Postcard advert, will you tell me what you think of my wording please?

[redsadie]

Thanks guys

I'm starting 2009 with a push so to speak but trying to word an advert to promote my waxing to make it sound like something you need to have done isn't the easiest task in the world!

Would you cast your eyes over the following for me please and let me know if you think it's ok or where you think I could do with refining, or you may think 'what a pile of cr*p' and tell me to go back to the drawing board! Tell it to me straight peeps, I'm a big girl and can take it! (Just make it constructive if it's criticism please! )

Are you ever embarrassed about your body hair?

Do you like shaving every couple of days?
Do you like the ‘stubbly’ feeling you get after shaving?

No?

Do you want to be better groomed?
Do you want an all over smoother feeling?
Do you not want to have to worry about your body hair for at least 4 weeks?

Yes?

Then waxing is for you, no stubble, lasts longer and the more you wax, the less hair comes back!
I specialise in intimate waxing to give you that smooth sensual feel.

So, for a better waxing experience with a trained Therapist

Call Sarah on 07534 344717 or visit Beauty Fusions Home Page​

Thank you xx

 

[redsadie]

No-one? :cry:

Good, bad or indifferent?

xx

 

[joe90]

I think it looks pretty good and something I might try myself. Good luck with it, hope it brings you lots of waxing clients in through your door.

 

[redsadie]

Thanks for your reply Julie

I realise people aren't on here so much at the moment as it's holidays time but I wanted to get some feedback as I was hoping to get them printed to start handing out tomorrow.

I will now and see how it goes

Thanks again. xx

 

[Bebeautiful]

Thanks guys

I'm starting 2009 with a push so to speak but trying to word an advert to promote my waxing to make it sound like something you need to have done isn't the easiest task in the world!

Would you cast your eyes over the following for me please and let me know if you think it's ok or where you think I could do with refining, or you may think 'what a pile of cr*p' and tell me to go back to the drawing board! Tell it to me straight peeps, I'm a big girl and can take it! (Just make it constructive if it's criticism please! )

Are you ever embarrassed about your body hair?​

Do you like shaving every couple of days?
Do you like the ‘stubbly’ feeling you get after shaving?​

No?​

Do you want to be better groomed?
Do you want an all over smoother feeling?
Do you not want to have to worry about your body hair for at least 4 weeks?​

do you want to be free of worry from body hair for the next 4 weeks?

Yes?​

Then waxing is for you, no stubble, lasts longer and the more you wax, the less hair comes back!
I specialise in intimate waxing to give you that smooth sensual feel.​

So, for a better waxing experience with a trained Therapist​

Call Sarah on 07534 344717 or visit Beauty Fusions Home Page​

Thank you xx

this is actually very good but my comment above is just something to think about, good luck with your business adventure, :hug::hug: think you picked the right time to start up because the government are in favour of new and small businesses

 

[pure]

Are you ever embarrassed about your body hair?​

Do you like shaving every couple of days?
Do you like the ‘stubbly’ feeling you get after shaving?
Are you fed up having to shave every couple of days?
Hate that stubbly feeling you et after shaving?

No?​

Do you want to be better groomed?
Do you want an all over smoother feeling?
Do you not want to have to worry about your body hair for at least 4 weeks?​

Yes?​

Then waxing is for you, no stubble, lasts longer and the more you wax, the less hair comes back!
I specialise in intimate waxing to give you that smooth sensual feel.​

So, for a better waxing experience with a trained Therapist​

Call Sarah on 07534 344717 or visit Beauty Fusions Home Page​

Thank you xx

I've added a couple of suggestion at the top but otherwie I think it's a great idea and wih you good luck with it. Let us know how successful it is for you.:hug:

 

[Jen Smith]

I've added a couple of suggestion at the top but otherwie I think it's a great idea and wih you good luck with it. Let us know how successful it is for you.:hug:

Its a good idea.. I like the suggestions that Deb did to the top two lines too, but if you chose to use Deb's suggestion then change the 'no' to a 'yes' that is between quotes. :hug:

Good luck with your promotion

 

[fifitrix]

I think it looks really good, best of luck with it. :hug:

 

[EMMA AT ELITE]

I think it reads really good,
I like the idea of the yes/no bit,

Maybe you could add a discount on the bottom when they show the postcard then you will know just how popular the worked out!

Emma xx

 

[Blue Rose]

It reads really well but I think that the ad could read even better if you had some kind of offer to go with it & you created some sense of scarcity or urgency to get people phoning you (which is what you want)

 

[Katykitten]

It reads really well but I think that the ad could read even better if you had some kind of offer to go with it & you created some sense of scarcity or urgency to get people phoning you (which is what you want)

I agree. You want something to make them pick up the phone now, not put it in their handbag and forget about it

Good luck with it xx

 

[Vanilla Pod]

i think its great all the best hun, just in the middle of doing mine xx:hug:

 

[Whitewave]

I have had a little play around with it for you. See what you think. You want the reader to relate to the problems you are listing and then you give them the perfect solution.

It is important to track your advertising so give this piece of literature a code and a discount and see how it works.

Let us know how you get on!

Are you ever embarrassed about your body hair?

Do you have to shave every couple of days?
Do you dislike the ‘stubbly’ feeling you get after shaving?

Yes?

Do you want to be better groomed?
Do you want an all over smoother feeling?
Do you want to forget about your body hair for at least 4 weeks?

Yes?

Then waxing is for you, no stubble, lasts longer and the more you wax, the less hair comes back!
I specialise in intimate waxing to give you that smooth sensual feel.

So, for a better waxing experience with a trained Therapist

Call Sarah NOW on 07534 344717 or visit Beauty Fusions Home Page
Quote Reference XXX for a 10% discount!
​

 

[mannipatch]

Brill! Much better now after you changed it. Good luck!

 

[Jen Smith]

Its looking really good now..

 

[redsadie]

WOW! Thanks guys!

I've looked at the suggestions and they are fab :green:

It's always better when someone else casts an eye over things for you isn't it!?

I have made the changes suggested and will let you know how it goes :hug:

xx

 

[rebelrebel]

good luck with it hun, it is a fantastic idea, keep us upto date

 

[divalou]

I like it, good wording! Might steal this heheh