, and not naughty kids

fantastic thread chelle, im sure there will be plenty of arguments over this

xxx:hug:

 

[adelekeegan1]

As a child I pushed everything to the limits - still do really:green:

My parents had a 'warn 3 times' system then a slap across the back of the legs.......it worked for me as nothing else would have done to be honest.

 

[slipperyangel]

Hi
I totally agree with you.
I also tell my daughter that if she carries on being naughty she will get a smack but only as a last resort, a majority of the time I dont even have to use it as she usually does as she is told and I have made sure of that from the beginning.
Now this is probably gonna cause a few disagreements, but I feel that one of the major reasons there is so much crime with the younger generation (not all, just the nasty ones) is the fact that they have hardly any discipline if any, hardly any consequences as they are to young or the government just dont want to deal with them and that they have not been taught to have respect for auntority.
I feel very strongly about this as when I was younger I was so scared that if I did something wrong I would be in BIG trouble, not with the law ( I was never that naughty) but with my grandad or my mum so I have respect for authority and will ensure my daughter is the same.
Sorry if this offends anyone its just my opinion
Stacy

 

[Lynne Baker]

My father wasn't afraid of using his belt on us, and on one memorable occasion kicked my sister from one end of the sitting room to the other. Nice man. How did this affect me? I had little time for him when I grew up. He was a small man, both in stature and attitude. This is part of the reason that I have chosen to not have children, because my experience of children and childhood was dour and unloving, and I was always scared that I would repeat that cycle of emotional deprivation and fear.
That said, my neighbours rarely punish their daughters and I'm appalled at how ill equipped they are for an adult world because of it.
I believe that we all need boundaries and ground rules, children and adults. If you can teach your children what and where they are they will grow up as capable, independent and respectful people. If you teach them that there are consequences of their actions and behaviours that will involve pain of some sort (and that doesn't have to be physical!) they're more likely (I think) to behave. If you teach them that violence is the way to enforce your view will they take that with them as they grow up? I don't know, really.
As a young adult I was feisty and argumentative, because that's what I had learnt from my father; shouting and arguing was what he did to get his point across. Of course what I hadn't realised was that he shouted and thumped because he wasn't articulate enough to reason with us. It took my divorce for me to realise that there are other ways to debate an issue.
My brother and sister in law threaten a smack, and a spell in the "thinking" corner when their chiddlywinkles are naughty. I think that's a groovy idea!
I lived in fear of my father. I would hate a child of mine to live in fear of me.
Sorry.

 

[Tracey Roberts]

I agree the occasional smack doesnt hurt, kids need disapline from a young age, there are too many unruly kids out there these days,
My son is nearly 13 and the last time I smacked him was?? about 3/4 years ago, he has a bit of an attitude,saying,lol,is that the best you can do? (cheeky so n so) so with him, I now resort to tickling him, he hates it so much,that it will make him stop whatever is the problem,plus he doesnt get in a bad mood about the punishment,or take his laptop off him(his holy grail lol).

AS my my 8 yr old girl, i try not to smack her,as it makes her worse half the time,but on the rare occasion she will have a smack on the thigh,it stops her in her tracks.

When i was a kid i was always threatened with a smack,and when i became a teenager,my mom used to dish it out regular,but she also used to talk to me,which was a good thing,,,,,,I remember only ever having 1 smack on the thigh by my dad when i was about 6,and that was for feeding my sister(yr younger)something i shouldnt of ( lol I still remember doing that to this day,so does she) :lol::lol::lol:

 

[Kittensgotclaws]

I agree, an occassional smack doesn't hurt, but again it has to be for something really bad and they have had prior warning that if they carry on with the bad behaviour then they will get a smack, i haven't had to smack my kids for over a year now which i'm really pleased about. When i was a kid weused to get a beating, you see my dad was a drunk and got nasty on the old booze, my sister and i used to get the belt, whippy sticks off a tree, booted punched, i've lost count of the number of bloody noses i've had, i swore to myself that if ever i got stressed with any kids i might have i would never do that to them. An occassional swat on the butt is ok if needed other wise if its something trivial then a good talkin to would do just as well. :hug:

 

[Bebeautiful]

Hi all,
this is a very interesting topic and I have read your comments, however, my parents were really good role models, when I was younger and did something wrong, my parents would sit me down along with my sibling in question and talk to us about the issue, and they would make us see reason in what we did and figure out an amicable way of solving the issue. I remember this when I was perhaps 8 or 9 years old. There was never any shouting and I am one of 10. The only shouting came from us kids when we played etc. Now, I bring my children up the same way, a lot of people tell me that I don't look my age 42 and I certainly don't look like someone who has 8 children. Our house is relatively quiet, and we can afford (considering how many of us are in the house) to invite some of the older children's friends to spend a few hours with us. I can understand why people smack their children but I don't condone it because I believe that children learn behaviour by what they see and what is happening around them. The flip side to this debate is that if a child is smacked at home will they repeat the same action at school because they don't quite understand why they are being smacked. My children use to come home telling me that so and so smacked them at school. My children were confused as to why the other child smacked them and I always remind them of when they smacked their sibling or when they were smacked by their sibling and how they felt about it. There is soooo much violence in this world and ~God~ alone knows how or why it started.

 

[~Emmsybabes~]

When my first child was a toddler I did smack her on the hand, or the bottom occasionally,
More out of my temper than her naughtiness....iykwim,

I soon, VERY soon realised it wasn't helping the situation, it just resulted in both her and me crying.

By the time my second child was born 2 and a half years later, I had calmed down a lot, and settled into the mum role.

I do threaten my kids with "oh my god, I am going to smack you one in a minute"
But I never do.....I don't agree with smacking kids personally.
I couldn't walk up to another adult in the street and smack them for behaving in the wrong way, so why should I be allowed to do it to a child Just because I gave birth to them.

My eldest daughter is a right hormonal nark..whereas my youngest is so chilled she's practically asleep ...
I think this is due to my actions in their early days,
I was often stressed with my first, and very calm by the time I had the second.

I don't think a tap on the hand will ever harm a child, but I think its the temper that comes with the proper smacks that can harm a child psychologically,
With some parent's (like my neighbours) they just use violence constantly, their kids are horrible.

As adults we are taught to resolve situations in an amicable way...
I think kid's should be taught the same...loosing your temper and smacking them doesn't teach them that IMO..

Now don't get me wrong by this post ..me and my eldest have had some almighty screaming match's...which I also know is NOT the correct way to go about things, she treats me like her older sister sometimes,
So maybe that comes from the fact I haven't disciplined her in the right way.
But I still don't think smacking is the right way....perseverance from day one, and knowing the boundaries are.
The kid's know not to cross them...END OF!

My mum didn't smack me and I have turned out ok lol, at the age of 28
I still don't swear infront of her, and if I do I whisper it lol...

 

[xAnnaBannAx]

My son is 12 today actually, and having spent the majority of those 12 years as a single-parent...plus having him very young..not knowing a deal about bringing a child up etc...I can say there have been some very very tough times...its not all been bad but there have been times when at the most extreme i have felt like beating ten bells out of him, locking him in a cage and leaving him there! pmsl (obviously i would NEVER do that lol) its easy to look into someone elses world and see where they are going wrong and what they should be doing, but when its your own world sometimes its so hard to know what to do or say for the best, and not having a dad round to help with these difficult situations really makes things hard.

I DO believe in smacking children when necessary...I don't think there's any point whatsoever in being slap-happy..if you constantly smack your children then I think they almost become immune to it, it doesn't work and can only do more damage than good.
I will smack my son...but its very rare I do...which means that when I do...he really knows he must have pushed it too far!

Altho I see know harm in occasional smacking when necessary..I am totally against a parent that would punch, kick, throttle a child and I would never hit my son on the head...tho saying that I can quite imagine slapping him round the face if he were to ever dare say anything to me that was totally and utterly disrespectful (bearing in mind hes almost a teenager)(and remembering some of the awful things i used to say in my rebellious years) iykwim trouble is when they get to the teenage years..its not quite so easy to smack the backside either lol

At the end of the day tho...alll kids are different...some kids don't need smacking..and if you can get away with not having to smack your child then that's great cos really none of us like doing it...on the times I have smacked my son ive usually ended up secrectly crying myself cos obviously i love him the most in the whole world and would never want to hurt him.

On the other hand there are plenty of kids you see that quite obviously need a bloody good hiding imo !

 

[xAnnaBannAx]

Hi all,
this is a very interesting topic and I have read your comments, however, my parents were really good role models, when I was younger and did something wrong, my parents would sit me down along with my sibling in question and talk to us about the issue, and they would make us see reason in what we did and figure out an amicable way of solving the issue. I remember this when I was perhaps 8 or 9 years old. There was never any shouting and I am one of 10. The only shouting came from us kids when we played etc. Now, I bring my children up the same way, a lot of people tell me that I don't look my age 42 and I certainly don't look like someone who has 8 children. Our house is relatively quiet, and we can afford (considering how many of us are in the house) to invite some of the older children's friends to spend a few hours with us. I can understand why people smack their children but I don't condone it because I believe that children learn behaviour by what they see and what is happening around them. The flip side to this debate is that if a child is smacked at home will they repeat the same action at school because they don't quite understand why they are being smacked. My children use to come home telling me that so and so smacked them at school. My children were confused as to why the other child smacked them and I always remind them of when they smacked their sibling or when they were smacked by their sibling and how they felt about it. There is soooo much violence in this world and ~God~ alone knows how or why it started.

EIGHT !!!! lol wow you must be reeeeeeally busy...must be nice having a big family tho!

 

[sj1973]

Great thread Chelle !!

I dont smack my kids anymore...when they were little it was a little tap on their hand....but i do the 3 warning's (or hubby does as i am the soft one !!) and thats enough....

BUT i want to add.....i have seen latley mum's and dad's smack their children and i am shocked at the brute force they use....i have seen kids smacked around the head and face and this i think is taking it way too far....

I have also heard them say to THEIR kids..."you little bleep...when you get home i am telling your bleep father and her will beat you till your black and blue"...and i know their dads WILL do that.I know a girl who smcked her child in tesco's and a woman come up to her and said "IF YOU WANT TO HIT SOMEONE,PICK ON ME"...she asked her to fight her outside to which the girl pooed herself and left.

Now i am all for discipline but i think alot of parents would rather see their children on the streets giving them a rest,these days ,than doing a proper punshiment.You have to work your guts out to surive now because times are soooo hard that some parents just think "get on with it".Also parents speack to their kids like poo....swearing at them calling them prats....sooo degrading for the child and not nice....does not show how to treat people and when the kids have kids of their own,history will repeat itself.

 

[xAnnaBannAx]

Great thread Chelle !!

I dont smack my kids anymore...when they were little it was a little tap on their hand....but i do the 3 warning's (or hubby does as i am the soft one !!) and thats enough....

BUT i want to add.....i have seen latley mum's and dad's smack their children and i am shocked at the brute force they use....i have seen kids smacked around the head and face and this i think is taking it way too far....

I have also heard them say to THEIR kids..."you little bleep...when you get home i am telling your bleep father and her will beat you till your black and blue"...and i know their dads WILL do that.I know a girl who smcked her child in tesco's and a woman come up to her and said "IF YOU WANT TO HIT SOMEONE,PICK ON ME"...she asked her to fight her outside to which the girl pooed herself and left.

Now i am all for discipline but i think alot of parents would rather see their children on the streets giving them a rest,these days ,than doing a proper punshiment.You have to work your guts out to surive now because times are soooo hard that some parents just think "get on with it".Also parents speack to their kids like poo....swearing at them calling them prats....sooo degrading for the child and not nice....does not show how to treat people and when the kids have kids of their own,history will repeat itself.

Yes I agree that is definately taking things way to far! Reminds me of my old next door neighbour....she had 4 or 5 kids...different blokes comin in all the time...very loud music blasting out...cars being revved (very stereotypical...you know the sort i mean!) but what i used to hate the most was the way she spoke to her kids....it was starnge cos on one hand i could tell she loved her kids and in a sense she seemed like quite a good mum...she always got them off to school ok...they were clean and tidy for school etc...big meals cooked every night and on the table at regular times etc etc BUT my god the way she spoke to them kids at times were absolutely disgraceful...and she didnt try to hide it either...you could here her regularly effing and jeffing at them...when she told them off she would call them an effin little b*****d ! I dont know whether she smacked them or not but the things she used to say to them were horrendous and truely shocking!! and in my opinion...a form of child abuse...it must be so hurtful for a child to be spoken to like that by your own mother. God I put the flags out when she left lol

 

[tonilee]

I am kinda with emmsy here, as a single mum at 21 I did smack chloe as toddler occasionally and this also resulted in me and chloe crying and not solving anything! I have smacked my little boy, maybe 3 or 4 times in his toddlerhood, I dont think its horrendous at all, however I do much more prefer the naughty step as punishment. We have a little green spot from ikea, its the naughty spot and I find time out helps, it also stops us getting drawn into negative behaviour rewards, iykwim.

I dont think its the worst thing a parent can do, but I think there are better more effective ways. If the family is not disfunctionl, aggressive and un loving then it balances out.

However when I am fostering, I would say absolutely no way to smacking, in those situations, no chance it would not be effective and it would not help.

 

[sj1973]

Yes I agree that is definately taking things way to far! Reminds me of my old next door neighbour....she had 4 or 5 kids...different blokes comin in all the time...very loud music blasting out...cars being revved (very stereotypical...you know the sort i mean!) but what i used to hate the most was the way she spoke to her kids....it was starnge cos on one hand i could tell she loved her kids and in a sense she seemed like quite a good mum...she always got them off to school ok...they were clean and tidy for school etc...big meals cooked every night and on the table at regular times etc etc BUT my god the way she spoke to them kids at times were absolutely disgraceful...and she didnt try to hide it either...you could here her regularly effing and jeffing at them...when she told them off she would call them an effin little b*****d ! I dont know whether she smacked them or not but the things she used to say to them were horrendous and truely shocking!! and in my opinion...a form of child abuse...it must be so hurtful for a child to be spoken to like that by your own mother. God I put the flags out when she left lol

What a terrible story that was BUT thats whet i mean with some parents....they dont care who hears them aslong as everyone did....they dont talk to their kids,they shout at them and in their face infront of everyone....

I think it is child abuse because you dont have to shout to be heard,talking is the only way to get through to kids ,you shout they shout and then its who is shouting the loudest can be heard.....when i see parents shouting at their kids...pulling their arms,spitting in their face where they are so close to them....i think the parent is the adult and should know better.

My grandad was beat by his dad with a slipper,1 day he smacked him around the head with his slipper so hard that blood come out the other side.

My grandad told me this story and it ALWAYS sticks in my mind.

 

[Bev Rose]

My kids are now 13 & 14.

My 14 yr old is full of hormones and her general attitude is fine, but she can fly off the handle & get gobby & stroppy.
My 13 yr old is in the 'I couldn;t give a monkey's about anyone else so long as I'm Ok/got what I want' stage.

I don't smack my kids anymore. I have not for quite a few years, when they were little they got the odd slap on the bum or behind the knees.

I now go with the - let's sit down and talk about it routine. They do come round in the end.

I always threaten & give 'groundings', loss of privilidges - xbox,playstation, etc. Threaten to cut the plug of my sons TV lots of times. No phone credit etc. I feel that getting them where it hurts - like phone credit, computer games, going out etc works far better the physical abuse.

Kids these days seem to have little respect for adults because of the lack of disciplin in schools. A detention is no way of teaching them right from wrong.

Perhaps it also comes from the onslaught of computers & video games, bad tv programmes etc.

I was only hit once as a child - for spending my school weekly dinner money on fags! My mum gave me such a slap across the face I was shocked! It did not stop me though, just made me more careful so I did not get caught out again.

What annoyed me a few months back, was, my son was playing a ball game in our village & becasue he was good at it, the older brother of one of the boys he was playing with swiped my son around the head with a massive branch. He hurt him, and his eyeball got scratched - it could of been very serious. So, what did I do? Nothing. I wanted to call the police, but my hubby said that would cause more trouble becasue our son would be picked on. They may trash our cars or brick our windows etc.:cry:
I guess this is not quite on topic, but lack of discipline can lead to abusive behaviour - and how can we protect ourselves from that?
If you try to reciprocate by calling in the law, you may end up as a target in some cases.

Sorry it's a long reply and swerving a bit off the original topic.

 

[*JOANNE*]

when my three boys where younger....3 onwards a smack on the hand was given..not often but if the where at risk of hurting themselves or others. with 3 boys under 4 at the time it was important that they had boundries...and what worked for them was time out in their rooms for naughtiness....
as they got 5 to 8 a slight slap on the bum or legs ver rarely and admitedly they had pushed me which is wrong and as they where legging it away from me at the time it wasnt successful lol, but now they are 10, 11 amd 13 i havent smacked for years.....number one they run too fast number 2 they are at that age where respect works both ways and now they are young adults iykwim i think its a bit disreseptful of me to smack them.
punishments are grounding, things taken out of their room and also i talk to them me and the boys are talkers which is really good, they are all very good moral wise as we talk about how their behaviour affects people.
my eldest is 13 now and is a good lad knows right from wrong and also is aware of other peoples feelings.....
its hard having 3 boys becasue of what is going on today, gangs etc and mine are a little bit cotton wool kids... my 13 year old is not allowed out on the streets and has plenty of after school activities and we talk.........thats a biggy.

i get so upset when i see parents with littlies in the shops shouting in the kids faces and smacking them...not a tap but a full blown clout and i do say things to them.....if i can have 3 boys and not have to do that, then there is no excuse.
i was brought up in the days like most of us...where the belt, was used. yep it worked i suppose but i have agood enough relationship with my boys not to smack them now at the age they are....

 

[~Emmsybabes~]

Yes I agree that is definately taking things way to far! Reminds me of my old next door neighbour....she had 4 or 5 kids...different blokes comin in all the time...very loud music blasting out...cars being revved (very stereotypical...you know the sort i mean!) but what i used to hate the most was the way she spoke to her kids....it was starnge cos on one hand i could tell she loved her kids and in a sense she seemed like quite a good mum...she always got them off to school ok...they were clean and tidy for school etc...big meals cooked every night and on the table at regular times etc etc BUT my god the way she spoke to them kids at times were absolutely disgraceful...and she didnt try to hide it either...you could here her regularly effing and jeffing at them...when she told them off she would call them an effin little b*****d ! I dont know whether she smacked them or not but the things she used to say to them were horrendous and truely shocking!! and in my opinion...a form of child abuse...it must be so hurtful for a child to be spoken to like that by your own mother. God I put the flags out when she left lol

ahhhhh so its your fault then !
I think your old neighbour is now my new neighbour lmao....

We all have little diaries to keep about them for the housing.
They are shocking shocking people, the language and violence is just totally over the top...
The words the kids use imo they shouldnt even KNOW at their age.

My boyfriend went out at 1.30am once and threatened to tie them all up
throw them in the boot..and drive them somewhere far away (but not in such nice terms lol) the adults I mean, but the kids were also out at the time running riot on the car park

The mad thing is....all this womans kids now look at my boyfriend like he is some kind of idol :?:
Yet all the quiet good natured neighbours get so much abuse off them its unbelievable...
You can see by the mother where the kids get it from, they are just like mummy !

 

[melanie390]

Hi
I tend to give mine a smack across the bottom but thats very rare as mine are hardly naughty but when they do go a bit over board and get themselves into trouble, (i.e like my eldest had wagged school and told the teacher he had a doctors appointment only to find out when i rang the school i said he didnt have a docs appointment, but was seen by another parent, walking through the woods near the school my husband dosent hit him at all instead he gave him a punishment and it wasnt one of those where you lock him in the room etc, it was one of those punishemnets where he gets our son to do strict exercises like he will get him to do so many press ups sit ups lie your back on the floor and raise your feet 6 inches from the ground and hold till hubby says rest which is about 10 secs worth liam my eldest dosent like it but in our way it is also helping him to build up strength, he has it done for about half hour depending on how bad he is but weve never hit out at them, we might be wrong parents for doing that and i can honestly say that my sister dosent do half as much of what we do and i keep getting told from outsiders how well mannered my kids are, and ask why arent my sisters kids like mine. melanie

 

[ShellDR]

I'm recently pregnant and I've always said that I would smack my kids if they were naughty. It never did me any harm.
I reckon there wouldn't be half the bother with the kids out there if their parents had smacked them when they did something wrong. I'm not saying this to offend anyone who doesn't agree with smacking, everyone can have their own opinion. And I'm not saying knock ten bells out of the kid just a slap on the bum or back of the legs. All I mean is when you drive down the street and see a group of chavs on the corner with a bottle of cheap cider don't you think maybe if they had been disciplined things would be different.
Going to get off me soap box now