A very sad situation

[tog]

A longterm regular client of mine told me last week that she has been diagnosed with leukaemia and has been given less than 2 years to live.

The saddest thing is, she was told on thursday, and I was the first person she told which was on saturday. None of her family or anyone else knows.
She has had a rough year with her mother dying, her relationship falling apart and not being on good terms with her sister. So when I asked her if she had told her partner, family or a friend she said no, and doesn't want to, by the sound of it.

I think she needs all the support she can get. It was obvious she had been drinking when she came into the salon and must have been feeling really low. I don't know how best to help her. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice woudl be deeply appreciated.

 

[adelekeegan1]

All you can do is just listen I think :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Annie23]

Hi there,

I am so sorry for your client. Why not suggest meeting up somewhere for a long chat, your house, her house or even over a meal. It sounds like she is desperate to talk and maybe it would do her some good. Obviously it may or may not be crossing some boundaries (client/therapist) so tread carefully, she sounds like she is crying out though to me. Be a good friend but try not to worry too much as well :hug:

anne xx

 

[Bagpuss]

Its terribly sad isn't it...I have a client with untreatable cancer...she has less than a year left.....i always feel at a loss as to what to say to her....and she cries on me often.

I cant reassure her that everything will be fine....or wish her well....words are useless in situations like these....but ears and good....i listen...i give her hugs and i try to give her a break from it all by telling her funny things that have happened ... sounds strange to be talking about funny things but she enjoys it and when we laugh together i feel i have done more than any words could have done.

Hope this helps a little...:hug:

 

[gillian w]

I think what you have written has said it all really.I dont think you need to do anymore than what you do and i do not think you need to be anymore personally involved so no i do not think you need to be offering to go out with her or having her to your house because i think your detatchment is in a way her outlet.
I dont know how long you have been in the business but it is one of the worst aspects of it and i have come across it quite often but you really do have to not take it home with you, in the same way as other people in other caring jobs. People tell you some very personal things in our jobs but most of the time you can and should only listen and support while they are with you.

 

[Susie H]

Its terribly sad isn't it...I have a client with untreatable cancer...she has less than a year left.....i always feel at a loss as to what to say to her....and she cries on me often.

I cant reassure her that everything will be fine....or wish her well....words are useless in situations like these....but ears and good....i listen...i give her hugs and i try to give her a break from it all by telling her funny things that have happened ... sounds strange to be talking about funny things but she enjoys it and when we laugh together i feel i have done more than any words could have done.

Hope this helps a little...:hug:

perfect answer hun:hug:

 

[deanosnana]

Its terribly sad isn't it...I have a client with untreatable cancer...she has less than a year left.....i always feel at a loss as to what to say to her....and she cries on me often.

I cant reassure her that everything will be fine....or wish her well....words are useless in situations like these....but ears and good....i listen...i give her hugs and i try to give her a break from it all by telling her funny things that have happened ... sounds strange to be talking about funny things but she enjoys it and when we laugh together i feel i have done more than any words could have done.

Hope this helps a little...:hug:

Excellent advice! I think that's the perfect way to handle such a delicate and sad situation. :hug:

 

[Noodle]

Just to be there for her will be of enormous comfort :hug: xx

 

[Zingara]

I think you've shown yourself to be a good friend just by caring. :hug:

If she has no one else, can she get some additional suport from someone like Macmillan? They do have care workers to assist in most cases, especially terminal.

 

[tigi]

I think you are doing all you can. GIve her time and plenty of opportunity to express her emotions. She will go through a whole range of feelings, from fear, to denial to rage. I was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago but was able to beat it.

I remember confiding in people that were not so close to me as I felt it impossible to talk to my family, i didnt even tell them i was having surgery.

I think the main thing you can do is just be there to listen and let her feel she has a totally safe environment to express her feelings and some of them will scare her and make her feel just awful. But its not awful to feel hatred and rage at the world when you have been told that you are dying.

Also, I hope you dont mind me saying but you might find that you will need someone too, you will need support if you are to support her. Its very draining and distressing sometimes and so I hope you have someone you can talk to about your feelings. Macmillan are ace.

hug to you both

tigi

 

[tog]

Thanks all of you for reading my post and giving me some really good and sensible advice.
I hadn't even thought of people not wanting to confide in their family at a time like this. . . but yes, maybe someone not so close to you is easier to talk to somehow. And I was presuming it was just because she doesn't get on with them, but maybe even if she did, she still wouldn't want to tell them.
I will just be there and listen to her when she wants to speak about how she feels.

Thank you for your help Geeks, there are some lovely people on this site.

 

[sknight]

Its terribly sad isn't it...I have a client with untreatable cancer...she has less than a year left.....i always feel at a loss as to what to say to her....and she cries on me often.

I cant reassure her that everything will be fine....or wish her well....words are useless in situations like these....but ears and good....i listen...i give her hugs and i try to give her a break from it all by telling her funny things that have happened ... sounds strange to be talking about funny things but she enjoys it and when we laugh together i feel i have done more than any words could have done.

Hope this helps a little...:hug:

Totally agree! You can only listen I'm afraid. Normality is usually the best gift you can give as most people want a break from all the cr@p going on at home when they visit you. I really feel for you as it can be so hard at first, but you will begin to understand how to deal with her and what puts her at ease best. :hug:

 

[pure]

We become clients confidants don't we. I think just be there for her, listen and that will be enough.

Angie - your client is very lucky to have you. :hug:

 

[Peter Pan]

awww how sad - i think the best thing for you to do flower, is just be there for her, she obviously thinks alot off you to tell you first -

just be her friend, and be her shoulder to cry on when she needs you

it wont be an easy time for her, but if she got you to confide in that will make her feel better (for want of a better word) maybe she will just get tea and sympathy from family flower - and she dont need that - they would all treat her different (i would if i knew summit like that) but she dont want that - just be her friend and shoulder flower xxx

 

[Katelisa]

Be very careful hun, ask yourself wether she is a client or a friend. I fear you may get very emotionally caught up in this lady's situation, and as much as it must be awful for her, there are other people she should be telling rther than you!

There are plenty of counsillors available for her to talk to. I think if it were me, i would point her in the direction of help groups, maybe offer to help her find one over a coffee, but i would keep my distance. and i dont think theres anything wrong with that, because I am not emotionally equipped to deal with such situations and i wouldnt want to do/say anything to make her feel worse!!

oh just to add, i agree with Glynis about dont treat her any differently. She will probably want a sense of normality still. not a constant reminder.

:hug:

 

[Annie23]

After reading everyones comments I think there hs been some good advice and I'm thinking that my earlier advice of being there, but suggesting chatting over a drink, her house etc is not really in the best interest of the poster and would like to retract my earlier advice. My mum is currently in cancer remission and I think because of my own circumstances I was thinking more about the clients feelings more than the poster's feelings, so really my advise was not the best I've given.

I think you should be there for her as a friend/therapist but safe guard yourself as it can become very draining. :hug: :hug:

anne xx

 

[tog]

Be very careful hun, ask yourself wether she is a client or a friend. I fear you may get very emotionally caught up in this lady's situation, and as much as it must be awful for her, there are other people she should be telling rther than you!


:hug:

I know where you are coming from. I have known her for years, but she is definitely a client and not a friend. I think that's why I felt so sad for her that I seemed to be the first person she told.
And although I would always try and listen and be there for her I think she has always been a little needy in the past although she has a good heart.

But I think as therapists it is in our nature to feel sympathetic to clients when they are going through bad times, as we have chosen to do a job where we are with people, communicating and trying to make them feel as good as they can. But I am also aware that sometimes we perhaps need to take a step back from the situation, so I shall try to keep this in mind whenever I see her. Thanks so much for your advice x

 

[Katelisa]

But I think as therapists it is in our nature to feel sympathetic to clients when they are going through bad times, as we have chosen to do a job where we are with people, communicating and trying to make them feel as good as they can.

I think this is the problem, because we are attentive to peoples needs all day every day. It can sometimes be hard to draw the line and say 'well actually, i dont want to get emotionally tied up in this situation' because it is out of character for us to do so. afterall, we just want them to feel ok.

let us know how you get on when you next see her hun!